Da Da Da by those Germans with the Casio VL-tone.
That one where the woman sings 'you've gotta be good, you've gotta be strong, you've gotta be wiser' etc. Stop telling me what to do! It's just nag, nag, nag!
Anything by Westlife/Ronan Keating, and any boyband/manufactured band by extension. It's the musical equivaent of painting-by-numbers.
Any 'new act' that covers a former #1 because they are clearly devoid of ideas of their own, and think they can gather vicarious #1s. This means Will and Gareth, Atomic Kitten, Westlife, and all the rest of the artistically bankrupt no-marks. Absolutely feeble! Is hate too strong a word? No!
21 Seconds by So Solid Crew - what is all that about? It's a load of loblocks, that's what.
Scat Man - "be-bap-bap-baddap-bo, bap-bap-baddap-bo". Horrible, as the Duke O'York says.
That 'I want to know what love is' one.
All time worst (bee-in-my-bonnet style, if you couldn't guess by the following):
Never, Ever - All Saints.
Appalling grammar: "Never ever have I ever..."? Excuse me?
Terrible stupidity: "When you gonna take me out of this black hole?" Nothing can escape from a black hole, you dimwit!
Grammar again: "All the answers to my questions I have to find " It's traditional in English to keep sentences in the right order, not cut them in half and stick the beginning of the sentence at the end.
"Sometimes vocabulary runs right through me " What? A lexicon scampering through your stomach?
"You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find " This is gibberish.
"I'm not crazy " - Anyone who feels they have to sing this is generally crazy.
"Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way i'm feeling yeah you got me feeling really bad" This is emotional illiteracy on a titanic scale. I feel sad, you make me feel bad. You would barely expect to hear this from a 4 year old.
"Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head" This is often known as 'thought' but I don't think it applies in this instance.
"You can tell me to my face
You can tell me on the phone
Oooh you can write it in a letter babe "
And then you can do it with e-mail, mime it with hand-puppets, woodcut depiction, paint an abstract representation of it, set it out in Braille, get a plane to do sky-writing, etc. etc. etc.
And then I read some geeky reviewer who started a piece with:
"A lyricist of the stature of Shaznay Lewis...." ROFLMAO!!!
Apparently, she wrote the above when she was 17 or something. All I can say is, it shows. I'd like to quote P.J. O'Rourke at this point:
"V is for verse, which all adolescents write.
Mawkish, derivative, self-pitying and trite."
Thanks P.J!
Now, I need to go and put a damp towel over my head.