Paperclip it was called. That's how I got here. I didn't have to go through the ratlines, 'sides nobody was looking at me. They were looking for me, but never bothered to really look at me, you know. I could have slipped the leash once and for all then. Just walked out of the Berlin, gone home. I didn't have one to go to, but I could have at least tried, couldn't I? Instead, I walked like a lamb - and I was, so young, so dumb, so trusting - straight into the adoring arms of the USAF.
That's where paperclip comes in. I'm not sure why they went the extra mile and gave me false papers. Nobody knew about me. My former captors were dead; the secret of my identity burned by to hell on a solemn petrol pyre. In law I became Anabelle Smith of Wilington, Virginia, daughter of Georgina Smith and Richard Smith both of the same. I would have liked to have walked in her shoes for just one day. Just the names of her parents were reassuringly normal. But the reality of my days in these United States of America was different. I become something of a soldier, a close confident of death, a friend to funeral directors and coffin makers everywhere and ten parts crazy.
The craziness, well there's two ways of explaining that. The one favoured by them is that the trauma of my past experiences sent me catatonic. How that explains '47 is beyond me. I didn't do that. Someone did, it wasn't me. I've done some horrible things but that tops it. The second theory and the one I like, is that they drugged me and made do all that. Some of it I remember, maybe I did those. I don't remember. I was suggestible then. '47 I didn't do. Those were decent white folks. Good people. Would have been proud to have served with them in the dark days.
I think it was them testing me. Trying my limits. Seeing if I would break. Swerve from the cause. I never flinched. Well I think I didn't. I don't know. That's the scary thing. Not knowing. Am I sane even now? I don't know. I'm more conscious of my actions now, if that explains anything; not quite so suggestible as I was. But whether I'm sane or not, that's a whole other question isn't it?
Anyway, I was MKULTRA. CHATTER during my naval stint. Later still, BLUEBIRD/ARTICHOKE. Quite a storied career. Read some good books on both. Seems the FOI requests weren't as free as some thought. The forgeries were good, really good. I can't tell the difference and I was writing some of them back in the days. At least they let me do that. It was a good investment, extra testing for a part-time job as a typist. I suppose the school incidents had dampened their enthusiasm to make me a proper American. That incident was back in my P.O Box 1142 days I reckon. Can't remember. My memories failing, I think - I can't remember.
My job, if you can it that, was to make men jump. To take the laws of nature, shove them up mother nature's ass and make men do what they won't ever do. In polite parlance, I was to suspend self preservation. It had applications I was told, fearless soldiers not afraid of fire or fall, enemies who pulled their own pins and didn't throw and so forth. Sick stuff. Simple enough proposition right? Well, it wasn't. Took me a long while to master in the way they wanted. I didn't know then why they insisted on finesse. I just couldn't fathom why you would want a line soldier to fake falling from a building.
Gullible, that's what I was. Naive. Stupid. Ignorant of the ways of the world. No killing they said and I believed them. I didn't fathom that learning to kill and being told to kill are just one and the same coin. Nope, that slipped past me, I didn't realise that I was in-training to be the CIA's first port of call when the going got tough. A failed dictator? No problem. A puppet not towing the line? Easily solved. But as time went on they got jaded with that idea. Problems like that could be solved without me being bought in. Mutant problems on the other hand required a defter hand than the average G-Man. That was me. I did all that. I was a one girl army. Hell, I was the anti-mutant army.
They've stopped using me. Been a long time since I've been wheeled out. I'm too independent they say. Too dangerous. I admit, the Kennedy job was botched. But don't blame the master if the tools are sub-par. I mean, the whole operation was just FUBARed from the start. Nobody was going to believe he was capable of doing it. Hell most still don't. Good on them. It isn't like I planned to use him. I was told, I did. The bastards were lucky I managed to grab Ruby. Man was itching. I flicked, he kicked. It was all good. Still, I lost favour for that. Bastards cut my TV. Then stopped me going on missions - my little freedoms stripped away.
I lost it. '47 Redux, I'm told. I remember that one. But what can I say? You don't teach a girl to kill then go and take away her I Love Lucy now do you. I only killed a couple of hundred. Killed some I liked as well. Shame. They fed me slops after that for a few years. But come on! I didn't try to escape. There wasn't a need for that level of punishment. The mad-man across the block did more than I did and got a slap on the wrist: 'torture'. I mean, what's the point of torture if it just involves water and a towel? No batteries. No exposed genitalia. (That last one always gets me excited). No cattle prods. Dogs. Cats (those are fun). Rats (disgusting). Mice (boring). Hamsters (interesting for the juxtaposition). Or anything Good. Instead I got shafted for a decade. Left in the proverbial pit of hell.
I've had a quiet few decades. Whiling my time away reading. Good books. Proper books. White books. Mostly I've been bored. Some of the old-timers still give me gifts at my birthday. Some of the newer ones think to woo me. I'm tempted to kill one to make an example to the others. But the threshold for me acting out has just kept on decreasing. Used to be the case that I could kill a dozen blacks without so much as a slap on the wrist. Now if I kill one, it's all bad Anabelle, blacks are our equals. What a load of dross. You just need to look at them to see the simian. What do they think I am? An idiot.
