love it
Originally posted by Chingis Khan
The spearman looked up suddenly, "Ah, they come." He bounded from couch, grabbing his spears, and ran through the door.
The tank rumbled it's way up the mountain pass. Almost seventy tons of steel death, with it's powerful engine and it's huge main gun. Two machine guns were mounted on the top; one for the commander, and one for the loader. The powerful beast lumbered around a corner, and halted. For in it's path, sat a scrawny old man, with a huge, long beard, and a handful of spears.
Commander A.S.Shole grinned, "Run him over, boys."
Riko groaned again, "Sir, we can't just run him over. He hasn't done anything."
Shole grimaced, and then addressed the driver, "Rueben, are you a real man? Or are you a pussy?"
Rueben called over his shoulder, "I'm a real man, sir. But Riko is right. I'm not just going to run him over, sir."
Shole swore softly under his breath, then he looked up, "Maybe we 'didn't see him' sitting there", he made finger quotaion marks as he said that.
The crew all said, in unison, "NO, SIR!"
"Fine, fine, I was just testing you guys, anyway", grumbled Sholes, obviously disappointed. "Well, we can't go on with him in the way, go around him."
The seventy ton tank jerked into motion as it tried to go to the right. The old man moved to block it. And again as the tank tried to go left.
"Damn, this guys good. And quick", muttered Sholes. Riko shook his head in frustration. "Sir, it's not that hard for a man on foot to outmanuver a tank. Maybe somebody should go out and move him?"
"Yeah, good idea. Who's the lowest ranking... Rueben! Get out there and move that old man."
The driver grumbled as he crawled out of the tank to face The Spearman. He spoke in halting tones, "Um, excuse me. Um, Sir, could you please, you know, like move, or something?"
An evil twinkle entered the Spearman's eye and he started forward, spear twirling in the sunlight. Rueben began to scream. He screamed like a little girl. Like a particulary wimpy, small girl. A girl so small and wimpy, that you would be forgiven for thinking she had some kind of disease. In fact, Ruebens' girlish, wussy scream was so pathetic, that even his crewmates were a little ashamed of him.
Commander Sholes sat very still in his seat, as he watched what happened to his driver with wide eyes. Riko and Ashby also watched with that same, disbelieving expression.
"Holy geez..."
"Did you see that?..."
"Oh, that's not right, man..."
"I think I'm going to be sick...."
"Is that even possible? .. damn.."
"Wow, look at that spleen fly!"
"Hey, did you see his stomach rip open?"
"Yeah, I think I saw some French Fries in there..."
After the slaughter was over, and the little pieces of Rueben had finished flying all over the place, Shole said, "Well, who's the next lowest ranking? Ashby! Get out there and avenge your friend."
Ashby's eyes grew wide, "You can't be serious? With all due respect, sir, screw you!"
Shole said, "Hmmm, well in that case, can we run him over now?"
Riko stared at Sholes in astonishent, "Sir, you just sent our driver to his horrible, horrible death. I don't know how to drive this thing, sir."
Shole said, "Ha! I do! I've watched Rueben at the controls quite a bit. Get outta my way."
The American main battle tank lurched forward at the old man, but The Spearman leaped nimbly out from the tank's path and lept to the side. A *tink, tink* noise came from the hull.
"What the hell is he doing?"
"I think he's attacking us, sir!"
Sholes looked into the driver's periscope and he saw the old man dancing around the tank. Was that... ballet? The old man performed pirouttes and leaps as graceful as any the commander had ever seen. Every now and then, The Spearman would leap forwards and stab at the tank's armor plating.
Shole had had enough, he went to his hatch and poked his head out, "Hey! I said HEY! What the hell are you doing down there?"
The old man paused in mid-twirl, "What does it look like I'm doing, you peabrain? I'm doing the 'dance of death'."
Sholes was taken aback. "The dance of death? Well, it looks like ballet to me."
The old man stopped. "You damn people! You don't appreciate anything, do you? Have you ever performed 'the dance of death'? Well, have you? I didn't think so. I have killed countless people and destroyed many things. I think I am qualified to perform 'the dance of death'. don't you?"
"Umm, sure, I guess. But would you mind not hitting the tank, son? You're scratching the paintwork.... yikes!", the commander hurriedly ducked back inside to avoid the spear hurtling towards his head.
"Okay, crew. I guess we can't run the nimble little bastard over. Ashby, get up there and shoot him with the .50 cal."
The hatch opened once more, and Ashby climbed up to man the gun. He fired a burst that stitched a line along the ground towards the old man, but the old guy leaped into the air, somersaulting end over end. Ashby corrected his aim and fired again, and again, and again. But The Spearman cartwheeled, flipped and leapt from the path of the deadly bullets each time. Then, just as Ashby thought he had the old guy, The Spearman jumped high up over the hull, and just ...kind of hovered in front of Ashby. His hands were raised above his head and off to the sides, and his legs drawn up, as if he were about to kick out (autor's note: You may think that this is just a shameless hack from a certain movie, however, as you may notice, the old man in my story is obviously kicking with his left leg. Therefore, it is not a ripoff, and completely original. *ahem*, well, mostly original. Alright, alright, it's a shameless ripoff! Do you think you could do better? Do you think it's easy coming up with story writing material? DO YOU? You damn readers, you sit out there in your cosy chairs, reading the stories that I PROVIDE! DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH?!? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRU....damn. I just did it again, didn't I? Oh well, back to the story. Now where was I? Ah yes...) . He was just ... hanging there, motionless. Ashby stared in confusion, blinked, and stared some more. "Hey, guys, get up here! You should really see this!" Riko and commander Sholes emerged from the other hatch. They stared in amazement at the motionless, hovering figure.
"Woah, dude! Check it out!"
"Damnshame he didn't stop like that on the ground, I could have run him over for sure!"
Ashby rubbed his eyes, yet again, "I really don't think that this is possible. I mean really, it's like something from a bad movie!"
Shole screamed, "I don't care what it is, just shoot the little sumbetch!", with that, he and Riko went back down and closed the hatch. Ashby shrugged and lined up the machine gun. Just as suddenly as he had paused, The Spearman surged back into motion. His foot kicked out and bent the barrel of the .50cal, Ashby stared, slackjawed as The Spearman landed lightly in front of him. Ashby screamed, and fell back into the tank. The hatch slammed shut after him.
Riko wrinkled his nose, "What is that smell?"
Commander A.S.Shole looked in disgust, "It smells like somebody crapped his pants!"
Ashby muttered sullenly, "Shut up! You would too if that wierd old man was facing you...."