It makes so little sense it's funny

Advisor: Sire, sire! A great artist has appeared in the capital! His works have completed the Great Wall!

Me: Wonderful! ... Wait... we already had the plans. Did he draw better plans?

A: No...

M: Did he teach us more efficient building techniques?

A: No.

M: What did he do, then?

A: His great painting inspired the citizens, whipping the building blocks together faster!

K: They hurried, then? Did they allow the mortar to harden? Could they easily have made mistakes? How did they shape the stone faster? Could the fast shaping have chipped a brick? How do you know this wall will even hold?

A: Uh...

M: GUARDS!!!
 
Brancaleone said:
You can sacrifice population to rush a missionary!

"Cmon guy, you gotta help convert those infidels to our religion! Youre charismatic!"
"I dunno, man, theyre free to have their gods and stuff..."
"Then we will kill those 6000 slaves!"
"Dont do it! Dont do oh god you did it. Oh god."
"Now go or we will do it again!"

Then the missionary get to the allied town, and spread his religion but dies in the process.

"You have to convert to my religion! Thats what we do with those who dont convert!"
*stabs himself*
"He killed himself! I dont want to be stabbed, id better convert!"
"Me too, man. Lets send one gold every year to the shrine(sp)."
Click to expand...

That was funny. I spit coffee on desk!:lol:
 
Scout: Sire, I have great news - we are not on an island ! There is a vast land we can expand into, with grass, hills, and some yellow fruit.
King: Good fruit ?
Scout: Alas, sire, I do not know. We need more research before we can use them.
King: How did you reach this new land ?
Scout: Sire, there is a narrow strip of land which must be traversed.
King: Well, it sounds good. We will research the Calendar to give us access to the strange fruit. And when we have done so, we will have a holiday every year on the anniversary of your discovery and call it Isthmus Day !

Here you may all groan.
 
A special Warlord UB one...

Citizen 1: It's too crowded!!
Judge: so you want to sue Montezuma?
Citizen 1: Yes, It's too Crowded, the government should do something!!
Montezuma: I propose some friendly arrangment, I whip you, your friends and your friend's friends to do what i want. You will all die and it will be less crowded...
citizen 1: I call it a deal

________

Advisor: My king Ramses, as we know Mysticism, i suggest to build an obelisk in Thebes
Ramses: What will it do?
A: It will help to enlarge the sphere of influence of the city and you can have two priest to lighten our people...
R: Priest? What are they?
A: They are the followers of a religion, believing in some kind of god, and organised in a community.
R: Religion? God? Community?
A: Well we have to discover what a god is, but if we aren't the first one, we will know what a god is, but we won't be able to follow the path of him... Besides, once a religion is discover, people will be able to follow the path of priesthood to become priest...
R: And how an obelisk will be able to have priests, if we didn't found a religion, and then priesthood?
A: that's because we're egyptian, lord. We are the only one able to do that!!!

_________________

Indian worker: It's too crowded!!!
Gandhi: Do you know we have a jail now? you know...a jail...a building to put people inside and never let them out...
Indian worker: well, finally, it's not THAT crowded...
Gandhi: So my jail have no use. Let's make it a mausoleum!!
 
LAnkou said:
Indian worker: It's too crowded!!!
Gandhi: Do you know we have a jail now? you know...a jail...a building to put people inside and never let them out...
Indian worker: well, finally, it's not THAT crowded...
Gandhi: So my jail have no use. Let's make it a mausoleum!!
Click to expand...

An alternative ending could be
Gandhi: "Speaking of which, I probably should give them someting to eat in there. Prisoners like not starving, right? Then I'll... Oooops! Well, I guess it's a mausoleum now.."
 
gettingfat said:
The more I play Civ4, the more I find something not making any sense, to the point I actually find it funny, e.g.

  • Elizabeth still doesn't want to teach me alphabet after I've razed her two cities and beseiged London with my 15 axemen.
Click to expand...

I especially agree with that point. Someone PLEASE tweak that damn AI so that it has sense to understand: "give tech or be annihilated".
 
Unfortunatelly when facing a human opponent, the "give tech or be annihilated" is actually "give tech so you'll live 10 more turns before you will be annihilated". So in reality, the AI doesn't really have any reason to give techs unless a peace would have it live with enough land that it can rebuild. Capitulation however does mean that it will live - the master may mistreat the vassall in various ways, but can't kill it.
 
Arkatakor said:
I especially agree with that point. Someone PLEASE tweak that damn AI so that it has sense to understand: "give tech or be annihilated".
Click to expand...

Actually I think the AI is being pretty sensible. You aren't going to be any more generous to it in the long term if it gives you techs. So why should it? In the real world, if you invaded a foreign country and captured most of its territory, it's going to fight a resistance movement against you, not capitulate and help you in any way that it can. You already get the benefits of plundering its cities.
 
Heh, i was reading this thread backwards when i saw :

Originally Posted by antilogic
I ended up scouting out Ragnar's land, and he had two rivers and an inland lake. There is no reason why he should have ignored Agriculture all that time...

