I Have A Drinking Problem

[Simon Darkshade]

This next day will be very hard. August 4 is a very painful birthday/anniversary for me, so I am already way down. I've had dark nights of the soul before, but this is shaping to be the grandaddy of them all.
This is when everything is focused and brought to a fore, but I can't see myself drinking, or even leaving the room. I'm just going to try and distract myself by talking here, and watching cricket, but it will probably not work. For a wannabe hardcase, I am at my most vulnerable.
Ah, well such is life, and there are always fleeting faroff memories. The bottle may seem to be a friend in times like this, and the temptation is huge, but even the bottle does not understand.
I've wrote a lot on this in some of my other self indulgent musings before, but it all boils down to this, and this is when it all started, so to speak. I won't give details, because people are still alive, and have their lives, and if anything I still have honour and discretion.
So forgive me if my tone is morose, and inexplicably dark. I don't want to leave myself to my own musings, as I do not have the strength of the likes of Papillon when it comes to this type of thing.
But I am starting to rave off the topic.
My problem with drink is under control, but occasions such as this do make things difficult, and as I said, this is perhaps both the best and worst day I have ever known. (the date, as well as what it signifies today)
Once again, thank you all most sincerely, and it has been an honour and privilege to "serve" with you.

Postscript, after August 4: Today was hell, in every sense. Compound it with my football team losing by 3 points, and dropping out of finals contention. But, beyonf that mortal thought, today was a spiritual and mental hell. It is over, but the rest is just begun.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev

[This message has been edited by Simon Darkshade (edited August 04, 2001).]

 

[Vrylakas]

Simon -

I congratulate you for examining your life and realizing a change needs to be made - few people bother with self-examination - and it is indeed brave for you to own up to alcoholism. Step # 1 has been taken.

Now it's time for # 2. Clearly you've found the strength to get this far; you must continue for your own sake. I strongly urge you to get involved with some support group. Alcoholism is a powerful foe, and you will need all the help and support you can get to win. Alcoholics Anonymous is by far the most reputable. What better way to overcome adversity than to do so with others who know what you're going through because they are as well? AA has an extremely impressive success rate, Simon - give them a call.

We all live in cultures that glorify alcohol and romanticize the problems it brings. There's no shame in succumbing to what is essentially a seductive toxin, and clearly the folks on this list are behind you. Do what you have to do to recover, Simon!

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"...über den Bergen sind auch Leute..."

 

[Leowind]

Simon, I am sorry I was away on vacation during your dark hour, but happy to hear you weathered the storm

. Keep up the great work, and remember even in your darkest night there there are those who care.

peace, Leowind

 

[goodbye_mr_bond]

Originally posted by Vrylakas:
AA has an extremely impressive success rate, Simon - give them a call.

You're right, Vrylakas, but I don't think that "step 2" is as necessary as you do. Many people have been fortunate enough to find their strength through AA-type programs, but many others (more, I'd wager) have gone through quitting 'on their own' (I mean with the support of friends, family, etc, 'only')

From the very limited insight I get through these forums, it would seem that Simon's doing just fine indeed.

(Good going, mate

)

 

[SunTzu]

I might have a drinking problem. I'm a catholic

I got drunk as hell, 12 bud lights and 8 smirnoff ice's. It was my friends surprise b-day, i got a Public Intoxication chargea nd was taking to juvenile jail, and was kept overnight till 930am the next morning.
I was suppose to go to court yesterday, but there's a huge ass trial going on right now, so all of the juvenile's went to Intake, and i was given 'Parental Probation' for 6months

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[Simon Darkshade]

Thank u all for your nice words. Sun Tzu, I had a word to the judge (we are in the same club

) and he has agreed to commute your sentence to death. It is after all, what you seserve for drinking light beer.
It has been a lot easier since hell day, and though I understand and appreciate Vrylakas's sentiments, this is one fight for me alone. I used to drink a shitload, but am unsure whether this was textbook alcoholism. I could tolerate lethal amounts - 1 bottle would get me interested, 2 bottles would get me talkative, 3 bottles would get me mellow, and 4 bottles would get me plastered.
I have stopped drinking, but still live in a culture that sets enormous stead by the consumption of alcohol. Life as an Aussie male in this respect is slightly difficult, if you dont want to play the game; it is more culturally ingrained than anything you Yanqui could comprehend. If you do not drink with someone, it is a mortal insult to their honour, for example.
But the struggle carries on, and now that darned big hurdle of August 4 is been and gone, I do not forsee any problems come the future.
Thanks muchly.


