Random Jokes

[wildWolverine]

Wouldn't it make sense to have one (sticky) thread to post random one or two line jokes on rather than a new thread for each joke? The rules could be similar to a picture thread -- no more than two posts in a row without a joke. More efficient....
<cough><cough> MODERATOR ACTION <cough><cough>

Anyhow, for your enjoyment:

Standard "mom" joke (borrowed from Boondocks):

Your mom is so hairy, she's like a Wookiee on rogaine!

Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
(give me a break -- I'm an electrical engineering student ).

Actually funny joke:

What is the difference between a lousy golfer and a lousy skydiver?

A lousy golfer goes "WHACK, dammit!"
A lousy skydiver goes, "Dammit, WHACK!"

 

[Pirate]

Funny ones - I like the skydiver. I also like running it like a picture thread.

Ok, for all you golfers out there:

A priest is getting a lesson from a pro-golfer on the course when a sudden thunderstorm comes upon them. Knowing a golf course is NOT the place to be during a lightning storm, the pro starts packing his clubs yelling "Hurry! We've got to find some cover!"

The priest says "We'll never make it, here do this," and he calmly holds a metal club above his head.

"What!?" says the pro, "Are you crazy!??!"

"Relax" says the priest, "Even God can't hit a 5-iron"

 

[Achinz]

I suppose one could recycle the "what's the difference" oldies based on Spoonerisms here: ( Example of Spoonerism for the uninitiated: saying "shoving leopard" instead of "loving shepherd")


What's the difference between a conjurer and a row of chorus girls?
-A conjurer has a cunning array of stunts while a row of chorus has a stunning array of .....

What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?
-The goldfish mucks around the fountain while the mountain goat ...

Edit: Make more explicit for those who like their humour face-on

 

[lbhhh]

Good stuff, keep'em coming.

 

[The Person]

I hope SuperBeaverInc. still has his sig, since I'm pointing to it.

If he hasn't here it goes:
You don't need a parachute to skydive, you need a parachute to skydive twice!

 

[NewWaver]

Originally posted by Achinz
I suppose one could recycle the "what's the difference" oldies based on Spoonerisms here: ( Example of Spoonerism for the uninitiated: saying "shoving leopard" instead of "loving shepherd")


What's the difference between a conjurer and a row of chorus girls?
-A conjurer has a cunning array of stunts while a row of chorus has a stunning array of .....

What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?
-The goldfish mucks around the fountain while the mountain goat ...

Edit: Make more explicit for those who like their humour face-on

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver?

A: Well, a screwdriver turns in screws...

 

[Achinz]

Originally posted by NewWaver
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver?

A: Well, a screwdriver turns in screws...

Another in this Spoonerism difference Q&A:

What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?
-A poor marksman shoots but can't hit...

 

[Achinz]

Another one:

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?
-A coyote howls in the prairie

 

[NewWaver]

Originally posted by Achinz
Another one:

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?
-A coyote howls in the prairie

 

[Azale]

Whatddya call a person hanging around a bunch of musicians?
- A drummer

 

[ShiplordAtvar]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a pedophile?
Michael Jackson doesn't get convicted.

What's the definition of a transvestite?
A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary.

What word begins with f and ends with uck?
Firetruck!

What is a four letter word ending in -unt used to describe a woman?
Aunt!

Yo momma so ugly, she make TubGirl look good!
(Tubgirl is, well, a rather sickening picture. Google for "tubgirl" or "tubgirl.jpg" and you'll see what I mean.)

 

[Achinz]

What's the difference between the Prince of Wales, a bald man and a monkey's mother?

The Prince of Wales is heir apparent, a bald man has no hair apparent and a monkey's mother is a hairy parent.