Roll to Dodge Spontaneous Edition

NinjaCow64

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Felt like doing one of these again. Don’t know what this is? I’ve quoted the rules below:

This is a simple game based off the original Roll to Dodge by Seon.

The rules are simple:
1. Post an action.
2. Your result will be determined by the roll of a die.
Any action that triggers a third-party attack on the player immediately grants a free defence roll.

'Ludicrous Edition' increases the variability of results with a 20-sided die that in addition to establishing the immediate success of an action, also determines random items found, health/power/money gained/lost, etc. The basic breakdown is as follows:

1 : Unbelievably total failure. Action WILL backfire.
2-4 : Failure, with penalty
5-7 : Marginal failure with possible penalty
8-10 : Failure, no penalty
11-13 : Straightforward success
14-16 : Success, with possible bonus
17-19 : Success, with circumstantial bonus
20 : MAXIMUM POWER. Guaranteed success, with added bonus.

Under binary conditions, 1-10 fails, 11-20 succeeds.

Note that attempting an action requiring an intermediate action (i.e. starting a car with no keys) automatically fails. Also note that the same action cannot be taken twice in a row. Take heed that your GM is unstable, and may tweak the playing field independent of player actions.

Because I’m lazy your first roll will determine where your location so you could theoretically start anywhere! Also death won’t immediately be a disqualifying factor I will probably do afterlife shenanigans.

I will update whenever I feel like it but no more than once every 24 hours.
 

NinjaCow64

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Player Characters

Takhisis

Location: Oracle’s House, Buenos Ares, Argentina
84/100 HP
Quests
Defeat Rupert Murdoch!
Bring Edmund Ironside to the Oracle!
Stand
「JAN HAMMER」
+1 to stand battles
+1 to summoning cats
All cats are friendly to you
Commendations
Blessings of Various Water Spirits (+4 to Water Bending, Counts as a Divine Being, Can Breathe Underwater)
Power Gamer
Items
Naginata (+2 to sword attacks)
Anti-Murdoch Dō-maru (+1 defence, +1 defence vs Rupert Murdoch)
Future Sight Goggles (+1 to all rolls)

DoubleA
Location: DoubleA’s House, United States of America
99/100 HP

Gurra09
Location: Islas Malvinas, Argentina
100/100 HP
Commendations
Triple Threat (+2 to acting, singing and dancing)
Defensive Dancing (dancing bonuses applied to dodge rolls)
Easy Mark (-3 vs getting scammed)
Items
Hazmat Suit, equipped (+1 defence)
A bunch of NFTs (completely worthless)

Edmund Ironside
Location: Order of Wen the Eternally Surprised's Monastery, Buenos Ares, Argentina (+21 HP/turn, 2 turns)
50/100 HP
Quests
Get to the Oracle!
Commendations
Ninja Monkey Training (+1 to dodging)
Ninja Cow Training (+1 to unarmed combat)
Conditions
Massive Bounty on Head (all PCs get a cool prize when he dies)
Items
Ultimate Banana (squished)

NPCs

ULTIMATE Assassin

Location: En Route to Order of Wen the Eternally Surprised's Monastery, Buenos Ares, Argentina (20 turns)
100/100 HP
Conditions
Allergic to Bananas (CURED)
Commendations
The ULTIMATE Assassin (+2 to assassination)
"Its just a job mate" (will retreat if assassination is deemed unprofitable or if there is significant risk to their health)
Target: Edumnd Ironside
Items
Handgun

Rupert Murdoch
Location: Secret Base, ???
100/100 HP
Quests
Gain total control of all die rolls!
Stand
「ITS ALL PROPAGANDA」
+1 to stand battles
Can bend reality by publishing a headline that reflects the new reality as a free action once per turn, decreases net worth of NewsCorp in proportion to the change
Commendations
Executive Chairman of NewsCorp (Net Worth: $15,200,000,000)

The Oracle
Location: Oracle’s House, Buenos Ares, Argentina
84/100 HP
Commendations
Future Sight (+1 to all rolls)

Friendly Catboy
Location: Oracle’s House, Buenos Ares, Argentina
75/100 HP
Conditions
Attention Span Resigned !! (5% chance to get distracted and lose an action every turn, calculated separately from die roll)
Ill from hemlock poisoning (-1 to physical activities)
Commendations
Zoomer (+1 speed)
Feminine Wiles (+1 to feminine activities)
Nyah (+1 cat related activities)
Items
Poisonous Claws (+2 to combat, can apply feminine bonuses to combat)

Connie the Coin
Location: Oracle’s House, Buenos Ares, Argentina
90/100 HP
Commendations
Reality Bender (+1 to all rolls)
Con Artist (+1 to scams)
Items
$29,985,000
Unlimited supply of worthless NFTs

Dr Hax
Location: Oracle’s House, Buenos Ares, Argentina
100/100 HP
Commendations
Rules Enforcer (+1 vs Power Gamers)
HAX! (+2 to combat involving throwing computers)
Items
$29,985,000
Unlimited supply of worthless NFTs

Active Minigames

ULTIMATE Roll to Dodge Elimination
Every turn a player can 1 health to another player and remove 2 health from another. Players can overheal from this effect (go over 100 HP). No touching your own health!
 
