Miami's Federal Jail Overrun With Strippers Posing As Paralegals

[JollyRoger]

Stripteases, sexual favors, booze, porn mags, and fat stacks of cash would be run-of-the-mill in many Miami strip clubs. But at downtown's maximum security Federal Detention Center?

Multiple attorneys interviewed by Riptide say the FDC visitor rooms have been taken over by South American pole dancers posing as paralegals for wealthy drug lords inside. Lawyers hired by the accused narco dons allegedly list the scantily clad women as "legal assistants," and the FDC lets them in. Meanwhile, attorneys who refuse to go along risk losing their clients to lawyers with busty beauties on staff.

Link to entire article

The article claims that many of these "paralegals" are noncitizens - so perhaps they are doing the kind of work that American strippers just won't do. There may be some srs discussion to be had here, but hopefully that won't get too much in the way of the puns.

 

[illram]

can't...stop....fingers....from typing horrible...joke

gives new meaning to doing hard time!



edit: For serious discussion purposes and so I am not responsible for killing what could be a good discussion with my rapier like wit (sarcasm):

The article does not seem to really investigate why the FDC is letting in these "paralegals" even though they apparently know full well what is going on. I'd imagine that at least some of these guards are being paid off or are somehow being corrupted. Also insert obligatory comment here re: the futility of the drug war and the power that drug lords can still wield from prison blah blah blah yada yada yada.

 

[Godwynn]

I'm not going to touch this with a ten foot pole.

 

[warpus]

6 foot Pole here, I have nothing to add

 

[Ajidica]

I approve of this. Good initiative. These legal assistants are utilizing a true Protestant Work Ethic to engage in the accumulation of capital by offering a better service then other legal assistants. All Americans should be applauding this complete integration into our society.

 

[cardgame]

I approve of this. Good initiative. These legal assistants are utilizing a true Protestant Work Ethic to engage in the accumulation of capital by offering a better service then other legal assistants. All Americans should be applauding this complete integration into our society.

But it's sexy, so we can't have that.

 

[Ajidica]

Meh. Benjamin Franklin was a dirty old man. Shouldn't we honor his memory by encouraging these intrepid young women in their accumulation of capital?

 

[Silurian]

Well as long as the women pay tax on their earnings.

 

[bathsheba666]

Mastering briefs has long been a prerequisite of a law career

 

[Smellincoffee]

Mastering briefs has long been a prerequisite of a law career

There's no high five emoticon, but you deserve one.

 

[classical_hero]

There is one and you don't know the smilie code that well.

 

[dIZZyBlIZZy]

There are so many problems here I don't know where to begin.

1. Sound proof visitation should always be done behind the glass. There is a slot at the bottom for passing papers and such, but there is no reason not to have it for a legal visit.

2. A CO is supposed to be posted at the door looking in through the window at all times. Where was the CO!?

3. Legal visits are supposed to always be done in seg. Even more security there.

4. The information in the article is limited, but I gotta wonder about MFDC and if they have any infractions on something that should be incredibly easy to catch.

5. Regardless of four MFDC will have a new warden, new assistant wardens, new chief of security and assistant chief, new chief of unit management, and at least one new unit manager.

This is just for openers.

 

[CELTICEMPIRE]

Obviously there was corruption involved in this.

 

[RobAnybody]

But at downtown's maximum security Federal Detention Center?

Why am I not surprised downtown is behind all this?

 

[Terxpahseyton]

Does the drug lord abuse the system? Certainly. Does this actually make this system less useful, less efficient in its task, less justifiable? Its task is to enable a convicted to have constant legal support. This task is still achieved. Person A wants to use this opportunity for doings unrelated to legal consulting? No big deal. We don't force convicted about what to talk with their lawyers, to be friends with them or not to be friends with them, to play chess or tell each other jokes. The only difference here is prudery and a feeling of "druglord A is supposed to pay and suffer in prison" being very incompatible with the appearance of strippers in a prison. Which is a point I feel sympathy for.

So can't you just ban stripping during occasions meant for legal business while in prison? That also would make for another great American law sounding fairly ridiculous when just reading what it says.