Ask A Girl IV: Boundless Questions

[Greizer85]

Why do women love the first few songs or poems, but as they keep coming, insist that I "stop writing and start living"? Writing IS living to me; that's all there is to it. I exist to praise things, and people. I detest the ordinary life, and women seem to love nothing more. Why is that? Why do beautiful women understand and think so little of beauty - their own or that of the world?

Perhaps I'm simply a bad poet/songwriter. I write in Finnish, mostly, but I've done some English pieces. Would you object to songs like this, Boundless - day in and day out? The girl I gave it to (an elusive but charming aquintance) looked at it for a little while, then gave it back, saying "You're obviously very talented", hugged me and walked away for ever, as if from a cripple or a leper.

Spoiler :

"Tomorrow Song" / "Starlight Bird"

i saw a bird fly yesterday
in its beak Tomorrow's bough
it's he that dropped it here today
to sing a song, remember now

now when he came i was lovelorn
there was naught i could enjoy
he came to me a sorrow's morn
he left me on an eve of joy

i cried to him, i am a fool
for lonely dreams of long ago
he sang to me, there is a rule
that only fools can ever know

in times of strife take heart of this:
it's dark until a star is lit
there's much to mourn and more to miss
time waits for you if you let it

we laughed and sang, he told me tales
of gentle thieves and of cruel kings
then over mountains, over vales
he sailed with thunder on his wings

he flew to Heaven where God laid
with weary eyes He spied the land
He saw the bird which He had made
and had it fed from angels' hands

although he was not made the first
he was the first to grace the air
and though his fangs were of the worst
there was none with feather so fair

and oh his wings, how they could fly!
he'd dive so deep, he'd fly so high
how he could sing! he'd kiss the sky
'til clouds would melt, 'til blues would die

then i saw you, my brilliant light
you touched my heart, it opened wide
two silent stars fought back the night
with love and freedom on their side

- o fare thee well, blithe friend of stars!
that dream and mem'ry gave motion
that which you brought's forever ours
high as the sky and deep as the ocean

Beauty demands praise, the same way that a day requires sunshine. There is no difference. I will never 'mend my ways', for that would mean I'd lose myself, and betray the world of much beauty that is to yet to come. Feel free to ridicule me, since you are all of the 'modern race' here - the 'Facebook folk' - I only wish to understand your kind better, to know what exactly I resent.

More hopefully, perhaps some sort of compromise can be found. I can appreciate people as human beings, too - I can praise spirits as well as bodies, and even better, I can tell jokes and make conversation, etc. I do not know the social 'formulas', though - I hate all kinds of games between people, and will not learn stock phrases or robotic/animal behaviors such as "look away in your profile picture; NOW ask her phone number; don't call until Tuesday", etc. I'm careful not to manipulate others in any situation.

My songs and poems are not attempts to buy sex from people (I look for love, not sex alone); they stand on their own, and I am at the point where they're becoming too much more important to me than the people they're inspired by. That is why I seek your advice. I don't want to lose all human contact, although I've gotten rid of most distractions in order to preserve my abstract way of living. Most people are much better to look at than to talk to, I find (both men and women).

 

[ParadigmShifter]

Finnish is a great language, see: bread rolls



You sound like you may be a tad pretentious though, women aren't keen on that.

 

[Greizer85]

Flair is the soul of life. We are all pretenders here, all the living, anyway. If I am too pretentious according to modern standards - then I wish to find an equally pretentious/old-fashioned woman. Where are they, pray tell me, kind sir?

 

[ParadigmShifter]

Art galleries are pretty good I think.

 

[Greizer85]

I suppose I should have told you about my crippling (initial) social anxiety. I'd rather swim over the Gulf of Finland (in the winter) than talk to a totally strange woman without writing her first. However, I have met a few women of the 'art-gallery type'. It did not convince me to keep up my search. Those women are usually into women's studies and the like. Politics is the total opposite of beauty. An artist cannot be political without compromising the quality of their work.

