Babylonian Idol! [RFC-UHV-OMG?]

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After arguing among themselves for countless hours, the gods finally settled their attention back on earthly matters. At some point, an augural entrance wakes them up from their contemplative slumber.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Act 4​
​

*Anubis enters the Pantheon*

<Anubis> It worked brother! The Egyptians have a new Pharaoh, his name is Ramesses!
<Horus> Yes, this is wonderful! We have been watching actually, I guess the "Little help" we provided has worked it's magic! :)
<Anubis> Indeed, he was just crowned and made a beautiful speech about how the Egyptians would build a magnificent empire filled with wonders, spreading their glorious culture across the land.
<Zeus> I gotta say this Ramesses is a very good speaker.
<Hera> Yes, he was very eloquent!
<Odin> Oh yes, very eloquent, I could almost like him... Now, can someone just tell him to get rid of the silly makeup? ...
<Hunab ku> :lol:
<Jupiter>I say he's full of it, a shameless liar. There's no way he's gonna achieve all those things he promised his people.
<Shiva> Yeah, and don't you think that he dresses like a freak too? I mean, just look at that silly headpiece he wears...
<Horus> Will you all stop this! You guys are just jealous because most of you are stuck with barbarians!
<Anubis> I'm out of here brother, i just cant stand them. I don't know how you do it.

*Anubis leaves the pantheon*

<Horus> See what you guys did!?!
*everyone ignores Horus*
<Hera> Shiva, how can you say such a thing when your own getup is a total disaster? Look at yourself!
*Shiva looks at himself*
<Shiva> What about it?
<Hera> Ahh, i wont even bother commenting... You are just impossible! We are gods! Why should we have to put up with a freak like you!!!
<Shiva> Need i remind you i am a god myself?
<Odin> I find he is a good match for his wacky Indians!
<Absu> Indeed, considering the Indians, it should be expected for Shiva to be slightly outside the norm.
<Hera> Slightly you say?
<Zeus> Actually, talking about those Indians, just look at them! It appears they have a new ruler too!
<Gods> What?!

*Zeus scatters the clouds a little and the gods look at India*

<Hunab Ku> Yes you are right! Look at them, they are totally crazy about him. They worship him like he is a god!
<Horus> And here's what looks like a huge palace being built.
<Absu> But, this is wicked! They are building it at such a crazy speed!
<Shiva> Yup, we call them fast workers for a reason.
<Jupiter> This is all very unexpected!
<Odin> Now i just wonder who this "man-god" might be.
<Shiva> His name is Asoka.

*Everyone looks toward Shiva*

<Zeus> Shiva... now, what exactly is your doing in all of this?
<Shiva> ...
<Absu> Harrumph... Shiva?
<Shiva> :mischief:
<Jupiter> Oh gosh... i don't like the feel of this.
<Horus> Me neither.
<Odin> Yeah, its not funny Shiva, just tell us what you have done.
<Shiva> Well.... hmmm, its kinda hard to explain.
<Hunab ku> Just tell us!
<Hera> For some reason, Im not sure if I really want to hear this.
<Jupiter> Shiva, Failure to immediately explain might have very grave consequences.
<Shiva> Well... its just that...
<Zeus> AHHHHhhh! Spit it out already!!
<Shiva> Alright, I poisoned the water.

<Everyone> WHAAAT?!!!

<Shiva> Well... I put some poison in their water.
<Zeus> FOOL! WHAT IS THIS CRAZY IDEA!?
<Absu> *facepalm*
<Horus> :shake:
<Hera> Thats it... im not feeling too well... :yuck:
<Odin and Hunab Ku> :clap:
<Jupiter> Now you'd better explain some more, because it doesn't make any sense!
<Zeus> Actually he is right, it doesn't make any sense.
<Horus> And since when is Shiva supposed to make any sense?
<Absu> Seriously Shiva, just tell the whole story, Now!

*Everyone looks at Shiva*

<Shiva> Alright then, in truth, i did not exactly poison them. Well, i did but...
<Hera> See what i mean? He is totally crazy!
<Zeus> Just let him speak please!
<Shiva> The thing is that the poison I used is quite mild, but extremely Hallucinogenic.
<Shiva> On the following day, the entire population of Delhi was experiencing the ultimate in psychedelic buzz.
<Shiva>The people gathered in the town center and thought they were experiencing a collective spiritual communion.
<Shiva>Given how spiritual they are, this was big matter to them. The people felt they were in direct contact with the gods. Between you and me, we all know this is bullsh!t though...
<Shiva> At one point, some dude called Asoka enters the city along with his cow!
<Shiva> The people, when they saw him coming, were convinced he was their savior, a messiah sent to them directly from the heavens!
<Shiva> They just rushed in, trying to touch bits of him, kissing his feet, praising him for being divine and stuff.
<Shiva> This Asoka was a quick one, and was not high. He immediately understood the significance of what was happening to him and played along.
<Shiva> He made a little show and won them completely. The rest was just cakewalk, before he knew it, the women were stripping naked right before his eyes.


