(Sorry for the delay, but for lunch yesterday I decided to contract a severe case of food-poisoning that nearly sent me to hospital. So, without further delay, and with appropriate apologies to one of my favorite generals of all time ...)
The Chancellorship of Gebhard Leberecht von Belcher, Prince of Wahlstadt
The model of the Drunkgoon, Gebhard Leberect von Belcher served with distinction in the wars against the teatotalling English, where he earned a reputation for ferocity in battle, and gambing, wenching, and drinking off the battlefield. Upon the resignation of Chancellor Kevin, his loyal soldiers -- who dubbed him Alte Vorwarts -- desired him to be the new chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany. Despite an ardent nationalism, he stated "If nominated, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve." Unfortunately, he added, "I'd rather stay in the Hanging Biergarten of London and drink!" The same grass-roots movement that elected Kevin chancellor chose to ignore the first statement and act upon the second; and thus, the Social Beer Drinkers Union (SBDU) elected von Belcher to the Chancellorship in a landslide victory over the Teatotalling Parliamentary Coalition (TPC). Resigned to the dubious honor which the beer drinkers of Germany had bestowed upon, von Belcher departed the Hanging Biergarten and headed for the capital.
Upon reaching the capital, von Belcher found himself at a loss; somebody has discovered communism, and consequently, the embassies to all the other civilized nations have been shut down with the exception of those with of the Romans and the English. Reading an account of his predecessor, he deduced that the Babylonians are the likely culprits in this conspiracy against the patriotic German peeoples; he determines that his first action will be to send a drunklomat to steal communism from the Babylonians, then build an organization which will be called the United Nations of Beerdrinkers; and then he will his predecessor's advice and discover espionage as quickly as possible.
1700 apb. (1): Tax rate to 0/8/2 (inc/sci/lux); Barbarian knight bribed at Verona; two drunklomats depart Brandenburg bound for the Babylonian city of Samaria. Ambassadors report that Ashur builds Women's Suffrage; Rome, American, Spanish abandon their similar efforts.
1705 apb. (2): German drunklomats steals Communism from Babylonians at Samaria -- and without international incident. Von Belcher is somewhat annoyed; he was hoping to cause an international incident that might provide a necessary pretext continued operations against the wine-swilling Romans. The remaining drunklomat proceeds with a reconnaissance of the American lands. Taxes are reset to to 6/1/3. A Roman emissary arrives in Berlin, but von Belcher refuses to meet with him; despite throwing the emissary into the Stuttgart channel, the Romans remain hold to their cease fire agreement.
1710 apb. (3): With communism obtained, von Belcher directs the Geeks to research Espionage. Taxes are reset to 3/4/3. Our foreign service reports that the English have built a new capital in Coventry.
1715 apb. (4): The Germans discover Espionage; all drunklomats are magically transformed into Barflies. (Apparently, the science of sex-change operations has also been discovered, as the foppish male drunklomats are transformed into the sexy female Barflies.) Von Belcher decides that Electricity should be researched next (and thence the wonders of Steel and Machine Tools). Heidleburg builds the United Nations of Beerdrinkers (U.N.B.)
With embassies reestablished among the other civilizations, von Belcher evaluates the available intelligence.
The Western Alliance:
Rome: Republic, Hostile, cease fire, allied w/ Babylonians; 6 cities/38 techs/researching the Steam Engine/drinking wine
Babylonians: Democracy, Hostile, cease fire, allied w/ Romans, Americans; 10 cities/47 techs/researching explosives/drinking Sikaru
Americans: Republic, Uncooperative, peace, allied w/ Babylonians; 12 cities/44 techs/researching the Corporation/drinking root beer instead of real beer
The Eastern Alliance:
Spanish: Despotism, Enraged, War, allied w/ English, Indians; 17 cities/31 techs/researching Monarchy/drinking Madeira
Indians: Republic, Uncooperative, Peace, allied w/ Spanish; 11 cities/37 techs/researching Electricity/drinking Pachwai
English: Republic, Uncooperative, allied w/ Spanish; 2 cities/39 techs/researching Explosives/drink tea
(Von Belcher also notes, with some curiousity, that no other civilization has developed Chivalry; and that none are researching either Chivalry or Conscription!)
Von Belcher determines upon the following course of action. Since the Indians are researching electricity, and we have a Barfly in the neighborhood, he decides to reset taxes to 7/0/3 and commence a campaign of subversion, first against the Romans and then against the Spanish who, as despots, should rebel against their overlord rather easily. Concurrent with this policy, the current set of city improvements in England are rush built for 214 gold in order to allow the building of a German Expeditionary Force to be launched against the Spanish. Likewise, to quickly raise capital and improve trade, seven freight are rush built in the German Homeland for 481 in gold.
Against the wine-swilling Romans, a Barfly subverts Pisae for 820 in gold, recouping 133 in the capture; three other Barflies sabotage a Roman elephant and poison water supplies; three out of four Barflies survive these operations to become veteran drinkers; the Romans make a peace offering, but it is refused, and the cease fire expires. Embassies report that Spanish Gov't has been overthrown; and the Babylonians and Americans exchanged some antiquated knowledge.
1720 apb. (5): All is quiet; production orders in England changed to Barflies and a transPORT. Ambassadors report that Spain has become a Republic; a member of the Reichstag is arrested and shot on suspicion of leaking von Belcher's plans to the enemy. The previously sabotaged Roman elepant launches a sneak attack against Pisae, but are defeated by the Pisan Mouseketeers. This pleases von Belcher to no end. Addressing the Reichstag, von Belcher accuses the T.P.C. of complicity, and calls for Parliamentary elections. The resulting elections are an overwhelming victory for the S.B.D.U.