God, I just want to get out of here. Have some fun of the kind long denied to a decent girl. Maybe have a road-trip or two. Then I'll come back. I like the books. The quiet. Some of the other guests. And the doting. I might have to endure a century of punishment this time around. But it'll be worth it. Warden III might even have passed by then. Bastard sure is long lived. His son has more promise...
That's where paperclip comes in. I'm not sure why they went the extra mile and gave me false papers. Nobody knew about me. My former captors were dead; the secret of my identity burned by to hell on a solemn petrol pyre. In law I became Anabelle Smith of Wilington, Virginia, daughter of Georgina Smith and Richard Smith both of the same. I would have liked to have walked in her shoes for just one day. Just the names of her parents were reassuringly normal. But the reality of my days in these United States of America was different. I become something of a soldier, a close confident of death, a friend to funeral directors and coffin makers everywhere and ten parts crazy.
The craziness, well there's two ways of explaining that. The one favoured by them is that the trauma of my past experiences sent me catatonic. How that explains '47 is beyond me. I didn't do that. Someone did, it wasn't me. I've done some horrible things but that tops it. The second theory and the one I like, is that they drugged me and made do all that. Some of it I remember, maybe I did those. I don't remember. I was suggestible then. '47 I didn't do. Those were decent white folks. Good people. Would have been proud to have served with them in the dark days.
I think it was them testing me. Trying my limits. Seeing if I would break. Swerve from the cause. I never flinched. Well I think I didn't. I don't know. That's the scary thing. Not knowing. Am I sane even now? I don't know. I'm more conscious of my actions now, if that explains anything; not quite so suggestible as I was. But whether I'm sane or not, that's a whole other question isn't it?
Anyway, I was MKULTRA. CHATTER during my naval stint. Later still, BLUEBIRD/ARTICHOKE. Quite a storied career. Read some good books on both. Seems the FOI requests weren't as free as some thought. The forgeries were good, really good. I can't tell the difference and I was writing some of them back in the days. At least they let me do that. It was a good investment, extra testing for a part-time job as a typist. I suppose the school incidents had dampened their enthusiasm to make me a proper American. That incident was back in my P.O Box 1142 days I reckon. Can't remember. My memories failing, I think - I can't remember.
My job, if you can it that, was to make men jump. To take the laws of nature, shove them up mother nature's ass and make men do what they won't ever do. In polite parlance, I was to suspend self preservation. It had applications I was told, fearless soldiers not afraid of fire or fall, enemies who pulled their own pins and didn't throw and so forth. Sick stuff. Simple enough proposition right? Well, it wasn't. Took me a long while to master in the way they wanted. I didn't know then why they insisted on finesse. I just couldn't fathom why you would want a line soldier to fake falling from a building.
Gullible, that's what I was. Naive. Stupid. Ignorant of the ways of the world. No killing they said and I believed them. I didn't fathom that learning to kill and being told to kill are just one and the same coin. Nope, that slipped past me, I didn't realise that I was in-training to be the CIA's first port of call when the going got tough. A failed dictator? No problem. A puppet not towing the line? Easily solved. But as time went on they got jaded with that idea. Problems like that could be solved without me being bought in. Mutant problems on the other hand required a defter hand than the average G-Man. That was me. I did all that. I was a one girl army. Hell, I was the anti-mutant army.
They've stopped using me. Been a long time since I've been wheeled out. I'm too independent they say. Too dangerous. I admit, the Kennedy job was botched. But don't blame the master if the tools are sub-par. I mean, the whole operation was just FUBARed from the start. Nobody was going to believe he was capable of doing it. Hell most still don't. Good on them. It isn't like I planned to use him. I was told, I did. The bastards were lucky I managed to grab Ruby. Man was itching. I flicked, he kicked. It was all good. Still, I lost favour for that. Bastards cut my TV. Then stopped me going on missions - my little freedoms stripped away.
I lost it. '47 Redux, I'm told. I remember that one. But what can I say? You don't teach a girl to kill then go and take away her I Love Lucy now do you. I only killed a couple of hundred. Killed some I liked as well. Shame. They fed me slops after that for a few years. But come on! I didn't try to escape. There wasn't a need for that level of punishment. The mad-man across the block did more than I did and got a slap on the wrist: 'torture'. I mean, what's the point of torture if it just involves water and a towel? No batteries. No exposed genitalia. (That last one always gets me excited). No cattle prods. Dogs. Cats (those are fun). Rats (disgusting). Mice (boring). Hamsters (interesting for the juxtaposition). Or anything Good. Instead I got shafted for a decade. Left in the proverbial pit of hell.
I've had a quiet few decades. Whiling my time away reading. Good books. Proper books. White books. Mostly I've been bored. Some of the old-timers still give me gifts at my birthday. Some of the newer ones think to woo me. I'm tempted to kill one to make an example to the others. But the threshold for me acting out has just kept on decreasing. Used to be the case that I could kill a dozen blacks without so much as a slap on the wrist. Now if I kill one, it's all bad Anabelle, blacks are our equals. What a load of dross. You just need to look at them to see the simian. What do they think I am? An idiot.
God, I just want to get out of here. Have some fun of the kind long denied to a decent girl. Maybe have a road-trip or two. Then I'll come back. I like the books. The quiet. Some of the other guests. And the doting. I might have to endure a century of punishment this time around. But it'll be worth it. Warden III might even have passed by then. Bastard sure is long lived. His son has more promise...