Nation Jokes

[The Person]

It was when Clinton was president of the US and Jeltsin president of Russia. Jeltsin is on a state visit to the White House. On the wall he sees a red button.
"What does that button do?" Jeltsin asks.
"Press it, and find out for yourself," Clinton answers. Jeltsin presses the button, and a bucketful of water pours down on him. Clinton falls to the floor laughing.
Next year Clinton is on a state visit to Kreml, and sees a red button that looks exactly like the one in the White house, on the wall. He asks what it does.
"Press it, and see for yourself," Jeltsin says. Clinton presses the button, but nothin happens.
"Nothing happened," he said. "Funny. But now I have something to tell when I get home to America."
And Jeltsin replies:
"America? What America?"

 

[Gogf]

I've heard a similar version:

Bush is on a state visit to Iraq. He does not seem to be cooperatering with Saddam, so Saddam presses a button. Something comes from the desk, and hit Bush in the leg. Bush, wanting to be peaceful, continues negotiations. Again, Saddam doesn't like how the negotiations are going, so he pressed a button. This time, Bush jumps, but a rock falls on his head. Again, he tries for peace, but when Saddam pressed a button and a piece of the desk hits him in the stomache, Bush has had enough. He invites Saddam to Washington for a followup session. When Saddam arrives, he prepares for the American's revenge. As negotations deteriorate, all three buttons are pressed, but nothing happens. Finally, negotiations completely break down, and Saddam says "I'm going back to Baghdad," to which Bush replies "Baghdad? What Baghdad?"

 

[nonconformist]

Bush Sr., Gorbachev and Thatcher are flying around the world to meet the people, and shake their hands. At one stop, Bush says, while shaking hands, "We are in America". The others ask how he knows. "I can see the Statue of Liberty" he replies. At another stop, Grobachev says, while shaking hands, "We are in Soviet Union". The others ask how he knows. "I can see Kremlin" he replies. At the last stop, while shaking hands Thatcher says "We are in England". "Because you can see Big Ben?" asks Gorbachev. " "No" replies Thatcher "Someone just nicked my ruddy watch!"

 

[PresidentMarcos]

And another nation joke...

George W. Bush.

 

[Cuivienen]

Another nation joke... It looks like the Americans are stupid enough to elect him.

Moderator Action: Warned for bashing
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889

 

[Gogf]

Hahahahaha, I love flaming!

 

[Nylan]

Well, I guess Im a joke myself, cuz i would vote 4 bush if i could.

Honestly, I think it would be funnier to flame Kerry.

"Whadda mean there's no-such medal?!"

 

[PresidentMarcos]

I figured out why the Middle East has such a violent history. Everyone keeps getting sand in their undergartments. It's been that way for 6,000 years.

 

[Gelion]

I'll try my talents in joke translating . A real German military ww2 joke:
German HQ, ww2. An adjutant (messenger) comes in and adresses the fielmershal (high commander):
A:"Sir, Italy has joined the war!"
F:"Well we will send against them 4 divisions."
A:"I'm sorry to intervene sir, but Italy has joined thew war on our side..."
F:"Damn, now we have to send 15 divisions to help them!"

 

[bigmeat]

there is a german in a chinese restaurant and he orders his food and eats it and when the weighter comes back he asks "how was your food?" then the german says "good, but i'm still hungry for power"

there is an englishman a scottsman and an irishman and they were soldiers captured by the germans in ww1, they are going to be executed by firing squad, the englishman goes first, the germans are about to shoot when he yells "look a mud slide" the germans look around and when they turn back they see the englishman escapes, then the irishman, they are bout to shoot when he yells "tornado!" and escapes, then the irishman comes up and when the germans are about to shoot he yells "fire!"

there are two guys flying on an airplane, one guy asks the other " what country are we over" the other guy sticks is hand out the window and says "south africa" the other guy asks, "how do you know" the other guy replies, "my watch is gone"

 

[Lonkut]

Just realised it wasn't a nation joke.

 

[DBear]

An Englishman vacationing in Paris goes into a restaurant and orders the soup du jour. After the waiter brings it over, the tourist notices a fly in the soup, so he calls the waiter over, points to the fly, and shouts "Le mouche!"

The waiter attempts to correct him and says "Non, monsieur. La mouche."

The Englishman looks at the waiter, looks at the fly, back at the waiter, back at the fly, then turns to the waiter with awe and replies "Good heavens, you have bloody good eyesight!"

 

[DBear]

A Native*, a Muslim, and a Texan met in a bar.

