[TAB]"Just when you thought it cooled down", my wife angrily said, as news about the Trieste Pact and the subsequent mobilisation broke out. This was probably the thought of many other Germans. "Our peace is gone, and whose fault is this?"
[TAB]What a mirage. We all thought that, in the end, the Revolution had won. Now, peace has began, and we can begin building our glorious road to the Communism sought after by the generations following Marx. Oh, sweet dreams, sweet dreams! They intoxicate the mind, and hide the obvious.
[TAB]Alas, alas. Our dreams were broken by reality. We've done a feature on Austro-Bohemia before, after the unfortunate incident in Vienna. It is an unstable, unsustainable and unthinkable country, ran by a madman for madmen. Cartels rule, and they're not very hot on the whole "democratic process", unless you count the democracy of the guns, one professed in our neighbour. Former neighbour; right now, part of the German Union, and kept in it only because of the Ruhr divisions there.
[TAB]According to our few sources (most of our traditional sources were...visited.), nobody asked Bavaria about this. We're the third wheel, it seems. From the frontrunner of the German Revolution, to a silenced pawn which just does what the other two big brothers say. Had we not began our own revolution here, I suppose I wouldn't be writing this right now, as we'd be under the umbrella of censorship...
The Maximilianeum, centre of the Bavarian government.
[TAB]But let us not wax criticism on our fellow German brothers. I'll leave that job to the Munchen Tribunal, the editor of which probably wonders about the irony of the name.
[TAB]We were invited on an interview with Luise Eibner. For those unaware, getting an interview from her is very difficult. Not to say that she isn't a public figure - she is, in the end, the Kanzlerin of Bavaria, and being hidden from the public eye would be detrimental to her reputation, not to mention it'd make some people begin drawing parallels between her and the other German leaders, well known for being hidden in the shadows and ordering death orders...Or so they say. Who knows.
[TAB]No, it is merely reluctance to give interviews to the newspapers and/or radio-interviews, which have become trendy in the last two decades. Some say that this is because Kanzlerin Eibner is shy, and all of her rhetoric is "a balloon full of hot-air, that would go pop! once a real journalist appears" (the Zurich Times, ran by a Collectivist, is especially ardent on that), or afraid of the All-Mighty Press (the Munchen Tribunal seems to think that, especially). What does the Súddeutche Zeitung think? We believe that, Kanzlerin Eibner is just too busy running the government. Not everyone's a free artistic spirit that can give two-page interviews on the Munich Vanguard, after all. Running a country, as surprising as it might seem, is a difficult job, not made easier by people like me or the editors of various newspapers.
[TAB]But enough inter-newspaper rivalry. I'm sure nobody cares about those insignificant struggles. Let's move to the grander things happening in this fine world...
[TAB]After the annexation of Austro-Bohemia, in which, as far as we know, Bavaria did not participate at any level, things began moving very quickly. Of all those, the most important would be the formation of the so-so called Trieste Pact, containing the countries of Italy, Hungary and Serbia. They stand supposedly for "peace, the rule of international law, and prosperity for all", but I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of a former Habsburg emperor who fled for his life in Hungary, a Balkan despot and an Italian glory-hound being the protectors of those three things. It feels like a Marx Kirchner comedy, except there's no food. And it's real.
[TAB]Life imitates art, in the end. They have sent out threats on 3rd April 1934, that if the German forces don't send a response in the next 36 hours, they would declare a war. Instead of that, however, the German Union voted unanimously an all-German mobilisation.
[TAB]And so, here we are, today.
[TAB]A member of the Maximilianeum staff leads us to the Kanzlerin's Residence. We find Kanzlerin Eibner there. It seems that several long, sleepless nights have passed since she last slept. However, that is merely a momentary sight, one which, had I not spent my time looking at people's faces to see what they're hiding, I would've never noticed. She puts on the normal determined face that we all well know from her public appearances.
Luise Eibner was also kind enough to bear with us and give a photograph. Taken By: Hans Góring
[TAB]And here's what you're all been waiting for, no? The interview, itself!
Heinrich Millard: Greetings, Kanzlerin Eibner. You probably know me, I'm the editor of the Súddeutche Zeitung. I'm frankly surprised that you, on your own, suggested this interview. You've been fairly reclusive as far as newspaper coverage goes.
Luise Eibner: Of course I know you, Herr Millard. One of the few sane voices that seem to understand what's going on. I regularly read your newspaper, something that your concurrency cannot boast. As far as the interview...I think that it is high-time to give some clearance for the German people. Much misleading nonsense has been written, said, and at times, yelled, about the current situation. I feel that it is my responsibility to keep us in the clear. Others may lie to their people, but I am not one to hide the truth.
H.M: I think that right now on everyone's lips, there's one simple question. What happened in Austro-Bohemia? Some very, very sketchy people mention Bavarian spies. Is it true, or is it yet another spy scare, like the one last year in Vienna?
