The HEhe HAha Joke Thread 2.0
- Thread starter CCRunner
- Start date
Omni314
Prince
there are school children dressed as hookers
and hookers dressed as school children
you just don't know weather to carry sweets or money
and hookers dressed as school children
you just don't know weather to carry sweets or money
PhroX
Deity
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- 2,804
Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"
Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"
The Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"
"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
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Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"
The Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"
"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
Moderator Action: link spam deleted, infraction entered in another post.
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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 43 years.
Why didn't you pull me fromout of the path of the ambulance?"
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God replied:
"I didn't recognize you!"
Moderator Action: infraction for link spamming, after warning, link deleted
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 43 years.
Why didn't you pull me fromout of the path of the ambulance?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
God replied:
"I didn't recognize you!"
Moderator Action: infraction for link spamming, after warning, link deleted
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889
PlutonianEmpire
King of the Plutonian Empire
Q: What is Idaho famous for, and where did its name come from?
Spoiler :
CCRunner
Deity
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A self important college freshman walking along the beach took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen resting on the steps why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. “You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one” the student said loudly enough for others to hear “The children of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, men walking on the moon. We have nuclear energy, cell phones, computers with light speed ….and many more. “
After a brief silence the senior citizen responded as follows—“You’re right son, we didn’t have those things when we were young……. So we invented them. Now, you arrogant little *person* what are you going to do for the next generation?
After a brief silence the senior citizen responded as follows—“You’re right son, we didn’t have those things when we were young……. So we invented them. Now, you arrogant little *person* what are you going to do for the next generation?
SS-18 ICBM
Oscillator
Invent nuclear fusion, nanotechnology, reliable renewable energy sources, etc., of course.
Veritass
Emperor
Better version: They had to cancel the Miss Ebonics America pageant because no one wanted to be Miss Idaho.
classical_hero
In whom I trust
A man and his dog are in a talent agents office. He is there to show off his amazing dog. To show what is so amazing about this dog he starts to ask the dog "What grows on the outside of tress?" The dog replies, "Bark." The owner says "Very good", But the agent is not impressed, so the owner says to the agent, if you not impressed by that, then what this. "What is on top of a house?" The Dog replies, "Roof". The agent has seen enough and throws both of them out. While outside the dog says, "What did I do wrong?"
KaiserElectric
Total Freakin Besties
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Better response: "I TOLD you I should have said Hank Aaron."
Mirc
Not mIRC!!!
Probably old as hell, move along if that's true. 
Last month, a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure because...
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Last month, a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure because...
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
SS-18 ICBM
Oscillator
Eh, those are always funny. This one's better than the one's I've heard, since the statement/question is longer and more world regions are encompassed.
KaiserElectric
Total Freakin Besties
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Got these off a website that hasn't been updated since 2000. It still has Clinton jokes on it. 
Below are fine examples of what happens when marketing translations fail to reach a foreign country in an understandable way.
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem-Feeling Free", was translated into the Japanese market as "When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read English.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into "Schweppes Toilet Water."
Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave," in Chinese.
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."
When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
Below are fine examples of what happens when marketing translations fail to reach a foreign country in an understandable way.
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem-Feeling Free", was translated into the Japanese market as "When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read English.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into "Schweppes Toilet Water."
Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave," in Chinese.
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."
When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
classical_hero
In whom I trust
In a recent survey of Australian men, they were asked what types of legs they liked. The results came back as thus: 10% of Australian men liked women with muscular legs, 30% of men liked women with slender legs and the rest of the survey participants liked something in between.
KaiserElectric
Total Freakin Besties
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- Dec 2, 2007
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Took me a while, but I got it.
Onionsoilder
Reaver
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- Mar 19, 2007
- Messages
- 3,173
I didn't get it until I read your post...Took me a while, but I got it.
Another funny thing about Colgate: When they tried to sell the toothpaste in Spanish countries, the word Colgate was translated into: "Go hang yourself."
KaiserElectric
Total Freakin Besties
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That sounds like an Urban Legend to me.