The Native says "Once my people were many, but now we are few."
The Muslim boasts and says "Once we were few, now we are many!"
The Texan chugs his beer and says, "Well, that's just because we haven't played Cowboys and Muslims yet!"

* aka American Indian

 

[Gnarfflinger]

I figured out why the Middle East has such a violent history. Everyone keeps getting sand in their undergartments. It's been that way for 6,000 years.

And what do Iran and Iraq have to fight over? It's an "n" no it's a "q"

 

[sabo]

Well I remember one really good Clinton joke, this was when Billy was still prez...
anyway:
Bill Clinton was talking to a 3rd grade class and he asked the class to give an example of a "tragedy"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "if a bus load of school kids went over a cliff and died that would be a tragedy". Billy says "I'm sorry but that's not a tragedy that is what we call and ACCIDENT"
Then he says "Can anyone else tell us what the definition of a tragedy is?"
A little boy raises his hand and says "If my Mother and Father got into a car accident and died, that would be a tragedy".
Bill says "I'm sorry but tha'ts what we would call a GREAT LOSS".
then he says "does anyone know what the definition of a tragedy is"
Finally another little girl raises her hand and says "If Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary were in an airplane and it blew up that would be a tragedy"
Bill says "Very Good!! And can you tell us why that is considered a tragedy?"
and the little girl says "Because it probably wouldn't be an ACCIDENT, and it surely would be no GREAT LOSS"
har har

 

[Lord Draegon]

ive heard tht joke before except with Bush

 

[CIVPhilzilla]

Yea that joke is modified so many times.

 

[LLXerxes]

Another nation joke... It looks like the Americans are stupid enough to elect him.

Actually, some of us are











flamer! (thanks Duke)

 

[gustavope]

One guys was walking when he came across a lamp, the genie kind.
He rub it, and out pops a genie:” Thank you for freeing me. I shall now grant you a wish!!!

Then the guy asked “ I want to get married with a woman that is good-looking, good-body, intelligent, who love do sex with me, work, clean the house, cook for me, that likes football, pay for me stay at home playing civilization, doesn’t have a mother-in-law, rich ……”

Then genie said” This kind of woman is impossible to find!!! Ask another thing”

The guy replied” Ok, genie! I want peace in the Middle East!!”

The genie started to laugh” Ok, What type the woman do you want? Just one? Do you wanna be rich…….”

 

[nothing here]

Made thes one up meself afta reeden the otha ones.

The UN has proposed a national science commitment to resolve some of the problems with future goals. An american, a mexican, an irishman a frenchman, a pollock and an englishman sign up. The UN asks the american, "What future goal in science would you like to aid?" The american replies, "I want figure out how to shrink the molecular parts of the human body to further the pioneering efforts of nano technology."
The UN then asks the mexican the same question. The mexican replies, "I want
to figure out biology, so that my nation may benefit the goals of better animal exploit."
The UN asks the pollock the same question. The pollock replies, I want to figure out astronomy so I can be the first polish astronaut in space with my own ship."
The UN asks the frenchman the question. The frenchman replies, "I want to figure out fusion, so my nation can stop being filled with cowards."
The UN asks the englishman the question. The englishman replies, "I want to figure out neural phsycology so that introductions between our peoples is automated."
Finally, the UN asks the irishman the question. The isrishman responds, "I want to figure out microchemistry so that beer can have a minimal effect of harm upon my nation.

A few weeks latter, the UN got a progress report from bulk of the nations at the evaluational cerimony.
The american states, "We have acheived our molecular shrinking devise. Now all the illegal mexicans are traced and shrunk down to help fight cancer inside of our patients.
The mexican replies, Now my work is in vein, I am the only one left in mexico. Every one herd you can fight some sort of terrorist and get paid a whole dollar for a days work if your foreigne.
The Frenchmen states, I did not finnish my project. On the first day I discovered that there were german spies in the facility and every one surrendered. When I ran to the to tell them I surrender, I fell into matter projecter and sent me flying through the irish lab.
The englishman replied, I was doing fine up until I tried to read the irishmans mind so I could set him off on a rage until a flying frenchman used the fusion devise to practice some sort of cerimonial surrender-retreat mock to the germans.
The Irishman Stated, Well I must say I may have toned down the harm affect on beer though while I was drunk, I saw an englishman approaching me and what appeared to be a frenchman taking him down as if the french learned how to fight back.
After a while the UN was disgusted with the reports. Then the polish representitive asked where's the polish scientist?
NATO reported they found his tracking signal at the bottom of the atlantic. He drowned to death. When they went back to his lab office, they found a note. It said, :go out and find a ship to use for the space project.: