Another Relationship Advice Thread

[Blasphemous]

I need some advice and I didn't find such a thread for quite a way back in the forum, so I decided to just open one myself.

My current issue is basically that I want to start a relationship and I realized I don't know how to do that. I'm a lazy ass so I'll first quote what I wrote about my experience with girls in the "Single or not?" thread a while back.

I'm not very experienced with girls. I'm a shy kind of person, very hesitant, and as such I ended up not really getting anywhere with anyone for a long time. I'm currently 17. In August, when I was at IDEC in Berlin, I finally did get some action, but even that was nothing serious, nothing completely sober, and nothing like an actual relationship with a person you're somewhat more familiar with. I've so far never gotten past a first date as far as dating goes, and haven't even gotten that far a great many times.

I've become a bit less shy and more social and a secure lately, and in the process I've become very much interested in this one girl at my school. I won't really go into the details about her because they aren't so relevant.
I've talked with her alot over the last couple weeks and we've become friends to some extent. We obviously like eachother alot, but I'm not absolutely positive about what kind of "like" that is on her part at the moment. I've pretty much decided I want to make a move asap, meaning early next week (we have school Sun-Thu). I'm strongly tempted to just find a good moment in private and kiss her but I'm not sure if that's such a good idea. My problem, as I said, is that I really don't know how to start a relationship. In the very few times I dated the circumstances were very different. My experience with other-than-sober flings is obviously irrelevent here. I just don't know what kind of move to make. I'd appreciate some suggestions.

 

[Japher]

don't be a pvssy and kiss her already!

I was friends with my wife for over a year before I decided to make the move, turns out she wasn't looking for a relationship, but was happy to find one.
\
Fate/karma/whatever, if it turns out to be a mistake; f'err,

crape diem, or whatever

grow a pair!

 

[Japher]

not trying to be an arse, just thought you might need to hear that

 

[Blasphemous]

You may be right but my eyesight is fine and I don't need it put that bluntly to get the idea.

 

[col]

Ask her out on an unambiguous date!

 

[Sophie 378]

Does she act at all flirty with you? Does she seem happy for you to sit right next to her, or touch her hand when passing her something? Does she laugh at your jokes, listen to you intently, sort of light up when you come in? Does she seem annoyed/upset at all when you speak to another girl? If yes/maybe to any, she *might* be waiting for you to make a move... but maybe try, say, patting her back or something if she does something good: if she flinches/goes rigid/acts unhappy she may be a "just friends" girl. What about asking her to go for a walk with you or something? That can be a good environment - the two of you strolling along looking at things, hopefully alone so you can talk with less risk of being interrupted, but if she doesn't want it as a dating walk, then it can be just a friends walk. (= ambigious date CF col!)
Just my 2 cents worth, or whatever the phrase is...

 

[Blasphemous]

Ask her out on an unambiguous date!

The thought came to mind of course, but it just seems so out-of-place... It's not the kind of thing that suits me and it doesn't seem to be the kind of thing that suits her... I could ask her to like, hang out with me somewhere (downtown, or Tel-Aviv), but it's hard to make that sound unambiguously like a date (and it's also a weird kind of date even though it's the type of thing we both enjoy doing.)

 

[ComradeDavo]

Sophie 378 speaks wise words

My advice would be too let the kiss just 'happen'. Don't paciffically aim for one, just let it 'happen'.

Be touchy feely with her, if she is ok with that then she will want more

 

[IglooDame]

I don't think I could recommend just attempting to kiss her. While it might confirm that the relationship is going "to the next level" it could also pretty much end the existing friendship entirely. Not a good risk.

How about asking her? Watch a movie together that has the hero getting the girl at the end or something like that, and tell her you've thought about her in ways beyond just friendship, and has she thought about you that way?

