Homer Simpson quotes of wisdom:'Single and Sassy' - Homer's bumper sticker.
Internet! Is that thing still around?
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.
Okay, whatever to take my mind off my life.
I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. Then I became deeply cynical. ( about voting )
To find Flanders, I have to think like Flanders.
Rock stars ... is there anything they don't know?
Well, maybe if he had had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught 'im. ( about Jesus wearing sandals ).
Ah, the college roadtrip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem?
All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.
All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever ... thy will be done. (munch munch munch)
The girls of the internet. Ooh, I'd go online with them anyday! ( Looking at a "nudie deck" )
If he is so smart, how come he is dead?
This kid's a wonder!. He organized all the law suits against me into one class action suit.
I have to work overtime at work instead of spending time with my wife and kids, which is what I want.
Aaw! it's so hard to get to 500 words ( Homer, the food critic ).
The food was not undelicious.
I'll tell people what to think. Now you tell me what to think.
I hope you cut me better than you cut these string beans.
And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
Lord, I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but ... (munch munch munch) mmm ... sacrelicious.
Awww, 20 dollars?!? I wanted a peanut.
I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am.
If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.
WHO IS FONZY!?! Don't they teach you anything at school?
It's twice the work of a deadbeat dad. ( about spending a saturday with kids ).
God cannot be EVERYWHERE, right? ( Homer as Adam in a dream ).
Screw that squeaky stuff. I want some hard antacid for my kid.
What's keeping Joan Rivers alive?
Ooh! sensory depravation kicks ass!
Oh! look at that car burn! Does it get any better than this?
Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
Marge, can we go home? All this fresh air is making my hair move and I don't know how long I can complain.
Black, marbelized with a liquid center. The Stealth Bowler. The pins don't know what hit 'em.
Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead.
To be loved, you have to be nice to others EVERYDAY!. To be hated, you don't have to do squat. ( advice to Mr.Burns ).
Do I know what rhetorical means?
Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.?
The kids can call you Hoju!
Does whisky count as beer?
Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers.
Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities : John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Are you sure you're an accredited and honored pornographer?
I can't believe that someone I've never heard of wants to hang out with a guy like me.
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
God bless those pagans.
Ah! I was voted most likely to be a mental patient or a hillbilly or a chimpanzee. ( Homer, the Outsider Artist )
Stupid ice. I always knew I'll get stuck in something.
I get weary in this sexually suggestive dancing.
Marge, I think I'll remember my own LIFE!
Marge, your paintings look like the things they look like.
What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as "The process of removing weeds from one's garden." ( giving a lecture on marriage ).
Good drink ... good meat ... good God, let's eat!
Ha ha! Look at this country! You are gay!? Ha ha!
Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!
Here's to alcohol : The cause of ... and answer to all of life's problems.
Hey, I asked for ketchup! I'm eatin' salad here!
I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t ... I mean s-m-A-r-t.
I bet Einstein turned himself into all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!
I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say, 'Yes!'
I guess you might say he barking up the wrong ... bush.
I hope I didn't brain my damage.
I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight.
I know you can read my thoughts, boy : Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.
I like my beer cold ... my TV loud ... and my homosexuals flaming.
I promised my boy one simple thing : lots of riches, and that man broke my promise!
I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, µhe Bus That couldn't Slow Down.
I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.
I wonder where Bart is, his dinner's getting all cold ...... and eaten.
I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnidght.
If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!
If this were really a nuclear war we'd all be dead meat by now.
I'll handle this ... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes ... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty ... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES.
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!
I'm just a technical supervisor who cared too much.
I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor.
In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!
It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV!
It's a good thing that beer wasn't shaken up any more, or I'd have looked quite the fool. An April fool, as it were.
It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.
)
British accent) No I dont think we'll be telling them that.
