[C3C] Celts - Emperor - Random Tech

[Ruin]

Battle of the Alesian Fields

First Battle of the Scandinavian War

Date: March 31, 410 AD

Location: Irrigated Plains SW of the city of Alesia (pop 582,000)

Belligerents: Kingdom of Celtia, Republic of Scandinavia

Commanders and Leaders

Celts:
King Brennus (Entremont detachment and overall commander)

• Aedan MacEochaidh (Alesia)

• Branwen apLlyr (Richborough)
• Ciarán MacBrádaigh (Verulamium)

Vikings:
Prime Minister Ragnar Lodbrok (issued attack orders in advance but not present during actual fighting)

• Knute "the Knuckleheaded" Bjornsson (cavalry commander, primary commander of troops on the ground)

• Freydis Eriksson (Bjornsson's assistant)

Gunnar "Graybeard" Thorvaldsson (infantry commander - not involved in battle)

Strengths

Celts:
11,000 Gallic swordsmen, 7,000 heavy infantry, 1,000 archers
3,000 pikeman (only involved in securing positions after the combat)

Vikings:
18,000 light cavalry
3,000 archers, 2,000 warriors, 2,000 spearmen (did not participate in fighting)

• The Vikings had made numerous attempts over the past century to cross southwards into Celtic territory in an attempt to traverse the country and prosecute their war against China, which lies to the south of Celtia
• Likewise the Chinese episodically attempted to infiltrate north to meet their Scandinavian foes.
• Both Vikings and Chineses were repeatedly turned back by Celtic border guards.
• In 410 AD, a massive Viking army crossed the border. King Brennus of the Celts once again insisted this force remove itself, but the Viking commanders refused, and prepared an assault on the Celtic city of Alesia.
• Bjornsson's light horsemen rushed ahead and set up camp in irrigated plains SW of Alesia, threatening that city, as well as nearby Richborough, but leaving behind the infantry forces under Thorvaldsson, which were intended by Ragnar Lodbrok to be their protection.
• King Brennus had been preparing his troops for this eventuality for many years. Although the troops in Alesia were outnumbered by the Vikings, garrisons stationed in nearby Verulamium, Entremont, Richborough, and Augustodurum came to their assistance.
• The Celts attacked in the middle of the night, overwhelming the Viking sentries. In the chaotic melee that followed, the Vikings were unable to mount a effective defense. Many of their horses fell victim to Celts with bows, and the Vikings found themselves quickly surrounded and slain.
• Bjornsson was killed in battle, while Eriksson was captured and transported to Entremont for interrogation

Result: Decisive Celtic victory

Below: Branwen "Rap Lyr" apLlyr (L) "freestyles" while Ciarán MacBrádaigh {R) performs a Celtic victory dance

Casualties: 15,000 Scandinavians, 460 Celts

 

[Ruin]

415 AD

In addition to the aforementioned battle, we killed 1,000 archers outside Mommy Book Pig in 410 AD. The surviving archers and horsemen retreat.

The Vikings land a few troops on the hills by Verulanium. Their infantry advances.

A massive Chinese force of 1,000 swordsmen, 2,000 archers, 13,000 medieval infantry, 6,000 warriors, 1,000 spearmen, and 1,000 pikemen move into Celtic territory. I don't want a two front war, so I let them make their inefficient way northwards. Won't sign an ROP with them so it will take them longer. They could obviously demolish any of my cities, but I at least leave a single troop in each one they are adjacent to so that they can't just walk in.

420 AD

Destroy Gunnar's units without loss but lose a Gallic defeating the Viking landing party.

Hareid is the obvious first target. My troops in Alesia need to heal first, but they'll still be ready before the trebuchets arrive. Also after we take Hareid, the trebuchets can't get over the mountains so I redirect them towards Segusio, where some catapult/spearmen pairs are wandering our way.

 

[Ruin]

430 AD

Viking commander Freydis Eriksson proved resistant to interrogation.

Nevertheless, she was treated with dignity and respect in accordance with the rules of this forum

However, she did lose a few pounds during the first twenty years of her captivity, as it took a while for her to adjust to Celtic food.