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Takhisis

¡Patria y vida!
Joined
Jul 11, 2005
Messages
56,480
Location
up yours.
Action: joins the game.
 

NinjaCow64

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Takhisis

¡Patria y vida!
Joined
Jul 11, 2005
Messages
56,480
Location
up yours.
Wowee very normal die rolls this turn.
I decide to undertake a pilgrimage to the oracle to find out what would happen if rolls were abnormal. A coin toss shall decide whether I should wear my plate armour or not.

(I'm taking my naginata anyway)
 

NinjaCow64

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I enter the stage in a spontaneous production of Roll to Dodge: The Musical

8: You burst out on stage singing and dancing, but you trip on the scenary and stumble. You are determined to get the show back on track, but you are going to need to save this show quickly or the audience are going to start pelting rotten tomatoes at you (+1 to next musical related roll, -1 to audience satisfaction).

I decide to undertake a pilgrimage to the oracle to find out what would happen if rolls were abnormal. A coin toss shall decide whether I should wear my plate armour or not.

(I'm taking my naginata anyway)

9, tails: You’re not finding out if rolls are abnormal this turn that’s for sure! They’re depressingly normal this turn. Also you decided to not take your plate armour, which is perhaps not the wisest decision. (Naginata equipped, +2 to attack. -1 penalty due to being unused to armourless combat. New Quest: Talk to the Oracle about the die rolls!).

Speaking of oracles, the Ironsworn Oracle (which is essentially a random table that can determine fun events) will determine a slight obsticle you will have to overcome on your journey to the Oracle.

[Escalate Truth] You are attacked by an alt-right journalist who is going to try and cancel you for your ties to the “woke oracle”. ROLL TO DODGE!

(19) 18: The Nazi’s pathetic attempt to besmerch your honour and the fact that he’s a Nazi gives you all the excuse you need to strike him down honourably. You somehow feel it in your bones that defeating this man will bring you closer to the Oracle somehow. (+1% cancellation, +3 to striking the alt-right journalist down. New Quest - Kill the Alt-Right Journalist!)
 

Takhisis

¡Patria y vida!
Joined
Jul 11, 2005
Messages
56,480
Location
up yours.
I take advantage of the extra speed provided by not having taken my armour to rush the alt-right journalist and quickly impale him upon my pole-arm.

I ask him, in the tradition of action films: WHO SENT YOU?
 

Edmund Ironside

White Rabbit Object
Joined
Jun 27, 2017
Messages
1,153
Location
Michigan, USA.
Action: Suggest cross promotion with the 'ULTIMATE Members Elimination thread' as there are so few people active on the forum games.
 

NinjaCow64

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I take advantage of the extra speed provided by not having taken my armour to rush the alt-right journalist and quickly impale him upon my pole-arm.

I ask him, in the tradition of action films: WHO SENT YOU?

(13) 18: You rush up to him and take him off guard, impaling him directly in the heart for 50 HP damage!

The Alt-Right journalist in shock from your probing question (and your probing pole arm (wow this is coming across a lot more homoerotic than I intended)) splutters out "Rupert...Murdoch". You got a clue! +1 to next investigative roll related to the mystery surrounding the Oracle.

ROLL TO DODGE!

(18) 17: The Alt-Right journalist's attack was meant to start with him leaping off your polearm, but he chose a bad angle, causing the spear to shred his heart killing him instantly. His phone falls out of his pocket, giving you another clue! Also you cleared your cancellation penalties.

I put on a hazmat suit during intermission.

(18) 19: You put a hazmat suit on during intermission (+1 defence) and go back on stage. "Oh my God!" the crowd goes "He's going to do the Hazmat song!" as they put away their tomatoes in excitement. Using your honed drama experience, you know that if you successfully perform the Hazmat Song their anger at your earlier missteps will be entirely forgiven. You're really getting into it now! (+5 to next attempt at doing the Hazmat Song).

Action: Suggest cross promotion with the 'ULTIMATE Members Elimination thread' as there are so few people active on the forum games.

1: Four extremely funny things are going to happen because of this terrible roll:
  1. I am going to do the opposite of advertising this game - I am going to post in the ULTIMATE Members Elimination thread about how this game sucks and discourage everyone from joining it. :devil:
  2. We're going to cross over with Members Elimination - as a minigame everyone can add 1 HP to one player and remove 2 HP from another as a free action every turn if they follow the format of ULTIMATE Members Elimination
  3. A mystery man has put out a bounty on Edmund Ironside - when he dies everyone will get a really cool prize!
  4. The ULTIMATE Assassin has come to Eliminate you (a Member of CFC). ROLL TO DODGE!!!
(6) 4: The ULTIMATE Assassin jumps out of the shadows and shoots you full of holes like a piece of swiss cheese with his trusty handgun for 15 HP and 3 HP/turn bleed!
 
