The Island Game

[Bratmon]

President Innocent Bystander replies with a 50-page report on civilian deaths from the terrorist actions in his own nation, let alone the others. Our total casualties of the capitol bombing alone were 890 INNOCENT BYSTANDERS!

YOU SHALL NOT GO UNPUNISHED!

The Scribbling Society's Congress has voted UNANIMOUSLY for war, and war it shall be!

*readies the invasion force*

Is this really the Scribbling society I've heard of?



Anyway, what looks like half the Monetian fleet pulls up above the subs. They fire lasers and depth charges, destroying the entire fleet. However, it looks like Erthul escaped in the confusion.

Then, another detachment of ships finds a life raft with Erthul on it, and stuns him. We had been tracking him by satellite since we captured him. The fleet heads straight back to Andara.

 

[Perfection]

Hey, we made contact to the battleship, all we got back was "This is Mr. Erthul, who has a message for you ******. You can **** ******* *** and ***** my ******** ***."

MR. ERTHUL DOES NOT ENGAGE IN SUCH COURSE LANGUAGE.

Or something like that, we just heard a bunch of random swear words yelled. So, we assumed that the ship had been hijacked by terrorists, used a sci-fi-thingy-that-detects-living-things, found only a few terrorists, and so we decided to blow up the ship.

MR. ERTHUL ESCAPED ALONE WITH NO OUTSIDE HELP. THAT'S HOW TOUGH MR. ERTHUL IS. IF YOU DETECTED OTHER HUNANIC COMBATANTS, THEN YOU'RE HIGH-TECH DOODADS WERE.

If Tenchantis had robots on the ship, we apologize and will compensate them for the loss.

ROBOTS SCHMOBOTS.

Oh, and BTW, while you were in Trichomedia, your highest officers coordinated a bombing of the Museum of Things We've Found From the Portal that Seem to have Absoulutely No Use in the city of Old New New York, and you killed 14 people, injured 76, caused $100,000 worth of damage, and destroyed an irreplacable artifact that looked like an elongated sphere. So yes, your bloody attacks have caused civilian casualties.

ONCE AGAIN, YOU ASSOCIATE EVERYTHING BAD WITH MR. ERTHUL. MR. ERTHUL HAS NO DESIRE TO DESTROY POINTLESS OBJECTS AND THE PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO LOOK AT THEM. CEASE YOUR TREACHEROUS LIES, PLEASE (OR GET BETTER INTELLIGENCE)

I meant to say 'house' terrorists up there, not harm them. Sorry.

XOX XOOKLIA DOES NOT HOUSE TERRORISTS. MR. ERTHUL IS NOT A TERRORIST, MR. ERTHUL IS A BRAVE AND HONERABLE MAN.

Anyway, what looks like half the Monetian fleet pulls up above the subs. They fire lasers and depth charges, destroying the entire fleet. However, it looks like Erthul escaped in the confusion.

I DUNNO WHAT PHYSICS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BUT LASERS DON'T PENETRATE THE OCEAN, DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU DON'T SEE THE BOTTOM OF IT? BECAUSE ALL THE LIGHT GETS ABSORBED, SAME WITH YOUR LASERS. YOU DID DESTROY A COUPLE OF OUR TRANSPORT SUBS WITH YOUR WANTON MILITARY IDIOCY, BUT NAY DID YOU DESTROY THE ENTIRETY OF THE XOX XOOKLIAN FLEET.

Then, another detachment of ships finds a life raft with Erthul on it, and stuns him. We had been tracking him by satellite since we captured him. The fleet heads straight back to Andara.

WHOEVER YOUR CAUGHT WAS NOT MR. ERTHUL. MR. ERTHUL IS SAFE IN HIS SAFE HOUSE. UNFORTUNATELY, MR. ERTHUL'S CURRENT MEANS OF COMMUNICATION LACKS DISTINCTION BETWEEN CAPITAL AND LOWERCASE LETTERING.

 

[Bratmon]

Pres. Mon gives an order to the [automated] department of defense. Three things happen, one after the other.

1. Every Monetan ship in the area of the incident fires every depth charge on board. There is no cubic foot of water that goes unharmed.

2. Several robots go to an area where we knew MR. ERTHUL was. They grab DNA proven to be his and upload it to the Monetian defense network.

3. All Monetian satellites (and man, there's a lot of them) above the island chain (except the Grand Receiver, of course) stop their normal duties and head to tracking ERTHUL.

Spoiler disclaimer :

Moneta has never had any problems with Mr. Erthul. They just like reward money. The cost of this operation is now approching Mm$$ 40,000,000

 

[Perfection]

DUDE, THE INCIDENT IS OVER, MR. ERTHUL IS ON LAND, BUT NICE TO KNOW THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY DEPTH CHARGES ANYMORE. TIME TO RECALL THE SUBS FROM THEIR HIDING PLACES SO THEY CAN MESS WITH YOUR FLEET UNINTERRUPTED.

