Bosses' jokes - the death knell of your career

[Lotus49]

No, this is not a joke thread. Rather, this thread is about me asking advice so I can hopefully learn to react 'properly' in certain situations, so I minimize the damage to my career where I'm working at the time.

OK, first of all, it ain't easy to make me laugh. I'm a pretty serious person most of the time. I can watch 10 episodes of Leno (or any talk show, etc.) and never even snicker once. Sometimes people give me 'humorous' cards, and I don't react at all (Awkward silence - I try to pretend it's funny, but I'm a horrible actor, I guess you have to be full of BS to be a successful actor - can't help you there).

So, to the meat of the question; it happens from time to time (like today), where my boss tries to break the ice a bit (I'm just stand-off-ish towards bosses, can't help it), by telling a joke. Today, it was:

"What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?"

"Umm, I dunno... what?

"Give me one with everything on it."

...

...

"Umm, I'm a little slow, lemme think about that for a sec..."

...

I admit I have extremely limited knowledge of Buddhism, but apparently (as he had to explain to me), Buddhists believe in this 'everything' concept, I dunno, I still don't get it. So, I try to laugh a little as best I can, just to indulge him. But, it didn't work. From then on that day (today), there was a cold, patronistic vibe between us. Yeah, it was obvious our relations went from (Cautious) -in Civ terms- to (Annoyed).

Now, in my 10-year career (working at various places) this -not laughing at the bosses jokes to HIS satisfaction- is the beginning of the end, for you at your job. I swear, it's happened twice before. It starts off this small. Then they take it personally, and next thing you know... they're out to screw you over.

I am open to any advice that may help me in the future, in such circumstances.

Unfortunately, I cannot possibly be a kiss-@ss. I just won't allow it. I'd rather die right now than go around kissing up to people my entire life. But, I'm fair... I don't dish out any crap, either. I am basically a machine personality, in a human body. Hmmm... I thought professionalism was what mattered. No... you also need to 'suck up' on a constant basis, in order to get ahead (or even hold a job at all sometimes). That's where I fail. The whole, "I'll suck your @#$^, so I can get a bonus and/or even continue to stay working in this office".

That's how it works... and that's why I have apprehensiveness for most bosses in the first place. If I ever become one - I won't expect people to kiss up to me. In fact, I find it annoying. Have some dignity, for crying out loud. I just don't get off on that crap, at all. But apparently for most people - it's what makes them get up every morning (and never retire... just so they can always have it, until their dying day).

 

[Perfection]

You don't have to laugh at his joke. Just go "ugh, that was awful" and crack a slight smile at your boss for looking rather silly. Of course, if he's delivering the joke in an akward forced manner, then you can laugh at that.

 

[CCA]

If you are "A machine personality" then kiss up.
I'm serious in saying that hard work and professionalism will only take you so far before you have to kiss some ass.

 

[Taliesin]

Compounding the problem is the fact that he wrecked the punchline. It's supposed to be, "Make me one with everything!"

 

[warpus]

I don't think the problem is that you have no sense of humour. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you don't really have much of a personality.

You need that! It isn't all about professionalism. You need to have a good working relationship with your boss and coworkers and that means being friends on one level or another.

 

[Turner]

Perhaps a small apology, and a "I don't find that very funny" and eventually they'll stop cracking jokes at you.

Although I never thought the Budda one was funny.

 

[Lotus49]

Compounding the problem is the fact that he wrecked the punchline. It's supposed to be, "Make me one with everything!"

Yeah, that's probably what he said, maybe. I guess I get it now. But at the time, that concept & Buddhism was not anywhere near the front of my mind.

Even if I'd never heard the joke, and had a PhD in the history of Buddhism, I still wouldn't have flinched.

I don't think the problem is that you have no sense of humour. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you don't really have much of a personality.

You need that! It isn't all about professionalism. You need to have a good working relationship with your boss and coworkers and that means being friends on one level or another.

Well, 'harsh' as it may seem, I think you may be right, in some respects. It's not that I have no personality, it's just that I'm very reserved... I'm family oriented, but very introverted outside of that small circle. I'm more particular about who I let get close to me, than most/any? other people. So, I maintain the walls at all times when I'm outside the comfort zone.

