It makes so little sense it's funny

[Atropos]

A: We have just finished training a settler, sir. Shall we begin work on a worker or a warrior?
K: What's the difference?
A: Workers leave the city to build roads and other things, and warriors stand around all day with big clubs.
K: They can't do both?
A: No, it's not in their union contract.
K: OK, train a worker.
A: There's just one catch...Our city will no longer grow.
K: Why?
A: Because workers eat a lot of food.
K: And warriors don't?
A: No, they are beings of such pure and refined fabric that they dine on air (guard belches)
K: What will we do with the food if the workers don't eat it?
A: Other people will eat it, causing our population to grow.
K: Excess food leads to inefficient use of contraception?
/cut to scene in shop
John: Martha, the herring has arrived! I am filled with passion for you!
Martha: My darling!
/fade back
A: It just happens.
K: All right, it sounds like a good thing then...Where do we get food from?
A: Well, currently 10,000 of our people are working on grasslands near the city, and 10,000 are working on a hill.
K: I thought that we had to train workers to work outside the city?
A: No, those are special workers. These are just a bunch of guys.
K: And they produce food.
A: No, just the people on the grasslands.
K: So the people of the mining camp fornicate less than those on the farm? OK...
/Warrior is trained
K: Hey, why are there just as many people working the fields as there were before we recruited the warrior?
A: The warrior just represents a few dozen people.
K: A few dozen people with clubs are more effective fighters than 20,000 people with spades? Seems pretty useless to me...Train a worker...
/Worker is built
A: The worker is ready, your majesty. Now the city will grow again!
K: But doesn't he eat food, thereby preventing the city from growing?
A: No, he only eats food until he has completed his training.
K: That must be quite a boot camp...

 

[kernok]

Really? No way!

I first didn't understand the deep meaning of this thread because I somewhat stupid sometimes

But you'd better believe me: civ is just a game...

 

[Atropos]

A: Shall we research writing, sir?
K: Sure, whatever. Tell our scientists to look into it.
A: We don't have any scientists, sir. We need libraries for that.
K: Then how do we discover writing?
A: We order our people to work in these little settlements along the river.
K: Little settlements along rivers lead to scientific advancement? Remind me, how did we discover the wheel?

 

[CivFan91]

How about the fact that you don't need computers, education, or even electricity to get to the moon? I imagine that you just pile a bunch of hicks into a metal cannonball, shove as much TNT as possible below them, and point at the big round glowy thing!

I usually say LOL when I get a chuckle. I say ROFL to ROTFLMFAO when I see something that makes me laugh heartily. What you posted made me laugh like a girl for five minutes, tearing up and almost having a heart attack. There is no possible l337 speak that can describe what I felt. Hence... my sig.

 

[DrewBledsoe]

King:........so explain it to me again..
Military Advisor:Sir, We take this long piece of animal sinew, wrap it around the ends of this straight piece of wood, place a long sharp stick across the wood,pull back the sinew until its tight then let go...(whoosh) like so, yessir!
K: Excellent, and this can be used to hunt animals with as well as defend against our enemies?
MA:Sir,Yessir!
K:And we are calling it?
MA:Sir, Archery,Yessir!
K: Do you have to talk like that?
MA:Sir, Yessir!
K: Nevermind....well train me a unit of these "archers" will you..how long will that take?
MA: Sir, around 70 years, Yessir!
K: 70 years?
MA: Sir, Yessir!
K: And how old are these men when they begin training?
MA: Sir, 16 years old, Yessir!
K: And the average male life expectancy is?
MA: Sir, around 36 years, Yessir!
K: So how on earth will we ever trai...oh nevermind...GUARDS!!

.............................

K: I said GUARDS!!

..............................

MA: Sir, still being trained, Yessir!
K: Oh damn...........

 

[goldenflame53]

Advisor: Sire, we have discovered the secrets of Combustion! Now we can build strong naval units, but..

King: But what?

A: We have no oil.

K: Then what bloody use is it then?

A: Do not fret, Sire, we have uranium to power our boats!

K: Combustion suggests the use of burning, no?

A: Yes, but...

K: Surely you are not suggesting me we burn a green glowing metal to power our ships?

A: No...

K: GUA -

A: Wait! Actually, *sighs* yes. We do burn the glowing green metal.

K: Good lad!

Uranium isn't actually a green glowing metal. It's a heavy, silvery-white metal. It's usually protrayed as green in cartoons to symbolize its radiant energy and toxicisity. Of course, you knew that.

 

[DementedAvenger]

Also, burning uranium isn't how it produces energy.

 

[ybbor]

/cut to scene in shop
John: Martha, the herring has arrived! I am filled with passion for you!
Martha: My darling!
/fade back

 

[GiantRaven]

A: Shall we research writing, sir?
K: Sure, whatever. Tell our scientists to look into it.
A: We don't have any scientists, sir. We need libraries for that.
K: Then how do we discover writing?
A: We order our people to work in these little settlements along the river.
K: Little settlements along rivers lead to scientific advancement? Remind me, how did we discover the wheel?

A: Shall we research writing, sir?
K: Sure, whatever. Tell our scientists to look into it.
A: We don't have any scientists, sir. We need libraries for that.
K: Then build a library!
A: We can't, we need writing to do that

Hoorah for stealing

 

[Cookie Crumbs]

A: I have some good news and some bad news, sir.
K: Give me the bad news first.
A: Genghis Khan has declared war on us and as we speak is moving a stack of 15 Macemen into our capital, defended by a lone Warrior.
K: What the hell is the good news?
A: We've just switched to State Property and saved 15% on our maintenance cost!

