PrinceOfLeigh
Wigan, England
"Ok so it was lying that got you into this mess. It's time to be a man and tell a bigger lie to get yourself out of it" - Richard Fish "Ally McBeal"
random quotes
- Thread starter kristopherb
- Start date
SuperBeaverInc.
Groucho
Jon Stewart: Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
Swedishguy
Deity
Villager: The big white bear has two structures with powerful magic that many creatures come out of. Our people has been badly hurt!
Rex Chance: I'll help you. I've had about enough of seeing innocent people get hurt.
Rex Chance: I'll help you. I've had about enough of seeing innocent people get hurt.
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
"But a funny thought is that islam is the only religion which has clear and textual forbiddance against suicide, yet is the only religion which has an act of suicide martyrized."
- Serah (~Z@87.72.36.ns-26407)
- Serah (~Z@87.72.36.ns-26407)
PrinceOfLeigh
Wigan, England
Bertrand Russell: "Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons."
SuperBeaverInc.
Groucho
McGillicuty: Say Mr. Greene, I hear you manage a baseball team.
Greene: No. I'm a vaudevillian.
McGillicuty: No, I think you manage a baseball team.
Greene: Yes of course, yes I do manage a baseball team.
McGillicuty: I understand some of the players have rather strange nicknames, rather silly pet names the players have nowadays.
Greene: Yes, it's true. In fact, I have the team roster with me right here. For instance, Hu is on first base, Watt is on second, and Iduno is on third base.
McGillicuty: Who's on first base?
Greene: Yes.
McGillicuty: Who?
Greene: Yes, who is the man on first base.
McGillicuty: Why are you asking me; I'm asking you. What's the name of the guy on first base?
Greene: No no, Watt is on - oh, I see what your problem is. Look, you're confused by their names, because they all sound like questions.
McGillicuty: I dunno.
[whispers]
McGillicuty: Third base.
Greene: Well, I'll explain it to you. See, on first base is Hu, Samuel Hu, and you're probably not familiar with that name because his grandfather was Chinese. And on second base is Hector Watt, W-A-T-T Watt, and that's not so unusual because James Watt invented the steam engine. And on third base is Phil Iduno, I-D-U-N-O, and if you do say that fast, it does sound like the phrase "Gee, I dunno," but it's actually Iduno, Phil Iduno.
McGillicuty: That's it. You're hopeless, you're pathetic, you're the worst straight man I ever worked with. I quit. I should have never saved you from those seals.
Greene: What are you talking about? I auditioned for this job.
Greene: No. I'm a vaudevillian.
McGillicuty: No, I think you manage a baseball team.
Greene: Yes of course, yes I do manage a baseball team.
McGillicuty: I understand some of the players have rather strange nicknames, rather silly pet names the players have nowadays.
Greene: Yes, it's true. In fact, I have the team roster with me right here. For instance, Hu is on first base, Watt is on second, and Iduno is on third base.
McGillicuty: Who's on first base?
Greene: Yes.
McGillicuty: Who?
Greene: Yes, who is the man on first base.
McGillicuty: Why are you asking me; I'm asking you. What's the name of the guy on first base?
Greene: No no, Watt is on - oh, I see what your problem is. Look, you're confused by their names, because they all sound like questions.
McGillicuty: I dunno.
[whispers]
McGillicuty: Third base.
Greene: Well, I'll explain it to you. See, on first base is Hu, Samuel Hu, and you're probably not familiar with that name because his grandfather was Chinese. And on second base is Hector Watt, W-A-T-T Watt, and that's not so unusual because James Watt invented the steam engine. And on third base is Phil Iduno, I-D-U-N-O, and if you do say that fast, it does sound like the phrase "Gee, I dunno," but it's actually Iduno, Phil Iduno.
McGillicuty: That's it. You're hopeless, you're pathetic, you're the worst straight man I ever worked with. I quit. I should have never saved you from those seals.
Greene: What are you talking about? I auditioned for this job.
Kids in the Hall
Swedishguy
Deity
Ganglion: Back so soon... Have... have you captured the subject?
Julius: Not yet, but he won't be far behind.
Ganglion: But, Mr. Julius, what will I do?
Julius: Well, I want you to hold them off, Dr.Ganglion!
Ganglion: But I'm not a combined creature strategist!
Julius: Ah, show some backbone, uh, man!
Julius: Not yet, but he won't be far behind.
Ganglion: But, Mr. Julius, what will I do?
Julius: Well, I want you to hold them off, Dr.Ganglion!
Ganglion: But I'm not a combined creature strategist!
Julius: Ah, show some backbone, uh, man!
PrinceOfLeigh
Wigan, England
Ben Stiller in Extras:
"How can I cheer up this orphaned kid? By showing him the DVD of Dodgeball? Well, sure, then he'll be happy for an hour and a half, but what then? Do I show him Dodgeball again? Of course, he'll get more out of it, because he'll spot new things the second time round. It's layered; it's written that way. But how many times can I show him Dodgeball? Seven, eight, maybe. Then what?"