Despite the allegations of the Scandinavian Senate, she was at no time forced to stand on her toes as the below propaganda depicts

 

[Ruin]

(meta: Years are a little screwed up, as befits a medieval history. Gives me something to write about on turns where all I do is heal and move troops)

440 AD

The people of Verulaniumimum were in a panic. The Vikings had once again landed on the hilly, high-defense terrain outside their city.

"We're doomed, We need a leader! Please won't someone step up and save us?" they cried while they cowered under their beds, oddly ignoring the fact that a Celtic army 38 times larger than their Viking adversaries was stationed in nearby Alesia and had been effortlessly saving them for three consecutive decades.

One man heard their cries and stepped up to save them. That man? None other than the 1st Great Celtic Leader, Vincent Torix!

He immediately forgot all about the people of Verulanusium and formed an Army to attack Hareid.

---

Ally with the Japanese against the Vikings in exchange for Republic. Don't expect much from them, as they'll probably immediately go into Anarchy, and then swap to a government which now gives them war weariness, but at least Santander is safe for now.

---

The people, pleased with the Vikings declaring war on us, build me yet another palace expansion, adding a third floor, the better to throw economists from.

 

[Ruin]

450 AD

With Great Leaders, like Palace Expansions, when it rains, it pours. Mop up the filth outside Alesia and spawn Oregano...Orgasma... Oregon Bill!! (Meta: I try to name the Victorious Unit after the leader, but the text pops up so fast and is so tiny that I just do the best I can)

---

The Battle of Hareid

"Mr. President, we have to go," the Viking Secret Service agent urged.

"Knute Bjornsson, give me back my Horsemen!" Ragrnart Lothbrok cried, beating his head against the wall of the Hareid city hall.

"Okay, well, he's dead, so he can't give you back anything. Come along, sir, Hareid is about to fall."

"The spearmen. We have three thousand. They will keep us safe. Send the horsemen and archers forth to attack Alesia."

The VSS agent shook his head, realizing that he was dealing with an old man in his dotage. The Celts had 19,000 Gallic swordsmen, and two thousand Knights poised to take the city. The horsemen and archers had already perished versus 5,000 infantry and 1,000 pikemen.

"The Japanese! Have my Foreign Advisor contact the Japanese! They'll help us. And build Berserkers! Nothing but Berserkers!"

"Let's go up into the mountains," the agent implored. "We'll be able to see our magnificent victory better from there."

---

By Cureallvenom, 5,000 spearmen defend 50 catapults firing on an ever-growing Celtic horde of 4,000 Gallic Swordsmen, 1,000 knights, and 1,000 pikemen, now equipped with 10 catapults of their own seized from the Vikings.

---

The Scandinavians will give us "New Beijing" and "Tromso" for peace. Not knowing where either of these cities are located, I decline, as frankly, they sound made-up.

 

[Ruin]

455 AD

The Japanese seize Birka, brutally and mercilessly pillaging its bakeries and pastry shops.

460 AD

Ragnar offers 34 gold per turn for peace, which sounds like a good deal, but we're making more money stealing his catapults in the hills outside Karasjok.

Instead of forming a second Army, Oregon Bill retires from the military to write poetry, crafting a Heroic Epic to motivate our troops

Verse 1:

From Alesia to Arausio
We raise our banner high

Our swordsmen may be shirtless
But they almost never die

They swiftly spanked the Spanish
They made the Mayans pay

And now they vanquish Vikings
Like every single day!

 

[Toxicman007]

War is looking good! Can I humbly request you to go easy on Stavanger (can't even find it in any of your images though) as I grew up and still live there

 

[Ruin]

War is looking good! Can I humbly request you to go easy on Stavanger (can't even find it in any of your images though) as I grew up and still live there

Thanks! I promise not to raze it. Now watch when I discover it's built on top of a cow and just out of reach of two whales.

 

[Ruin]

465 AD

Receive a letter from the "Jarl of Stavanger" humbly requesting our forces show mercy to his "city".

After my generals spend a good deal of time scouring our maps to ascertain this is not another prank, I politely - it was a very nice letter - assure him that his location is not, at present, a high-value military target.

470 AD

Speaking of pranks, the Barfinder discovers the Nether Regions are also real.

Prince William: The NetherLANDS!

Me: I thought you said you were Dutch. Wouldn't it be Dutchland, then?

William: That's Germany.

