Australia gets drunk, wakes up in North Atlantic

Simon Darkshade

Mysterious City of Gold
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Using my innate mastery of geography, I can tell you that Florida was hit by North Western Australia, so he can have a barramundi sanger with extra yabbie, fresh water croc and witchety grub whilst he admires the views in the Kimberleys.:D

I vaguely recall a ...cricketer named Graham Thorpe, but he hasn't played for an awful long time...was he a team mate of the Bedsers or something like that?:p :lol:
 

andycapp

Grumpy Old Griper
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Mar 9, 2001
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Moonee Ponds, Victoria. Australia
Yes, very amusing Simon I first saw this at 'poly. :lol: I can relate to the story and I have a confession, it was me that knocked Florida off the USA on my way home from a bender last year. Sorry, I thought no-one would notice. :D
 

Ohwell

Deity
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Nov 14, 2001
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Bringing enlightenment to you
HA! Now THAT was funny! That site is going on my favorites list. How did Australia get turned upside down? Oh, I see, it was drunk. (Durh!) Poor Australia, with their horrible beer and forgotten people... :lol: that was funny.
 

Knowltok

Warlord
Joined
Jan 24, 2002
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215
NEW YORK (AP): Following Australia's drunken excesse, strong statements of protest were issued today from an entire hemisphere's governments. Protests to the UN commision on geological stability have multiplied rapidly till the one man office is completely overrun. The diplomatic rhetoric is strong and getting stronger.

In an unprecedented move Secretary of State Colin Powell announce the formation of FNP the Fractured Nations Pact. This military alliance was hastily formed by most of the nations impacted by Australia's reckless behavior. Cuba is still holding out, but President Bush has stated that they are, "Either with us, or against us." When it was pointed out that they were firmly lodged in the Deep South, he clarified by saying, "Okay, they are with us, but if they don't do what we want, we'll bomb the piss out of them."

Clarifying the Bush Administration's stance on this issue an unnamed source stated, "We only have their word that they were shoved into us by Australia. They may have taken this opportunity to attack the US and smash Florida themselves." The source promised an investigation.

Europe is typically neutral in this dispute, but Green parties in several nations have voiced strong concern for the environment. "Australia cannot be allowed to continue this wonton disruption of Atlantic currents. Pretty soon it is going to be really cold in Europe, and then there will be hell to pay." stated one activist. Several noted climatologists have stated that this rapid shift in plate tectonics will speed global warming, and have called for stiff economic sanctions.

Australians were generally not available for comment, citing extreme hangovers, and in many cases, wrenched backs. One Australian was seen to be laughing wickedly, but determined inquiry could not discover the reason, and only revealed his first name, Simon.

One unintended result of this move is that thousands of Haitian refugees have sailed in makeshift craft to Australia's shores. It is uncertain what their status will be, especially if the Aussies are forced to return to their proper place on the globe.

Many in America are calling for extreme measures to be taken to punish Australia and ensure that this does not happen again. "send them back, and keep them upsidedown!" demanded one irate American identified only as Rmsharpe. World opinion is mixed however, and some people see larger forces at work. A Comrade Davo in Bath, England said, "This was bound to happen. The dual factors of British Imperialism and American support almost guaranteed that Australia would eventually suffer a geographical crisis."

It is this reporter's opinion that we will not have an easy resolution of this dispute. The Americas are outraged at the collective damage to their nations, and the Australians are demanding primetime television rights. These two sides are very far apart. The next move will be the UN's.
 

Simon Darkshade

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:lol: Well done. I'll add a little myself later, I think:D :lol:
 

Knowltok

Warlord
Joined
Jan 24, 2002
Messages
215
Drunkenness is always bad:
Statement by the Communist Party of Sweden (SKP)

The Communist Party of Sweden (SKP) condemns the damaging movement of the Australian continent. We grieve for the victims of this act of drunkenness, and for the great human suffering it caused, just as we express sympathy and anger in connection with drunkenness and disregard elsewhere in the world.

Drunkenness affects innocent civilians in its path to achieve political goals. SKP rejects drunkenness as an unacceptable form of political struggle. The changes that are needed in our world in order to eliminate violence and war and achieve democracy and a society with justice for all can never be achieved though tdrinking, only through active political struggle by the working class to throw off the yoke of imperialistic oppression.

But condemning the recent drunkenness is not enough. It must be seen in a global context. The US is the world's greatest economic, political and military power. It consumes more beer than any other nation in the world. Alone or with its allies in NATO, the US has continuously exported alcohol throughout the world. If an individual nation declares a policy that the US considers unacceptable, it is immediately exposed to economic and/or military pressure. Hundreds of thousands of people throughout the world die every year as a result of direct or indirect intervention by the US. It is a historical fact that for decades the US has implemented state drunkenness against people in Latin America, Africa and Asia.

The movement of the Australian Continent is an act of lunacy, but the same applies to the bombing of civilian targets in Baghdad and Belgrade. What is the difference between the deaths of Americans and the deaths of Serbs, Palestinians or Iraqis? What is the difference between a broken Florida and a broken Somalia?

SKP sees a connection between the Palestinians who offer their lives in suicide-attacks in Israel and the drunk tectonics in the Caribbean and Atlantic. Such desperate actions are a direct result of the growing antagonisms in our world and the powerlessness that is felt by many people. Two-thirds of mankind are forced to live in poverty and misery, in conditions that are determined by a handful of imperialist powers under the leadership of the US, supported by the Swedish government, among others. These imperialistic powers refuse to trade with any nation that seeks to help its citizenry.

