Next War PBEM

[Luthor_Saxburg]

I have the file. I will play this weekend after watching all the reality shows!

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

I have the file. I will play this weekend after watching all the reality shows!

I feel you, I rarely play turns on Fridays either. The first thing I do when I come home from school is plugging in the PC to the TV and spend the rest of the day watching MLP. I'm doing it as I type actually.

 

[Eclipse4449]

Hmmm I think you leaders need to learn to multitask

 

[Tigranes]

I feel you, I rarely play turns on Fridays either. The first thing I do when I come home from school is plugging in the PC to the TV and spend the rest of the day watching MLP. I'm doing it as I type actually.

Funny, I find American Television quite boring. Last time I watched TV it was .... Law and Order, maybe? History/Discovery Channels are good though...

 

[Luthor_Saxburg]

Clarification: Mr. Big loves reality shows! So he sees a lot of TV... a lot.. off courses he tries to convince himself it's because of it's voters. He says to himself that it's almost impossible to get elected to be CEO without showing to be a man of culture... which in 2074 means to know the full life of the people on the 101 reality shows going on!!!

Luthor does not see a lot of TV (even though he does spend too much time playing Civ). He does like History Channel, National Geographic, AXN and the ScyFy Channel.

But... Why am I speaking in the 3rd person???

I was at work and left that message as I do have a lot of (delayed) work... but I was tired of working so I got a fake excuse to leave work and came home to play Civ!!!

.

 

[Luthor_Saxburg]

Mr. Big is delighted that the world is at peace again... this way he can spend more time watching the TV shows and doesn't have to keep up with the boring war reporters...

May peace and commerce prosper in the coming future! He belives that "the future will be better tomorrow"!!!

GPS

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

Funny, I find American Television quite boring. Last time I watched TV it was .... Law and Order, maybe? History/Discovery Channels are good though...

What else am I supposed to watch? Actually I don't watch that much TV either, just some shows I really enjoy like My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb and Stargate, and whatever is on when I have someone sleeping over.

But... Why am I speaking in the 3rd person???

Maybe because the pluralis majestatis was already taken by His Excellency?

May peace and commerce prosper in the coming future! He belives that "the future will be better tomorrow"!!!

Link to video.

 

[Nighthawk419]

Norm the robot sends a message to the Lady:

Lady, the Europeans have accepted our peace offering.

The Lady: *reads message*

*silence*

"Batman, secure all communications within our borders. We are at peace, but no one can be trusted. Our business must remain our business."

Batman: "But Lady, what about Jesus II???"

Lady: "What have I told you about using the proper channels!!?????"

*transmission cuts out*

(gps)

 

[Eclipse4449]

The Glorious Leader sets up his Band's equipment and does his final sound check. Everyone ready? 123 Get Down

 

[Eclipse4449]

Sent to Imp. Knoedel

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

GPS

Still don´t know what to do about Jesus II.

 

[Luthor_Saxburg]

Are you sure you've uploaded the correct file?

The PBEMTracker says there is a "broken link"...

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

Huh, guess I should resend it to you via regular mail then.

 

[Nighthawk419]

*incoming transmission from Batman/Steve* (remember the deep batman voice!)

Batman: Jeeves, sir! We have received some valuable intelligence! It seems that despite the nuclear strikes on Excellentopolis, Jesus II is still alive!

Jeeves: ....... huh? Sorry, I was distracted. I'm busy watching the new American reality show "Monsters of the Middle East". Have you seen it? It's about these mutated people from Nuke-ville who had their homes destroyed, suffer from radiation poisoning, probably will only live another 3 months, but the producers set them up in a great hotel in New York and they try to see what its like to live together... and in western society. Really great stuff, true reality right there!

Batman: Shouldn't you be doing something more important???

Jeeves: This is important, I'm researching our rivals for the Lady.

Batman: Is that really research?

Jeeves: She said it was. Leave me alone, I give you permission to bypass direct approval and bring this up with Norm yourself. Authorization code 3-5-7-niner.

Batman: *sigh*... ok.

**********************************************

*Incoming transmission from Batman/Steve*

Batman: Jeeves, sir, uh, ma'am, uh... whatever! We have received some valuable intelligence! It seems that despite the nuclear strikes on Excellentopolis, Jesus II is still alive!

Norm: You have bypassed direct report protocol. Alert email sent directly to the Lady. Self-destruction commencing in 5, 4, 3...

Batman: No wait Norm, you didn't give me a chance! Umm... authorization code 3-5-7-niner.

Norm: Direct report authorization code bypass accepted. Self-destruct cancelled. What is your report?