1725 apb. (6): Seven freight from German Homeland arrive in Rome, City of Colussus (remodelled such that he now carries a can a beer instead of a torch) for 846 Gold, yielding a net profit on the rush builds of 365 gold, +27 in trade, and a tremendous boost in research; Barflies peer-pressure Neapolis (814/117) and Antium (880/94) to rebel; Roman cannon and musketeer destroyed by Lagerclads.
A rudimentary railnet is finished in German Homeland. The German Expeditionary Force is rush built in England for 449 in gold; Five more freight rush built in German homeland for 601 gold; German treasury down to 94 gold! Ambassadors report that Babylonians have switched to a Republic.
1730 apb. (7): "We Love the Chancellor Day" celebrated in Rome; in effort to maximize trade, Rome begins the rush building of city improvements designed to increase its population to at least 20. Barflies peer-pressure Ravenna (276/47), Hispalis (636/77), and Virconium (121/47) into revolt. Roman Civilization destroyed! Von Belcher orders a year-long beerfest to celebrate the victory.
German Expeditionary Force (4 Kegvalry, 3 Rumplemen, 5 Barflies, and 2 engineers) is launched from London, bound for Spain; von Belcher hopes that maybe they'll also discover the remaining two English cities, which explorations in the north have yet to discover.
1735 apb. (8): Second wave of German Freight reach destinations for 1027 gold (net profit on rush builds of 426, +17 trade, and a research boost gaurenteeing the aquisition of the next tech after Electricity).
German Expeditionary Force successfully lands near Madrid and Salamanca; Barfly peer-pressures Salamanca (1171/141) into revolt. After over a thousand years of eating bark and drinking quinine, Koln is irrigated! Citizens celebrate with a kegger. (English emissary is refused audience).
1740 apb. (9): All quiet. Railline from Rome to Brandenburg completed; commencement of redeployment of veterans of the Roman campaign south towards Babylon.
1745 apb. (10): German forces successfully entrench in front of Madrid; other forces sieze fortresses surrounding that city, isolating the Spanish capital from reinforcements. Ambassadors report that the Spanish have developed Monarchy, and the Indians have developed electricity.
1750 apb. (11): Stupid Spanish diplomat slain in the open. German forces continue their strategic penetration of Spanish homeland, seizing further fortifications. Veteran Barfly steals Electricity from Indians -- a gets away without incident! Lagerclads upgraded to Dortmunders. Taxes reset to 6.3.1; Spanish elephant commits suicide against fortified German Kegvalry. Ambassodors report that the Americans have developed Corporation.
1752 apb. (12): Electronics discovered. Von Belcher follows through on his research program, elects to research Steel. Four freight from England arrive in Rome for 400 gold (+18 trade). Barflies peer-pressure Salamanca (517/211), Cordoba (847/184), Valencia (574/80), and Toledo (514/54) to rebel. The Reichstag twice supports continued "peace keeping" resolution. Von Belcher sends a shipment of beer to the U.N.B. to thank them for continued support in "quenching" the Reichstag. Frankfurt switches production from Women's Suffrage to Hovels Dam.
1754 apb. (13): Rush built German Canned-ons advance on Madrid. An emissary from the Babylonians is refused a meeting.
1756 apb. (14): Frankfurt builds Hovels Dam, christened with Hovels Urtyp, Bitterbier, and Maibock. Far to the south, the American city of New Orleans subverted by a Barfly for 120; inspecting the city reveals the presence of another American city nearby, and a Barfly is rush built in New Orleans.
Barfly sabotages Madrid city walls. Von Belcher, taking personal command of the forces on the front, directed two Canned-ons to bombard the city, destroying a phalanx and musketeer; he then leads German Kegvalry charge that destroys the remaining musketeer. Barflies peer-pressure the Spanish cities of Barcelona (174/113) and Vigo (268/73) into revolt. Aquisition of the latter establishes a bridgehead on the Babylonian continent, and five Rumplemen, two Kegvalry, and one Canned-ons are quickly unloaded in that city. Von Belcher leads another Kegvalry into Madrid, storming that city to acquire a further 100 in gold, and thus securing the heart of the Spanish Civilization. Taxes reset to 1.6.3 Elsewhere, a Spanish cannon defeats German Rumplemen in the hills above Orvieto, pissing off the Chancellor; apparently, they rush built a garrison! Spanish cannon land near Volksburg.)
1758 apb. (15): At Vigo, now supported by engineers, German forces advance to the base of the Vigo peninsula and fortify, presenting a formidable threat to the Babylonians. Spanish cannon defeated by Apres-Ski Troops near Volksburg. Barfly peer pressures the Spanish city of Leon (186/79) into revolt; another Barfly subverts the American city of St. Louis (1080/31). Angered at the loss of his patriotic Rumplemen at Orvieto -- the only military reverse of his administration -- von Belcher personally leads German Kegvalry in an attack on Orvieto; German Kegvalry destroy the garrison and raze the city; in the ensuing debauchery, von Belcher acquires an acute case food poisoning from a Spanish omelette and dies suddenly. His final words, "Vorwarts! Immer fester druff!"
[This message has been edited by Andu Indorin (edited May 31, 2001).]
