SuperBeaverInc.
Groucho
The following is instructions on how to give your cat a pill.
1)Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently. "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into it's mouth.
2)Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
3)Follow same procedure as in #1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
4)Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat).
5)Again, proceed as in #1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, brign your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth, by lifting the upper jay and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what your doing. That's just as well.
6)Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
7)If you're a woman, have a good cry. if you're a man, have a good cry.
8Now, pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position #1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill, and ... OOPS!
9)This isnt working is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
10)Crawl to the linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.
11)Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
12)Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
13)Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat).
14)Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman.
15)Resume position #1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening petals of a snapdragon.
16)Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Wait! Voila!
17)Vacuum up all loose hair(yours and the cat's). Apply bandages to wounds(yours).
18)Take 2 aspirins and lie down. Job well done!
1)Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently. "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into it's mouth.
2)Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
3)Follow same procedure as in #1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
4)Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat).
5)Again, proceed as in #1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, brign your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth, by lifting the upper jay and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what your doing. That's just as well.
6)Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
7)If you're a woman, have a good cry. if you're a man, have a good cry.
8Now, pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position #1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill, and ... OOPS!
9)This isnt working is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
10)Crawl to the linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.
11)Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
12)Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
13)Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat).
14)Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman.
15)Resume position #1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening petals of a snapdragon.
16)Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Wait! Voila!
17)Vacuum up all loose hair(yours and the cat's). Apply bandages to wounds(yours).
18)Take 2 aspirins and lie down. Job well done!
