The Number Pi
Irrational Number
They were destroyed??? Upon looking at the game log I see that it happened in January 2212. I did not see that while playing. I think that the Alexander Kusnezow leaderhead is just extremely agressive.
The History of Humanity-Alpha Centurai
- Thread starter The Number Pi
- Start date
They were destroyed??? Upon looking at the game log I see that it happened in January 2212. I did not see that while playing. I think that the Alexander Kusnezow leaderhead is just extremely agressive.
Caeserportugal
Prince
Hey Pi why did you lost?
That's a mistake by me 
.
Seems that the original author of the map had set a turn limit of 460 to it and i forgot to remove the limit.
Sad, that it's over now
.
Another question, from the screenshots: Could you tell me, what is supposed to be on this awful pink squares? I've never seen them at my computer, so i wonder what exactly the problem could be there.
.Seems that the original author of the map had set a turn limit of 460 to it and i forgot to remove the limit.
Sad, that it's over now
.Another question, from the screenshots: Could you tell me, what is supposed to be on this awful pink squares? I've never seen them at my computer, so i wonder what exactly the problem could be there.
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
From the turn limit of the map:
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I'm not ending the game; I'm going to continue on as if it never happened, trying to conquer the planet.
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No, that's not a problem. Its a change I've made. It's supposed to represent "fully" terraformed land; I just can't get the graphics right, so it's a pink square.
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
Spoiler :
Scientist: We have made some great progress in terraforming!
The Number Pi: Great! Where?
Scientist: Ummmm... out in the desert... too far from the city to use.... I'll go now.....
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Spoiler :
Scout Leader: We have located the Russian colonies!
The Number Pi: Good to know. Once we get better technology, and a huge army; we will invade!
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Spoiler :
Does anybody know how to make the text appear crossed out? If so, could you tell me?
The discovery of Martian [cross out] Centurai Zoology brought the domestication of some primitave animal species withen the American colonies' territory.
The Number Pi: Wouldn't it make more sense just to bring animals with us?
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Spoiler :
MohammadBin Saud: Greetings The Number Pi! may the heavens bestow upon tyou an empire only slightly less glorious than mine.
The Number Pi: Too late. My empire is already far more glorious than yours.
MohammadBin Saud: Oh... In that case, would you agree to peace?
The Number Pi: Yes. I'm not ready to conquer the world yet.
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Spoiler :
Chieko Teramura: WOO! Another colony! Peace or war?
The Number Pi: Peace.
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Spoiler :
Kim Chen: Here is a copy of my little red book.
The Number Pi: What's in it?
Kim Chen: I don't know really. I actually copied it all from Mao Zedong. Anyway, peace?
The Number Pi: Sure.
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Spoiler :
In May 2219, the city of Jackson was founded. The American colonists believen in New Manifest Destiny: they should settle and control the entire "island" of good land withen the desert. More cities meant more territory. A great Statesman brought colonists swarming to the region, taking control of a huge expanse of land.
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Spoiler :
Found with the remains of an American exploration party.General Warning to all Exploration Parties said:
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Spoiler :
Scientist: We have terraformed more land!
The Number Pi: WAIT! Let me guess. The land you terraformed was in the Russian colonies.
Scientist: Nope! Look at the map!
The Number Pi: WOW! Great!
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Spoiler :
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Scout Report said:
Spoiler :
Scientist: Look! *hands binoculars and points out the window*
The Number Pi: Is that... terraformed land?
Scientist: Yes it is!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Well I'm glad I'm not him! Although I plan to conquer the planet, I don't have anything close to a strong enough military to do so!
In March, 2223; a triple alliance of China, Russia, andKorea attacked OPEC. Not many thought that the war would last long. The world had shrunken, and war was a possibility now. America, however, had not learned this yet, and still maintained a skeleton garrisson.
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: How do I know I'm not in the Matrix? Because the espionoge intelligence would not be as good! The machines wouldn't want us to know too much, right?
Advisors: Now he's completely lost it! That wasn't even Civ related!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Keeping information from people shouldn't cause much resistance; though it will boost science.
*civil war*
The Number Pi:
Spoiler :
Scientist: The new government control policies have resulted in an immediate benefit to our reasearch!
The Number Pi: Wow. That random event had perfect timing....
Scientist: ummm... right...
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Only two cities to go...
In November 2225, the city of Buren was founded in the western edge of the "continent". American settlement was almost at a close. A risky gamble, sacrificing military power for size, it seemed to pay off.
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Spoiler :
Inept Miner: LOOK! GOLD!!!
*everyone swarms to see*
Inept Miner: HA! Tricked all of you! All that's really here is some useless...
Miner: SILICON! WOO! Everyone look! We found silicon!!
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Spoiler :
In January 2227, a statue, called the Statue of the Fallen Astronoughts was constructed. While it appeared to be a monument to those that died exploring space; it was actually a monument to those that tripped and fell, due to someone tieing their shoelaces together. The fine print stated:
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Spoiler :
Scientist: Commander-
The Number Pi: The only time I ever see you is when we have made progress in terraforming. Where was it?
