Diamondeye
So Happy I Could Die
"Ofcourse Praetorians are the best soldiers in the world. We train them for 350 years" -Augustus Ceasar XXVII, 340 AD
Funny Journal Entries
- Thread starter Emperor2
- Start date
Bushface
Deity
Pericles, 2040 BC :-
"Found a great place for a new city. Of course, it's a long way from Athens and very close to those two American cities, but we'll get horses and I'm sure all that jungle can be cleared."
"Found a great place for a new city. Of course, it's a long way from Athens and very close to those two American cities, but we'll get horses and I'm sure all that jungle can be cleared."
xaka
Chieftain
God ! Today was a scary day : first my advisers told me that an American group of scientists working on their top secret "project Manhattan" in Boston had just discovered how to build nukes. That gave me the shivers and I was about to recall the fleet of transport ships I had just ordered through the ocean, since our designated target now had an incredible military advantage over us. But then my advisers also told me that because of this american discovery we would now be able to build our own nuclear ICBMs and that we were mostly protected by that laser thingy we built a couple of years ago, the one I didn't know what use it would be...
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Journal of Stalin, January 1878.
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Journal of Stalin, January 1878.
rabidveggie
King
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2007
- Messages
- 697
A letter from a confused citizen
I don't think I'll ever understand how nations are run. Our leader Cyrus declared war on our peaceful neighbor Ghandi early on in our nations history. His explanation for the act was in my last game he tech whored his way to a space victory, beating me by one day to reaching Alpha Centary. Millions died in the ensuing war and every city we captured was razed to "teach those sob's a lesson."
Years after the war Cyrus declared war on our greatest ally saying that the nations pigs and cows would turn us into a productive power house.
I don't think I'll ever understand how nations are run. Our leader Cyrus declared war on our peaceful neighbor Ghandi early on in our nations history. His explanation for the act was in my last game he tech whored his way to a space victory, beating me by one day to reaching Alpha Centary. Millions died in the ensuing war and every city we captured was razed to "teach those sob's a lesson."
Years after the war Cyrus declared war on our greatest ally saying that the nations pigs and cows would turn us into a productive power house.
From the governor of Memphis:
We'd been having problems with the local populace up until recently; citizens were complaining that the city was entirely too crowded, which was making them most unproductive. Why they didn't simply choose to settle elsewhere, I cannot understand. That is, until a large division of our soldiers were recently garrisoned here. I find it strange that our people will complain about overpopulation until a strong military presence distracts them. It must be all the shiny armor.
From the diary of Gandhi:
Today, my country adopted the stance of Pacifism. Unfortunately, my people haven't quite realized that this means we shouldn't go to war at all; they're under the impression that this just makes soldiers cost more. *sigh* I have much work to do...
We'd been having problems with the local populace up until recently; citizens were complaining that the city was entirely too crowded, which was making them most unproductive. Why they didn't simply choose to settle elsewhere, I cannot understand. That is, until a large division of our soldiers were recently garrisoned here. I find it strange that our people will complain about overpopulation until a strong military presence distracts them. It must be all the shiny armor.
From the diary of Gandhi:
Today, my country adopted the stance of Pacifism. Unfortunately, my people haven't quite realized that this means we shouldn't go to war at all; they're under the impression that this just makes soldiers cost more. *sigh* I have much work to do...
Patricman
Hepatologist/liver doctor
I love the one in the beginning about the "too many people so I refuse to work" one. But im too dumb to come up with one myself.
Vallius Deston
Chieftain
Today my advisers told me that the Kremlin has been finished in Washington, so we can no longer build it in Krozny. No matter, as we will finish the Pentagon in Moscow next turn! It will look lovely with the Great Pyramid of St. Petersburg and the Great Wall of Russia.
Also, our great spy has built "Scotland Yard" in Rostov. I don't understand why we can't call it the KGB or something that sounds remotely Russian. Oh well, time to sacrifice some more peas- er I mean, for the Bolshevik People to build our Wall Street in St. Petersburg. The whips and guns are to inspire their faith in the Communist way!
