Computer customer Support

[Judge_Deadd]

Client: My internet doesn't work...
Support: Ok, do you have internet icon on your desktop?
C: Icon? Desktop?!
S: Do you use Windows 95?
C: I don't know. Are you mr. Windows? By the way – how do I type capital E instead of e?
S: Please hold Shift and press e.
C: What is SHIFT?

C: Computer isn't reacting on my commands.
S: What are you typing?
C: "What's the time?", and then I get: "Bad command or file name".

C: Can you copy Internet on floppy disk for me?

C: My computer is wrecked...
S: Wrecked?
C: Well I can't play my game...
S: Aha, please press Ctrl+alt+delete to restart it
C: No. It isn't started, it's wrecked...
S: What?!
C: It's wrecked in my game... I've already told you...
After 5 minutes of explanation I've found out, that girl played Lunar Lander and she wrecked the ship...
S: Please press File and then New Game.
C: [pause] Wow! How did you know that?!

 

[CivCube]

Did you really conduct that call, or is that a known tale?

 

[Japanrocks12]

is the client a blonde??

 

[WillJ]

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

(from the Nonsense Tavern)

 

[Japanrocks12]

Originally posted by WillJ
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

(from the Nonsense Tavern)

weird...

 

[Cimbri]

'Kewl'

A friend of mine always tells me about the morons who call him in his Helpdesk. Some people should not be let anywhere near computers…

Cimbri

 

[Penguin Glory]

Customer: "I'm just about ready to say give me my money back. You guys don't help me ever."
Tech Support: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "My son said you hooked him up last night, and all I needed to do is type in the address in my browser, and it would work."
Tech Support: "Are you connected when this happens, ma'am?"
Customer: "Yeeeessss."
Tech Support: "Ok. What did you do immediately after you typed in the address?"
Customer: "I waited, and then it disconnected me."
Tech Support: "Double click on your browser to open it."
Customer: "My what?"
Tech Support: "The program that allows you to surf the Internet."
Customer: "I'm washing dishes right now."
Tech Support: "Ok."
Customer: "How long would it take?"
Tech Support: "About ten minutes, if nothing else goes wrong."
Customer: "I've only got five."
Tech Support: "Tell you what, the next time you type in the address, push your 'enter' button and see what happens."
Customer: "Ok, but I swear if it doesn't get me to my page, you guys are quits."