The Beijing Times, Oct. 15, 1826
In a huge press conference today, General Sun Jiang reported that the glorious First Air Cavalry Division had assaulted the land once known as Victoria, with elements of Chinese armored divisions taking and subsequently razing the metropolitan area. Sun Jiang said it was in response to the wholesale slaughter of allied troops by the Canukis, who were only attempting to ascertain the validity of war crimes in the Rio Grande valley region.
Sun Jiang reported that the city fell with minor casualties to the air cavalry division. Medals have been awarded to all members of the fourth brigade for their herioc effort, and five Congressional Medals of Honor were awarded to members of the 1st Battalion (4th Brg), after they sustained over 95% casualties in the final push into the city [list of names edited out for space]. In addition to the destruction of Victoria, two work groups were massacred along the border in skirmishes. The 1st battalion is currently non-operational, although due to logistics will have to take part in the remainder of Operation Flying Tiger, which resumed this summer in earnest.
Reports have been surfacing of a major shift in the Chinese air campaign, now with Flying Tiger back underway. Support personnel and key commanders have been seen moving far north near the Hamilton region. The president was again fairly miffed, if not outright outraged. He blamed Canuki spies. Later reports from the Chinese Intelligence Bureau (CIB) confirmed enemy espionage in major Chinese cities, although the reporter was subsequently killed after being told which ones. All the CIB agent had to say was, "told you so..."
In further news, Operation Croissanwich is pushing forward, despite rumors of major losses to allied troops. Elements of the Royal Armored pushed forward along the eastern banks of the Rio Grande toward the city, in a joint assault with Greek forces to the west. Heavy aerial bombardment continued, with the unfortunate loss of many air servicemen in the fight. The entire 555th Fighter Wing (the fighting pansies) was destroyed by Quebec's air defenses. A memorial service is being held next Wednesday for their valiant efforts.
Ren Lei has had its hands full this year, and has roundly condemned just about every major military action. But the people of China are more interested in hearing Elvis' new hit single, "Please Don't Stop Bombing Me" than listening to silly human rights reports. Fringe groups are starting to form, however, with one, Pan Guo!, claiming government conspiracies to use music to keep the people pacified. They are rightly made fun of for being paranoid poop heads. As Vice President Wu said, "the real enemy is the terrorist nation of Canukistan". He then convulsed into screams of "fear, fear, fear!" as he was led out by his cabinet members.
Peter? 
Very funny. 