Another thing I didn't mention is that if I found the perfect woman - an intelligent and beautiful aesthete with plenty room for dirty thoughts as well - I simply cannot bear the thought of losing her. I enter into any relationship with a view to its end. "How will I be able to end this without too much pain?" Usually not very well, as you may guess.

The pain and grief that two people who have deeply loved each other inflict on each other when they part unhappily is incomprehensible to me. My brother lost his girlfriend of four years - he's a very down-to-earth guy, not like me at all - and he is a shade with a dead voice two years after, even though he's got a new girl now. All his memories are tainted... All those years feel like they've been wasted now. There were two beings at first; then there was more than one but less than two (if it's true love); now there's two that are both incomplete, with pieces missing and foreign bits added. It's true that lovers begin to resemble each other as the years pass. To have that kind of connection and to lose it is a heroism or a folly (perhaps both) that I cannot begin to understand. Perhaps there is a reason why most people do not dwell on these things. There'd never be more humans if everyone was sensible about love.

I search the perfect woman. God help me if I find her.

 

[PeteAtoms]

Finnish is a great language, see: bread rolls

It's depressing that it took me so long to actually get that, lol.

Question:
Am I being sexist when I see hot, model thin women in action movies, and I don't believe it. For example, in the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, there is a fight between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.


Link to video.

I think it's hilarious how Jolie is supposed to be a challenge for Brad Pitt. There is no way, in my mind, that a woman of Jolie's physique could go toe to toe with a guy like Pitt.

How do you feel about this kind of thing in movies? Do you watch that scene and think it's actually believable?

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Art galleries are pretty good I think.

Meh. My girlfriend once lasted through about an hour and a half of "guess the European king" before she forcibly removed me from the building.

 

[Mark Young]

What is the one question you haven't been asked but would like to be asked? And can you also answer it?

 

[Dreadnought]

oh! I was just talking to my friend, and the topic made me think of this thread.

My friend is in the dating department, and he's been pretty aggressive at it. He's got two or three ladies in particular that he's dating.

He says that dating multiple women is ok because you haven't committed to any one in particular yet. I'm more of a traditionalist in that I prefer to date one woman at a time.

He also states that women like when a guy pursues them directly; ie, a guy that doesn't skirt around the issue and simply asks them out directly before the whole courtship hunky-dory-showing-attraction sort of thing. I prefer to take it slower.

How do women feel about these?

 

[Hygro]

I'll go with brains. (doesn't mean I don't care about beauty though!)

Her answer actually fell into the muscles category, liberally interpreted.

 

[Boundless]

Why do women love the first few songs or poems, but as they keep coming, insist that I "stop writing and start living"? Writing IS living to me; that's all there is to it. I exist to praise things, and people. I detest the ordinary life, and women seem to love nothing more. Why is that? Why do beautiful women understand and think so little of beauty - their own or that of the world?

Perhaps I'm simply a bad poet/songwriter. I write in Finnish, mostly, but I've done some English pieces. Would you object to songs like this, Boundless - day in and day out? The girl I gave it to (an elusive but charming aquintance) looked at it for a little while, then gave it back, saying "You're obviously very talented", hugged me and walked away for ever, as if from a cripple or a leper.

Spoiler :

"Tomorrow Song" / "Starlight Bird"

i saw a bird fly yesterday
in its beak Tomorrow's bough
it's he that dropped it here today
to sing a song, remember now

now when he came i was lovelorn
there was naught i could enjoy
he came to me a sorrow's morn
he left me on an eve of joy

i cried to him, i am a fool
for lonely dreams of long ago
he sang to me, there is a rule
that only fools can ever know

in times of strife take heart of this:
it's dark until a star is lit
there's much to mourn and more to miss
time waits for you if you let it

we laughed and sang, he told me tales
of gentle thieves and of cruel kings
then over mountains, over vales
he sailed with thunder on his wings

he flew to Heaven where God laid
with weary eyes He spied the land
He saw the bird which He had made
and had it fed from angels' hands

although he was not made the first
he was the first to grace the air
and though his fangs were of the worst
there was none with feather so fair

and oh his wings, how they could fly!
he'd dive so deep, he'd fly so high
how he could sing! he'd kiss the sky
'til clouds would melt, 'til blues would die

then i saw you, my brilliant light
you touched my heart, it opened wide
two silent stars fought back the night
with love and freedom on their side

