DisNES II "A Twist of Fate"

[Israelite9191]

To Acolhua
From the T'ho League
The Maya of the T'ho League request a pact of non-agression to last a period of six turns.

 

[Symphony D.]

TO: Kalmar Union
FROM: Russian Empire
Prepare to die.

Sincerely,
Император Владимир II Иоаннович
Imperator Vladimir II Ioannovich

 

[Luckymoose]

From: His Holiness the Pope
To: Kalmar Union


The Pope,and the Papal States back the Kalmar unions diplomatic decisions.And wish you best in your conflicts with Russia.

 

[LittleBoots]

- Duchy of Savoy-Provence.
Capital: Grenoble
Ruler: Duke Victor/LittleBoots
Government: Absolute Monarchy
Centralization: Uberunitary
Tech. Level: Early Enlightenment Age (AT)
Army (Training): 11 Divisions (Professional)
Navy (Training): 5 Squadrons (Tolerable)
Economy: Growing (+2)
Size (points required): Small (1)
Leadership (Military/Civilian): Good/Good
Infrastructure: Very Efficient
Education: Well Educated
Living Standards: Higher
Culture: Patriotic
Confidence: Admiring
Projects:
Nation Background: One of the few still autonomous realms of the Holy Roman Empire, maintained mainly as a strong bulwark against France in the south. Investment has poured in from the HRE to beef up the small state, and its trading power on the Mediterranean is rising. Despite this rosy recent past, the Duchy looks set to become a battleground…unless something quite remarkable happens.

Rawr. Yay for subservience.

 

[Luckymoose]

Welcome to vasselhood.

 

[Cuivienen]

- Duchy of Savoy-Provence.
Capital: Grenoble
Ruler: Duke Victor/LittleBoots
Government: Absolute Monarchy
Centralization: Uberunitary
Tech. Level: Early Enlightenment Age (AT)
Army (Training): 11 Divisions (Professional)
Navy (Training): 5 Squadrons (Tolerable)
Economy: Growing (+2)
Size (points required): Small (1)
Leadership (Military/Civilian): Good/Good
Infrastructure: Very Efficient
Education: Well Educated
Living Standards: Higher
Culture: Patriotic
Confidence: Admiring
Projects:
Nation Background: One of the few still autonomous realms of the Holy Roman Empire, maintained mainly as a strong bulwark against France in the south. Investment has poured in from the HRE to beef up the small state, and its trading power on the Mediterranean is rising. Despite this rosy recent past, the Duchy looks set to become a battleground…unless something quite remarkable happens.

Rawr. Yay for subservience.

Okay. I basically wrote your military orders for you already (not that they were particularly complicated) so I'll forward them onwards.

 

[LittleBoots]

Thats perfectly okay. In fact, future Aragonese advice in our coordinated attack on the French dogs will be taken into heavy consideration. And just so I know what exactly I'm up to, would you mind sending me a copy then? Cheers.

 

[Luckymoose]

To: Dutch of Savoy-Provence
From: His Holiness the Pope

"I commend your men,those who fight harshly against the French,as warriors of God.And all my and the peoples of the Papal States prayers will be with them."

Signed,
His,Holiness the Pope

 

[Disenfrancised]

*sigh* Darn and I had my blustering buffoon persona for Duke Victor all worked out .

Start sending in those orders people, as always the earlier they get in the more likly they'll be up on monday

 

[~Darkening~]

I've sent orders, correct?

 

[Disenfrancised]

Yes you did.

 

[LittleBoots]

*sigh* Darn and I had my blustering buffoon persona for Duke Victor all worked out .

Sorry Dis, many apologies, old chap. I'll see what I can do though.

To: His Holiness, Pope Pius VI
From: Duke Victor of Savoy-Provence

Your blessings are graciously received, Your Ecclesiastic Highness. The boys are always ready for a scrap and eager to continue our Holy Struggle against the French nemesis. Its been quite a show, I daresay.

 

[das]

OOC: In a lighter vein. I haven't written any even semi-funny stories lately, so here's for variety...

IC:

"...slaughtered them all! Completely! They tried to run away, but their fleet already fled. They got all slaughtered, cannon shells everywhere, sabres and gunpowder, smoke and blood!"

"Yes, well..." - Guleiham-Pasha tried to calm the Genoese traveller, but was immediately shouted down.

"LIES!" - exclaimed the Imperial ambassador - "All lies! The French, they won by trickery, but even that was not enough! O Wise Sultan, our armies are far from defeated! Do not listen to this, this traitor, this scum! We saved his city..."

"Didn't you burn it down?"

"No, we burned down Rome, but that was self-defense and friendly fire, the Pope had it coming for him anyway."

"Indeed, he had." - commented the janissary captain, Mustafa.

"Anyway, these are pathetic lies of a French lapdog."

"Bah! You know it is true, you just fear to admit the simple truth that you are defeated. Sultan, your armies are powerful - wipe out this pathetic Imperial scum!"

"See!" - screamed the German - "See! I told you! There are Frenchmen here!"

"There are Germans here too, but do I complain? No, although if we were not here in this great city but anywhere else I would have simply killed you. But I at least respect the great laws of the Ottomans..."

"Well ofcourse, you're probably a Muslim yourself." - commented one of the German's bodyguards, but was immediately shushed. To call someone a Muslim at the Babali was not a very clever insult.

"But they're dead!" - shouted the Genoese, though by now nobody payed attention to him - "DEAD! You're dead, you're just pretending to be alive..."

What's with all these Europeans anyway... The Sultan studied them passively. To think that they take pride in their monogamy. No wonder they keep killing each other. Do they really think I care one bit about them and their petty struggles?

"I beseech you - kill all Frenchmen!"

"Expel this German barbarian, they have always been your enemies. You could have all of Africa, and Italy, and Hungary!"

"Lies, all lies! You can't have them! We will burn down everything that we won't burn down and everything else too!" - the German screamed hysterically.

"DEAD!!! Cannonballsbloodymarchhalberdsinnardsflyingoutofthewindows!"

"Conquer the world, I beseech you! France and Turkey will rule the universe together!"

"Oh, just throw them all out!" - shouted the Sultan finally. Everyone fell silent.

"That won't be very diplomatic, o Khan of Khans." - Guleiham-Pasha quipped.

"Just throw them out in any case, they do not amuse me. Send in the Sinhalese ambassador, you know, the one in our dungeon, I want to mock him some more."

The great and glorious reign of Mehmed IV the Senile continued.

 

[Grandmaster]

Oddly, the funniest part was reading the Sultan's name. But that's probably just because its 2 AM here.

 

[LittleBoots]

Send in the Sinhalese ambassador, you know, the one in our dungeon, I want to mock him some more."

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaahha.

 

[JosefStalinator]

I'm very, very confused.

 

[das]

Oddly, the funniest part was reading the Sultan's name. But that's probably just because its 2 AM here.

Probably not very surprising - I changed my mind about what I wanted this story to be way too often while writing it. In the end, I suppose it has the feeling of being neither here nor there and not even finished (well, in a way it indeed isn't...).

 

[~Darkening~]

I'm very, very confused.

You're not the only one.

 

[Insane_Panda]

I got it.

You all must be a bit dim in the head, or something

Very funny.

 

[das]

Even if it isn't, you still can consider it a valuable insight into the Ottoman foreign politics.