Scientist: Outside Monroe.
The Number Pi: Very good.
*scientist leaves, thinking of ways to trick The Number Pi*
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Scientist: We-
The Number Pi: Where is it this time?
Scientist: *evil grin* Outside Japan.
The Number Pi: WHY WOULD YOU TERRAFORM THE LAND OUTSIDE A RIVAL COLONY?!?!?!?!
Scientist: We didn't. We recieved a scout report. And I volunteered to bring it to you. Here is the picture:
Spoiler :
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Spoiler :
Old Miner: *giving tour to new miner* ... and here we have some more metals..... and here is an emergency light....
New Miner: What's that behind the light?
Old Miner: *looks closer* That's copper!!! Who's the idiot that put this light here?
Other Old Miner: If I remember correctly, it was you; 20 years ago.
Old Miner: Oops...
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Spoiler :
Anish Hawa: I declare war on you.
The Number Pi: Why? Wouldn't you like to wait until I have a large, deadly army ar your boarder?
Anish Hawa: No. I declare war because I can. And look! Here's my army:
Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Are you sure you don't want to recinsider?
Anish Hawa: What are you? Scared?
The Number Pi: No. I just am giving you a chance from me killing yuor army.
Anish Hawa: HAHAHAHAHAH! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!
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Spoiler :
Scientist: Commander! We have synthesised some DNA, of Type 1! And for the record, I've been here for anything scientific, not just terraforming.
The Number Pi: ALRIGHT ALREADY!!! Use the DNA for research-it will speed things up a bit.
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Spoiler :
Newscaster: So, Dr. P.H. Osphorus, what led you to this discovery?
Dr. P.H. Osphorus Well, I just happened to be walking through the wilderness with all my scientific geologist's equipment. And I randomly tested some soil, just for fun. And I detected the Phosphorus. nothing strange or seemingly odd there, right?
Newscaster: And there you have it! How Dr. P.H. Osphorus discovered Phosphorus!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Run cowards! RUN! *throws a rock at them, tied to which is a note to Anish Hawa-hitting one of the 5 remaining solderies on the head* NOTHING YOU CAN DO WILL WIN YOU THIS WAR!!!!! WE HAVE AN ENDLESS STREAM OF SOLDIERS!!!
General: Actually, we barely won.
The Number Pi: I know that! But I'm trying to scare them. Help me shout insults!
General: Ummm.... ok.... *shouting now* YOU LOST DUE TO YOUR INFERIOR ABILITIES TO FIGHT AND LACK OF PROPER LEADERSHIP! YOUR SOLDIERS ARE AS NUMEROUS AS CHICKENS IN A VEGATIBLE STORE!!! RUN, BECAUSE YOUR TRANSPORT VECHILES WERE DESTROYED!! ALSO--
The Number Pi: OK, that's good. They cannot hear you now.
General: Oh... Sorry.
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The Number Pi: Let's see what I can get for peace.
Spoiler :
Anish Hawa: Go away. We have nothing to discuss.
The Number Pi: So this means you are not going to surrender control of your colony to us?
Anish Hawa: NO!! GET OUT!!!
*The Number Pi leaves.... slowly, annoying Anish Hawa even more*
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
This same thing happens in all my games: I have a small army. Play peacefully, waiting until the modern/future eras to war, and somebody always attacks me just before!
Nothing much happened for the next update, so it is pretty short; typing it now.
Omega124
Challenging Fate
[ s ]Insert text here[ /s ]
(Get rid of spaces)
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
Unfortunately, something came up. Update postponed until tomorrow. Sorry
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
Hmm, makes you wonder why
You will find out, finishing the update now.
Unfortunately, something came up. Update postponed until tomorrow. Sorry
Again, sorry about that. I got halfway throuh the update then had to go. Also: with school starting, I will have less time. The updates of this story will not be as often.
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
Spoiler :
Alexander Kusnezow: Pay up. Peace comes at a price.
The Number Pi:
Sure! Right after non-genetically-mutated pigs fly in a standard Earth environment!Alexander Kusnezow: Are you sure?
The Number Pi: As sure as I am that I will conquer this planet.
Alexander Kusnezow: So... that's not that sure at all?
The Number Pi: *sigh* I am 100% certain that I will not give you tribute.
Alexander Kusnezow: This? This is not tribute! It is a simple trade. I'm selling you peace. It's a good deal too. A mere 290 million credits in exchange for peace.
The Number Pi: Then, if it's not tribute, and instead a trade deal, I would like to negociate. I offer you peace, at the bargan price of 1 Alexander Kusnezow head on a Centurai stick, with a side of dead soldiers. What do you say?
Alexander Kusnezow: Hmmmmm... sounds pretty good. now where can I find such items? Advisors!
Advisors: *whispering* He means your head, and your soldiers. He is saying that peace would be the result of the destruction of Russia.
Alexander Kusnezow: *whispering* Oh... *talking normally* Unfortunately I must decline. Instead I offer you a final chance to accept my origional offer. Or you will suffer-
The Number Pi: -1 diplomatic relations.
