Babylonian Idol! [RFC-UHV-OMG?]

Act 7​
...Also known as Act 6 part 2...​
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<Hammurabi> Grampa!!
<:old:> Yes Hammurabi... It is I.... Grampa...!
<Hammurabi> Im so happy to see you Grampa! Did you see the palace!? Did you see it?
<:old:> Yes Hammurabi it is very nice and...
<Hammurabi> It's awesome isn't it? Did you see the city? It's already big and full of people you saw it right!?
<:old:> Yes, yes, yes Hammurabi, its beautiful, you did well...
<Hammurabi>Oh Grampa Im so happy you like it! The people have been great, we worked very hard and...
<:old:> Hammurabi you did very well but now please lis...
<Hammurabi> It was not always easy you know, some days it was hard and we were a bit down but the people never gave up though! We did it!
<:old:> Alright now calm down a bit Hammurabi...
<Hammurabi> I'm so glad we have good people! Otherwise who knows...
<:old:> Hammurabi... seriously just..
<Hammurabi> I tell you! All the neighbor tribes are in awe before our incredible city! At first they were jealous but now they all want to join us and ...

*Grampa starts to shake*

<Hammurabi> :eek: What's wrong Grampa!? Are you unwell?
<:old:> Yes... Grampa is very unwell Hammurabi, very unwell...
<Hammurabi> Oh no! please do not die for a second time Grampa! Not a heart attack again is it?? Quick! Tell me if there's something I can do!
<:old:> Yes, there is definitely something you can do Hammurabi...SHUTUP!!!! SHUT THE FREAKING HELL UP!!! DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD!!! YOU HEAR WHAT IM SAYING??? SHUT UP!!!...

*Grampa, panting, glares at Hammurabi with wide eyes.*

<Hammurabi> ... Im... Im sorry Grampa... :(
...
...

<:old:> *Takes a long breath* Alright... Now lets proceed... I got to say it surprises me but you actually passed all the first tests... The gods are pleased with you Hammurabi. You will get a reward...
<Hammurabi> :D
<:old:> But first I shall tell you about the next part of your trials. The gods have great plans for you. You need to become a strong scientific powerhouse in order to have a chance at success.
<:old:> But this is not all, spreading your culture and feeding your people in order to grow your population are equally important. You have to beat every other nations of the world on those three points.
<Hammurabi> This seems very hard to do Grampa!
<:old:> Yes Hammurabi, it will be a bit tricky, but there is a way... Now to your reward..
<Hammurabi> :D
<:old:>The reward is that I will actually help you and tell you what to do to succeed in the next steps. This way you have a good chance of winning all the trials!
However Hammurabi, you gotta do exactly what i tell you. Now... will you be a good boy and do that ?
<Hammurabi> Yes Grampa!
<:old:> Good, the first thing you must know is that you need to invent some specific things so you will need to give good funding to your Savants.
<:old:> Firstly, the gods want you to invent a way of using symbols to put speech down on baked earth tablets. Its called writing. But you will need to find how to work baked earth first... You need to do this as your utmost priority. Somewhere else in the world there is another people, a very very evil bunch...
<Hammurabi> :eek:
<:old:>They are called the Chinese but this is not important... The important part is that they are also doing the same thing as you, they really want to scribble things on clay tablets. So DON'T EVEN THINK of researching any other frivolous thing before you mastered writing. You hear me? Otherwise the evil Chinese will be scribbling things on clay tablets before you do, heard me?
<Hammurabi> Got it!
<:old:>Good, I will come back to you once you know how to write on clay tablets. At the same time, you must also train workers as a first thing! You will need them to works the land, also do this before anything else! Then Start building tax paying suburbs around your capital, people will flock there and you will grow richer!
<Hammurabi> Got it!
<:old:> You also have some warriors, you can use them to look a bit around your territory But do not go far. Never leave this city undefended! The world is full of barbarous people and they will just destroy you at the first sign of weakness!
<Hammurabi> Got it!
<:old:> Alright Hammurabi, you talk way too much but you are also pretty sharp when you want. I will have to go now ...
...
<Hammurabi> Just one last question Grampa.
<:old:> What is it again?...
<Hammurabi> There is a weird smell Grampa, did you change your underwear recently?
<:old:> *cough!* errrr... a bit earlier we had an incident with errr... little angels up there in heavens... they usually wear diapers but sometimes you know.. *cough* Anyway, Grampa had to help clean the mess and i did not have time to take a bath before coming down here so...
<Hammurabi> So you decided to appear in mine?
<:old:> :shifty: That was not the idea really... But now that you mention it, maybe you should replace the water now.
<Hammurabi> Well... Alright then... Goodbye Grampa!
<:old:> DO NOT FAIL ME HAMMURABIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.........