 

[FERGIE]

EVERY THING IS BLACK AROUND MY CITIES AND DONT SEEM TO GO AWAY. IN civIII ONCE YOU SCOUTED NEW TERRAIN . THE BLACK WOULD LEAVE. DO I HAVE A PROBLEM OR IS THIS NORMAL TO CIV IV????

 

[Fetch]

The more I play Civ4, the more I find something not making any sense, to the point I actually find it funny, e.g.

• You can turn the ivory that you trade for into elephant warriors. Another magic.
  

I'm sure somebody has pointed this out in the 1,000,000 pages of this post, but nobody said you traded the ivory alone. You can trade it still attached to the elephant! How better could you transport it?

 

[Ukas]

I'm sure somebody has pointed this out in the 1,000,000 pages of this post, but nobody said you traded the ivory alone. You can trade it still attached to the elephant! How better could you transport it?

Well, don't want to nitpick, but let's say you want to transport ivory for 2000 miles in medieval times. This takes atleast 3-4 months. Fastest way would be by the sea but you can probably fit one or max. two elephants in one galley. What about food? What if it gets sick, which it probably does as it can't move in a ship? Ok, then let's just walk? What about food, so the elephant can walk? What if it gets sick, as it probably does? How can you guard it, that it doesn't get startled which it easily does? How do you avoid all the road taxes etc?

Compared to elephants, ivory is really easy and cheap to transport.

 

[Secret]

I knight this thread "Sir Awesome" in the name of the Bother, the Pun, and the Holy Carp. May it be blessed.

...Because I haven't laughed this hard in MONTHS.

 

[lz14]

Well, don't want to nitpick, but let's say you want to transport ivory for 2000 miles in medieval times. This takes atleast 3-4 months. Fastest way would be by the sea but you can probably fit one or max. two elephants in one galley. What about food? What if it gets sick, which it probably does as it can't move in a ship? Ok, then let's just walk? What about food, so the elephant can walk? What if it gets sick, as it probably does? How can you guard it, that it doesn't get startled which it easily does? How do you avoid all the road taxes etc?

Compared to elephants, ivory is really easy and cheap to transport.

LOL please stop the stuff about my elephants geting sick. lol. My elephies don't get sick !

 

[Ukas]

LOL please stop the stuff about my elephants geting sick. lol. My elephies don't get sick !

Mine does but to cure the transportation problem you need only one pill...

made of lead!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA


Ok I'll go to sleep for at least 8 hours now...

 

[DrewBledsoe]

The Mediterranean : 78 AD

A violent storm tosses the trireme from side to side:-

Numidian Trader: Haul in the sails men, and quickly!

A huge wave crashes against the bow

NT: Look out! The Elephant cage has broken open, a stampede!
(alarmed trumpeting)
NT:Hassan NOOO!
(squeeelcch)
NT: Hassan, my only son NOOO!

Several weeks later:- Ostia the Port of Rome

Port Official: Port of origin?
NT: We sailed from Carthage 3 weeks in passing, many of my crew perished in a violent storm, including my beloved son, Hassan, crushed by our cargo.
PO: Cargo?
NT: Elephants, by order of the great Caeser
PO: Hail Caeser!
NT: A Numidian is bound by his word, and my word is my bond, I must continue my journey, even though I am heavy of heart....
PO: Let me just ring the bell to clear you through
NT: No! Do not the Ele...
(dingdingdingding)
(alarmed trumpeting)

PO: NO, Keep it away from me, No,no RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

(squeccchhh, squelcccch,squeeellllllccchhh)

A week later: Rome the Eternal City

Palace Praetorian Guard: Halt! What business have you here?
NT: I am a humble trader hailing from Numidia, I bring a cargo of elephants, by order of Caesar himself.
PPG: Hail Caeser!
NT: My Journey has taken many months, I have lost my only beloved son, many good men, and dozens of people were trampled or goured to death in Ostia by these accursed beasts, but my word is my bond, and I have delivered these animals in good condition as promised.
PPG: Papers seem in order...ok take them around the back

Back of Imperial Palace

NT: So you are the man to whom I pass on the care of these accursed beasts?
Man: You brought Elephants?
NT: Yes, even though they have killed many during our tragic journey, including my beloved son Hassan, my word is my bond.
Man: But Elephants?
NT: Yes, are you not the bestiarius?
Man: Me, no I'm a mason.
NT:Mason, what use have you for elephants?
Man: Ah, I see whats happened..
NT:?
Man: You see, Caeser's just returned from a long stay in Persia, and he's become quite obsessed with a game he was taught out there..
Man: And I've been commissioned to make him a giant set of pieces.
NT: I know Persia, what is this game called?
Man: Apparently its called "Chess"
NT: Elephants? Chess? Ivory! Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......



You may now groan loudly

 

[Mewtarthio]

Mine does but to cure the transportation problem you need only one pill...

made of lead!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA


Ok I'll go to sleep for at least 8 hours now...

A pill? That seems inefficient: I prefer to use a well-done shot, myself.

 

[Lars_Domus]

Minister of Denfence: "Sir, we're being invaded!"
King: "What? Quickly, cut the power to the roads!"

Meanwhile, a day's march from the border:

Enemy Officer: (Takes off his helmet and scratches his head) "Something's not quite right here. We're marching along this conveniently placed road, yet we're moving so slow that we might aswell have been trudging through the thickest jungle..."

 

[FERGIE]

I Do All Caps Because I Feel Like. Or Is It Any Of Your Buisness?

Moderator Action: Please avoid using all caps when it isn't necessary. Also, the post you posted is irrelevant to the thread.