Alexander Kusnezow: ... -1 diplomatic relations.. I mean. ummm... ARRRGHHHH!! I GIVE UP!!!!
*he leaves*
The Number Pi: Well that long dialogue managed to fiull up some space!
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Spoiler :
ABC Infantry Commander: A, B, C, D, E, F, G...
Hoverformer leader: The station has been completed! Your soldiers can man their posts!
ABC Infantry Commander: G-R-E-A-T!___T-H-I-S___W-I-L-L___H-E-L-P___U-S___G-R-E-A-T-L-Y___A-G-A-I-N-S-T___T-H-E___B-A-R-B-A-R-I-A-N___H-O-R-D-E-S!
Hoverformer Leader: Why have they started coming in such great numbers? For much of the past, there have been few attacks; except by mutants. And even those were not as bad.
ABC Infantry Commander: I___H-A-V-E___N-O___C-L-U-E___Y-O-U___S-H-O-U-L-D___A-S-K___T-H-E___N-U-M-B-E-R___P-I.
The Number Pi: Because that's how the mod is.
ABC Infantry Commander: M-A-Y-B-E___N-O-T...
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Hello, one-who-was-defeated-in-a-great-battle.
Anish Hawa: What do you want?
The Number Pi: Oh, no! It's not what I want, it's what you want, and how much you are willing to pay for it.
Anish Hawa: I am willing to pay you--
The Number Pi: Triple it.
Anish Hawa: But you don't even know wht I was going to say!
The Number Pi: I know that you, being the AI are trying to rip me off... I mean.... I'm practising my negociating skills.
Anish Hawa: *sneakily* Well... I was going to offer 1 million credits... times three..... ummmmm... Scientists!!!
Head Scientist: Yes?
Anish Hawa: Divert all research funding to figure out that multiplication!
Head Scientist: But I already know that the answer is 3 million...
Anish Hawa: Yeah, right! What do you know? It takes you years to develope the same technology tht we once had abord the spaceship.
Head Scientist: *mumbling angrily* Well if you didn't cut the research budget so often...
Anish Hawa: What was that?
Head Scientist: Oh.. ermmm. Getting right on it sir!
Anish Hawa: Just how stupid do you think I am? That did not match your previous mumbles!
Head Scientist: *thinking* very stupid, considering that you cannot even multiply 3x1,000,000... *saying* oh.. I said.... Well if I wasn't standing here talking-this is where you interrupted-I could already have finished.
Anish Hawa: Hmmmmm..... very well. Just to be safe though, you will be the next test subject for whatever experiment you are running now.
Head Scientist: *thinking of the death ray that seems to work, but just cannot be made into a usable gun* You mean the 3x1,000,000 problem?
Anish Hawa: *thinking* ARRRGHHH! I SHOULD HAVE REPHRASED THAT!!! *says:* yeah sure, just get it done!
*while this has been going on, The Number Pi has been stealing business cards and breath mints from Anish Hawa's desk*
The Number Pi: *mouth full of breathmints* All this has been unnecessary. I am willing to accept your entire available treasury... 100 million should be enough?
Anish Hawa: *quickly* Yes, OK.
The Number Pi: Hmmm... you answered too quickly. I now hereby raise the price to 150 million.
Anish Hawa: *thinking* Darn. *saying* Fine. Fair enough.
The Number Pi: Good. Also, I would like more of these mints. *eats a handful*
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: *At his desk, in his capital, eating mints* So, tell me the state of the military.
Military Advisor: Well, as you know, the radar base in the southeast is complete; garrissoned by ABC infantry. Barbarian incursions are pressing most of the boarders. This is shown on the holo-map...
The Number Pi: And the recruits?
Military Advisor: They are coming, not as quickly as we would like but there is really nothing we can do to improve this; except by increasing the colonies' production, which would delay the production of more weapons.
The Number Pi: Offer everyone who works harder a complimentary mint!
Military Advisor: But then you would have fewer, and the next shipment isn't until-
The Number Pi: YOUR RIGHT!!! DON'T OFFER ANYTHING! THE CURRENT PAE IS GOOD ENOUGH!!!
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Spoiler :
Spy/Explorer: We have learned that Japan and Jail have signed an alliance. Also, we have located Chinese territory.
The Number Pi: How are these two events related enough to be in the same report?
Spy/Explorer: Look at the screenshot.
The Number Pi: *looks* Hey, wait... I thought I was the only one who understood this was a game!
Spy/Explorer: What do you mean?
The Number Pi: Oh... ermm nothing.
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Spoiler :
Random Citizen: Look everyone! A miracle! There! In the park!
*people come running-to see *generic miracle* occouring*
Random Citizen: *after hiding the miracle with a curtain* Step right up! And see the greatest miracle on
Random Old Man: Yes? What?
Random Citizen: No.
Random Old Man: Too bad! This ticket came free with a giant bowl of rice pudding!
Random Citizen: Rice Pudding?!?! I'll go!