Also, our great spy has built "Scotland Yard" in Rostov. I don't understand why we can't call it the KGB or something that sounds remotely Russian. Oh well, time to sacrifice some more peas- er I mean, for the Bolshevik People to build our Wall Street in St. Petersburg. The whips and guns are to inspire their faith in the Communist way!
Black Mech
Nuked
soilder:Sir the enimy is right beyond that valley and they are weak, should we attack them now.
commander:No we can't
soilder:why not sir?
commander:because its not our civilization's turn yet, we can't do anything now.
soilder:what?
commander:No we can't
soilder:why not sir?
commander:because its not our civilization's turn yet, we can't do anything now.
soilder:what?
The Keeper
Warlord
Diary of a commander of a legion of warriors:
As we were exploring the endless jungle, we came across a small settlement. They knew nothing, but gave us something called a map - but only of ocean beyond their settlement. I asked them how they knew the seas kept going beyond what their eyes could see. The only shrugged their shoulders and disappeared.
Diary of a Great General commanding cavalry
Today, our scientist discovered better flight then we had before. They seem to think that my training with shooting a rifle while riding a horse makes me a good candidate to fly these new machines. I plan on taking one into battle in a month or two.
As we were exploring the endless jungle, we came across a small settlement. They knew nothing, but gave us something called a map - but only of ocean beyond their settlement. I asked them how they knew the seas kept going beyond what their eyes could see. The only shrugged their shoulders and disappeared.
Diary of a Great General commanding cavalry
Today, our scientist discovered better flight then we had before. They seem to think that my training with shooting a rifle while riding a horse makes me a good candidate to fly these new machines. I plan on taking one into battle in a month or two.
Way_Traveler
Warlord
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2007
- Messages
- 149
Diary of a Warlord,
Settling down was a good move. We have this nice continent all to ourselves, except for one advanced but weak civ, who call themselves 'Indians'. After our most recent war, they pleaded with me to stop, offering me three secrets of their technology in exchange. I agreed, with every intention of backstabbing them.
Mysteriously, my troops were kicked out of Indian lands. I attempted to send them back in, but a magical invisible barrier prevented me from doing so. I tried to declare war again, but another magical invisible barrier prevented me from doing so. I, apparently, have to wait hundreds of years before declaring war again. I am unsure where this mysterious force comes from, but I'd like to kill it.
Settling down was a good move. We have this nice continent all to ourselves, except for one advanced but weak civ, who call themselves 'Indians'. After our most recent war, they pleaded with me to stop, offering me three secrets of their technology in exchange. I agreed, with every intention of backstabbing them.
Mysteriously, my troops were kicked out of Indian lands. I attempted to send them back in, but a magical invisible barrier prevented me from doing so. I tried to declare war again, but another magical invisible barrier prevented me from doing so. I, apparently, have to wait hundreds of years before declaring war again. I am unsure where this mysterious force comes from, but I'd like to kill it.
TheTemplar
Chieftain
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2008
- Messages
- 35
Diary of Julius Caesar, 1870 A.D.
"Today, I payed a little visit to Rome's scientists. They told me that they had just discovered the secret of Production Line! I promptly shouted, "Let us research Flight!"
Immediately, the scientists walked over to these cupboards, and started pulling out beakers!
"I say! What are you doing!"
"We are researching Flight!", one of the scientists said, placing a few beakers up on a shelf. A few minutes later, there were exactly 352 beakers stacked up on the shelves. The scientists stopped.
"Um.. why have you stopped! Keep researching!"
"No," replied one of the scientists, "We have to wait a turn now."
"Today, I payed a little visit to Rome's scientists. They told me that they had just discovered the secret of Production Line! I promptly shouted, "Let us research Flight!"
Immediately, the scientists walked over to these cupboards, and started pulling out beakers!
"I say! What are you doing!"
"We are researching Flight!", one of the scientists said, placing a few beakers up on a shelf. A few minutes later, there were exactly 352 beakers stacked up on the shelves. The scientists stopped.
"Um.. why have you stopped! Keep researching!"
"No," replied one of the scientists, "We have to wait a turn now."
AlessioCerci
Prince
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2007
- Messages
- 416
Diary of Ramesses, c 1000BC
-"Great news sire, we just chopped down a forest next to the Nile."