But, this has served me extremely well over the course of my lifetime. There's a couple of things I feel certain about... and believing in yourself, & trusting your instinct are among them. I've got a decent brain that works, so I just let it run, without interference (outside influence). Always works... everytime I always excell over the masses whom I fully intend to limit my involvement with.

Fact of the matter is, this old man -my boss- is nobody I want anything to do with, nor anyone that I want influencing me. I'm here to make a measely 55-72k per annum, not sacrifice who I am by joining in some stinkin' social melting pot. But having said that, I'm not here to be a negative influence on my environment, either. I try hard to avoid doing such a thing. I get along fine with my coworkers (they don't do what the boss does, as I'll briefly explain in a minute).

I have personality, my friend. But it is reserved only for a select few (especially one). I regard the whole 'social butterfly'/extrovert approach as whorishness in most cases, albeit for various reasons/causes on an individual basis. So, in the end, my mind will have to do all the excelling. But, I think I can do it - at a more advanced, technical level in my career field (ergo I need to work on edjumication). And you'd be surprised what you can accomplish, when you leave yourself no alternative.

I am not a people person - fine I said it. Most of them are idiots, and it is not "Fun" working with them. Why/how should it be otherwise? Does that make me selfish? Not necessarily - I have a plan for my life, and it is a good & honorable plan. And cutting the BS out as much as possible is required if I'm to succeed. So, enough of this 'let's sit around and chat... because as human beings, it's fun, and it's what we like to do'.

Yes, this is where the irony strikes me, and I must stop and reasses my approach. I never say I have all the answers. But I do search.

Anyway, bottom line is, I'm just not shallow or easily amused enough to laugh at typical 'jokes'. Sue me. I need a little more depth, to get interested. And anything that demonstrates the sheer idiocy of the race which I am forced to be a part of in this life, only reminds me how low I am, and thus does not 'make me chuckle'.

Hotdog vendors. A play on words. OK, whatever you say. I guess the fact that I already have good reason to dislike this man, makes it impossible to appreciate the 'humo(u)r'. Once someone threatens me and (tires to) intimidate me for no real reason but to 'assert their authority', I really don't care to listen to their 'jokes'.

So, there it is. Psychoanalyze that, if you have nothing better to do. But the real problem is, the boss is an A-hole, we all loathe him, and any time we (attempt to) laugh at his jokes, it's all just an act. I happen to not be a good actor, because I want people to KNOW what I think of them... so there's no BS - everything's out on the surface.

That's not grounds for termination, so bring it on... punk! As long as I live on this little rock, I'm going to act like a man. And men don't go around acting scared, and kissing @ss. I know where the limit is... and I don't cross it. But I give you nothing more, unless you deserve it. The idea that I should just show up to a job, and automatically "assume the position" under his desk just to respect "power and authority" - ain't gonna fly. Life's too short... I'll be damned if I go around playing that game. Sure, there's some (usually small) consequences. But, at the end of the day, I'LL be the one going home with the biggest grin, and the most satisfaction. -Because I never gave in. And I can't give in, because I just don't have any fear. So, you only get respect if you deserve it - it's not automatic. I see nothing wrong with this. But, maybe I AM a... "Bad person". Oh well.

There's got to be more... I'm not gonna get stuck focusing on such petty crap. This old man, all he has is "HIS parking space" (isn't actually his), and an office full of 'underlings' to stroke his ego, and impose his will. And that's what gets him off... that's what makes him get up in the morning. Forgive me for not being impessed enough to show 'proper respect and courtesy'. He, and this place are so small in the grand scheme of things, THAT is what I laugh at.

[/impossible-to-reply-to thread killer]

 

[History_Buff]

Just tell him a bunch of really awful jokes in return. He'll think twice next time

 

[CaptainF]

I've heard that joke many times. Firt time was way back in the day, like 14 odd years ago.

I'm not surprised you didn't laugh at it.

 

[Narz]

So the Buddhist monk goes to the hotdog vendor and asks "How much for a hotdog?". The vendor save $2. The monk says "Alright, I'll take one" and hands the vendor a twenty. The vendor prepares the dog and serves it up. So then the monk asks "Where's my change?", to which the vendor replies, "Ah, change must come from within!".

