Babylonian Idol! [RFC-UHV-OMG?]

This. Is. Awesome!!!!!!!
 
Great update.
 
:goodjob:
 
Act 3​

Hammurabi got out of his tent and looked down at the activity below. His brave people were hard at work near the banks of the Purattu river, hauling goods back and forth.
The specialty of their people was trade and it had been a very good year for them. Fishing and game was plentiful and the crops were ripe and abundant. When everyone was well fed and happy, trade boomed. Most of their people were either skilled artisans, traders, or a mix of both. They traveled from region to region along the Purattu and Idigna rivers, trading with local settlements as they went. Hammurabi himself was one of the most successful trader of all, he held great authority from his sheer wisdom and success. When Hammurabi said something, it was usually right.

Their group had no official leader, it was structured in families. The most successful a family was, the most influence it had on the others. Hammurabi's family was by a fair margin the wealthiest of all, and not without reason... He always knew where to go, what goods to take and when it was time to move again. It was just natural to him. Now, however, an entirely new challenge was waiting for him... He would have to make everyone Bow before him!!

He knew he had to do this right now or otherwise it would never work..."Grampa made it very clear", Hammurabi thought. He walked briskly down the slope, stopped near the people and stood on a boulder as to be more easily seen from afar. Speaking loudly, he addressed the crowd.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

<Hammurabi> My dear people! Come closer, please come closer, I need to speak to you!

*The people come closer and look at Hammurabi*

<Some dude in the front row> What is it Hammurabi?
<Hammurabi> I need to speak to you all! Please go get everyone, even your children and families!
<Man at the left> But what is this all about?
<Hammurabi> Gather everyone and you shall know!

*people look around, grumble, then go after the remaining folks. A little while later, a big crowd stands before Hammurabi*

<Hammurabi> My good people! I have very important matters to discuss with you!
<Dude in the front row> Just tell us what this is all about!
<Some guy at the back> It better be important! I was kinda busy growing our population just then!
<Hammurabi> I had a revelation from the powers above! We shall not move tomorrow, instead we will stay here and build a City!

*utter silence*

<Hammurabi> Yes! This land is rich and is full of promises for us! We will use our skills and riches to build a great city RIGHT HERE! It will be the beginning of a grand nation! Everyone throughout Mesopotamia will acknowledge us as the greatest people ever and will flock to us!

<Crowd> *Grumble*Grumble*Grumble*

<Woman, 2nd row, third spot at the right> But this is crazy talk! You, out of everyone, should be the first to realize this!
<Guy at the back> Yeah! Our people can only thrive by moving and selling stuff to the other tribes!
<Hammurabi> Yes! Our riches! The people will still want to trade and will come to us instead! We will no longer be vulnerable and wasting our energy moving! Instead, we will build a GRAND palace and fortifications! We will grow ever richer than before, everyone will bow and worship before our utter greatness!
<Hammurabi> I Hammurabi, Will guide you through this! Our ancestors came and talked to me. I have seen the way, i have seen how it can be done! I SHALL BE YOU KING!

<Crowd> *GRUMBLE!*GRUMBLE!*GRUMBLE!*

<Guy at the back> Has the sun scorched you brain Hammurabi!? What is all this nonsense about our ancestors and you, suddenly becoming our king?
<Man at the left> Yeah right! Why not my mother while we are at it, she makes the best sheep pie!