-"Why is that great news?"
-"Because we have now completed the pyramids."
-"That's all well and good, but because of your excessive chopping i am now unhealthy and need more food than normal."
-"Ok, but we can now adopt representation."
-"Whats that?"
-"Well instead of our new leader being the eldest son of the previous one, the people can choose their leader."
-"Doesn't that spell the end for me?"
-"You'd think so, but that is infact not the case......All Hail Prime Minister Ramesses II"
-"Great news sire, we just chopped down a forest next to the Nile."
-"Why is that great news?"
-"Because we have now completed the pyramids."
-"That's all well and good, but because of your excessive chopping i am now unhealthy and need more food than normal."
-"Ok, but we can now adopt representation."
-"Whats that?"
-"Well instead of our new leader being the eldest son of the previous one, the people can choose their leader."
-"Doesn't that spell the end for me?"
-"You'd think so, but that is infact not the case......All Hail Prime Minister Ramesses II"
god of crows45
Guitar Guru of the Wild
Diary of an Aztec general
Well, today we declared war on Persia. All we gotta do is cross Roman territory to do so..... wait what? You say the Romans are annoyed towards us and we don't have open borders? Well that sucks. I was hoping to try my numerous chariots against some of his cavalry!
Well, today we declared war on Persia. All we gotta do is cross Roman territory to do so..... wait what? You say the Romans are annoyed towards us and we don't have open borders? Well that sucks. I was hoping to try my numerous chariots against some of his cavalry!
A_Hamster
Small Furry Animal
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2007
- Messages
- 627
From Field Marshal Ulrich von Kriegspiel's speech at the disbanding of the Regiment von Falken.
"It is with great sadness that I speak these words, for on this day, the oldest regiment of the Imperial German army will be disbanded, the Regiment von Falken. Nearly 1200 years ago, the Regiment von Falken was founded, the very first unit equipped with what was then the cutting edge of military technology, the bronze spear. The regiment was then assigned to secure the only source of horses then known to the German people and hold it against the barbarian raids that came from the forests that once surrounded this valley. For 1200 years, twelve centuries, the Regiment von Falken has held this post, and held it against all foes. It is a fine example of duty faithfully discharged.
However, there is one foe that none can defeat, and that is time. Both spears and horse cavalry are obsolete in this modern age, and our leaders have decided that it would be too expensive to reequip the Regiment von Falken with SAM launchers. Thus an ancient regiment, a regiment that in many ways embodies the history and traditions of the German army, is to be retired."
"It is with great sadness that I speak these words, for on this day, the oldest regiment of the Imperial German army will be disbanded, the Regiment von Falken. Nearly 1200 years ago, the Regiment von Falken was founded, the very first unit equipped with what was then the cutting edge of military technology, the bronze spear. The regiment was then assigned to secure the only source of horses then known to the German people and hold it against the barbarian raids that came from the forests that once surrounded this valley. For 1200 years, twelve centuries, the Regiment von Falken has held this post, and held it against all foes. It is a fine example of duty faithfully discharged.
However, there is one foe that none can defeat, and that is time. Both spears and horse cavalry are obsolete in this modern age, and our leaders have decided that it would be too expensive to reequip the Regiment von Falken with SAM launchers. Thus an ancient regiment, a regiment that in many ways embodies the history and traditions of the German army, is to be retired."
IdiotsOpposite
Boom, headshot.
From the diary of an American Citizen:
Well, today is 2000 BC. I'm not sure what this really means, because we haven't discovered "Calendar" yet and we don't know anyone named Christ anyway. So what does this "2000 BC" mean? Perhaps we are to be 2000 feet in front of this man named Christ? I tried to figure out how far that would be in our native meters, but then I realized that to do that we need something called "Mathematics". I don't know why we need this thing, and why did it take us hundreds of years to learn how to write? Are we really that stupid? Actually, the discovery of Writing led to a rather strange thing, as I read this thing called a book, and everything about it is strange! It's written on this strange material that the priests say is called "Paper", the writing is made up of something that the priests call an "Alphabet", and it says that we are not going to exist until this "1776 AD" thing. What is this "1776 AD"? Is it related to the "2000 BC" that the people of America are supposedly in? And how has our mighty leader, George Washington, lived so long? Everything around me is strange!