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Edmund Ironside

White Rabbit Object
Joined
Jun 27, 2017
Messages
1,153
Location
Michigan, USA.
Well that went badly! :eek2:

I shall use my years of Ninja-monkey training to try to escape further attacks, :ninja:
And I shall use my trusty towel which I always keep on me to act as a tourniquet to stop further bleeding.
 

Takhisis

¡Patria y vida!
Joined
Jul 11, 2005
Messages
56,480
Location
up yours.
After secreting myself in the Takh-cave, I search the alt-right journalist's phone for information relating to Murdoch's conspiracy to take over the world and make everyone drink Foster's beer and the Oracle.
 

NinjaCow64

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Well that went badly! :eek2:

I shall use my years of Ninja-monkey training to try to escape further attacks, :ninja:
And I shall use my trusty towel which I always keep on me to act as a tourniquet to stop further bleeding.

6: Only one action per turn! Dr Hax gets pissed and chucks a computer at you. ROLL TO DODGE!!!

11: You barely evade the flying computer with your Ninja-monkey training (+1 to dodging), although you are getting a bit tired from the blood loss (-1 to dodging). Dr Hax calms down.

The assassin shoots you again! ROLL TO DODGE!!!

(6) 4: More holes! Another 21 HP damage and the bleeding increases to 8 HP/turn!

After secreting myself in the Takh-cave, I search the alt-right journalist's phone for information relating to Murdoch's conspiracy to take over the world and make everyone drink Foster's beer and the Oracle.

(3) 5: You get into the Takh-cave plugged the phone into the computer and oh no! It turns out the Libertarian Joker has put malware rigging your computer to explode! This takes you off-guard, giving a -1 to the inevitable dodge roll. ROLL TO DODGE!!!

(3) 1: You fly back, hitting the edge of the Batcave for 20 HP. You catch on fire, dealing 10 HP/turn damage. The computer, with all your clues on it, is destroyed beyond repair and the entire Takh-cave is on fire.
 

Takhisis

¡Patria y vida!
Joined
Jul 11, 2005
Messages
56,480
Location
up yours.
I dive into the nearest river, which is the home of friendly naiads.
 

Edmund Ironside

White Rabbit Object
Joined
Jun 27, 2017
Messages
1,153
Location
Michigan, USA.
The best form of defense is attack. I take out my most deadly weapon, the ultimate banana. One end has been viciously sharpened, to the other end of the banana is tied a piece of string which is then attached to my wrist, so that I can throw it at adversaries and retrieve it afterwards.
Action: Launch the ultimate banana at the Ultimate assassin.
 

Takhisis

¡Patria y vida!
Joined
Jul 11, 2005
Messages
56,480
Location
up yours.
So it's one of three:

a) the banana bomb from the Worms games.

b) die banana!


c) a certain banana from The Fairly OddParents.
 

NinjaCow64

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It is time... to PERFORM THE HAZMAT SONG

(17) 22: The Hazmat Song is a roaring success and the crowd goes wild! They are entirely satisfied and Roll to Dodge the musical closes to rave reviews! You gain a permanent +1 to acting, singing and dancing and you are paid $30,000,000 for your brilliant acting.

I dive into the nearest river, which is the home of friendly naiads.

18: You jump into the river that runs through the Takh-cave, putting you out. The Nymph Aggeliki Geroti (named by a random Greek name generator) agrees to help you put out the fire in the Takh-cave due to your previous water affinities in the previous Roll to Dodge game (+2 to fighting fire). Unfortunately the Takh-cave is still very much on fire and that requires you to ROLL TO DODGE!!!

(7) 9: Aggeliki successfully warns you to avoid a falling beam but the sudden movement you have to do makes you twist your right ankle which is really ouchy (-1 HP, -1 to actions requiring movement).

The best form of defense is attack. I take out my most deadly weapon, the ultimate banana. One end has been viciously sharpened, to the other end of the banana is tied a piece of string which is then attached to my wrist, so that I can throw it at adversaries and retrieve it afterwards.
Action: Launch the ultimate banana at the Ultimate assassin.

14: The sharpened banana goes "squish" as a banana is a very useless weapon. Thankfully, the ULTIMATE Assassin is deathly allergic to bananas! He has 9 turns until he dies of an allergic reaction!

The ULTIMATE Assassin tries to find an epi pen to try and stop the reaction!

2: Its happening faster than he thought! He now only has 2 turns until he dies!
 
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