1001 Bad (or good) Jokes About CIV

Discussion in 'Civ5 - General Discussions' started by Fish Man, Dec 13, 2013.

  1. Magma_Dragoon

    Magma_Dragoon Reploid

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    :confused:
     
  2. JimBobV

    JimBobV Warlord

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    China= kinda.

    Khan= can.
     
  3. Lorf Yimzo

    Lorf Yimzo Atheist

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    52. I must Askia a question. Why is Maya, uh, uh, dammit I forgot!
     
  4. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    53. Hey, I wanted to found the first pantheon. What the Haile you think you're doing?

    54. You consider me "Great." I founded your religion. Now, what was my name again?
     
  5. reddishrecue

    reddishrecue Deity

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    54. Now that I built the smokehouse(replaces granary) next to the deer, whale and fish, I get more food.
     
  6. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    55. My city was a bit shaky in its production, but I've made it more stable.

    56. I don't want to pay all the costs of attacking William. Nor do you. Let's go Dutch.

    57. You may be proud of your Musketmen, but les miens sont Musketier.

    58. I marble at how fast some civs can build wonders.

    59. I had no coal, and couldn't build Ironclads. Oil just have to wait for Destroyers.

    60. It took 6 worker turns, but now that gold is mine.

    61. My rate of troop production was kinda low, but I've ironed that out and can now forge ahead.

    62. Is there any way to get 2 extra gold, 15% extra gold and a great merchant slot? You can bank on it!

    63. But Germany can beat that, Hanse down.
     
  7. Heinage

    Heinage Khan

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    ....wow.
    my good sir, you have just scored a gazillion internets
     
  8. Heinage

    Heinage Khan

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    Arabia can turn horses into camels? How bazaar
     
  9. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    In your awe at my awesomeness, Heinage, you forgot to number your own (64).

    65. Knock, knock. Who's there? Unimproved hill.
     
  10. reddishrecue

    reddishrecue Deity

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    66. No horses for the horse archers, hun.
     
  11. S.O.T MAHak

    S.O.T MAHak Warlord

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    I hope people gets this one, otherwise look it up at youtube.

    67. Sejong: I like turtles!
     
  12. otaman1

    otaman1 Prince

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    68. I thought Haile was pronounced Hay-lee. Hayley Williams, anyone? Anyone?
     
  13. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    69. When I saw my enemy was on the coast, I was happy to think his production and money was going to be minimal, but then some atolls spoiled it for me.

    70. Atlatlist there's a ranged unit you don't need archery to budidild.

    71. I need to look at the Civilopedia to find out what this wonder does. I Chichen Itza way of extending Golden Ages.

    72. Pyramids these big triangular structures and you'll see two workers.

    73. Don't recognize St. Stephen's? Does the name Big Ben ring a bell?

    74. Terrace one way to build a farm on a hill even without being adjacent to fresh water.

    75. Great Barrier Reef a wonder? more like a two-der, amirite?

    76. Eiffel there's one tower that really improves tourism.

    77. Pictish warriors' ability to plunder two tiles in one turn really puts the booty in Boudicca.

    78. You can get more agricultural production out of your tiles, farm more.

    79. Fertilizer? I barely know 'er.

    80. CS to Austria: Take my wife . . . please.

    C'mon, guys, I could use some help here. I can't get all 1001 on my own!

    Or, maybe I can.

    81. I traded away the Brandenburg Concertos; now I want them Bach.

    82. Grant Wood. That's what she said.

    83. I'm Raven about getting Poe as one of my great writers.

    84. Trading for Water Music would help me get a theming bonus, but I don't have a slot for a work of music, so I can't Handel it.

    85. Have you heard the one about Acoustics? Oh, you have?

    86. Ok, then have you herd the one about cattle?

    88. (to fix crosspost with Beaver). Why can't your workers go to a bar after they've hooked up gold for your civ? The bar doesn't serve miners!
     
  14. Beaver79

    Beaver79 Warlord

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    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

    Once it goes outside Genghis captures it and turns it into a Keshik. He then uses it to ravish China.
     
  15. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    89. How come if I build a police station, I don't get copper?
     
  16. otaman1

    otaman1 Prince

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    Gori, where are you getting all of these from? I can't even read them all (sarcastically said)

    90. Attila is a nuisance to the modern world, so Suleiman.

    Suleiman = Sue le man
    Le = The in French
     
  17. Fish Man

    Fish Man Emperor

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    52. I don't know whether to attack the city-state or not; I'm a bit on the Ife side.
     
  18. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    Bad puns are a kind of specialty of mine. I stole one of them from myself in the "Who/What Am I?" thread you started and moderate.
     
  19. redwings1340

    redwings1340 Emperor

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    92 Why did Japan lose World War 2? They had Zero fighters.
     
  20. redwings1340

    redwings1340 Emperor

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    93: Explore the ocean, because Maria needs these trade routes Nau!
    94: Maria Theresa sent her daughter to marry Ramkhamhaeng's nephew. As the two had coffee though, both were under the impression that the other would be married in to the kingdom. When asked about the new province of Siam, the nephew responded "Wat? No diplomatic marriage, father governs children."
     

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