<Odin> Really? All you had to do is drug them and it all worked out by itself?
<Shiva> Yup!
<Odin> Kickass!!
<Zeus> WTH is this Mad story Shiva?
<Shiva> I swear its the truth!
<Absu> I find this all very hard to believe.
<Shiva> But its true! Just ask around in Delhi if you don't believe me!
<Hunab Ku>Really, if its all true, this is pretty awesome!
<Odin> Yes, i will have to try them hallucinogenic drugs on my vikings someday!
<Zeus> But you can't expect anything like that to ever work outside of India.
<Jupiter> Indeed, It would likely end very badly.
<Odin> I can barely wait! :mischief:

*The Gods, still in disbelief, look some more at India. Shiva is just chilling in the corner, smiling.*

<Absu> Asoka is playing his cards well, they are set upon inventing all the friggin religions in the world!
<Zeus> It is totally mad, but i fear it is not past them Indians to give their best shot at it.
<Jupiter>Damn them crazy Indians, they are so many!
<Horus> Yeah, And why do they get to be the ones with "fast workers" ? ...
<Shiva> You just summed it all yourselves brothers! Brace yourselves, India will own everything!

<Gods>*Grumble*Grumble*Grumble*

<Absu> Pffft!! Now way! By the time your Indians are still building the palace and wondering if something slightly amiss might not be going on, The Babylonians Have already finished Hammurabi's palace! They have a highly structured government already put in place and The City of Babili is the biggest commercial hub in the known world! :mwaha:

*Absu shifts the earth view toward the Babylonian empire and zooms on the city of Babili*

<Hera> I got to admit they've got a good start.
<Absu> Moreover, i am expecting Enlil to come here any instant. The next part of our strategy is already planned. Its just a matter of execution. Its been decided the Babylonians would be the very firsts to discover writing, code of law and monarchy! Furthermore They will be forever remembered as the greatest Stars of the Ancient era!! Babili will be the greatest and biggest of all cities! :mwaha:
<Jupiter> Wow! By the frozen summit of mount Olympus! Just calm yourself Absu!

*Enlil enters the Pantheon*

<Enlil> Hi everyone!!!
<Everyone> Hello Enlil!!!
<Absu> Say son, are you ready for the next part of the plan, the one we talked about last time?
<Enlil> Sure dad! :D

*Suddenly, with a loud crash, the door of the Pantheon explodes in. A Snarling, very weirdly dressed god with a strange style of mustache enters the Pantheon*

<Gods> *Gasp!*
<Zeus>By the blazing pits of Tartarus! Who might You Be!?

<Weird guy> I AM YU HUANG!!! AKA THE JADE EMPEROR, MOST DIVINE ENTITY IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE!!! I REPRESENT THE CHINESE PEOPLE AND THE SURROUNDING NATIONS!!!

<Everyone> !!!
<Little angels usually chilling around the Pantheon> :run:
<Hunab ku> uh oh...
... to be continued
End of Act 4​
 
Great update.
 
brandon.herren said:
Nice Update! Asoka with his pet cow :lol: Now we want a RandomLand update! :p Don't make me use the instant-update spray... :mischief::lol:
Click to expand...

Uhm, Victoria isn't born yet, it's 3000 BC.
Very nice update, MaxWar!
 
Yeah, i did not want to mix RandomLand with this story anyway. RandomLand is in a different dimension, its not the same Asoka :p . Its just that Indians have this thing with cows.
 
Hilarious, nice work! :goodjob:
 
ACT 5​

<YU HUANG> AS I WAS SAYING, I AM YU HUANG!!! AKA THE JADE EMPEROR, MOST DIVINE ENTITY IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE!!! I REPRESENT THE CHINESE PEOPLE AND THE SURROUNDING NATIONS!!!
<Everyone> !!!
<Little angels usually chilling around the Pantheon> :run:
<Hunab ku> uh oh... The little angels are frightened. They always make a mess when they are frightened.
<Panicked little angel> *knocks over decorative vase, it breaks*
<Shiva> Yeah! See what you did funny man? You scared the little angels and now they are going to make a mess!
<Odin> What did this guy say his name was again?
<YU HUANG> DONT YOU LISTEN WHEN I SPEAK?! I SAID IT TWICE YOU DIMWIT!!! I AM YU HUANG, THE JADE EMPEROR, I REPRESENT THE CHINESE EMPIRE!!!
<Horus> Do you always have to shout like that?
*Zeus licks his index and begins to browse through a pile of documents*
<Hera> The Chinese ... You mean those weird folks living in the far east?
<Odin> Oh Them! I though they were only good at growing rice and eating cats.
<Horus> Nooooo! Not eating cats! :cry: Bwaaaa...
<YU HUANG> SILENCE!!! I DID NOT COME TO HEAR YOU BABBLE LIK...