*the elderly come running*
Random Citizen: You! Want a ticket?
Random Kid: No.
Random Citizen: Too bad! It comes with a free giant candy bar!
Random Kid: Really??? I'll go!
*kids come running*
Random Citizen: You want a ticket?
The Number Pi: No. I want my money.
Random Citizen: *did not hear anything past "no"* Too bad! It comes with a free military and pi-related math equation!
The Number Pi: Really? I'll go! .... I mean.... GIVE ME MY MONEY!!! And the ticket sales will now be handled by the government!
Random Citizen: It was nice while it lasted...
*gives money, and removes curtain, revealing a piece of cheese with mold on it*
The Number Pi: Odd. Oh well, better move on. *eats a mint*
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Look at the size of the army! It will destroy anything India can send against it! It's like... ummmm.... Somebody think of a clever remark!
Advisor: The perfect revenge? To conquer one's enemy when the war started because they wanted to conquer us?
The Number Pi: Sounds good to me!
General: Wait a second! Who will defend the homeland? From either a conterattack or those annoying barbarians.
The Number Pi: The military. Who else?
General: But if the military is on campaign, there is nobody left to defend!
The Number Pi: True.
General: So what are you going to do about it?!?!
The Number Pi: Continue with the plan.
General: AND LEAVE OUT CITIES EXPOSED?!?!?!?!?!?
The Number Pi: No.
General: ARGGGGHHH! JUST EXPLAIN THE ENTIRE PLAN!!
The Number Pi: OK. We send the attack army to india and conquer them. The defense army stays behind and kills the barbarians. There are 2 armies....
General: WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE SAID THIS EARLIER?!?!?!?! YOU MAY BE THE LEADER OF THIS COLONY, BUT I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS DEFENSE!
The Number Pi: Because I wanted to see how you would react.
General:
The Number Pi: Right.... OK! How does our military measure up?
Advisor: I have prepared a graph for this occasion:
Spoiler :
Advisor: And a map of their positions:
Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Excelent! Now the army just has to cross the desert! Keep up production too. ONWARD TO VICTORY!!
Because this update was so short, I thought I would try to make it funny, and longer, through a large amount of dialogue.
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
I should be able to update today, sorry for the delay.
EDIT: Typing the update now. Also, the pictures from before should work now.
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
I'm going to make this update comical, like the last one. Because I laughed so hard typing the other one it is also short.
The Number Pi: Harrison!
Some-Guy-Named-Harrison: What?
The Number Pi: CITIES CAN TALK?!?!?!?! Oh great city! Do not destroy my colony/nation/empire! Irocically that would mean destroying yourself, and nobody would want this!
Some-Guy-Named-Harrison: Ummm..... so you will worship me as a mighty being?
The Number Pi: Yes! Would you like a glass of water? No, you're a city..... get the sidewalk de-gumers!!!
Advisor: *hitting Some-Guy-Named-Harrison on the head* Would you stop it? He is not a city, he just has the same name as the city!
The Number Pi: Oh. So this means that I could re-name this city The Number Pi City? Cool!
Advisor: Well you could... except that is random and the citizens already prefer "Harrison".
The Number Pi: What about the next city?
Advisor: Well, by tradition; these cities are named after famous dead people. So to get the city named after you....
The Number Pi: What? What is it? I'll do it!
Advisor: You have to die.
The Number Pi: Oh. Well that's unfortunate. Has there ever been a The Number Pi in the past?
Advisor: No. Only you, the android, and the actual one back on Earth; who is not dead.
The Number Pi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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The Number Pi: How is this U-rain-ium different from normal rain?
Scientist: Well it is radioactive, but-
The Number Pi: RADIOACTIVE?!?!?! I WILL NEVER LEAVE THE BIODOME AGAIN!!!!
Miner: You meen we are going to be mining this stuff, and it's RADIOACTIVE?!?!?!
Scientist: Calm down! Miner, you all will recieve protective gear. The Number Pi, it is not actual rain; it is an element mined from the ground. It will be nowhere near you.
The Number Pi: Ohhhhhhh. So it's like the stuff used to nuke everything over back on Earth?
Scientist: Well, yes....
General:
Scientist: ... except that we don't yet have the technology yet.
General:
The Number Pi: Oh well.... Back to eating mints! The latest shipment just arrived!
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Alexander Kusnezow: My friend, can Russia tempt you with this offer?
The Number Pi: Yes.
Alexander Kusnezow: So you accepted?
The Number Pi: No.
Alexander Kusnezow: But you just said "yes"...?
The Number Pi: Yes.
Alexander Kusnezow: Doesn't that mean that you accept?
The Number Pi: No.
Alexander Kusnezow: Oh... I get it. You are answering my questions literally.... *thinking*....
.....
.....
*27 minutes later*
...
.....
...........
Alexander Kusnezow: Now I know! 2+2=5! Of course!!! Now that that is out of the way... lawyers!
Lawyer: Yes?