ON A SADDER NOTE, YOU DESTROYED A SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF A CORAL REEF, YOU JERK.

 

[Bratmon]

Pres. Mon adds 2 new treaties:

Military embargo with XOX XOOKLIA:
1. Pres. Brat Mon (Island of Moneta)

Military alliance against XOX XOOKLIA:
1. Pres. Brat Mon (Island of Moneta)

 

[Bratmon]

The island of Moneta has sent ALL remaining soldiers and ships DIRECTLY to XOX XOOKLIA. When asked how he plans to pay for the operating expenses, and how will he defend Moneta, he pointed to a shiny piece of paper. It appeared to be a contract.

Spoiler the contract :

The grand office of super-admin Thunderfall.
Department of local affairs

We have examined all of possible energy futures, and found that wind and solar will not be able to power out huge mega server thing. So, we looked at other power means. Fossil fuels were found to be to polluting (we don't want to deface the palace) and radiation from nuclear waste disruptive. so, we realized that on Moneta island, there was a perfect energy future. So we agreed to the following terms:

Moneta island provides us with power at a discount rate
Moneta will put our power needs above any of its other customers

We will not use power from any other sources
We will take the responsibility of defending all power production facilities.

 

[CivRulesAll]

King Nathalos of Andara sends 60,000,000 soldiers to Xox Xooklia. The reward money is now $100,000,000 dollars. He joins the military embargo and allianc against Xooklia. They will not go unpunished. King Nathalos holds a meeting with everyone except Selachima (since they refuse to punish Xooklia) and Xox Xooklia.

Spoiler :

King Nathalos will send in 60% of all of his soldiers, and they will besige the capital. The rest of the nations shall attack every other city, village and town. Let the fires burn, the tanks roll, and guns shoot. Let us be victorious.

 

[Seon]

1. Every Monetan ship in the area of the incident fires every depth charge on board. There is no cubic foot of water that goes unharmed.

I don't think environmentalists would be too happy about that.

 

[Bratmon]

^
What is this "dollar" of which you speak?

 

[CivRulesAll]

It is in the country that catches him currency.

 

[choxorn]

The Republic of Trichomedia would like to point out to Mr. Erthul that we would think your 3rd-highest officer would report directly to and plan with you. So, we are blaming you for the bombing in Old New New York. And we freakin saw the other terrorists with our own eyes, don't try to pretend you're cooler than you actually are.

Trichomedia has also gotten a Victory-Class Imperial Star Destroyer from the portal, and will put it to work firing lasers from space on Xox Xooklia to kill them all.

Military embargo with XOX XOOKLIA:
1. Pres. Brat Mon (Island of Moneta), President <Insert Name Here> (Republic of Trichomedia), King Nathalos (Andara), President Innocent Bystander (TSS)

Military alliance against XOX XOOKLIA:
1. Pres. Brat Mon (Island of Moneta), President <Insert Name Here> (Republic of Trichomedia), King Nathalos (Andara), President Innocent Bystander (TSS)

 

[Seon]

Can I be the (armed) environmentalist organization?

 

[choxorn]

Only if you make an island.

 

[kill fire]

Is there even room for an island left?

 

[Seon]

Yes, next to Florida, but I got too lazy now XD

 

[CivRulesAll]

King Nathalos sends an envoy to Xox Xooklia telling Erthul:1.) That his entire island will be destroyed if he does not surrender. 2.) There are about 534 hitmen looking for him. 3.) Have a nice day!

 

[Bratmon]

The first troops from Moneta land on Xox Xooklia. It quickly becomes apparent that an army of robots has an advantage in a country that makes a living by pr0n.

 

[cardgame]

The Monetan robots are quickly backed up by the clinically insane from TSS. (The Army is where we send these people.)

 

[choxorn]

The Imperial Star Destroyer Fires it's turbolasers at the Xox Xooklian city that makes all of Xox Xooklia's porn. The entire city is destroyed, and all the porn is discreetly beamed to Trichome incinerated. Now that Xox Xooklians have nothing to wank to, they will all commit suicide in frustration.

 

[Perfection]

GOOD WORK GUYS, YOU KILLED 35,000,000 CIVILIANS OVER AN ALLEGED BOMBING OF A FEW THOUSAND.

REAL HEROES YOU ARE

BEFORE THE DESTRUCTION THOUGH, MR. ERTHUL ESCAPED IN A ROCKET SHIP HE IS NOW ON THE MOON, PLOTTING HIS REVENGE.