Girl Problems? Ask

[Civrules]

I still don't get why nice guys finish last...would it mean that being a jerk can get u more girls?

This in itself is a pretty complex question but...
Okay, I'll try to go over this again and be as specific as possible.
First before there is any confusion, you have to know these terms because you have to also understand under what context I am using them:

Nice Guy - Defined as socially unaware and/or a pushover by women. Unfortunately the majority of guys are Nice Guys to some extent.

The Jerk - The jerk thinks he is the ultimate player. He thinks there is no higher status man than him. Unfortunately, the jerk only gets so far (he is also blind to his limitations). The jerk attracts low status girls (who also tend to be attractive) who generally do not value what high status men want. A high status man does not want a highly promiscuous girl. Since the Jerk is highly sexual and persistent, he attracts the promiscuous girls also. The Nice Guy sits on the sidelines and hates on the Jerk because he is with attractive women - often ignoring the fact that those women often don't have their life together.

The Venusian Artist/The Alpha Male/The Pook - These guys truly can get any woman they want, and often they do. The Jerk is not good at getting a well-rounded woman who has her %$#@ together in life because lets face it, high status women want a high status man. The Venusian Artist/The Alpha Male/The Pook on the other hand, have standards, and they are extremely educated and know how to control themselves in every situation when it comes to women (see, the Jerk has an emotional and sometimes violent reaction if he learns that, for example, a woman has cheated on him. The Alpha Male just moves on with a smile on his face). The nice guy typically confuses the Jerk with the Venusian Artist/The Alpha Male/Pook because the Nice Guy does not understand that there are crucial differences.
The nice guy sees an Alpha Male poking fun at a girl and thinks, "tsk tsk, that's not right. That woman would be so lucky if she was with me because I'd treat her so much better!"

Every nice guy believes he is doing the right thing by being nice. I certainly did a year ago! Nice guys also subconsciously know they have lower status. This is a problem because they are afraid of rejection. Why are they afraid of rejection? Since they subconsciously believe they have lower status, they act that way. They do not question anything they disagree with because they think, "why should she listen to me? After all, I have low status, and she will reject what I think." They do not know how to achieve higher status because they are confused as hell. Since they believe they are doing "the right thing," they do not want to risk being more of a challenge because that would potentially *GULP* make them into a JERK! AND THEY HATE THE JERK!
Nice guys believe in doing the... "right" thing. They compliment a lot. They pay for the food. They find every opportunity to tell the girl how great she is.
The Alpha Male (NOT to be confused with the Jerk), knows how attraction works, and he creates it. Attraction is not created by throwing compliments as the nice guys do. Compliments and gifts have no lasting affect and do not create attraction.

 

[Trajan12]

I want to take my gf to a movie this week, any recommendations?

 

[Civrules]

I want to take my gf to a movie this week, any recommendations?

What recommendations are you looking for? Do you need help in asking (I wouldn't think so since she is your gf), or which movie to see, or how to act and what else to do, etc?

I'd recommend seeing a funny movie or even better, a scary movie (if you need recommendations for a movie). Girls love strong emotions so if you see a scary movie and you are by her side she'll pretty much be all over you.

 

[Trajan12]

What recommendations are you looking for? Do you need help in asking (I wouldn't think so since she is your gf), or which movie to see, or how to act and what else to do, etc?

I'd recommend seeing a funny movie or even better, a scary movie (if you need recommendations for a movie). Girls love strong emotions so if you see a scary movie and you are by her side she'll pretty much be all over you.

I was thinking about something scary, I guess i'll see what new ones are open this weekend.

 

[Xanikk999]

I think once most women get treated badly by the "jerk" stereotype they go after nice guys later in life. (Like in mid to late 20's)

 

[feline_dacat]

Third girl to post in this thread, and the second to have a question

chrisrossi and Civrules listed some stuff that interested girls do:

Spoiler :

Some girls are for-no-reason nasty to you and nobody else.
Some girls look at their target until the target looks at them; this may happen a few times.
Some girls are particularly flirty.
Some girls may do other things, not particularly flirty but still significant; examples include sitting on your lap, drinking from your bottle, can, straw etc
In a group, the girl may talk to you more often that others.
If a girl hits you playfully she likes you.