In many demonstrations such as those in recent times in Gothenburg, Genoa, Seattle, Prague and Nice, hundreds of thousands of people have peacefully rioted against the worldwide injustice of imperialism. But their thrown rocks have been ignored. The US relies what it considers to be its own invulnerability, and continues to bomb Iraq, boycott Cuba and support Israel's violence against Palestinians. The Bush government simply ignores the rest of the world, as shown by its rejection of the Oslo whiskey protocol, its plans for a new martini defense that will lead to enslavement of the entire world, its development of new super-premium liquors, and most recently its walkout from the international conference against alcoholism in Moscow. Now that Havana is the neighbor of Atlanta, will Mr. Bush be able to ignore the Cubans?

In the present international balance of powers, no country would even dream of a serious economic, political or military attack on the US. This situation breeds the type of plate tectonics that we have recently seen.

In this connection it should be pointed out that the US has been a major supplier of beer and liquor to the drunks in Australia. It is quite possible that the US is now reaping the harvest of the seeds of alcohol that it has sown.

There is an evident risk that in order to demonstrate its power the US will strike quickly, indiscriminately and violently against all whom it perceives to be obstacles to its continued use of most maps. It is not all Australians who are to blame for this irresponsible act, rather a handful of reckless drinkers who don’t know their own limits. We therefore call on all progressive and democratic forces to work actively for peaceful political solutions for the conflicts throughout the world that are feeding the spiral of drinking. The struggle against imperialism must continue.

In this situation, the Swedish government must do everything it can to prevent a further escalation of violence. And it must also oppose unilateral violence by the US - with or without the approval of the EU. Sweden must act in the interest of long-term solutions under the leadership of the UN, which should include appointing an international UN commission to investigate plate shifts wherever they occur.
 

IceBlaZe

Atheist Proselytizer
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Israel
ian thrope is a medal-winning australian olympic swimmer. he is the best in the world (in his swimming types).
 

Knowltok

Warlord
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Jan 24, 2002
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215
Originally posted by andycapp
Your version of the SKP statement makes more sense than the real one! :lol:

Thank you Andy, I hoped someone would appreciate it. I am anxiously awaiting Simon's own efforts that he mentioned might be forthcoming.
 

Simon Darkshade

Mysterious City of Gold
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LONDON (REUTERS): A terrifying story is emerging from the drunkenly misplaced continent of Australia, currently poised in the midst of the Gulf Stream and looking rather sorry for itself. A daring reporter managed to make the helicopter journey to the rapidly paling sunburnt shores of the land of Oz, but was apprehended by an assortment of hired goons the moment he set foot on the land which abounds with natures gifts.

He was hauled away into a small cage, and had chunks of meat thrown at him, as the sign "Pommicus Erectus" was assembled. His sojourn here was brief, as some rather Bohemian looking heavies (dressed in black leather, but with a trendy scarf and a copy of Sartre in their back pocket) further hauled him away to meet a local authority.

The intrepid reporter managed to notice during his bumpy ride, quite reminiscent of Achilles taking Hector for a drag really, that not a single human or animal was to be seen on the streets. The journey took him down many a winding tunnel until at last he was thrown at the foot of a dark and twisted throne. He gazed up to see a truly terrible visage regarding him with a mixture of utmost contempt, detached interest, and ever-so-slight hunger.

"Ah! Splendid! You must be the journalist. You want news, reasons, I suppose. Yes, of course you do. You must make yourself more comfortable. Hieronymous! Onslomagus! Put the journo in the electric couch."

The reporter, who will remain nameless on account of the fact that he was so in the first place (parents were hippies, you know the type), was strapped into a comfortable plaid couch, and electrodes attached to various wobbly portions of his anatomy.

"Now," the evil man began "Allow myself to introduce you to ...myself. I am the one known as Simon Darkshade, and this is one of my underground lairs. These are two of my mute thugs, Hieronymus and Onslomagus Chuzzlewit, whose surnames are a coincidence.
I take it you want to know exactly why Australia ended up in the North Atlantic, and why it is staying here, hmm? Very well, I will outline the full dastardly extent of my evil plan to you,if only to pass away some of the time.

It seems outwardly to be a product of drunken hooliganism, but was actually just a test of my new booster engines, with which I will send the earth hurtling through space to a new location, in order to accomodate some new real estate developments I working on with the Kilrathi and the Neogi in its present resting place.

To cover such an occurence, we simply had to get al of Australia royally p1ssed, which is not at all a difficult task. We may of sank a few insignificant islands on the way, but the journey was quite smooth and without incident. Last time I was in Europe, I picked up a little German, and we met again briefly in Panama.

Now, we will be moving back to our original location some time next week, but, we'll be going the long way. That should clean up the Balkans and the Middle east in a nice manner. There are no demands to be made as such, what with my gargoyles all ready controlling most world governments, but a reactivation by the US of its battleships would be appreciated, as they look so cute from Saturn, and I promised Su'thr'zgjh that I would try so that his youngest spawn can have some fun with his new telescope.

That will be all, peasant. Guards! Throw this journo in the catapult, and deliver him home!"

And so it was done.
The reporter is currently unavailable for comment, as he is gibbering uncontrollably, and is clinging to the roof of St. Junipers Institute for the Terminally Insane, occasionaly screaming something about gibbons.
 

Dell19

Take a break
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Dec 5, 2000
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London
That link was very funny and the additions are quite funny as well...:goodjob:
 
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