- o fare thee well, blithe friend of stars!
that dream and mem'ry gave motion
that which you brought's forever ours
high as the sky and deep as the ocean

Beauty demands praise, the same way that a day requires sunshine. There is no difference. I will never 'mend my ways', for that would mean I'd lose myself, and betray the world of much beauty that is to yet to come. Feel free to ridicule me, since you are all of the 'modern race' here - the 'Facebook folk' - I only wish to understand your kind better, to know what exactly I resent.

More hopefully, perhaps some sort of compromise can be found. I can appreciate people as human beings, too - I can praise spirits as well as bodies, and even better, I can tell jokes and make conversation, etc. I do not know the social 'formulas', though - I hate all kinds of games between people, and will not learn stock phrases or robotic/animal behaviors such as "look away in your profile picture; NOW ask her phone number; don't call until Tuesday", etc. I'm careful not to manipulate others in any situation.

My songs and poems are not attempts to buy sex from people (I look for love, not sex alone); they stand on their own, and I am at the point where they're becoming too much more important to me than the people they're inspired by. That is why I seek your advice. I don't want to lose all human contact, although I've gotten rid of most distractions in order to preserve my abstract way of living. Most people are much better to look at than to talk to, I find (both men and women).

I think if you lost all human contact you'd lose the inspiration to write about people - even if you do despise them. I can honestly say, and I've said this to many boyfriends, I adore romantic gestures but I don't want them all the time. What you wrote is beautiful, but it's not beautiful anymore if you have it on tap. I believe that the definition of beauty is partially down to it being rare, special and sometimes out of reach. If you have it all the time it becomes simplified and something to expect, and beauty isn't that. You can't praise something if you have it all the time.
I'm not saying stop writing; I think it would be a wasted talent for you and evidently if it's something that gives you that much pleasure you should keep doing it. But if you are writing for someone else, write for them but not give it to them. It's still a way of expressing how you feel, and occasionally it will get the praise it deserves.
Beautiful women don't think little of beauty, I'd argue that a beautiful woman can't even see it in herself most of the time which is part of that beauty. And any physically beautiful woman who does think little of it isn't so beautiful in my eyes.

I suppose I should have told you about my crippling (initial) social anxiety. I'd rather swim over the Gulf of Finland (in the winter) than talk to a totally strange woman without writing her first. However, I have met a few women of the 'art-gallery type'. It did not convince me to keep up my search. Those women are usually into women's studies and the like. Politics is the total opposite of beauty. An artist cannot be political without compromising the quality of their work.

Another thing I didn't mention is that if I found the perfect woman - an intelligent and beautiful aesthete with plenty room for dirty thoughts as well - I simply cannot bear the thought of losing her. I enter into any relationship with a view to its end. "How will I be able to end this without too much pain?" Usually not very well, as you may guess.

The pain and grief that two people who have deeply loved each other inflict on each other when they part unhappily is incomprehensible to me. My brother lost his girlfriend of four years - he's a very down-to-earth guy, not like me at all - and he is a shade with a dead voice two years after, even though he's got a new girl now. All his memories are tainted... All those years feel like they've been wasted now. There were two beings at first; then there was more than one but less than two (if it's true love); now there's two that are both incomplete, with pieces missing and foreign bits added. It's true that lovers begin to resemble each other as the years pass. To have that kind of connection and to lose it is a heroism or a folly (perhaps both) that I cannot begin to understand. Perhaps there is a reason why most people do not dwell on these things. There'd never be more humans if everyone was sensible about love.

I search the perfect woman. God help me if I find her.

