Loppan Torkel
Deity
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2004
- Messages
- 4,756
What separates republicans?
Election Year!
Spoiler :
Election Year!
Political Joke Thread
- Thread starter greekguy
- Start date
Graceheart the Leopard
Resident Amur leopard
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2007
- Messages
- 3,476
The KGB, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
devilsadvocate
Chieftain
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 42
Obama, Amadenijad, and Pope Benedict are called before Gid in heaven. God tells them, "I have an important announcement to make. I will end the world in 2 weeks. Since you 3 are some of the most influential people on the planet. I want you to spread the news." He then sends them back. The Pope immediately calls a sudden Mass, in which he says " fellow Christians, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that God exists, and I have spoken to Him. The bad news is that he will destroy the earth in 2 weeks." Meanwhile, Ahmadenijad goes on hajj to Mecca. When there, he gives a speech. " fellow Muslims, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that Allah exists, but He is the god of the infidel Christians. The worse news is that He is to destroy the earth in two weeks." Finally, Obama calls his press conference. He begins " fellow Americans, I have good news and great news. The good news is that God thinks that I'm one of the most influential people on the planet. The great news is that we don't have to worry about the budget anymore!"
Serutan
Eatibus Anythingibus
Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, and Ted Kennedy are on a cruise liner when it begins sinking.
Carter : "Women and Childern First!"
Nixon : *@^% the women and children!
Kennedy : Do we have time?
Carter : "Women and Childern First!"
Nixon : *@^% the women and children!
Kennedy : Do we have time?
Saxony
Chieftain
^ Isn't this joke actually about Obama, Bush and Clinton?
Serutan
Eatibus Anythingibus
Veritass
Emperor
Speaking of jokes that have been retold using any number of politicians and celebrities:
God decides that the world is too debauched, and He is going to wipe out all of humanity. This time, he decides to give them a week's notice, and inform the three most important people on the planet: George W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, and Bill Gates.
George W. Bush announces to the American people, "Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we were right: there is a God. The bad news is that He is pissed and He is going to destroy us all."
Putin announces to the Russian people, "I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there actually is a God. The worse news is that He is going to destroy us all."
Bill Gates announces to the Microsoft employees, "I have good news and better news. The good news is that I am officially one of the three most important people on the planet. The better news is that we don't have to fix all of the bugs in Windows!"
God decides that the world is too debauched, and He is going to wipe out all of humanity. This time, he decides to give them a week's notice, and inform the three most important people on the planet: George W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, and Bill Gates.
George W. Bush announces to the American people, "Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we were right: there is a God. The bad news is that He is pissed and He is going to destroy us all."
Putin announces to the Russian people, "I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there actually is a God. The worse news is that He is going to destroy us all."
Bill Gates announces to the Microsoft employees, "I have good news and better news. The good news is that I am officially one of the three most important people on the planet. The better news is that we don't have to fix all of the bugs in Windows!"
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