Ah, I'm back! That Orbital laser sure was fun. Who would've thought that orhpanages would be so flammable? I suspect it's the stuffed animals.
"I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat."
No, you have riddles and make them go to a diversion, then you can gloat at thier stupidity for not solving the riddle or in the case that they solve it, for going after the diversian, it's a win-win scenario.
"One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation."
Any villain with such gaping flaws is too stupid for the business, no five-year-old kid is going to help. I'm sorry but if you can't plot worth a damn get out of the business.
"All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal."
No you check the pulse then run a DNA test. Heros will try to use stupid mask crap, surgical alteration and valmorphisation to foil you, you need to use a DNA test (make sure it's deep tissue)
"The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request."
Why not? Did you build crappy traps? Sheesh! What an idiot!
"I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation."
But that's a friggin' hassle to program like that when your dealing with such complex things as superweapons and doomsday devices. The real problem is cruddy base defense.
"I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know.""
Well what if you want to know something? With them safely ensconced in the world class torture chamber with their limbs hacked off I don't see how that should be much of a problem
"When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice."
Occasionally? Always! You need to be an information moghul if you're gonna survive
"I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time."
How about you don't give him any power. Don't spoil you're children that's just poor parenting!
"I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father."
No Power = No Damage. Easy as pie!
"Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly."
How about you plan better beforehand?
Proper Plotting Prevents Police Presence
More later, I have to kill people now