Alexander Kusnezow: Make a well-worded contract that will prevent him from using this word-game nonsense to annoy me; have him accept open boarders.
Lawyer: OK. *opens his suitcase, and pulls out a mint* The Number Pi! I offer you this mint, in exchange for you speaking normally!
The Number Pi: Deal! *eats mint* OK. I agree. Bye!
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The Number Pi: Now what is a good thing to say at this moment in time? Hmmmmm..... how about "DIE, OPPOSING FORCES, DIE!!!" Hmmmm... OK, let's go with that!
Typer: *to self* I'll change that, to "the first of many". Oh wait... I've typed this entire thing! Arggghhh! Why can't I stop?!?!?! Quickly! I must move on to the next portion!
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Scientist: Slowly but surely... the world will turnpink green...
Scientist2: And then we will terraform it!
Scientist: You bet! All this painting is time consuming and useless, but we have nothing better to do!
The Number Pi: Except research....
Scientist2: Yeah, right! The commander is too busy eating mints to notice anything!
Scientist: Yeah! I'm surprised he didn't have us research some "mint making" technology! It's impossible!
The Number Pi: *hiding mints and ripping up orders for a "mint creation" technology* GET BACK TO WORK!!!
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The Number Pi: Oh. Look. War...
General: Oh, look! War!
The Number Pi: Does anyone think this will affect mint-imports?
General: Well, it might... it is a war after all...
The Number Pi: Great! This offers the perfect pretext for our first invasion! I facked that mint thing for the longest time! now we will invade India, with the justification that we are re-establishing the mint trade!
General: You kjnow, a simpler one would be "they invaded us before for no good reason, so we invade them now".
Advisor: We did refuse to help them, and did not aid them in wars, did not pay tribute, had a different religion...
General: I said for no good reason.
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Steve Gates: No word games. Will you agree to this deal?
The Number Pi: Ok.
Steve Gates: HA! Got you! Now you must also tell me where to find a good dentist!
The Number Pi: Ummm.... why?
Steve Gates: Look at my teeth! I have not been to a dentist in.......... when was the last time, Advisor of My Health?
Advisor of My Health: 3 minutes ago.
Steve Gates: See? That's almost 5 days!
The Number Pi: Why not just go back to that dentist?
Steve Gates: He retired. Something about some idiot coming to have his teeth cleaned every 3 minutes... paying extremely large amounts of credits....
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The Number Pi: Was it smiling?
Scientist: And more importantly, why was it not on Mars?
Spy/Explorer: I don't know... that's just what it is. Here is the picture:
The Number Pi: Og... so it looked like this:
General: No, like this:
*many others give their oponions*
The Number Pi: So it's settled then.
General: Yep.
Spy/Explorer: Absolutely.
Scientist: Beyond theSword shadow of a doubt.
The Number Pi: OK then. *picks up phone and dials a number* Hello, Bob's Pizzas? I would like 7 large pizzas with extra cheese delivered to the Command Center. *responce* That much?!?!?! Fine, but you had better watch your taxes next year!
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The Number Pi: I think it should be called earthforming.
Scientist: But terra means earth...
The Number Pi: Tomato-tomato.
Typer: Nobody will be able to tell what you are saying if they are reading this....
The Number Pi: toe-may-toe---toe-mahh-toe.
Typer: Fixed!
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News Reporter: So tell us, Dr. P.H. Osphorus, how did you once again locate such valuable materials?
Dr. P.H. Osphorus: Well I happened to become bored of sitting in my mansion enjoying my vast wealth from locating that phosphorus; so today I decided to pick two random locations and head there to do random tests on the soil... and I found the nitrate.
News Reporter: So how long did it take you to locate these resources with such precision? Was it difficult?
Dr. P.H. Osphorus: Well... about.... let's see.... *pretends to do extremely advanced math in his head* 5 minutes. And yes. It was an extreme challenge. I struggled to get my private driver to get me to the spot, as I bravely personally tested every plate of food and beverage in the hovercraft's porto-fridge for contamination. No need to thank me, it's what I do.
News Reporter: And there you have it! Back to you Jim!
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The Number Pi: Only one word can properly describe this situation:
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Anish Hawa: What would you like to discuss?
The Number Pi: Eggnog. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here to declere war! And I do so!
Anish Hawa: Hey! That Stack of Doom is unfair!
The Number Pi: You had one....
Anish Hawa: Yeah, but it lost! There's no way I can beat that thing!
The Number Pi: *evil grin* Good to know...
Anish Hawa: Why are you invading anyway? You have no good reason!
The Number Pi: No. I have a good reason. You invaded me; and stopped mint exports. You had no good reason.
Anish Hawa: You refused to cooperate with India in any way!
The Number Pi: Giving free techs, tribute, and fighting your wars is not "cooperation" it's "annoying AI that can't succeed without pestering the human player at every possible opportunity".
Anish Hawa:
The Number Pi: In other words: you annoyed me. So I will conquer you. As you can see:
Anish Hawa: How could you have possible done that during these negociations?!?!?! The turns are off I tell you!