L.E: The situation there is incredibly confusing. The death of Augustus Lippler, a man who we hated and despised even when he was alive, made things proceed incredibly quickly. The newly established government, led by the Catholic Arts Society who didn't ignore this opportunity, asked us for support. Which, I should note, we did send. What happened next? Well, all I can say is that the last contact we had with the government was on 30th March 1933. We heard some gunshots over the radio, and, you know the rest of the story - by 2nd April, Austro-Bohemia was swarming with Ruhr forces. This is all I, you and we know. There's people, of course, out there, who know more...but I doubt they'll open their mouths to us. Was it rebels? Radical Lipplerites who didn't know when to give up?
H.M: Now that you've mentioned the Catholic Arts Society...How would you respond to the accusations that you have close relations with an organisation like that? There's been cries that "the Kanzlerin sold us to the damned Catholics!", or, ironically enough, cries from the Catholics themselves that the other Catholics have sold themselves to the Socialists. What's your say?
L.E: I do have connections. Not beyond those of necessity, I'm afraid. On a number of occasions, I had to visit Augustus Lippler's megalomaniac residence in Vienna, mostly to investigate rumours on Austrian Socialists suddenly "disappearing", or counterrevolutionary elements slipping in Austro-Bohemia. He graciously offered me to stay in there, but I'd rather sleep on the street than sleep in the same building as this vile two-legged snake. I think you'd understand. Unfortunately, most of the Viennese cartels and organisations thought that I'm a dangerous Collectivist (someone, apparently, told them this bold lie), who is here to rile up the worker's against them. Since that little event, I always reside in the buildings owned by the Catholic Arts Society, whenever I have the unfortunate need to go to Vienna. That, I'm afraid, is all.
H.M: And what about rumours of Bavarian spies operating in Austro-Bohemia?
L.E: It might seem, that in this case, I am merely the hapless victim of an unscrupulous press, trying to pin the blame on a regional power otherwise beyond reproach under the frame of a David-and-Goliath tragedy. The collapse of Austro-Bohemia is unfortunate, and you will do everything in your power to ensure the current crisis is resolved timely and effectively, but I will not tolerate partisan polemics when human lives are at stake.
H.M: Well said. Now...I've got a bunch of letters, specially for you. I've saved them, as I knew that, maybe, one day, I'd get an interview with the Kanzlerin, and I'd love to have the readers of Súddeutche Zeitung to have their piece, too.Here we have Frau Mueller, from Worms, Rhineland, who asks you..."Dear Frau Leibner. I am a great admirer of you! How do you feel during the Frankfurt Summits, being the only woman and the only...well, democratically elected leader there?"
L.E: A good question, from Frau Mueller. In all fairness? I don't feel any special. We all are Germans and communists, and we're all aiming for the same goal. To feel like that, just because I'm a woman and democratically elected, it's disingenuous.
H.M: And the next letter is...oh dear, how did that sneak in? That's a lot of swears. And the word combination Bavarian whorish demagogue is repeated...rather often. Hmm, then I shall substitute this question for one of mine: do you get a lot of letters like this? Any death threats?
L.E: I do. Some of them are even redirected to my private residence. Those are the worst. They include such..word combinations, as the one you mentioned. Since this, in the end, is a civil newspaper, I won't go deeper. Some people just can't bear with me. There's the occasional death threat, and of course, there's the Bakery Incident, which's been talked about in great length and there's no reason to bother your readers with it any more... (An official enters through the door and passes some documents to the Kanzlerin, making sure I don't even see the shape of the folder.) Ah, unfortunately, we've got time just for another question...a shorter one, if you will. Bavaria calls.
H.M: Hmm. An interesting question, which seems to come from...huh, how the hell did the editor of Munich Vanguard manage to get this in here?! Hans! (Hans looks at me innocently, then shrugs.) Oh, well. Whatever. The question is about the trilogy concerning the raging Chinese Civil War. Fall of the Dragons, and all that. They're asking if you're going to support him, as his expenses for travel cannot be covered by the slim profits that Herr Bruno Mueller made.
L.E:"Fall of the Dragons, you say? A movie which I enjoyed immensely. The fact that most of the cast is Chinese, is also very satisfying to see. Trust me, cinema is one of the mediums that bring down the walls between cultures. The Bavarian government pledges its support in any way to help our cinema. (the Kanzlerin stands up) Now, if you'd excuse me, I have work to do...It was a pleasure, nonetheless.
H.M: Likewise, Kanzlerin Eibner, likewise. (we shook hands, then she left.)
[TAB]And that's all it. A through analysis of this interview expect in the next issue. But remember. The fires of war make stirring images in the eyes of men just like the mirages of peace fool people that everything's okay...
The future? New recruits of the Army.