Me: Is it the same thing as Belgium? You're not Belgish, are you?

William: Certainly not. My dominion extends over Holland and...

Me: So you're Holish?

Most of Netherlands is a wholesome, boring country of virtuous wooden-shoe wearing peasants.

But after the Barfinder docks for several months in Amsterdam, William becomes Annoyed, accusing our sailors of fomenting moral turpitude and expels them from Belgish waters.

 

[Ruin]

480 AD

Slaughter some Scandinavian Spearmen and take their catapults. Our force advancing towards Karasjok consists of: 70 catapults, 140 trebuchets, 10,000 Gallic swordsmen, 1,000 archers, 3,000 knights, 1,000 pikemen, and 6,000 medieval infantry

These figures do not include the army of 10,000 Gallic swordsmen under Vincent Torix which is also on its way.

Up north, some warriors from Santander have explored their way through Japan and are confronted by Viking horsemen.

The Chinese army has finally reached our core cities. (pic from 470, so pretend they've moved a square to the northwest)

Trade Theology to the Germans for 59 GPT and 72 gold.

Teach Monotheism to the Japanese for 4 gold and a worker.

 

[Ruin]

490 AD

Discover the Japanese have beat us to Karasjok.

Kill some more Vikings

RIP our warrior but I guess the Scandinavians have to win sometimes; they're like the Washington Generals of war.

Teach Feudalism to the Japanese for a pittance

Establish an embassy in Amsterdam which apparently has still not recovered from the brief time the Barfinder was docked there for "repairs".

 

[Ruin]

500 AD

Advance towards Odense, sending the citizens fleeing in panic.

Fortunately have an ROP with the Japanese. Also have one with the Chinese, who have almost reached where the front used to be, but find themselves caught in an Achilles vs. the tortoise paradox.

The Ha-goo? Groaning-Jen? Either Barfind is messing with me or this William is a secret pervert. Decide on the latter since he's at war with Mursilis the Moral Crusader.

Teach the Japanese Engineering for two more of their diligent and Polite workers, and 3 gold.

 

[Ruin]

510 AD

Assault Odense, which means "Dense Odors" in Scandinavian. It's near "Molde," which means, well...possibly the Vikings named their towns to make them seem unappealing to conquer. On the other hand, "Stavenger" - which actually *is* unappealing to conquer - would be a sick name for a starship, a D&D character, or a metal band. Meanwhile, in the south, we found the towns of Dinosaur Butts and Pepsiman.

The battle begins at night, since throwing fiery projectiles with Trebuchets always looks cooler then.

Fighting continues on until daybreak, as the Vikings put up a spirited defense.

Nevertheless, we are victorious, due to the magnificent generalship of Caract - Carcac...

Annoyed by having to climb all those mountains, my troops ransack the city.

Teach the Japanese Chivalry for two more of their diligent and Polite workers and 16 Gold and 2 GPT. Kind of neat that I could just copy paste the last turn and change the tech and the amount of gold. Chivalry lets them make Samurais, but I'm not sure selling all their workers is a wise decision by Tokugawa, though I don't expect very much from a man who has recently taken to wearing a chocolate torte with a feather in it on his head.

 

[Toxicman007]

The Jarl of Stavanger humbly awaits to receive our first Gallic friends, we shall provide a huge feast with plenty locally brewed mjød! Food is scarce up here in the cold though so please don't be disappointed by fish, fish, crab, fish, fish, seaweed, fish, and if we are lucky some whale meat.

 

[Ruin]

515 AD

"I have some good news," Brennus told his gathered advisors.

"We stopped poaching Japanese workers so they can build roads and give us Furs?" asked the Trade Advisor.

"No, but yes, because they finally built a harbor. But that's not it."

"The Vikings will pay us 45 GPT for peace," said the Foreign Advisor, confidently. "But we shouldn't accept because it would betray our friends, the Japanese."

"Yes, but we shouldn't accept because then we'll have China on both sides of us. That's not it, either, though."

"We are going to disband some troops so we don't have to pay 49 GPT in unit support costs?"

Brennus scowled.

"I was just kidding, your highness," said the latest Economic Advisor, recalling that they were on the recently-built third floor of the Palace.

"I'll give you a hint. We built another Wonder!"

"The Sistine Chapel?" asked the Cultural Advisor hopefully.