The Number Pi: Typer! He knows too much! Fix that!
Typer: But that would cause a paradox! If I fix it, you won't tell me to fix it, so I won't fix it, so you will tell me to fix it... you get the idea?
The Number Pi: Alright! Just find a way to kill him once I conquer his last city!
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The Number Pi: Nope. No way.
The Number Pi: I won't even talk, just to prevent it from happening.
The Number Pi: *scratches head*
The Number Pi: *shifts in seat*
The Number Pi: *makes a cup of hot cocoa*
The Number Pi: *drinks it*
Typer:
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The Number Pi: That Typer is annoying me. ONE LETTER! Only ONE LETTER has to be changed to make this city named "Typer" JUST ONE LETTER!
Typer: I assure you, I am simply an abstract character in this narrative that has no value beyond humor. The naming is a mere coincidence.
The Number Pi: Huh?
Typer: I'm here to annoy you!
The Number Pi: I hate you.
Typer: But I am you. The Number Pi is the account through which I am typing this.
The Number Pi: So there are three of us???
Typer: Sort of.
The Number Pi: So why type this, it just confuses things.
Typer: To fill up space.
The Number Pi: Well, I refuse to talk. No more dialogue is needed in this section anyway.
Typer: I made you say that. So I cound say this in responce.
The Number Pi: Yeah right. Then watch me not talk; then we will see who's in control!
Typer: Fine then.
*5 minutes later*
The Number Pi: HA! Told you I would not talk!
....
The Number Pi: Drat.
Typer: Fine. As compensation, I will use the Great Statesman to culture bomb the city. Happy now?
The Number Pi: Wait... Arent by making me answer, you are answering yourself... so this has been a long conversation between one person.... my/out brain hurt(s)...
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Typer: I will not say anything for this portion.... oh. Where is the "backspace" button?
The Number Pi: I've got this covered. *clears throat* Look at thepink green land! Look at all the earth-making-similar-to!
Typer: Whatdoesthebiglongbuttoninthemiddleofthekeyboarddo?
The Number Pi:....right...
Typer: Since I already have spoken, I might as well make random jokes! Watch this:
The Number Pi: being.... forced... to speak.... ARRGGHHH!! *quickly*The units that are selected are to be airlifted from the capital to India, where they will fight!
General: *zombie-like* The war will be over soon. There has been little resistance. Only one city remains....
Typer: I'll stop now!
General: And here is the casualty report:
The Number Pi: Not Battlemech Alpha!!! But still, this is the first civilization to fall! The rest will follow!
Typer: Couldn't resist. Relating that to the title:
The Number Pi: This is the first of many. The first of many casualties. The first of many victories. The first of many conquests!
Anisk Hawa: Great... jail. Now I'm in prison for the rest of the game!
Typer: But you get to watch it unfold now!
Altough this update was fairly strange, I think it's pretty good. Oponions?
Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Harrison!
Some-Guy-Named-Harrison: What?
The Number Pi: CITIES CAN TALK?!?!?!?! Oh great city! Do not destroy my colony/nation/empire! Irocically that would mean destroying yourself, and nobody would want this!
Some-Guy-Named-Harrison: Ummm..... so you will worship me as a mighty being?
The Number Pi: Yes! Would you like a glass of water? No, you're a city..... get the sidewalk de-gumers!!!
Advisor: *hitting Some-Guy-Named-Harrison on the head* Would you stop it? He is not a city, he just has the same name as the city!
The Number Pi: Oh. So this means that I could re-name this city The Number Pi City? Cool!
Advisor: Well you could... except that is random and the citizens already prefer "Harrison".
The Number Pi: What about the next city?
Advisor: Well, by tradition; these cities are named after famous dead people. So to get the city named after you....
The Number Pi: What? What is it? I'll do it!
Advisor: You have to die.
The Number Pi: Oh. Well that's unfortunate. Has there ever been a The Number Pi in the past?
Advisor: No. Only you, the android, and the actual one back on Earth; who is not dead.
The Number Pi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: How is this U-rain-ium different from normal rain?
Scientist: Well it is radioactive, but-
The Number Pi: RADIOACTIVE?!?!?! I WILL NEVER LEAVE THE BIODOME AGAIN!!!!
Miner: You meen we are going to be mining this stuff, and it's RADIOACTIVE?!?!?!
Scientist: Calm down! Miner, you all will recieve protective gear. The Number Pi, it is not actual rain; it is an element mined from the ground. It will be nowhere near you.
The Number Pi: Ohhhhhhh. So it's like the stuff used to nuke everything over back on Earth?
Scientist: Well, yes....
General:
Scientist: ... except that we don't yet have the technology yet.
General:
The Number Pi: Oh well.... Back to eating mints! The latest shipment just arrived!
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Spoiler :
Alexander Kusnezow: My friend, can Russia tempt you with this offer?
The Number Pi: Yes.
Alexander Kusnezow: So you accepted?
The Number Pi: No.
Alexander Kusnezow: But you just said "yes"...?
The Number Pi: Yes.
