Well, my point is that both Jehoshua and LoE seem to say that "all men/women MUST be X," where in Jehoshua's case X is "fully conforming to traditional gender roles," while in Lord of Elves case X is "entirely separated from pre-established gender roles". Both of these positions are, in their way, totally absolutist, and as you said, they reduce the chance for any sort of compromise or mutual understanding.