*CRASH!!!*
*Nearby Marble column just tumbled on the floor*
<Little angels> :run:
<Absu> Wow! I've never seen them in such panic!
<Jupiter> They are going to destroy the Pantheon at this rate!

<YU HUANG> AS I WAS GOING TO SAY I AM HERE BECAUSE...
<Zeus> Im sorry Mr.Huang but you are not listed in the latest version of the Compendium of the Gods.
<YU HUANG> WHAT?! ... OH, THAT MUST BE BECAUSE I NEVER FILLED THAT FORM...
<Hera> Yes very likely.
<Jupiter> If you'd like Mr.Yuang, you can go back, fill the form and come back when...
<YU HUANG> ITS HUANG! NOT YUANG!! AND NO WAY! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR LITTLE CLUB OR YOUR BLOODY FORM, LIKE I WOULD HANG OUT WITH A BUNCH OF BABBLING LUNATICS LIKE YOU!!!
<Horus> Errr, Mr.Yuang, can you please stop to...
<YU HUANG> HUANG!! FOR THE LAST TIME!! ITS HUANG!! NOT YUANG!! :mad:

*CRASH!!!* ( Sound of glass breaking)
<Little angels> :run:
<Jupiter> What have they done again!
<Horus> One of em just flung itself through the window!
<Absu> *Facepalm*

<Hera> Mr.Huang, Do you have to be shouting at the top of your lungs whenever you want to say something? Its getting really annoying.
<Yu Huang> OHHH... HMMM, SORRY, IS IT BETTER NOW?
<Hera> *Sigh...*
<Yu Huang> SO, LIKE IVE BEEN TRYING TO EXPLAIN, I CAME HERE BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE UP TO!!!
<Shiva> You're still shouting Mr.Yuang
<YU HUANG> IT IS HUANG!!! AAAARRGHHH!!! AND WILL YOU LET ME FINISH FOR ONCE!!!
<Gods>...
<Yu Huang> OHHHH.... AND NOW IS IT OK?
<Horus> I have a feeling it's as good as it's gonna get...
<Absu> Yeah, lets get over it for now.

*A Whimpering little angel grabs at Jupiter's ankle*
<Jupiter> AAAAAH!! GET OFF ME YOU CREEPY THING!!!
*Jupiter kicks the little angel away*
<Little Angels> :run:
<Absu> Now this is enough! We need to do something!
<Zeus> Right, can someone take care of em?
<Enlil>Im on it!
*Enlil grabs tranquilizer gun and butterfly net*

<Yu Huang> WHY ARE YOU KEEPING THOSE BLOODY FLYERS IN YOUR PANTHEON ANYWAY?
<Hunab ku> Dunno, they're just there, they always have been.
<Hera> Usually they are not such a bother though.
<Odin> Yeah, because usually we don't have a big weird guy breaking doors and shouting like a madman...
<Zeus> *cough* Now Mr.Yuang... err Huang sorry, please just explain us once and for all what brought you here in our humble Pantheon.

<Yu Huang> I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE UP TO AND I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT!
<Yu Huang> MEDDLING WITH THE HUMANS LIKE THE BUNCH OF CHEATS THAT YOU ARE!
<Yu Huang> MESSING AROUND WITH THEM, FINDING HEROES AND LEADERS AND HAVING THEM DO YOUR BIDDINGS!! I WILL NOT HAVE ANY OF THIS!!
<Yu Huang> SO I TOOK MATTERS IN MY OWN HANDS IN CHINA. OUR GLORIOUS EMPEROR WILL INEXORABLY BUILD A GIGANTIC EMPIRE, GROWING MORE POWERFUL WITH EVERY PASSING TURNS, UNTIL THE CHINESE ARMY IS SO LARGE THAT THE REST OF THE WORLD WILL BE TRAMPLED UNDER THEIR FEET!! THE NUMBERLESS LEGIONS OF CHINA WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE!

<Jupiter> I stop you right there Mr.China man, I have the exclusive copyright for the use of: Numberless Legions™. It is in the contract here, line 23: It can only be used while describing Romans! :deal: You will have to find yourself a different honorific for your armies.