Alexander Kusnezow: Doesn't that mean that you accept?
The Number Pi: No.
Alexander Kusnezow: Oh... I get it. You are answering my questions literally.... *thinking*....
.....
.....
*27 minutes later*
...
.....
...........
Alexander Kusnezow: Now I know! 2+2=5! Of course!!! Now that that is out of the way... lawyers!
Lawyer: Yes?
Alexander Kusnezow: Make a well-worded contract that will prevent him from using this word-game nonsense to annoy me; have him accept open boarders.
Lawyer: OK. *opens his suitcase, and pulls out a mint* The Number Pi! I offer you this mint, in exchange for you speaking normally!
The Number Pi: Deal! *eats mint* OK. I agree. Bye!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Now what is a good thing to say at this moment in time? Hmmmmm..... how about "DIE, OPPOSING FORCES, DIE!!!" Hmmmm... OK, let's go with that!
Typer: *to self* I'll change that, to "the first of many". Oh wait... I've typed this entire thing! Arggghhh! Why can't I stop?!?!?! Quickly! I must move on to the next portion!
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Spoiler :
Scientist: Slowly but surely... the world will turn
Scientist2: And then we will terraform it!
Scientist: You bet! All this painting is time consuming and useless, but we have nothing better to do!
The Number Pi: Except research....
Scientist2: Yeah, right! The commander is too busy eating mints to notice anything!
Scientist: Yeah! I'm surprised he didn't have us research some "mint making" technology! It's impossible!
The Number Pi: *hiding mints and ripping up orders for a "mint creation" technology* GET BACK TO WORK!!!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Oh. Look. War...
General: Oh, look! War!
The Number Pi: Does anyone think this will affect mint-imports?
General: Well, it might... it is a war after all...
The Number Pi: Great! This offers the perfect pretext for our first invasion! I facked that mint thing for the longest time! now we will invade India, with the justification that we are re-establishing the mint trade!
General: You kjnow, a simpler one would be "they invaded us before for no good reason, so we invade them now".
Advisor: We did refuse to help them, and did not aid them in wars, did not pay tribute, had a different religion...
General: I said for no good reason.
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Spoiler :
Steve Gates: No word games. Will you agree to this deal?
The Number Pi: Ok.
Steve Gates: HA! Got you! Now you must also tell me where to find a good dentist!
The Number Pi: Ummm.... why?
Steve Gates: Look at my teeth! I have not been to a dentist in.......... when was the last time, Advisor of My Health?
Advisor of My Health: 3 minutes ago.
Steve Gates: See? That's almost 5 days!
The Number Pi: Why not just go back to that dentist?
Steve Gates: He retired. Something about some idiot coming to have his teeth cleaned every 3 minutes... paying extremely large amounts of credits....
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The Number Pi: Was it smiling?
Scientist: And more importantly, why was it not on Mars?
Spy/Explorer: I don't know... that's just what it is. Here is the picture:
Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Og... so it looked like this:
General: No, like this:
*many others give their oponions*
The Number Pi: So it's settled then.
General: Yep.
Spy/Explorer: Absolutely.
Scientist: Beyond the
The Number Pi: OK then. *picks up phone and dials a number* Hello, Bob's Pizzas? I would like 7 large pizzas with extra cheese delivered to the Command Center. *responce* That much?!?!?! Fine, but you had better watch your taxes next year!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: I think it should be called earthforming.
Scientist: But terra means earth...
The Number Pi: Tomato-tomato.
Typer: Nobody will be able to tell what you are saying if they are reading this....
The Number Pi: toe-may-toe---toe-mahh-toe.
Typer: Fixed!
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Spoiler :
News Reporter: So tell us, Dr. P.H. Osphorus, how did you once again locate such valuable materials?
Dr. P.H. Osphorus: Well I happened to become bored of sitting in my mansion enjoying my vast wealth from locating that phosphorus; so today I decided to pick two random locations and head there to do random tests on the soil... and I found the nitrate.
News Reporter: So how long did it take you to locate these resources with such precision? Was it difficult?
Dr. P.H. Osphorus: Well... about.... let's see.... *pretends to do extremely advanced math in his head* 5 minutes. And yes. It was an extreme challenge. I struggled to get my private driver to get me to the spot, as I bravely personally tested every plate of food and beverage in the hovercraft's porto-fridge for contamination. No need to thank me, it's what I do.
News Reporter: And there you have it! Back to you Jim!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Only one word can properly describe this situation:
Spoiler large font size :
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Spoiler :
Anish Hawa: What would you like to discuss?
The Number Pi: Eggnog. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here to declere war! And I do so!
Anish Hawa: Hey! That Stack of Doom is unfair!
The Number Pi: You had one....
Anish Hawa: Yeah, but it lost! There's no way I can beat that thing!
The Number Pi: *evil grin* Good to know...
Anish Hawa: Why are you invading anyway? You have no good reason!
The Number Pi: No. I have a good reason. You invaded me; and stopped mint exports. You had no good reason.
Anish Hawa: You refused to cooperate with India in any way!