The words trailed off as Grampa sank into the bathtub then exploded into nothingness, sending dirty water flying in every directions, drenching a cowering Hammurabi from head to toes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Back in the Pantheon*

<Shiva> Is this what they call explosive diarrhea?
<Gods> :lmao:
...
...To be continued
End of Act 7​
 
:clap: I don't know how you do it.
 
@Olaf, @Brandon, @Marcvs : Well, thank you guys :D The sad hidden truth however is the obscene amount of time i actually spent reading my writings over and over, tweaking details, polishing dialogs and plainly making stuff up :lol:

About the V vs U in Marcvs, i was also wondering why theceasar was making this intervention. Seems a pretty standard Roman thing to do. As illvstrated in my all-time favovrite Roman bvilding: THE PANTHEON!! However... Now that i think about it, we are actually talking Roman stuff because of theceasar making this intervention... Sounds exactly like something theceasar might have wanted. Damn You shrewd salad eater! :nono:

Spoiler :
pantheon16.jpg
 
:D Lol right into my trap!

You are right, the Roman letter "v" made the "oo" sound. However, that would mean your name was "markoos" (possible) or "markws" pronunciation-wise. I admit, it does look Roman though. (and anyone, please correct me if I am off, I am not really a Latin expert, the History is more my thing.)

In the middle ages, the "v" and "u" were interchangeable, "v" was used to start a word (ex: vse) and "u" was in the middle of a word (ex: inuisible). Which sorta screws you on the pronunciation, imo.
 
thecaesar said:
:agree: with his :agree:
Click to expand...

I do not agree with the agree of METY's agree, for METY believes METY is the most epic of us all.
But it was brilliant :D
 
AWESOME!!!

About the v/u I studied latin for two years and from what remember the v and u were the same in the script
 
Act 8​
b4CSfX

...
<Shiva> Is this what they call explosive diarrhea?
<Gods> :lmao:
<Odin> HahahHAHAHAHaha... errr...hehehe...cough.. urgh.. *choking sounds*
<Hunab Ku> *falls over his chair in uncontrollable laughter*
<Jupiter>
lol-laugh-smiley.gif



*Enlil enters the Pantheon*

<Enlil> Hi guys! What's so funny!?
<Absu> You just invented explosive diarrhea!
<Enlil> What are you talking about? ... Wait... Oh... That crap was starting to turn into crust. I had to give it a good blast so it all went away in one go.
<Shiva>Don't go wonder why Hammurabi might have a sh!tty opinion of you next time you see him!
<Gods>
Rofl_4c.gif

<Horus> LMAO
<Hunab Ku> *Still on the ground* :rotfl:

<Zeus> *wipes a tear* Ok ok, alright please stop, we have important things to discuss now.
<Odin> Yes... Such as what are we going to do with explosive diarrhea now that we have discovered it.
<Shiva> I say we use it against Mr.Yuang's palace! Or wherever place he lives...
<Hera> Are you crazy! He would send his evil Chinese hordes against you!
<Shiva> Unless the evil Chinese hordes are too busy trying not to be killed by the crazed Indian Army!
<Jupiter> Especially if the crazed Indians are wielding the power of explosive diarrhea!
<Horus> Considering the quality of the water they drink in India, I think it's very likely they will have it...
<Gods>
Rofl_4c.gif

<Hunab ku> *Tries to scramble back on his chair, then falls again*
Rofl_3c.gif

<Hera> *Panting and red faced from lulz* Do you guys want to kill Hunab Ku? Please stop it!
<Zeus> Yeah, enough with the poo jokes. Let's watch what happens on earth, Hammurabi is about to meet with his bunch once again. It might be interesting.

*Zeus clears the clouds and the gods focus their attention on earth.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the morning following Grampa's second visit, Hammurabi wakes up in a good mood and immediately summons his advisors. They meet once again in the dinning room to enjoy a classic Babylonian breakfast while discussing the fate of their nation.