<Yu Huang> YOU CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM THE MAGNITUDE OF THE CRAP I DON'T GIVE!
<Yu Huang> ANYWAY I SAID WHAT I HAD TO SAY, STAND READY TO SEE CHINA RULE THE WORLD!!!

<Zeus> Allright, so that is all Mr.Huang?
<Yu Huang> YEAH, IM OUT OF HERE NOW!
<Hera> Phew!
<Odin> Good Riddance!

*Yu Huang starts to leave*

<Zeus> Oh, and one last thing Mr.Huang, can you please fix the door before you leave?

*Yu Huang grunts and leaves the Pantheon. Then, with a loud snapping noise the door implodes back into place*

<Little angels>:run:
<Enlil> It's allright guys! Im almost done catching them!
<Hera> Wow! What a freak this guy was! I think he may be even worse than Shiva!
<SHIVA> HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ME TO THIS GUY!!
<Jupiter> For one thing you shout like him!
<Odin> And you dress like a Queer!
<Shiva> It can't be worse than this freaky Ramses! : "The Mighty Pharaoh"...
<Hera> You should not be talking, Mr. I-poison-my-people-for-lulz!
<Horus> YES YOU TAKE THIS BACK SHIVA!
<Hunab Ku> :lol:

<Gods> *grumble*grumble*grumble*

<Enlil> Hey what do I do with them now?
<Gods> What?

* Enlil shows a basket full of unconscious little angels*
<Jupiter> Oh the angels! Hmmm...
<Odin> Why not send them to China it might be funny!
<Gods> :lol:
<Hera> But that would be cruel! Those Chinese are likely to eat them or something!
<Shiva> Right, better not give em free food if we can!
<Hunab Ku> Why not send them in Hu Yuang's palace or wherever he lives instead! :D
<Odin> Rofl, yeah I like this idea! Then watch Hu Yuang's reaction when they start destroying the place!!
<Gods> :lol:
<Jupiter>Haha.. hahahaha... FOR THE LAST TIME!!! IT IS HUANG!!! NOT YUANG!!!
<Gods> ROFLMAO :lmao: :lol:
<Hunab ku>*Falls over in uncontrollable laughter*
<Zeus> Hahahah, hehe, *cough, cough*
<Hera> *whipes tears with her sleeve*
<Absu> Hahaha.. haha... OMG WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!
...
*Silence*
...
<Odin> OH Noes!! This is just horrible!
*Enlil drops the unconscious angel basket and cover his face in revulsion*
<Enlil>Uuurrgh! Its the little angels! I think they soiled themselves!
<Horus>Nooo... dont tell me...
<Jupiter> Obviously, all the damage was not enough and the blasted things had to poop their diapers!!
<Shiva> Quick! throw them out the window! down the infinite blue sky!!
<Hera> But isn't it a bit harsh? I mean, throwing them down the infinite blue sky?
<Zeus> You want to clean them woman? Powder their butt cheeks while your at it?
<Hera> ...
<Odin> Allright Enlil just dump those nasty things!

*Enlil throws the basket out the window, down the infinite blue sky*

<Absu> Ahhh, finally rid of them, and none too soon...
<Hera> I still feel somewhat bad about it... I mean what's gonna happen to them now? We do not really know whats down there at the bottom of the infinite blue sky...
<Jupiter> *Shrugs* No matter what we do to them, they always Respawn here, eventually.
<Hunab ku> Yeah, and hopefully they will respawn with clean diapers...
<Horus> But i've always wondered, when they respawn... Is it the same ones or a new batch?
<Shiva> Who cares, this batch was good to go anyway!

<Absu> Ok, now lets get back to important matters. Enlil!
<Enlil> Yes!
<Absu> Right before The China guy started this whole mess, you were about to go back on earth talk to Hammurabi. It is getting late but you should still have time to do your mission!
<Enlil>Sure dad! Just let me clean my hands first, when i caught one of the little angels I think...
<Absu> Yes yes yes... We can imagine, just hurry!
<Enlil> Im on it!!

*Enlil leaves the pantheon*

<Zeus> He's a good boy this Enlil!
<Hera> Yes but sometimes... I don't know... he just seems a bit overzealous.
<Jupiter> You mean he's an upstart daddy's boy?
<Horus> Shutup Jupiter, you were happy enough when he cleaned the mess today!
<Zeus> Quiet! all of you! Lets see what happens at Hammurabi's palace now..

*The gods once again focus all their attention on earth.*

END OF ACT 5​
 
That was brilliant! More? :D
 
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