100 Of The Funniest Thing To Put On Your Answering Machine Theard
- Thread starter Chain n' Axe
- Start date
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The Person
Deity +2
"Sorry I didn't answer your call; I couldn't find the reciever. I know I could just look on top of the phone, but I couldn't find my phone either." *beep*
The Omega
Completely Insane
Please leave your message after the beep. (Half Hour pause) *Beep*
Maniacal
the green Napoleon
Welcome to the newest branch of EA's customer service, *your name* is not availiable now, please wait on the line until someone answers your phone.
The Person
Deity +2
"Sorry, I answered the parrot again. It looks so much like a receiver." *beep*
My friend had a good one when I called his cell one time:
The recording goes -
Recording: "Hello?"
Me (stupidly thinking he actually answered the phone): "Robin?"
Recording: "Who IS this?"
Me: "It's John!"
CLICK - I thought that the call got cut off at this point so my sister - who was near the phone - starts playing some tune on the guitar (Smoke on the Water) and I haven't hung up yet.
The next day at school he asks me if I tried to call him last night and he said he got some weird message where someone was playing Smoke on the Water on the guitar! We had a good laugh over that one! His recording totally made me think he actually answered the phone.
The recording goes -
Recording: "Hello?"
Me (stupidly thinking he actually answered the phone): "Robin?"
Recording: "Who IS this?"
Me: "It's John!"
CLICK - I thought that the call got cut off at this point so my sister - who was near the phone - starts playing some tune on the guitar (Smoke on the Water) and I haven't hung up yet.
The next day at school he asks me if I tried to call him last night and he said he got some weird message where someone was playing Smoke on the Water on the guitar! We had a good laugh over that one! His recording totally made me think he actually answered the phone.
I don't understand these "tricky" answering machines in which the goal of the person putting on the message is to mess up the messege with fake beeps and all. It's just like playing a trick on yourself, the message is for your afterall.
Unless it's for your roommate
.
Unless it's for your roommate
.Leather and Lace bondage boutique. Serving your erotic, exotic, and neurotic needs since 1975. I'm sorry our office hours are from 11pm to 5am monday thru friday and 3pm to 5am saturday. Please leave a brief message at the sound of the tone. Thank you and have a nice day.
Keeps the salesman away for some odd reason.
Keeps the salesman away for some odd reason.
That's AWESOME!!!And...
Beware of the forums.
it's not too late.
You can still escape.
But wait... you have posted!
It's in your blood now.
There is no running back.
You are a member,
and are enslaved by posting.
You will do what I did last night...
which is stay up until 11:00 PM...
to finish an uber-long post.
It is hopeless.
As are you, now.
I'm only kidding, of course. Welcome to the forums.
![[party]](/images/smilies/partytime.gif "Party [party]")
I have an odd way of welcoming users, don't I?
WildWeazel
Going Dutch
11:00PM? pffft. noob. 
vyapti
Prince
Soon after high school, many years ago, I was out of work and looking; barely making ends meet. I was young and stupid and my social life was definitely liquid (at least 80 proof).
I came home late one night after some heavy drinking. I stumbled over to the answering machine, hit the record button and, at the top of my lungs, shouted "WHAT!". The next morning I woke to the sound of a phone ringing, my new message, a brief pause and a 'click.'
I never found out who called, but no one I know would have called me that early.
I came home late one night after some heavy drinking. I stumbled over to the answering machine, hit the record button and, at the top of my lungs, shouted "WHAT!". The next morning I woke to the sound of a phone ringing, my new message, a brief pause and a 'click.'
I never found out who called, but no one I know would have called me that early.
Okay, I know this thread is extremely old, but I found some good ones and didn't want to start a new thread, only to have Perf say "Perfection Strikes Again!!!" and point to this thread. So thank Perf for this ULTRA-BUMP. See what you did, Perf? You scared me into bumbing a dead thread.
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"Ello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Leave your name and number and prepare to die." *BEEP*
(To the tune of "Camptown Races"):
I can't come to the telephone; doo-dah, doo-dah.
Leave your message when you hear the tone; oh, de doo-dah day.
Might be gone all night... Might be gone all day...
So leave a message when you hear the tone.
I'll call you back someday.
(To the tune of "If I only had a brain):
Oh, I might be in the shower,
I might be gone for hours,
I can't come to the phone.
So, please leave your name and number,
If I miss you it'd be a bummer,
Leave your message at the tone...
Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now, but if...
Matt: Steve, what are you doing?
Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.
Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.
Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.
Matt: No, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn.
Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD)
Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.
Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of shirts. We'll get back to you if we like the color.
(Star Trek theme in the background: )
(Voice 1: ) Room 17, the final frontier.
(Voice 2: ) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number.
(Voice 3: ) To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.
Finally...
Hi, this is Johan advising you that you spend WAY too much time on the phone. GO OUTSIDE... See the world, LIVE a little... Have fun.
--------
"Ello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Leave your name and number and prepare to die." *BEEP*
(To the tune of "Camptown Races"):
I can't come to the telephone; doo-dah, doo-dah.
Leave your message when you hear the tone; oh, de doo-dah day.
Might be gone all night... Might be gone all day...
So leave a message when you hear the tone.
I'll call you back someday.
(To the tune of "If I only had a brain):
Oh, I might be in the shower,
I might be gone for hours,
I can't come to the phone.
So, please leave your name and number,
If I miss you it'd be a bummer,
Leave your message at the tone...
Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now, but if...
Matt: Steve, what are you doing?
Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.
Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.
Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.
Matt: No, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn.
Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD)
Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.
Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of shirts. We'll get back to you if we like the color.
(Star Trek theme in the background: )
(Voice 1: ) Room 17, the final frontier.
(Voice 2: ) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number.
(Voice 3: ) To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.
Finally...
Hi, this is Johan advising you that you spend WAY too much time on the phone. GO OUTSIDE... See the world, LIVE a little... Have fun.
Abaddon
Deity
I fail to see any humor in merely having a long wait.. that just means they put the phone down, and you dont get any message.
On my mobile:
Dont leave a message, i dont have the money to check it, or call you back. If you really want me, keep ringing. *beep*
HAHA, the first time my parents heard this.. they sent me money a week later
On my mobile:
Dont leave a message, i dont have the money to check it, or call you back. If you really want me, keep ringing. *beep*
HAHA, the first time my parents heard this.. they sent me money a week later
Dolph
Chieftain
Here's a few:
"Hello, this is [name]*COUGH!**COUGH!**HHRMPH*...Sorry, but I*COUGHCOUGH!**COUGH!*... Oh well, it is my answering machine you are talking to..."
With Middle Eastern accent:
"Thank You for your donation of $100 to Hamas' suici*AHEM*childrens hospital! Allah be with you!"
(This might work better with the Red Cross or the Salvation Army, because people would be more likely to believe it )
"HIIIIII!! THIS IS [NAME]! AAARRGH!"
"The number you have dialled is imaginary. Please rotate the telephone 90 degrees and try again!"
"Hello, this is [name]*COUGH!**COUGH!**HHRMPH*...Sorry, but I*COUGHCOUGH!**COUGH!*... Oh well, it is my answering machine you are talking to..."
With Middle Eastern accent:
"Thank You for your donation of $100 to Hamas' suici*AHEM*childrens hospital! Allah be with you!"
(This might work better with the Red Cross or the Salvation Army, because people would be more likely to believe it
)"HIIIIII!! THIS IS [NAME]! AAARRGH!"
"The number you have dialled is imaginary. Please rotate the telephone 90 degrees and try again!"