The pain and grief that two people feel when they lose each other to me is not a suggestion of a lost soul or pieces missing. To me that's having to let go of memories which you don't want to accept aren't going to happen anymore. I don't like to believe in fate, but if they were meant to be and that connection was truly something that was meant to last forever, it would do. When you're grieving years feel like they're wasted because you know you can't have them anymore and you're sour. It would be foolish to say that years loving someone is wasted because you've learnt so much and experienced something that is so precious and beautiful.
Why do you say that there would never be more humans if everyone was sensible about love?
You say, 'I enter into any relationship with a view to its end'. I can honestly say you'll never find the perfect woman if you take everything as pessimistic. Granted I've done the same, and heck I've put myself in situations I KNOW can't last forever because of situation, but I truly believe in the time you have together with someone you make it the best it can be, and at the end of it you can either walk away and see what an amazing time it was retrospectively, or realise situation is irrelevant if you care enough. The perfect woman for you isn't necessarily going to be the one who makes you 'see the light' and not view something with end because I truly believe nothing lasts forever, but the perfect woman will make you realise your pessimism was foolish. That's what I believe anyway.
Keep writing though, you're talented in my opinion. I write my own short stories, although not for any sort of recognition or praise, just to get words on a page really. I think it's important. Maybe just do it for your own peace of mind rather than for someone else to be read. I think the joy of writing can be in wondering what reaction it would get.

 

[Boundless]

oh! I was just talking to my friend, and the topic made me think of this thread.

My friend is in the dating department, and he's been pretty aggressive at it. He's got two or three ladies in particular that he's dating.

He says that dating multiple women is ok because you haven't committed to any one in particular yet. I'm more of a traditionalist in that I prefer to date one woman at a time.

He also states that women like when a guy pursues them directly; ie, a guy that doesn't skirt around the issue and simply asks them out directly before the whole courtship hunky-dory-showing-attraction sort of thing. I prefer to take it slower.

How do women feel about these?

I like a direct guy. Be honest with me and I'll be honest with you. Easy.

 

[azzaman333]

Er...don't ask questions like this one?
No in all seriousness just be nice to her, er... what makes me like a boy? If they're attractive to me (obviously), make me laugh, if they're charming (that always helps), can have a laugh with them, can be an idiot and not give a damn... those all help. This is fairly obvious though, no?
Does this girl not like you at the moment, is that why? In which case I should probably give you different advice...

Well the problem stems from the fact I have absolutely no idea if she likes me.

 

[Boundless]

Well the problem stems from the fact I have absolutely no idea if she likes me.

Ask her, what harm can it do!? You have absolutely nothing to lose, and I respect people for being open and honest (though not too open and honest, I don't want to know EVERYTHING)

 

[Abaddon]

You don't have to kiss her, but at least give yourself the chance. Its a much bigger regret never doing anything because it will go over and over in your head.

 

[Mise]

I should have kissed her gets 16m hits for me, vs 90m for I shouldn't have kissed her. (No quotes.)

 

[Boundless]

I should have kissed her gets 16m hits for me, vs 90m for I shouldn't have kissed her. (No quotes.)

Well damn it, now I know you're not secretly Chris Brown.


Link to video.

 

[azzaman333]

Ask her, what harm can it do!? You have absolutely nothing to lose, and I respect people for being open and honest (though not too open and honest, I don't want to know EVERYTHING)

Well, one possibility is she could stop talking to me altogether, making the group project we're working on (with a few others) for uni extremely awkward and difficult for all involved.

 

[Mise]

Why would she stop talking to you altogether?

 

[Boundless]

Well, one possibility is she could stop talking to me altogether, making the group project we're working on (with a few others) for uni extremely awkward and difficult for all involved.

If she stops talking to you and is also in that sort of situation with you she's an immature lemon and not worth your time. People who can't see beyond that are ridiculous because they're hindering themselves and others work because of too much pride. It might be awkward for a bit, but if she's a nice enough girl she'll just get on with it and not think twice. DOOOO IT DO IT DO IT! I was reading my old diary from aged 14 last night and the number of times I've written, 'I like this boy but I don't know if he likes me' is ridiculous (I was super cool).