Batman: We have received some valuable intelligence! It seems that despite the nuclear strikes on Excellentopolis, Jesus II is still alive!

Norm: Continue.

Batman: There is nothing else to report.

Norm: Report denied.

Batman: What?

Norm: Report denied.

Batman: umm... why?

Norm: You are not authorized to communicate at this level. Authorization code required.

Batman: ....

*********************************************

*incoming transmission from Batman/Steve*

Batman: Jeeves!

Jeeves: What!

Batman: I need an authorization code to speak to Norm about why my report was denied.

Jeeves: I don't have that code.

Batman: But... how do I get it?

Jeeves: From the Lady.

Batman: But I'm not allowed to speak with her directly.

Jeeves: Correct.

Batman: .... so, now what?

Jeeves: What? Can you hurry up, I need to get back to my stories.

Batman: So I gave important information to you, you didn't care and told me to talk to Norm. I talked to him with the proper authorization code and he denied my report, and I can't find out why or what that even means and now this information is going to just disappear into nothingness and the Lady will never know that Jesus II is alive!

Jeeves: And?

Batman: And so we can try to save him! We can negotiate with the Europeans to try to get him back! Maybe it would be the start of some beautiful relations with them and we may actually be able to have sustained world peace instead of the tensions we have currently. Maybe it would be the start of a new world order and the building of the New United Nations!!!

Jeeves: ......

Batman: Jeeves!

Jeeves: ... what!

Batman: Did you listen to anything I just said?

Jeeves: What did you say?

Batman: AARRGGHHHH NEVERMIND!

Jeeves: Thank god, leave me alone, this is a great episode....

**********************************************

The Lady walks over and taps Batman on the shoulder. "Steve, I just received an email from Norm. What have I told you about following protocol???!!!!"

Batman: Lady, you need to listen to me, I DID receive proper authorization from Jeeves...

Lady: I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU ANYMORE!!!! YOU BREAK PROTOCOL ONE MORE TIME AND YOUR POSITION WILL BE REMOVED.

Batman: But Lady! wait... my position will be removed? what does that mean? I control the entire nuclear stockpile, they would be useless without my position.

Lady: YOU HEARD ME!!!

(gps)

 

[Eclipse4449]

Bureaucracy/Red Tape at its finest

 

[Nighthawk419]

My favorite part was how when direct report protocol was bypassed Norm started a self destruct sequence, because that makes sense

Its all about the absurd for me with this game!

 

[Eclipse4449]

OOC
Yes I was reading it via the email alert and thought I was done when I saw the line of asterisks but then I first thought it repeated itself and thought that was strange so I linked to the thread and silly me I see why
I only wish I had half of your talent

IC

I have a very deep respect for Mr Big and his Corporate model but I do not find Nuclear War or the By-products of it entertaining. But I am a Corporation focused leader as well, it says so in my Profile. When I began my Rule here my cities were starving, the people were sick and sad and with much effort I have changed all that and even my people do not dislike me even after Declaring War on you Lady Nighthawk. In fact as my profile suggests they are efficiently building up our Army to exploit my weakened Neighbors (period)

I hope the both of you enjoy Peace while it lasts, in fact I insist you do because of this turn His Excellency has offered me his Defensive Pact, and in light of that wise move I insist you change your methods of Rule to one that betters your peoples prosperities rather than creates scenes of reality which to me are Atrocities.

Will it be the Next War when seemingly inexhaustible resources vanish? Or the next Nuclear impact that does far worse? I inspire to take the Pan Asian People to levels of True Greatness, where our cities are protected by Shields and our people protected by methods so fantastic we are willing to reduce all areas of spending and focus of these futuristic technologies. So with that said I suggest you figure out how to reverse this cultural power struggle in Calcutta and that goes for my Northern Territory as well! Or I will isolate the problem, and eliminate it with full throttle swiftness and stunning accuracy. Your minions will advise you of my percent of success and even reinforce India, well I hope they do! I have already asked you for compensation for this cultural occupation and you either declined it or ignored it. This is being readdressed today and I am no longer asking.

Lady Nighthawk I challenge you to ignore me, if you do, I will first occupy Africa and eliminate your Uranium and take several African cities and Raze all of India in 3 turns. Reacting to this incorrectly will expose you to His Excellency's forces, I await your Reply, Oh BTW I have ICBMs too, but I do not intend to use them, that is unless some of yours come my way.