The good news, however, is that after 320 years, whatever years are, our brilliant scientists realized that people could sit on these horses that we have! The odd thing is, a couple of years ago, I tried to sit on one, but a man popped out of nowhere and pulled me off! When I asked why he did that, he told me, "Your civilization has not discovered "Horseback Riding".
Well, today is 2000 BC. I'm not sure what this really means, because we haven't discovered "Calendar" yet and we don't know anyone named Christ anyway. So what does this "2000 BC" mean? Perhaps we are to be 2000 feet in front of this man named Christ? I tried to figure out how far that would be in our native meters, but then I realized that to do that we need something called "Mathematics". I don't know why we need this thing, and why did it take us hundreds of years to learn how to write? Are we really that stupid? Actually, the discovery of Writing led to a rather strange thing, as I read this thing called a book, and everything about it is strange! It's written on this strange material that the priests say is called "Paper", the writing is made up of something that the priests call an "Alphabet", and it says that we are not going to exist until this "1776 AD" thing. What is this "1776 AD"? Is it related to the "2000 BC" that the people of America are supposedly in? And how has our mighty leader, George Washington, lived so long? Everything around me is strange!
The good news, however, is that after 320 years, whatever years are, our brilliant scientists realized that people could sit on these horses that we have! The odd thing is, a couple of years ago, I tried to sit on one, but a man popped out of nowhere and pulled me off! When I asked why he did that, he told me, "Your civilization has not discovered "Horseback Riding".
Light-Giver
Warlord
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2007
- Messages
- 221
great stuff, ill try to make up 1 myself but i may need to play a bit to get some insration, ill be back to write mine in a hour or 2
darklordchuckle
Chieftain
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2008
- Messages
- 17
From the journal of otto von bismark
I was reading my reports and I noticed there weren't as many trade routes as there were before so I asked my advisors and they said because we discovered the corperation the great lighthouse doesn't effect us anymore,when I asked why they just stared at me blankly.
I was reading my reports and I noticed there weren't as many trade routes as there were before so I asked my advisors and they said because we discovered the corperation the great lighthouse doesn't effect us anymore,when I asked why they just stared at me blankly.
Headline news, Le Monde, April 1453
Front page headline: "Researches speculate on ancient contact with alien civilizations on Earth"
In the ancient city ruins outside Reims today, archaeologists are stunned to discover fragmentary texts and models that promise great revelations assisting in the emerging sciences of robotics and assembly line production.
"It's amazing," says the team lead, one Dr. Schultz. "It appears as if 3500 years ago, in the ancient city of Ur which our ancestors .. somehow conqured and burnt to the ground.. there were working robotic assembly factories. There's not much left, but we've already learnt a lot!".
Random event: +500 research towards Assembly line from the city ruins.
Front page headline: "Researches speculate on ancient contact with alien civilizations on Earth"
In the ancient city ruins outside Reims today, archaeologists are stunned to discover fragmentary texts and models that promise great revelations assisting in the emerging sciences of robotics and assembly line production.
"It's amazing," says the team lead, one Dr. Schultz. "It appears as if 3500 years ago, in the ancient city of Ur which our ancestors .. somehow conqured and burnt to the ground.. there were working robotic assembly factories. There's not much left, but we've already learnt a lot!".
Random event: +500 research towards Assembly line from the city ruins.
Light-Giver
Warlord
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2007
- Messages
- 221
From the journal of some military advisor
I was reviewing our army yesterday and i found out that we still have obsolite warriors and some archers still garrasoned in most of our citys.
I asked why are they still there to my General and he said "O them we forgot about them for some 2000 years, no worries most armys have a few obsolite nuckleheads with clubs."
I was reviewing our army yesterday and i found out that we still have obsolite warriors and some archers still garrasoned in most of our citys.
I asked why are they still there to my General and he said "O them we forgot about them for some 2000 years, no worries most armys have a few obsolite nuckleheads with clubs."