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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev

 

[Iroquois]

Great Simon!

Keep up the good work. Don't forget, you are always just one drink awy from your next drunken blackout.

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[Simon Darkshade]

Well, I went out and got really drunk on Tuesday night. Was at a mates house when we got word that one of my best friends had been killed that day in a car crash in East Timor.
He was working over there in some supply company, and while driving along a hilltop path, the axle on the car broke. the other person in the car managed to bail out, but Sam stayed in there trying to control the car, as it went off the road.
So I went to a rather stunned gathering where we all got plastered and tried to understand why. We drank to his memory, as it is what he would have wanted us to do.
Still in shock. Probably will be for sometime, as we were really close.

I don't think I'm back on the bottle full time, but this is just something that I can't face or live with otherwise. So I'm going to drink with the others on Friday, as our school footy team plays its Intercol (intercollegiate) game the next day, and they are wearing black armbands in memory. Going to go there and relive some old memories, and see more people. He was a gun football player, was Swinny, and a good, great man, and it was an honour to know him and have him as a comrade.
Something like this really makes one realize what is really important.
God, I'll miss him.

 

[The Green Destiny]

I'm Sorry about your Friend Simon, One of my best friends was in that same situation about 4 days ago. He was driving along and all the sudden one of the axles broke on his car. Luckily he wasn't hurt, but he said it scared the wits out of him. I send my condolences to your friend's family, and cast a little love and peace for you to enjoy.

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I am. That is enough. I have all the promise that each day offers to me. I am. The past is nothing but what has brought you here and the future is what you make of today. I am. We are each a force in life.

 

[goodbye_mr_bond]

My sincerest condolences, Simon. But I do hope you return to your sober state soon. I don't mean to downplay this tragedy at all, but I do know from personal experience that these low points in our lives are a dangerous test to our commitment to better ourselves.

It becomes easier and easier to compromise. Maybe next time you'll rationalize that it's okay to drink because you were fired from your job. The time after that, it could be a fight with your girlfriend. Then, a really bad day at work. Next you know, you'll be drinking to relax... and then you'll be drinking because you can't relax otherwise. Please be careful.

 

[andycapp]

Simon, I am sorry to hear about the death of your friend, losing friends at any age is a tragedy, although it is somehow more poignant when they are younger with their whole life before them.

It is important to be with friends and other people that knew your friend at this time but it is the companionship not the alcohol that is necessary and important. Please forgive the lecture and look after yourself.

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West.
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Thanks for the thoughts. y'all, but look up devastated in a dictionary and multiply it by 1 billion, and that is afraction of how I feel. In this situation, my previous problem in liking drink too much pales in comparison.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev

 

[Simon Darkshade]

I used a convoluted version of the above poem in a little speech I did tonight on a table. Everyone appreciated it, and grooved to it, which is the single most best achievement of my life (that I was able to do justice to my friends memory).
So, I am now getting back off the grog. It will be hard, but I can make it. This was an event wholey unsuspected and not bought into account, but I will go on, in the spirit of my dear friend.

P.S: I am pissed off that i wasn't able to shed any tears. Damn my genes, and the things within my physiological person, whic mena I cannot cry.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev

 

[Lefty Scaevola]

Condolences on the loss of your friend.
Such loss can crystalize a suite of existing emotional stresses and problems into a deep depression or darkness. Alcohol will normaly not give any real relief to this and can impair you ability to deal with it. I recomend other avenues of relief.

 

[Leowind]

Simon, my deepest condolensces at the tragic loss of your friend. Sounds like you and he were quite close. Not having been where you are, I'll not offer any advice except to let you know that I care for you and will be praying for you.

"Falling off the wagon" would be expected at a time like that. I'm glad to see you're looking beyond and getting back off the booze. Keep up the good fight on both fronts. Allow yourself the time and space (emotionally and otherwise) to grieve. It will be a long process. My best thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend.

peace, Leowind