<Crowd> *GRUMBLE!*GRUMBLE!*GRUMBLE!*

<Hammurabi> SILENCE FOOLS!!
*Hammurabi points at some woman*
<Hammurabi> Zakiti! Tell me, when your baby was drowning in the Euphrates last year, who bravely risked his life in the current to save him?
<Zakiti> It was Ishme over there, he dove head first and braved the waters to save my baby!
<Hammurabi> YES!! Ishme is a brave man, and he definitely agrees with Me! Right Ishme?
<Ishme> huh? What the f...
<Hammurabi> BALASHI!!!!
*Hammurabi points toward balashi*
<Hammurabi> Tell us Balashi! When your woman was sick earlier this spring, who provided the remedy to cure her illness?
<Balashi> It was Amata! Our wise woman! She spent days and nights at my wife's side. She used various herbs and some poultice and by her efforts, my wife was cured!
<Hammurabi> YES!! Amata is a wise woman! But need i remember you she still owes me 30 gold pieces?
<Amata>:shifty:
<Guy at the back> but...
<Hammurabi> ISHTAR!!
*Hammurabi points at ishtar*
<Hammurabi> Tell us ishtar, In the fatefull year of the great flood, when you lost all your goods in the raging waters and you were ruined. Who decided to give you gold to help you start over?
<Ishtar> But this was over 40 years ago Hammurabi... It was the good Zuuthusu, long since dead... His generosity allowed me to rebuild my life out of this disastrous event!
<Hammurabi> YES!! the good Zuuthusu! He was such a kind man... and need i remember you he was my Grampa's best buddy?
<Man at the left> but how...
<Hammurabi> I TELL YOU!! Grampa came back to me with this divine message! He talked to me from the realms above! It is him who told me all this!!! DO YOU DARE SAY GRAMPA WAS A LIAR ? :mad:

*crowd is confused* :shifty:

<Man at the right> But... but... Hammurabi... I still do not understand how all of this explains this... this... revelation you had...

<Hammurabi> If you do not yet understand.... Let me tell you this one last thing...

<Hammurabi> IT...
<Hammurabi> IS...
<Hammurabi> THE...
<Hammurabi> WILL...
<Hammurabi> OF THE GODS!!!!!

As he spoke the last words, Hammurabi shot his fists toward the sky and an instant later a massive lighting bolt struck the ground not fifty feet away from Hammurabi's back. In a deafening crash it sent dirt and debris flying in every directions. The crowd cowered down in shock and fear. As the echo of thunder subsided, the people recovered from the terror and blinding flash. The first thing they looked at was Hammurabi, still on his boulder. He was just standing there as straight as ever.

*Utter Silence*
...
*Guy at the back stands up*
<Guy at the back> ALL HAIL THE KING!!!! LONG LIVE OUR KING!!! HAMMURABI BE PRAISED!!!
<Crowd> *In a roar* LONG LIVE THE KING!!! LONG LIVE HAMMURABI!!!

They all swarmed around him and lifted him clear off the ground, as if to show off their brand new king for all the heavens to witness. Then they carried him all over the place while chanting his name "HAMMURABI!!! HAMMURABI!!!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

*Back in the pantheon*

<Shiva> *Whistle*
<Hunab Ku> *clap, clap, clap*
<Jupiter> I gotta admit this man has balls...
<Hera> Either that, or he is completely mad.
<Odin> Who cares since it worked!
<Zeus> For once, i agree, looks like Enlil has picked the right one!
<Absu> Yeah and i will have to congratulate him for the lightning strike, i am speechless!
<Horus> Definitely! This was awesome!

*Enlil enters the Pantheon*

<Enlil> Hi everyone!
<Absu> Congratulation my son! What you did was beyond words! I am extremely proud of you!
<Enlil> uhhh.. thanks dad... but do you mind if i ask you what you are talking about?
<Absu> The lightning bolt of course!
<Enlil> uhh....
<Hera> Yes! You know, Hammurabi! After he got out of the tent and made his speech!
<Enlil> uhh....
<Hunab Ku> Yeah for a moment we just thought his people were about to start throwing stones at him or something.
<Enlil> uhh....
<Shiva> Then as he said the last bit, there was this massive lightning bolt and it impressed the crap out of everyone!
<Enlil> You mean... he actualy got out of his tent and made a speech? Last i checked, he was just staying there hours after hours so i got bored and went somewhere else... Like, WTH, really, i missed all of this?
<Absu> But... if the lightning was not your doing, it was from one of us here!
<Jupiter> Yeah it has to be!
<Hera> No doubt!
<Horus> Odin, i am sure it was you! its just like your kind of stuff!
<Odin> It wasn't me i swear! You know me! If i had done it i would be bragging about it all over the place!
<Shiva> He got a point there...
<Absu> then who was it...?

