Adventures in Mongol Looting (RPG Thread)

Interrupting the bartering session in progress, X leeps from his horse screaming a prayer to the great god Chip and swinging here and fro with Axe, he charges into the village without a thought for riches or women! The driving force behind this barbaric action...a river full of ALE!!!

"COme Brethern...we must not let this treasure trove fall into heretic hands!! Cast off the non believers heads and drink from the river of righteousness!!!...FREE BEER FOR ALL!!", is the war cry that springs from his companions lips.

The fishing villiage stares stupified by the vision before them. They were told that the Ale Angel would give their village a great drought, not to be confused with the lack of rain variety, and that the herald of this blessing would be the heavenly cryer Ale Angel. Noticing his arrival as spoken by the great prophet Future (so say one, so say we all), the villagers promptly pick up containers of all sizes and rush for the river to partake of the promised bounty. IN the mad rush for the river, X is trampled by 50 year old grandmas, and 20 year old scholars from the local learning establishment (many bearing ancient Greek inspired letters on their jackets). Sucubming to the feverish religeous revival...X crawls away from the battlefield, if not victorious, at least more humble and thoughtful. He has learned a great lesson...always announce yourself properly before pillaging and looting. And second, never get in between a "Dry County" village and free beer.


Though our great warrior has been laid low by the battle, his wisdom has increased from the experience. Our hero limps back to his horse, whose face clearly displays a dubious impression of his owner.

"Would there perchance be a healer in our midst, for Lo...I am ruptured!"
While collapsing and catching his breath from the intense melee, X suggests that someone go and aquire a boat from the soon to be drunk and disorderly masses, and that we promptly...get the hell out of dodge!

"Oh and can you grab me a pint while your at the river?"
 
Seeing X trampled, Ice waits until most of the villagers have fled to the river of ale. Instead of crying out in war and pillaging the town, he sneaks into now unoccuppied houses, and of course, the butcher's shop. Stealing a considerable amount of gold, and as much meat as he can carry, he sneaks past and villager in site back to the fallen X. Even with Ice's stealth, he realizes he hadn't stole any salt. The meat will never last for anytime without salt for preservation. And what about X's wounds? Well salt would also speed up the healing process.

Running back to the village this time, stealth not in mind, Ice enters the butcher's shop again to find the butcher now there. "May I have two pounds of salt please?" The butcher replies "That'll be er, 13 gold" in Ice's native tongue, but in a very broken accent. Ice now reaching in his pockets for the bags of money realizes he left them with X "****!" he says allowed. How stupid and forgetful can he be today?

He then pulls out his sword and off with the butcher's head. Stealing nearly 5 pounds of salt, Ice runs out of the village as people notice the commotion.
 
OOC: Worthy of bonus experience ICE!!! LMAO
 
Future Glances over as Ice nears X with the salt. "Stop you fool,"says Future, "let me take care of this man." Then in a quick and steadfast pase Future Bandages up X. It is obvious now that Future has proven his worth to the group. To rejoice they grab a keg that is misteriously floating in the river and partake in the unsalted fish.
After hours and hours of parting X recals "Hey Future, What ever happened to those 3 beautiful naked women that Micalian Promised?"
Future sits there and pounder and then says, "One second, ok?" He runs back under the tree and four minutes later three beautiful naked women appear. It is truely a great day for the group. Beer, Beauties, Fish, and gold.
 
"I knew there was a reason we brought him along!"
Let the wenching begin!!!
 
After a night of heavy drinking between the four, and the merriment of those three women, Ice wakes up to find all his companions laid upon the ground smelling of alcohol. The land looks like fifty kings have thrown a party. Nudging X in his ribs, X finally awakes. "Hey we should get out of here, I don't know how long it will take the Mongols to find us, but remember I did kill a butcher. There looking for us, and I rather not loose our meat, ale and fish. I'm going to scout out the land around us. Stay awake and east some of the bread in the meat bag. It'll help that headache you have. Keep an eye on future and George. I'll be back when the shadow has reached that rock" he says as he points. "I shall be back."
 
X burps in reply and promptly falls back comatose, with a loaf of bread hanging from his mouth...in X'x tongue that means affirmative.
 
Future awakes. He looks around and then decides to go and pray again. It is believed by members of the cult of Micalian that a hangover is the best time to pray, and Future being a religious man grabs the opportunity by the nuts.

After almost an hour of praying the prophet stands up. He yells to his companions, "QUICK!!! WE MUST LEAVE NOW!!!"

"Why are we in such a rush?" asks the stagering X.

"Their are Mongol troups nearing, we have no time to discuss it. QUICK!!!"

The three men gather up their spoils of the previous night and start to leave unaware that Ice not with them. Fortunately for them they run into Ice a few miles down their new path.
 
Ice badly wounded with gashes on his back and both legs is laying in a desolate road. He crawling every few minutes, he finally gives up and passes out. When he awakens, he sees Future standing over him, and possibly george and X in the background. His sight is blurred and he can hardly speak. The words that come out are slurred and meaningless.
 
Not wasteing any of their precious seconds, Future grabs some herbs from his pack. In less then a minute Ice has regained his strength. Future tells him to use his horse seeing that Ices is no where to be seen. Future Hops on the back and the group continues down the road, knowing that Mongol warriors are close behind. It is then that Ice tells them how his wounds were created.
 
" I don't remember much. As you know I had left to scout out the area after telling X. I went to the outskirts of the town and saw what looked like the gathering of a mob. I assumed they were after me. I then turned and rode in the dirsct opposite direction, to find our best possible escape option. However, I encountered men riding on horses, with bows at their sides. I tried my native tongue however, they only let out grutns and sounds, as me and my horse backed away, one shot an arrow to my horses torso. All I remember then was falling, and what I now have to assume being trampled." Ice thinks for what seems to be an eternity. "I am not sure what happened to my horse, but by no means were these men mongolian. Possibly german, but they flew no flag."
 
As the rest listen to Ice's story, Ice spots a regiment of axes jsut over the hills. "Look, full regiments are being mobilized. The war must be near. Shall we go join their quests?"
 
After many days of camping and dodging Mongolian rioters, the group is ready to move on. They have all been following the battles that have occured in the last weeks and have seen the fall of many men. It is still unsafe to move through Old Sarai or any other of the Mongolian cities, because they are still in a time of revolt and denial. Ice asks "So where are we off to next? Are we to head West towards Karakorum, or shall we travel north back home?"
 
I WOuld like to suggest that we go on a quest for a Gem that is invaluable to The Jedi Councel. This would take us on a great journey even deeper into the Mongol lands. This would allow us to loot even further, and hopefully pick up a few more those nude women that Micalian has graciously sent us.
 
X is with us Ice he is just a tad hung over right now I would suggest that we continue on and hope that he comes out of it.
 
"Well all has been well, but it seems that we have lost quite some morale and have become a bit lazy. I am returning to Boaring Wallow to sharpen my skills. I will embark on a second journey through greater lands one day. All who are with me, come now, all who wish to continue you on, may your souls live on if your body can not."
 
I must continue, for it is my job to find teh Gem for the Jedi, I hear it is in Old Sari.
So all who wish to continue this quest come with me now.
 
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