My christmas present

[KnightOfNi]

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, I would like to get this cool PC game called CIV3.Could you put it under my christmas tree this year ?

Thanks and I promise I'll be a good person.

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Dear KnightofNi,

I received your little note of the 6th of June. I am sorry, but I cannot comply with that request for several reasons.
Firstly, I am being held prisoner in someplace called "Evil Headquarters", and am subject to constant torture of the most miond bendingly awful variety, in between playtesting Civ5( I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you, and that would be a very embarassing excuse to make in the afterlife..)
Secondly, all copies have been preordered by Bill Gates and various other tycoons, and are being lateredso you have to buy and install MICROSOFT MINDCONTROL 2001 in order to run the games. And every civilization except the Americans and the Microsoft is being removed.
Thirdly, the elves can't go near me because of my restraining order over a few dozen pedarastry charges.
Finally, I couldn't fit down the chimney because I am too f*****g fat, and am taking up a job either as Dean of Narcolepsy at Yale, or Secretary of Corpulence in the bush Administration.

Yours in agony,
Santa F. Claus

------------------
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev

 

[KnightOfNi]

Dear Santa,

Thank you for replying so fast, you must have concealed your palmpilot in your great beard.
I'm quite sorry to hear about your misfortune and am currently thinking up a cunning plan to get you out so you can deliver my prezzie.
I have friends in high places who could help rehabilitate you and help forget about your elf-abuser past. Others have succeeded.
P.S.Could you try and get my mojo back as you are on site

Yours truly

KnightOfNi


------------------
Bring me a shrubbery and I shall spare you (maybe)

 

[Kira]

Belg!