"How can I cheer up this orphaned kid? By showing him the DVD of Dodgeball? Well, sure, then he'll be happy for an hour and a half, but what then? Do I show him Dodgeball again? Of course, he'll get more out of it, because he'll spot new things the second time round. It's layered; it's written that way. But how many times can I show him Dodgeball? Seven, eight, maybe. Then what?"
thetrooper
Misanthrope
- Joined
- May 24, 2004
- Messages
- 9,088
I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner.
-Hannibal Lecter in 'The Silence of the Lambs'.
-Hannibal Lecter in 'The Silence of the Lambs'.
SuperBeaverInc.
Groucho
"This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are.... and when I find you I am going to kill you." - Lewis Black
Swedishguy
Deity
Lucy Willing: Nice work fending off those creatures! But that fuel isn't going to get here all by itself...
Rex Chance: Gee, why don't I just go over there and ask nice?
Lucy Willing: Why don't you Mr. Chance?
Rex Chance: Gee, why don't I just go over there and ask nice?
Lucy Willing: Why don't you Mr. Chance?
bigdog5994
Lady Day
R.L. Burnside- They say when your in trouble you should call 9-11 but whenever im in trouble i call 357
PrinceOfLeigh
Wigan, England
Bill Shankly: 
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."
"A lot of football success is in the mind. You must believe you are the best and then make sure that you are. In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside, Liverpool and Liverpool reserves."
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."
"A lot of football success is in the mind. You must believe you are the best and then make sure that you are. In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside, Liverpool and Liverpool reserves."
Technocactus
Lurker
Unlikely things to hear on Comic Relief
Andy Parsons: And we'd just like to thank the donation of 160 000 turkeys from a Mr B Matthews!
Frankie Boyle: Remember, Tonight isn't all about comedy, here's Ben Elton!
Hugh Dennis: This village had only one goat, until I ate it!
Frankie Boyle: Later Dawn French will be climbing into a bath of beans. not for charity, it's her supper!
Jo Caulfield: Hi, my name's Aday and I'm 7 years old, and I have to walk five miles everyday to get fresh water. So I really don't have time to play football with fat celebrities. **** off and give me the money!
Russell Howard: Right, here's one for ye: Three Ethiopians walk into a bar...
Frankie Boyle: And remember, 20% of everything you give goes directly to a grinning warlord, wearing a necklace of human fingerbones.
Russell Howard: (bouncing up and down in imitation of a BBC link) We're from the Masai Tribe, when are we going to get that money for that item we did?
Rhod Gilbert: Nah, I don't believe it either, some of those kids are fatter than I am!
From Mock The Week
Andy Parsons: And we'd just like to thank the donation of 160 000 turkeys from a Mr B Matthews!
Frankie Boyle: Remember, Tonight isn't all about comedy, here's Ben Elton!
Hugh Dennis: This village had only one goat, until I ate it!
Frankie Boyle: Later Dawn French will be climbing into a bath of beans. not for charity, it's her supper!
Jo Caulfield: Hi, my name's Aday and I'm 7 years old, and I have to walk five miles everyday to get fresh water. So I really don't have time to play football with fat celebrities. **** off and give me the money!
Russell Howard: Right, here's one for ye: Three Ethiopians walk into a bar...
Frankie Boyle: And remember, 20% of everything you give goes directly to a grinning warlord, wearing a necklace of human fingerbones.
Russell Howard: (bouncing up and down in imitation of a BBC link) We're from the Masai Tribe, when are we going to get that money for that item we did?
Rhod Gilbert: Nah, I don't believe it either, some of those kids are fatter than I am!
From Mock The Week
Catharsis
catch u on the flip scythe
Frankie Boyle:
And on the eighth day, God created a magic talking leopard, and forgot all about us.
And on the eighth day, God created a magic talking leopard, and forgot all about us.
PrinceOfLeigh
Wigan, England
From The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King:
Aragorn: Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you *stand, Men of the West!*
Theoden: Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise! Arise, Riders of Theoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day... a red day... ere the sun rises! Ride now!... Ride now!... Ride! Ride to ruin and the world's ending!
Aragorn: Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you *stand, Men of the West!*
Theoden: Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise! Arise, Riders of Theoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day... a red day... ere the sun rises! Ride now!... Ride now!... Ride! Ride to ruin and the world's ending!
Swedishguy
Deity
Heard in class:
Chinese/Persian/Vietnamese: Have you ever heard of "politeness"?
Swede: Have you ever heard of "foreigner"?
Chinese/Persian/Vietnamese: Have you ever heard of "politeness"?
Swede: Have you ever heard of "foreigner"?
SuperBeaverInc.
Groucho
Your quotes never make any sense.
PrinceOfLeigh
Wigan, England
Agreed
Swedishguy
Deity
Heard in class:
Teacher: It is understandable that one person calculates 10 + 23 wrong, but when FOUR people did it at the same time, something is up. Right, [insert those who did it here]?
Those who did it:
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