The Number Pi: Giving free techs, tribute, and fighting your wars is not "cooperation" it's "annoying AI that can't succeed without pestering the human player at every possible opportunity".
Anish Hawa:
The Number Pi: In other words: you annoyed me. So I will conquer you. As you can see:
Spoiler :
Anish Hawa: How could you have possible done that during these negociations?!?!?! The turns are off I tell you!
The Number Pi: Typer! He knows too much! Fix that!
Typer: But that would cause a paradox! If I fix it, you won't tell me to fix it, so I won't fix it, so you will tell me to fix it... you get the idea?
The Number Pi: Alright! Just find a way to kill him once I conquer his last city!
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Can't let than insanity happen again.
The Number Pi: Nope. No way.
The Number Pi: I won't even talk, just to prevent it from happening.
The Number Pi: *scratches head*
The Number Pi: *shifts in seat*
The Number Pi: *makes a cup of hot cocoa*
The Number Pi: *drinks it*
Typer:
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Spoiler :
The Number Pi: That Typer is annoying me. ONE LETTER! Only ONE LETTER has to be changed to make this city named "Typer" JUST ONE LETTER!
Typer: I assure you, I am simply an abstract character in this narrative that has no value beyond humor. The naming is a mere coincidence.
The Number Pi: Huh?
Typer: I'm here to annoy you!
The Number Pi: I hate you.
Typer: But I am you. The Number Pi is the account through which I am typing this.
The Number Pi: So there are three of us???
Typer: Sort of.
The Number Pi: So why type this, it just confuses things.
Typer: To fill up space.
The Number Pi: Well, I refuse to talk. No more dialogue is needed in this section anyway.
Typer: I made you say that. So I cound say this in responce.
The Number Pi: Yeah right. Then watch me not talk; then we will see who's in control!
Typer: Fine then.
*5 minutes later*
The Number Pi: HA! Told you I would not talk!
....
The Number Pi: Drat.
Typer: Fine. As compensation, I will use the Great Statesman to culture bomb the city. Happy now?
The Number Pi: Wait... Arent by making me answer, you are answering yourself... so this has been a long conversation between one person.... my/out brain hurt(s)...
Spoiler :
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Spoiler :
Typer: I will not say anything for this portion.... oh. Where is the "backspace" button?
The Number Pi: I've got this covered. *clears throat* Look at the
Typer: Whatdoesthebiglongbuttoninthemiddleofthekeyboarddo?
The Number Pi:....right...
Typer: Since I already have spoken, I might as well make random jokes! Watch this:
The Number Pi: being.... forced... to speak.... ARRGGHHH!! *quickly*The units that are selected are to be airlifted from the capital to India, where they will fight!
General: *zombie-like* The war will be over soon. There has been little resistance. Only one city remains....
Spoiler :
Typer: I'll stop now!
General: And here is the casualty report:
Spoiler :
The Number Pi: Not Battlemech Alpha!!! But still, this is the first civilization to fall! The rest will follow!
Typer: Couldn't resist. Relating that to the title:
The Number Pi: This is the first of many. The first of many casualties. The first of many victories. The first of many conquests!
Anisk Hawa: Great... jail. Now I'm in prison for the rest of the game!
Typer: But you get to watch it unfold now!
Altough this update was fairly strange, I think it's pretty good. Oponions?
eduhum
Aahh the gold old days...
Strange
Moderator Action:: Please don't post so tiny posts.
Please read the forums rules:http://forums.civfanatics.com/faq.php?faq=cfc_forum_rules
Okay I confess! It was mep again)
Moderator Action:: Please don't post so tiny posts.
Please read the forums rules:http://forums.civfanatics.com/faq.php?faq=cfc_forum_rules
Okay I confess! It was me
p again)
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
Strange
Moderator Action:: Please don't post so tiny posts.
Please read the forums rules:http://forums.civfanatics.com/faq.php?faq=cfc_forum_rules
Okay I confess! It was me
Yep. I meant for it to be. The next updates will probabily be longer (wars are coming....) so the updates will likely return to their normal format.
Spoiler :
Ah, that's why you put it in the post, you were so pissed with the end of your cool signature. And these last updates were fun, I don't mind them being short. In any way, this is a cool story (and a cool succession of stories). I'm a great fan.
...
Ok, I admit, I'm addicted to your stories.
...
Ok, I admit, I'm addicted to your stories.
Darth Caesar
Might be a Wizard
I agree with everything he said except the part about being addicted to your stories. There still good though.
The Number Pi
Irrational Number
I had always wondered why nobody else had a signature like that... now I know.
Spoiler Fairly Off-Topic :
Thanks!The first step to being cured is admitting you have a problem.
I agree with everything he said except the part about being addicted to your stories. There still good though.
Not every reader will love every story, perfectly fine.I plan to blend this style into the future updates; with a long series of wars to win, it will be a long story, and will have plenty of updates to find a good balance.
I will probabily have an update today, certanily by tomorrow.
EDIT: Most likely tomorrow.
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