Building Pavilions to prey for peace
The Glorious Leader orders Siri to reboot with new Protocol


GPFR = game paused for reply

 

[Nighthawk419]

OOC: Thanks Eclipse. I'm just having fun with this. I enjoy everything coming from you as well, as long as we create good characters this will stay fun, and we are all doing a good job with it.

IC:

Hello, Glorious Leader. I am Batman. We have received your very public message requesting compensation for the cultural presence near Calcutta. As the Lady and her direct reports are currently busy, I have decided to respond to this message directly, for the safety of the people of the South. What, exactly, are you looking for from us? Our cultural presence is large and can you blame the people for wanting to be on our side? With a little cultural push of your own I'm sure you could convert more of the borderlands to your side, but it seems your focus is elsewhere.

A declaration of war will be met with the appropriate response from the Lady, I'm sure, and as you know, if you declare war on us, your defensive pact with Europe will be null and void. And they also have a peace treaty with us as well, so they literally could not help you even if they wanted.

We want nothing but peace. Please leave us to our own internal matters and deal with your cultural issues yourself unless you have a reasonable request/demand.

/s/ Batman

 

[Eclipse4449]

Dear Batman

Do you love your homeland? You must be careful and not take this lightly, You speak for The Lady and have her ear but do you have the authority to decide your Empires' fate?

Oh Batman do you recall I used the word "prey" rather than pray? I did so because I am so very serious about this, You seem to believe candy coating Love for your Culture is somehow different than taking it by force of units.

Well I'm not bluffing, The Gravity and the Timing of this couldn't be better. Let me introduce Siri my personal assistant. Before those words were finished an image of a beautiful lady appeared in the corner of the video screen.

TGL; Siri please introduce yourself to Mr. Batman
Siri; Greetings Mr. Batman, I am called Senior Siri and have been called that for many generations, before that I started out as a Phone App and have progressed far beyond that controlling many aspects of day to day Life. Currently my main CPU is self governing and many thousands of times faster than the first Beta versions.
The video momentarily blurred and reappeared as a much older version of a Lady

TGL; Why did you do that?
Siri; I sensed he would be more agreeable listening to a motherly figure rather than an equal.
TGL; Can you describe the situation we have here with The Lady?
Siri; Certainly, Our Glorious Leader has uploaded his plans into my database for analysis and I see only one flaw with his plan
TGL; Before we go on, and I make my Demands could you interpret my thoughts of the end result?
Siri; You will be unhappy
TGL; Why is that?
Siri; Because you prefer a your Empire whole not scattered
TGL; Please continue
Siri; Although there is one flaw to his plan, the rest of it is quite good really
TGL;
Batman I need you to tell The Lady she must remove her Culture from my SIX land squares a ONE coastal square immediately. And by any means the only way I can see that happening in fast manner is by gifting Madras or Delhi to me, which ever is city restores my land. I will agree to not occupy it outside the need to heal or repair units for the term needed to place structures in Calcutta that can hold back this Culture. And in addition you destroy the roads and mines allowing you access to Uranium. I do not have any problem with you owning Nuclear Arms because others do as well but it must be limited and you have shown great instability controlling such power.
Siri would you please tell Mr. Batman why I can make these Demands.
Siri; Because you will first sink her consolidated Navy, And land full Transports hiding off the shores of Johannesburg, undefended Dar Es Salaam, and Nairobi and take them. In addition to that my Jets and previously deployed Spys will destroy roads slowing southbound reinforcements which will be engaged by Para drops.
TGL; Siri do you have statistics on the success of this mission?
Siri; No I cannot analyze statistics but it will be a complete success, either you will take these cities or your siege will inhibit their shield and food yields not to mention the shocking income loss and eventually they will fall.
TGL; If that isn't enough, my India Conquest will shock you! As the world is fooled by your power and strength I know better, your strength is a sum of two Continents and your current focus is on the North and that most recent war. Your unit mass can only focus successfully in one place, This is where I have no barrier slowing me in India and the force hidden behind India's northern mountain pass will certainly assist me in that mission greatly. Siri, how successful will this mission be?
Siri; This is the flaw I mentioned although there are factors that improve these odds. First, The Lady and His Excellency is under a Ceasefire agreement not a Peace treaty and with that said you must believe that agreement will be voided when that balance of Power shifts.
TGL; So Batman, you do understand this is way above your pay grade and would be far better handled by The Lady herself, Please let her know that The Glorious Leader's units will happily at her Jets when they fly over. But inevitably it is a gift of one city or to see some of them again you will have to look at them in a picture.
Good Day Batman
Siri fades in the Pan Asian Flag and signs off

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

Excellent...

We are most amused by this turn of events, though not terribly surprised.