 

[Japher]

attempting to be more than friends automatically hurts the friendship, kiss or not... thus, I say get some nookie at least

 

[Blasphemous]

Does she act at all flirty with you? Does she seem happy for you to sit right next to her, or touch her hand when passing her something? Does she laugh at your jokes, listen to you intently, sort of light up when you come in? Does she seem annoyed/upset at all when you speak to another girl? If yes/maybe to any, she *might* be waiting for you to make a move... but maybe try, say, patting her back or something if she does something good: if she flinches/goes rigid/acts unhappy she may be a "just friends" girl. What about asking her to go for a walk with you or something? That can be a good environment - the two of you strolling along looking at things, hopefully alone so you can talk with less risk of being interrupted, but if she doesn't want it as a dating walk, then it can be just a friends walk. (= ambigious date CF col!)
Just my 2 cents worth, or whatever the phrase is...

Thanks, but there are a few problems (which may just be a cultural barrier )...
First of all, I really don't know how it is anywhere else in the world but teens here tend to touch alot as just-friends. Normally when two friends (often even first-time acquaintances!) meet or part, if one is a girl or both, and sometimes with close male friends, they will hug. People sit or lean on eachother all the time. All of this makes it hard to judge reactions by touch.
She does listen to me intently but she seems to be a generally intent listener (her favorite activity is just talking with people.) I don't think it would be possible for her to light up when I enter the room since she's pretty much always smiling. I do get the feeling that she smiles at me especially intensely but I've been known to have distorted judgement when it comes to girls I like . I didn't know about when I talk to another girl... I don't usually get a chance to gauge her reaction while I'm talking with someone else...

 

[IglooDame]

attempting to be more than friends automatically hurts the friendship, kiss or not... thus, I say get some nookie at least

Well, yeah, but a declined kiss can be total scupperage, whereas a serious talk probably won't end things entirely.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Its simple, all you have to do is whip it out! Thats right, whip out the cellphone, call her and make a date!

 

[IglooDame]

Its simple, all you have to do is whip it out! Thats right, whip out the cellphone, call her and make a date!

 

[Blasphemous]

How about asking her? Watch a movie together that has the hero getting the girl at the end or something like that, and tell her you've thought about her in ways beyond just friendship, and has she thought about you that way?

I thought of simply bringing the subject up in conversation but the thought of it seems so very awkward... Does that actually work?
I also have some pretext for inviting her to come over to me really... I've been telling her I need to show her some good Industrial (the type of music) since she only knows some old Rammstein and thinks the mixture of Metalesque heavy stuff and Trancesque electronic stuff is stupid... And I guess the privacy of my room can be handy... But then if she rejects me that can become a problem...

EDIT: As to whipping it out, I don't have her number (but I can probably get it pretty easily) and anyhow the earliest we could set it to would be Sunday so there's not much of an advantage to calling over just talking at school.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

We are Devo

 

[Japher]

ROTFLMAO

 

[Speciou5]

Culture flip her. I suggest a Great Artist bomb.

Okay seriously though, I would recommend against finding a moment in private and kissing her. Unless you lead up with flirting and she shows signs of affection (ie. is not pulling away), else it's harassment if it doesn't go well. You probably don't want that.

Also, make sure you aren't on the girl's "friend list". Which means make sure she like likes you. ( ) Girls generally have two lists, make sure you are on the better on before adventuring forward. Rejection sucks.

Go for the date, thumbs down on the "moment in private" unless it's during the date or she expects it coming.

 

[IglooDame]

I thought of simply bringing the subject up in conversation but the thought of it seems so very awkward... Does that actually work?
I also have some pretext for inviting her to come over to me really... I've been telling her I need to show her some good Industrial (the type of music) since she only knows some old Rammstein and thinks the mixture of Metalesque heavy stuff and Trancesque electronic stuff is stupid... And I guess the privacy of my room can be handy... But then if she rejects me that can become a problem...

It is probably less awkward than planting a wet one on her, and hey, if she says yes, then you can go the kissing route soon enough anyway.

There's really no way that you can suggest being boyfriend/girlfriend without rejection being a problem. But if you're going to listen to music, sit on the bed, and accidentally put your hand on hers, or something like that. If she yanks it away, abort the mission and say nothing of it, and if she leaves it there, then forge ahead. But it is mostly about working up the courage to do it, no one expects perfect execution - if she is thinking the same thoughts, she's probably more nervous about it than you.

 

[Japher]

Try this phrase "The clothes are making me itchy"

and if she goes "what?!" say "my nose is itchy"