<Guy at the back> I'm starving! Is that breakfast ready yet?
<Ishtar> Be patient we've only been here 5 minutes...
<Amata> Is it gonna be Bread and fruits again?
<Guy at the back> It's always bread and fruits! Why do you even ask?
<Hammurabi> I asked the cooks for a little extra this morning! Some of your favorite treat guys!

*Maidservant enters with the food platter*

<Hammurabi> Honey sweetened desert ant larvae spread for your toasts!
<Guy at the back>:drool:
<Amata>:drool:
<Ishme> :drool:
<Ishtar> Errrr, I think ill stick with the fruits...
<Hammurabi> I have good news for today my friends! I had another visit from Grampa and he told me some secrets!
<Guy at the back> *munch munch* Like what? *crunch*
<Hammurabi> You remember those small baked earth bowls we used to buy in our northern travels? Now we gotta learn how to make our owns! Then we will learn how to scribble stuff unto them!
<Ishtar> *Munch munch* Sounds good, and why should we need to do this exactly? *slurp*
<Hammurabi> Because otherwise the evil Chinese will do it before us!!
<Amata> *gulp gulp* The Chinese? *crunch*
<Hammurabi> Yes apparently they are a very evil people! They grow rice and eat cats!!
<Ishme> What! Thats Gross! What an evil and revolting people!! --Can you pass me the larvae spread please?
<Hammurabi> Here you go.
<Ishme> Thanks
<Hammurabi> Alright, so our scientists will be busy for a while. In the meantime we will train some workers and send our trusty warriors to scout the immediate surroundings. It is decided!!
<Advisors> *munch, munch, munch* *crunch* *slurp* *munch...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Back in the Pentheon*

<Hunab Ku> Hmmm! This looks tasty!
<Absu> Yes, the people of Sumeria have a very refined cuisine.
<Hera> Refined cuisine!? I've seldom seen anything this Gross!
<Enlil> Obviously you are not the one who cleaned the little angel mess...
<Zeus> Oh please don't start with this again...
<Jupiter> Anyway, there's no doubt the Babylonians are well fed with all those flood plains...
<Hunab Ku> Yeah! ...
<Shiva> Hey look down there! I think they just sent their warriors to scout the surroundings!
<Horus> Looks like they are about to meet the Egyptians! :D
Spoiler for earth view :
MnBeJh.jpg

HGjAx.jpg

c1rWDh.jpg


<Horus> HOW DO THEY DARE!!! [pissed]
<Odin> Hahaha! I like those warriors! :lol:
<Hera> That was not very nice of them!
<Jupiter> Say Horus, what's the whole deal with makeup exactly?
<Horus> You guys wouldn't understand...
<Odin> What I understand is that real men grow body hair and don't wear makeup!
<Enlil> Like him?
Spoiler :
GlennHughes_VillagePeople.jpg

<Hera> Are you guys trying to make some homophobic jokes again?...
<Odin> Not at all this guy Rocks!!! Also, i'm pretty sure Shiva here is in "the other team" and I like him well enough nonetheless.
<Horus> Odin, you say all that because you got no sense of style! Your role-model has always been the mean, snarling, hairy, dirty, warring barbarian.
<Odin> And can you tell me what's wrong with it? Let me guess hmmm... no?
<Absu> And what about the mean, snarling, hairy, dirty, warring barbarian wearing makeup?
<Odin> No such thing exists!!
<Jupiter> Really? What about him?
Spoiler :
original.jpg

braveheart-crazy-face.jpg


<Odin> Errr... :shifty: But this is not makeup!! Its warpaint!! Because they are too busy fighting with weapons, real men sometimes cannot carry a flag around, so they paint one on their face!
<Hera> Exactly! Because they do not have a real flag around, they MAKEUP for it by painting one on their face!
<Horus> :lol: Highfive Hera! You just pwned Odin!
:high5:
<Odin> AAAaaaRRGGH!!! [pissed]
<Other Gods>
Rofl_4c.gif


...to be continued...





End of Act 8​
 
:agree: I think this qualifies for a "Worth showing to someone who has no idea about Civ" award (Or a WSTSWHNIAC award)
 
so far the last 4 replies have been agreement with the above.
 
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