I need to find out who sent the ULTIMATE assassin and who put a bounty on my head. I feel the individual responsible might be some kind of bovine karate champion.
Action: Leave Newark, New Jersey (what a dump that place is anyway) before the Zoomers arrive and Seek the ULTIMATE boss.
(20) 19: You have a flash of insight and realise to uncover the conspiracy lodged against you you must seek the Oracle. You immediately realise that the Oracle lives in Buenos Ares (it was obvious, you wonder why it took Takhisis so many turns to realise it) and you get over to JFK International Airport in record time. Due to a fortunate computer glitch, you are booked into First Class where you are given a complementary blood transfusion and first aid, removing the bleeding and the related roll penalty. The on-plane nurse advises you to seek medical attention to get back to full health however.
Its going to take a turn to get to Buenos Ares, giving you an opportunity to plan your next move or take full advantage of the first class amenities on the plane (+1 to taking advantage of first class amenities, 1 turn).
New Quest - Get to the Oracle of Buenos Ares!
(OOC: I should definitely get hold of Ciruelo and have him draw us the water dragon)
ACTION: I resume my journey towards the Oracle.
(19) 22: You navigate the underwater river network with ease, your water bending powers more than compensating for your sprained ankle. You leave the rivers, enter the Buenos Ares sewer system and emerge out of the Oracle’s toilet.
“Welcome Takhisis!” she says “I have been expecting you, I have laid out a towel for a shower and a clean set of clothes and I would recommend taking a shower.” After washing the sewage off of you and changing into the clean clothes (they fit perfectly and are exactly in your style), she invites you into her living room. She wears a cloak, obscuring her face and her walls are covered in anime femboys (this is Buenos Ares after all).
She explains to you that your ultimate enemy is Rupert Murdoch, his aim is to take control of all die rolls in Roll to Dodge making him akin to a God! Even worse he is a powerful stand user, between that and his ownership of NewsCorp makes him one of the most powerful beings on the planet. (Murdoch’s Stand 「ITS ALL PROPAGANDA」- allows him to bend reality as a free action by printing a headline in all his newspapers, tanks NewsCorp share price in proportion to the extent of the bend).
Luckily the Oracle has provided you with extremely overpowered items to aid in your quest. Firstly she uses a full restore spell to heal you to full health and removing your sprained ankle. She gives you a set of armour of Dō-maru blessed with anti-Murdoch magicks (+1 defence, +1 defence vs the Murdochs), removing your no armour penalty.
She brings your stand 「JAN HAMMER」 in from one of the earlier games (+1 to Stand Battles, +1 to summoning cats, All cats are friendly to you).
Finally she gives you a pair of goggles that gives you limited future sight (+1 to all actions).
“This might seem like a lot of overpowered stuff, but you rolled really well and Murdoch is very powerful! It is balanced.” the Oracle assures you.
The Oracle emphasises how important it is that you bring Edmund Ironside to her. She says that there is no future that she can foresee where you defeat Murdoch without Edmund by your side.
New Quest: Defeat Rupert Murdoch!
New Quest: Bring Edmund Ironside to the Oracle!
ENTER STAGE RIGHT RUPERT MURDOCH!!!
“Oracle, you have been a constant thorn in my side, but you shall not interfere with my plans any longer!” Rupert Murdoch says evilly while in his secret base.
Action: Rupert Murdoch directs his goons at NewsCorp to publish a biting expose on the connections between the Oracle, Takhisis and noted anti-Zoomer Edmund Ironside!
(18) 16: Unfortunately, there is no defence against the truth! Both the Oracle and Takhisis are quickly cancelled on TikTok (-1 vs Zoomers) and the Zoomer advanced scouts will arrive at the Oracle’s house in 10 turns. The Oracle really doesn’t want to be there when they get there.
BREAKING NEWS: THERE IS A ZOOMER IN THE ORACLE’S HOUSE ALREADY
(NewsCorp net worth -$10,000,000)
God damn that ability is going to be annoying! A enraged 20-year old femboy materialises in front of the Oracle (this is Buenos Ares after all). Luckily the rest of the Zoomer horde is still ten turns away, but this escalates the situation a lot. Takhisis, you’re going to have to protect her! ROLL TO BODYGUARD!!!
(19) 20: The Femboy is mesmerised by all the cool femboy art splattered across the wall and decides to admire the artwork instead of participating in the game any further.
The Bahamas sounds nice. Roll to Dodge: The Musical shall go on a Caribbean tour, starting in Nassau.
Takhisis - 71 (+1) I support your journey
DoubleA - 98
Gurra09 - 100
Edmund Ironside - 41 (-2) I don't want the zoomers to cancel me
(2) 3: You do a rip-roaring tour all across the Caribbean, allowing you to recoup your lost $10,000,000. But on the last leg of the tour your agent books you in the worst possible location - Cryptoland!!! Oh no!!!
Connie the Coin immediately tries to scam you! ROLL TO DODGE!!!
(12) 9: Connie the Coin manages to scam you out of $1,500,000 right away with a song and dance number about how seagull thinking that NFTs are a really great idea.