And Pottery just...wow. I try to have pottery by 2000 BCE, and here is Ragnar (he ended up getting that through trade in the 5-6th century CE) who doesn't know a clay pot from a bag of seeds.

BAH! I was playing a mod once but there seemed to be something odd going on tho, cuz in like 500 AD or something, the French come knocking on my door.

King Louis : Hey Hasphet, I see your meditating

Hasphet : Why yes I am

King Louis :Your floating in the air

Hasphet :Thats right

King Louis : OMG TEACH ME! I'll GIVE YOU 60 GOLD FOR IT!!!

Hasphet :Um...okay

1000 years later

Salidan : Hey Hasetept

Hasphet :Yes Salidan?

Salidan: I hate you, you're a heathen and we are close to each other.

Hasphet :...? If you don't like me then le-

Saladin : HEY YOU'RE FLOATING IN THE AIR!

Hasphet :Err... yes...?

Saladin : TEACH ME TO DO IT! I'LL GIVE YOU 70 GOLD PIECES.

Hasphet :Okay.... 0_o

(This is in the 1500's AD for the record)
 
Lord Olleus said:
on multiplayer games without tech trading, its is very easy to leave some techs behind. I once had Military tradition and tried to build cossacks, only to realise i didn't have Horseback Riding!
Click to expand...

I often avoid researching Hunting, forever, or at least for a very long time. As long as you don't have Hunting, you can build warriors, which are quite useful for garrison duty.
 
Lord Olleus said:
I take it you don't play with warlords then, or you would be ripped to pieces by chariots.
Click to expand...

If I wanted to go to war against an opponent with lots of chariots, I would build swordsmen. Or my own chariots. Or, I might go ahead and research Hunting, and build some spearmen. I didn't say I never research Hunting. Just that it is often skipped. (It's rare that I'm fighting an opponent with lots of chariots.)
 
It is sometimes a good idea to avoid hunting in order to allow you to build cheap warriors for happiness under Hereditary Rule, but this is stupid unless you have Iron for Swords to defend against Chariots or your opponents don't have horses.
 
Cookie Crumbs said:
It is sometimes a good idea to avoid hunting in order to allow you to build cheap warriors for happiness under Hereditary Rule, but this is stupid unless you have Iron for Swords to defend against Chariots or your opponents don't have horses.
Click to expand...

Or if you can persuade your opponents not to attack you, or if you can build your own chariots to defend against their chariots, or if you have jaguars, or if you can use your axemen carefully to defend against their chariots (attack, don't defend).
 
-Terrible news, Sir. The Japanese has invaded!
-What? Well, I teach them a lesson! Build lots of swordsmen and lay waste to their cities!
-I´m sorry sir. Tokugawa took our only source of iron. We can´t build any swordsmen!
-You´re telling me we have had that mine for 2000 years and nobody thought about having a reserve stock of the resource for situations like this?
-That´s right, sir!
-Then I want you to build a city wall and archers in this city at once.
-City walls or archers, sir?
-Both of course! This is the bloody capital!
-I´m terribly sorry, Sir, but you can only build either a city wall or an archer.
-Can´t I have 50% of my workers to build the walls, and the other half to produce the archers?
-Nope
-This bloody bureaucrazy is killing me!

-Ok, when the soldiers reach Tokyo, tell Bamielos to lay siege to the city!
-Bamielos, sir?
-Yes, the young, handsome and brave commander that is leading the campaign. I liked that man. Seemed competent for the job.
-I´m so sorry, Sir. Bamielos is dead.
-Dead?? Killed by sneaky enemies?
-No, Sir. He died of old age. His grandson is in charge. They will reach the city in approximately 15 years.

-I´m sorry, Sir. The attack on Tokyo was a failure. The enemy prevailed despite great odds to our favor.
-We had 8 units, and he 3 defenders. How did this happen?
-well, the defenders just killed our attackers one by one.
-What do you mean? Do you mean they didn´t attack all at once coordinately?
-No, Sir. One after each other.
-That seem pretty....stupid
-Not at all, sir. The defenders do the same. They only defend one by one too. We don´t want to be unfair to them, right?

-Sir, some surviving units from Tokyo has returned. Although the grandfathers that did the actual fighting are long dead by now, these men have gained a lot of valuable experience.
-What kind of experience?
-I don´t know.
-What do you mean?
-They will now learn the skills you tell them to.
-But how can I tell them what to learn now, when they have already learned it, whatever it is?
 
To refer to something in the original post i had an idea, give the great projects AKA wonders a ranking system that allows all players to build all wonders BUT, and this part is important the first player to build that wonder gets the full effect/best effect/most powerful effect where as the tenth person to build that wonder has a considerably less powerful effect, just one way of dealing with the magically connected world that is civ.
 
Referring to a couple of ideas broached in the previous post, I'd suggest that each city gets to build one unit and one building/project/wonder simultaneously and some way that multiple attackers could attack multiple defenders.
 
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