Sticks and Stones...

[Moss]

This is another essay I wrote awhile back. Again feel free to discuss.

________________

Words DO Hurt

They say that sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. I’ve heard this statement a thousand times and everyone one of those thousand times it has been a lie. The first part of the statement is very true, sticks and stones do break bones. In earlier civilizations they used to stone people to death. So that obviously isn’t the untruthful part of the statement. Words will never hurt you, that is the part of the statement that is the lie and I still wonder what kind of macho tough guy ever thought of it.

I was born seventeen years ago with Goldenhar Syndrome. Which in other words means I was born with no ears, a ‘crooked’ face, a bad heart, and breathing problems. I’ve now had twenty-three surgeries most of them serious.

Even though I have had all of these problems when I was younger, five or six, I was always happy and I always had a smile on my face. Now my smile has faded from site and I can’t remember the last time I felt legitimately happy. The reason I no longer wear that smile and the reason I am so quiet is not because of extreme physical problems, but it has been caused by those words, that they say aren’t suppose to hurt.

Over the first nine years or so of grade school I was harassed and called almost every name in the book. It wasn’t a constant thing, but it was all too frequent. Those words that I heard and still sometimes hear slowly sucked every once of joy, happiness and self-esteem out of me. My heart is sour and now has a big gaping hole in it that will only go away in time. I will never forget the things that were said to me when I was younger, they will stay with me and I will also remember the people who said those horrible words. Those words have built a great wall keeping all joy and happiness out.

So they maybe are right words don’t hurt you physically, but for me those words I heard have burned a hole in my heart and my emotional state may never be the same. In time broken bones heal, but the words you say to someone will never be forgotten. I know I’d gladly give up one of my hands so that the pain of words said would go away and for people to treat me like anyone else. Maybe someday my wish will come true and the hole in my heart will close and the wall of words keeping the joy and happiness out will collapse, but unfortunately it is human nature to tease the disabled or ‘different’ and human nature is not easily changed.

So I ask this of you all. Don't bring yourself up by bringing others down. Don't get your entertainment at the expense of others. Put yourself into their shoes and then step back and realize what effect the words out of your mouth have. Another common saying that I like much more than the one mentioned above is: If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

 

[Ohwell]

Goldenhar Syndrome? I've never heard of it. Is it a lifetime disease, and have the surgeries fixed your condition?

And you are right. Words hurt. Alot more than physical pain. But often, words make you stronger. They make your determination increase. In my case, it just made me a hermit in my school days because I was so resistant to ridicule that I didn't take good advice either, I trusted nobody.

 

[Sultan Bhargash]

Children in groups can be monstrously cruel. Keep hope Moss, because time will heal the injury of insult. I was a fat kid with glasses through my young childhood, of course not as hard as what you must have endured but I was insulted, ignored, spit on, given mean nicknames etc. during the formative years of my childhood and it was a long lasting pain... but it went it away in time, driven out by new hapinesses. I wish you a speedy turn to joy and assure you you will find kindness and love as you continue down the road of life.

 

[Perfection]

Words can never hurt you if you don't let them, I used to have a similar problem (I stuttered and was the shortest kid in my grade level and the one below and used to have near constant hives due to allergies), and when the picked on me it hurt and yes I cried. But, then I realized something, It's my life, and I'm not gonna let a bunch of as$holes ruin it. Do not be dictated by what others think because it's YOU who matters. You are the only person who can judge yourself. I keep that in mind, and when someone makes a stupid cutting insult, I don't care, and you know what? I'm happy now. Just, Don't listen to their judging.

 

[Moss]

Originally posted by Perfection
Words can never hurt you if you don't let them, I used to have a similar problem (I stuttered and was the shortest kid in my grade level and the one below and used to have near constant hives due to allergies), and when the picked on me it hurt and yes I cried. But, then I realized something, It's my life, and I'm not gonna let a bunch of as$holes ruin it. Do not be dictated by what others think because it's YOU who matters. You are the only person who can judge yourself. I keep that in mind, and when someone makes a stupid cutting insult, I don't care, and you know what? I'm happy now. Just, Don't listen to their judging.

I agree completely, now that I'm older(18 in a month) I realize this. But as you said, when you are younger, you don't always realize that it IS your life and it doesn't really matter what others say about you, and that has caused a lot of hardship and a lot of saddness.

 

[napoleon526]

Moss, you need to learn how to deal with people making fun of you: namely, by kicking their asses. It worked pretty well for me. You should also kick the asses of kids who are picking on others.

 

[Immortal]

having never been picked on in high school, all I have to say is that sometimes to be picked on, all you have to do is show up. Im sorry kid, but its just how life is. You'll get through it fine, when your older youll forget all about it.

Be happy, your a shining light worthy of all the happiness in the world

 

[jack merchant]

I wish I could say something good might come from the abuse you have suffered, Moss, or that you will forget it all, but I dare not say so. Having suffered being picked on, and then remaining isolated an mostly friendless for most of my high school career did nothing good for me either, and the scars still occasionally show ten years on.

What I can say is that as you and your peers grow more mature, people will start to care less about whether you look funny and more about who you are as a person. And judging from your essays, you are a caring, thoughtful and interesting individual. It is important that you never forget this. When people tell you nasty things, remind yourself of it. At the risk of sounding like a shrink, self-esteem can be worked on (though I occasionally wish I was better at it, too).
In any case, being the person that you are, I think you will start making friends sooner or later. When that happens, remember that they can be trusted - something you may not be used to yet. But as long as you remember to put yourself in other people's shoes, as you pointed out so well, I don't think you will ever be short of friends throughout your adult life.

Sorry to ramble a bit - I hope it made sense. But your point is very important - people just don't realize how hurtful their words can be, particularly in high school. Bullying and picking on are serious problems with long term consequences, and people who have suffered through that are proven to be far more likely to suffer from depressions and alcoholism and are equally more likely to commit suicide. It's easy for people who have never been picked on to say that it'll all end fine and you'll forget all about it, but that just shows they haven't put themselves in your shoes.

Moss, I wish you strength, luck, joy and happiness and look forward to seeing more of your contributions to the forum.

 

[thestonesfan]

Damn right Stones hurt...if you like sucky music, a dose of the Stones might well be initially painful.

 

[Moss]

Well guys thanks for your kind words, even though that wasn't really the point of this essay. It is more of an essay like jack merchant said. Young kids just don't realize how harmful their words can be.