"Even better," gloated Brennus.

---

A month later, Brennus sat on his throne while soldiers filed by, modeling prototype armor for the new Knights Templar. He curtly dismissed each proposal:

"How can you see out of that helmet?"

"Too Japanese-y"

"Enough with the dresses!"

"Shirtless look is the Gallic Swordsmen's thing."

"Who came up with this one, the League of Celtic Women Voters?"

"They don't have horses. Good luck getting that thing back down the stairs."

"The shield is too big."

"Now it's too small."

"I don't see what the big deal is," grumbled the Economic Advisor. "It's kind of an overrated wonder. Like don't we have enough slow infantry troops to support already? I mean, look at this fellow. Can he even move in all that armor? I guess they can guard the Trebuchets. And what are they going to be Crusading about anyway? Hey! Someone tell him to put me down!!"

 

[Ruin]

520 AD

The people of Oslo know battle is coming.

But they don't know how soon. 3,000 Celtic Knights and 13,000 Gallic Swordsmen gallop through the night, forgoing artillery support to take the 3,000 Spearmen defenders by surprise.

The city falls with insignificant Celtic losses.

We trade the Japanese Theology for 8 GPT, 5 gold, and Furs. They also defend Karasjok from a counterattack by Viking Horsemen (which I kind of wish they didn't but it's fine; I'm proud of those guys, unlike some allies I could mention whose troops are busy scaling a volcano by Hareid).

 

[Ruin]

Old News:

The Mayans and the Chinese are engaged in what I call "The War of the Loser's Bracket".

We found Tolosa to round out our borders between the Japanese and the former Scandinavians.

---

530 AD

2,000 Japanese spearmen and 20 catapults besiege Molde. We send 5,000 Gallic swordsmen, 4,000 Knights, 1,000 Medieval Infantry, and 140 Trebuchets to protect the citizens from this threat.

Instead of being thankful, Odense and Oslo both riot.

---

With Furs now available from the Japanese, Celtic fashions take a decided turn for the worse.

Well, mostly worse.

Fortunately, the Spanish still appreciate Silks, and give us 7 GPT and 11 gold for them.

---

Trade Theology to the Chinese for 20 gpt

 

[Ruin]

(Metas:

1. I know I have been multiplying units by 1000, but I'm going to stop doing that, for clarity & because I'm sick of typing all the zeros - unless it's a really dramatically large stack, or it's part of dialogue

2. Google Colab banned Stable Diffusion, so no more photorealistic AI art until I find a new service or figure out a workaround. There will still be the anime-looking pictures.)

535 AD

The Chinese are also at war with the Spanish. Now that they have two opponents to the south and only one to the north, their troops, who have been on the march for some 300 years, turn around, seemingly daunted by the Hareid volcano.

Babylon declares war on the Japanese. I don't understand this, because the Barfinder has fully explored the nearest coast on the other continent and it's all Sumerian/Hittite. Did the Babylonians somehow sail all the way around the world without meeting us? Just to mess with the Japanese?

Chinese medieval infantry kill Spanish spearmen by Pamplona.

Pamplona catches disease because the lazy Spanish are too busy dying in combat to tidy their jungles. (meta: should have turned this off like in GOTM)

---

540 AD

My suspicion that the riots in Odense and Oslo were caused by the Scandinavian citizens eating too much is confirmed, as order is restored in both cities. To obtain food, the population is forced to choose between begging...

advanced begging....

and not even making a pretense at begging...

We capture Molde.

Our armies are still healing, but Knights and Gallic Swordsmen rush ahead and also capture the city of Aardvark.

We have advanced so fast, I'm not even sure what city we will conquer next. Now that my forces have passed through the mountains, they are running through Scandinavia like lactose through the intolerant. Vikings will pay 55 gpt for peace. Pleased with this generous offer, though I don't take it.

Accidentally sell our last Silks to the Japanese for 10 gpt and 12 gold. A bunch of towns are unhappy, causing me to have to raise the entertainment slider to 20%. It was worth it.

 

[Toxicman007]

How did you get that prompt from the domestic advisor about unhappy cities? Some kind of mod? I use CivAssist2 for this kind of thing but would much prefer a prompt like that!

 

[tjs282]

It's one of the functions of the Flintlock patch.