Thank you, you've been a terrific audiance!

Re : the OP, why not just tell you boss you don't have much of a sense of humor, otherwise you'd certainly have chuckled at a classic like that. Make a YouTube video of yourself watching Leno stonefaced as proof.

 

[Lotus49]

I laugh all the time. Just not at "jokes". Any little phrase, monologue, joke, etc. that people concoct in order to invoke a cheap burst of laughter... I find "cute", but not stimulating enough for it to actually take it's desired effect, as for myself.

"Ah, a play on words... interesting". But.... ? No. not quite. So, I need to convey that this is just how it is with me... otherwise people take it personally. (For example, in "The Sims" when someone tells a joke, and it isn't well received, it negatively affects the relationships points between the characters.)

Learning to be human. Fascinating, Captain.....

 

[punkbass2000]

 

[Jawz II]

I think I know what your problem is, stop watching Leno for frags sake.

That guy couldnt even accidentally be funny.

PS. If the buddhist joke is this guys idea of "funny", you should murder him. (j/k, AKA anti-warning disclaimer)

Seriously find a way to screw him over good, before he does it to you, get him fired at the very least.

 

[storealex]

Maybe you should get a job where you don't work with people.

 

[Neomega]

go to the humor section at civifanatics... look at the funny pictures and videos thread. You'll find you do have a sense of humor afterall.

I don't think I have ever laughed at Leno... he's not funny. Just because you don't laugh at lame humor does not mean you have no sense of humor.

As far as the boss joke thing goes, don't sweat it.

And jokes with questions/punchlines are awkward anyways... they rarelty if ever deliver.

 

[Bad Player]

Would telling a joke back to your boss ease tensions?

 

[Brighteye]

I sympathise. I find that people understand me very well, even if they find me hard to 'break the ice' with. Just give a slight smile and if you think it worthwhile, add a little snort through your nose. This gesture doesn't necessarily express humour (although the small-minded will assume that it does), but does show recognition of an attempt at a joke.
I find it helpful to recognise other's humour, even if I do not share their amusement, and the 'wry smile' satisfies everyone. They think that the quiet man is just reluctant to show his mirth but really found it amusing, and I don't have to act like a mindless lunatic or evil villain.
Play games with yourself. Every time you spot an attempt at humour, try the smile. Every time someone says something to which you could say something you find funny, allow yourself a smile.
Soon people will think that your smile is your way of showing appreciation, even though for you it may only be recognition. If you have trouble recognising humour, the smile may even become genuine, as you are pleased with yourself for spotting the joke.

For repairing the situation with your boss, I can't say I've ever been in a similar situation, but maybe you can make him think of you as a good-natured but humourless 'nerd'. Obviously the word is inappropriate in an office, but it captures the stereotype you can portray. Just make an effort to show concern for people (in case you don't already) and avoid all laughter. Your boss will consider himself superior to you because you don't have a sense of humour, but will like you because you are good-natured and hard-working. He'll forget the perceived 'insult' of when you showed his humour to be pathetic (and possibly his management practise as well) by justifying your behaviour as just part of the easily understood stereotype.

At the moment he probably finds you offensive because he perceives your quietness and lack of laughter as an air of superiority and disdain. While this sounds justified, it's magnified by any actual superiority, and is easy to change into an image of reserve.

 

[amadeus]

"Ted, my wife is a Buddhist."

There's your answer.

 

[Masquerouge]

Nobody said you had to like your boss or find him funny. Unless you plan to stay in that company for a long time and move up the ladder, then why do you care? The main reason you go working everyday is not to make friends. Having friends is a bonus sure, but don't lure yourself in thinking that's why you wake up every morning.
So unless you have like a strong desire to progress in that very specific company, just do your job, do it well, and get the paycheck.

 

[cegman]

Lotus49 you have issues. You consider yourself superior to other people. They can probably sense this. I know they are the pathetic masses but they can still feel a bit of how your feeling.

To the people saying he doesn't have to worry about what other people think about him. You guys are complete nerds. If he is in an office doing work then the work isn't really that important for moving up. If he is going to be doing anything in the same area or field then he should try to be liked by most people because you never know if they are friends with that trusted secretary at your next job interview.