120 BC
We learn Currency.
"Ka-ching!" I exclaim, after I get done chewing out the Science Advisor for calling me Lord and not King, and claiming that the "Prophets" had anything to do with it.
My men give me puzzled looks.
"It's a triumphant, onomatopoeic rendition of the sound a cash register makes when ringing up a sale," I explain.
They marvel at my erudition. I've been spending a lot of time at The Great Library, though partly because it's a classier place to entertain women than my cave.
Their confusion about "Ka-ching" is understandable, as prior to coins being discovered, all Celtic transactions were made with lumps of gold which make more of a "Ker-thud" sound when tossed onto a shop counter, sacks of raw horse meat ("Ker-plop"), or Silk, which doesn't really make any noise at all besides a slight rustling.
"You'll understand when we build Marketplaces - which we won't be doing any time soon, since we have only one Luxury and one city."
A weary band of Scandanavian Settlers descend the Viking mountains north of Mommy Book Pig to find 2000 Gallic Swordsmen and 1000 Celtic Spearmen blocking their way.
Settler: Wha-what are you doing here?
Celtic Commander: I just felt like having my men stand at double arm interval in the desert.
Settler: Can you move?
Commander: No, but you can try to move us. I give my word we won't kill you - just cut you in two and send your top half to clear marshes and the bottom half to road the Spanish mountains.
Settler (glancing at his feeble escort of Spearmen): Erm, that's all right.
Commander: This desert wouldn't be a good place to settle. For you, anyway, since you're not Agricultural. Why don't you go back the way you came and plunk down that heavy pack somewhere in those mountains. Oh wait, you can't... hahaha.
On our southern border, we've filled the land up to the Chinese mountains. Spanish settlers build the town of Jane, misspelling its name in their foolish haste.
110 BC
The Battle of Zaragosa is a brief, brutal, and one-sided affair. Our catapults "Ka-ching," "Ker-thud," and "Ker-plop" the defenders to death's door. Our troops are unanimously victorious against 2,000 Spearmen and 1,000 Archers. I judge the final defenders, the cowardly sugar mine garrison of Warriors unworthy of Gallic steel, and send in unruly Horsemen to take the city.
The inhabitants are set to work at a pyramid scheme of Tax Collecting from one another with the bottom of the pyramid starving each turn.
Additionally, the sugar miners are enslaved, and escorted back under guard to Valencia where they will be set to work constructing a pass for our catapults to attack Pamplona.
The Chinese are willing to ally with us for Currency and the Vikings for Silk, but instead I sell the Silk to Ragnar for 10 gold, 10 GPT, and pictures of Scandinavian women wearing our fabrics.
Isabella is suddenly willing to speak to me again, but won't teach me Feudalism.
It's fine, we'll learn it from the Library, and she doesn't have any Iron. She doesn't have any gold either, and the only city she's willing to give up is Jane... which actually I kind of want. But not as bad as I want Pamplona, so the war will continue. I'll teach her to jut into our lands by jutting into her... 5,000 Archers, Spearmen, and Warriors that are menacing Valencia!