(<_<) * Absu looks at Jupiter*
* Jupiter looks at Hunab Ku* (<_<)
(<_<) * Hunab Ku looks at Horus*
* Horus looks at Odin* (<_<)
(<_<) * Odin looks at Hera*
* Hera looks at Shiva* (<_<)
(>_>) * Shiva looks at Odin*

<Shiva> Allright! im sure it was you already!!
<Odin> I Swear it wasnt!!

(<_<) * Shiva looks at Jupiter*
* Jupiter looks at Horus*(>_>)
(<_<) * Hunab ku looks at Hera*
* Hera looks at Enlil*(>_>)
<Enlil> &#8254;\ (O_o) /&#8254;
...
<Zeus> OK OK OK, Alllright, I admit, it was me! :D
<Everyone> ZEUS!!!!
<Hera> By the Iliad! Out of anyone i would never have believed...
<Zeus> I know, i know... i just could not resist :D
<Hunab ku> This is even more incredible than Bacchus being Sober!
<Jupiter> Told you before... you better shutup...
<Horus> Anyway, looks like the Babylonians are off to a start! See there, they are already building the city and Hammurabi is officially crowned!
<Jupiter> I would never have believed it!
<Horus> The Egyptians will not be left behind! I will consort with my brother Anubis! We will find a way to make the Egyptians elect a mighty Pharaoh! They shall become the strongest! I Swear!
<Shiva> Do not forget the Indians are as many as the stars! I will have them rule the world through the strength of spirituality!!!
<Jupiter> Now the Romans will be the mightiest of all! The earth will tremble beneath the feet of the numberless legions!!
<Hodin> Yeah, you may want to wait a few centuries before you try anything out of your "numberless legions" As of now they are more like some "orderless shamble"!
<Hunab Ku> :lol:
<Jupiter> HOW DARE YOU!!!
<Zeus> He is right, they are barely more than barbarians at this point!
<Jupiter> And what about your Greeks? Like they are any better at this point ?
<Zeus> Well, maybe not by much, but you don't hear me bragging about them all day long now do you?
<Shiva> No big surprise here, i would not be bragging much about them either! :lol:
<Hera> Shutup Shiva!
<Zeus> Anyway! When the day is chosen! The Greeks shall rule the world through the power of Culture! They will be the first to invent Literature, Drama and Philosophy!!! I swear!!!
<Odin> Oh really? And will they invent all of this Before... or After they invent "BeingGay"?
<Hunab ku> Pwahahahaha!!! :lmao:
<Shiva>:lol:
<Zeus> Aaaarrrggh !!!

<Gods>*Grumble*Grumble*Grumble*
<Gods>*Grumble*Grumble*Grumble*
<Gods>*Grumble*Grumble*Grumble*
<Gods>*Grumble*Grumble*Grumble*
<Gods>*Grumble*Grumble*Grumble*
...............................

End of Act 3​

Civ4ScreenShot0001.jpg
 
Nice job! At this rate, you'll be done in about 270 acts... But hey! Some of the best stories are very long, so...
 
I really love this story. :goodjob:
 
Well... Keep this up, and you'll be one of the best comedy writers in S&T, up with me, Yoshi, and Olaf.
 
MaxWar said:
<Odin> Oh really? And will they invent all of this Before... or After they invent "BeingGay"
Click to expand...
One of the Greeks more used invention. Them Greeks sure did love them Greeks :lol:
 
Great update.
 
This is just brilliant. Really :)
 
I rate that update 9.99/10
 
My rating of POTU: 50/25
 
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