She gives you compliments
She might feel nervous around you
She teases you (girls actually test guys a lot by teasing them to see how they respond)
She says she is interested in the same things you are
She vaguely talks about what you two might do in the future or where you might go, etc.
When legs are crossed, the foot of her top leg is pointed toward you it means you have got her full attention
She keeps the convo going when it dies down (you might let the convo die on purpose to see if she picks up)
She touches you/your face/plays with your hair.
She looks into your eyes.
She mirrors your behavior and body-language.
She plays with her earrings or necklace or hair when talking to you
She touches her face while looking at you.
She laughs a lot in your presence
She tucks in her blouse....
If she asks if you are gay

I've been accused of being a flirty person and uh, in fact, a lot of those things listed are things I do when with people I like, but aren't interested in. Its only recently that I started understanding that people are reading more into my actions than I intend and so this leads to problems with making what i thought were friends and later on discovering that they were only talking to me because they thought I wanted more than friendship.

So my question is how do I let someone know from the first moment that I'm not interested in a relationship of any kind other than friendship? Thats without showing the obvious signs of disinterest and put them off from even talking to me.

 

[Trajan12]

Third girl to post in this thread, and the second to have a question

chrisrossi and Civrules listed some stuff that interested girls do:

Spoiler :

Some girls are for-no-reason nasty to you and nobody else.
Some girls look at their target until the target looks at them; this may happen a few times.
Some girls are particularly flirty.
Some girls may do other things, not particularly flirty but still significant; examples include sitting on your lap, drinking from your bottle, can, straw etc
In a group, the girl may talk to you more often that others.
If a girl hits you playfully she likes you.

She gives you compliments
She might feel nervous around you
She teases you (girls actually test guys a lot by teasing them to see how they respond)
She says she is interested in the same things you are
She vaguely talks about what you two might do in the future or where you might go, etc.
When legs are crossed, the foot of her top leg is pointed toward you it means you have got her full attention
She keeps the convo going when it dies down (you might let the convo die on purpose to see if she picks up)
She touches you/your face/plays with your hair.
She looks into your eyes.
She mirrors your behavior and body-language.
She plays with her earrings or necklace or hair when talking to you
She touches her face while looking at you.
She laughs a lot in your presence
She tucks in her blouse....
If she asks if you are gay

I've been accused of being a flirty person and uh, in fact, a lot of those things listed are things I do when with people I like, but aren't interested in. Its only recently that I started understanding that people are reading more into my actions than I intend and so this leads to problems with making what i thought were friends and later on discovering that they were only talking to me because they thought I wanted more than friendship.

So my question is how do I let someone know from the first moment that I'm not interested in a relationship of any kind other than friendship? Thats without showing the obvious signs of disinterest and put them off from even talking to me.

Make a comment on how good of a "friend" he is or would make, that will surely discourage him.

 

[Captain2]

eh... if he has something else in mind "friend" wouldnt make a difference if hes not sensitive

kind of reminds me... once i was talking to this girl and she was trying to get info on one of my friends because she wanted to go out with him but they were friends and she thought it might be awkward to ask him outright.

so she kept dropping hints to him until finally one day I was talking to her and he walked right up and asked if he could talk to me, then he began talking loud enough so she could hear it "hey, you ever had been friends with a girl but they want to date you? i dont think thats a good idea, it would get VERY AWKWARD!"

well she got the idea and he sort of let her off without really telling her, i just found his way of doing it funny though

 

[Trajan12]

Trust me he will notice that, and it should make a difference. If not you can always say you were clear about your intentions from the start.

 

[Civrules]

Third girl to post in this thread, and the second to have a question

chrisrossi and Civrules listed some stuff that interested girls do:

Spoiler :

Some girls are for-no-reason nasty to you and nobody else.
Some girls look at their target until the target looks at them; this may happen a few times.
Some girls are particularly flirty.
Some girls may do other things, not particularly flirty but still significant; examples include sitting on your lap, drinking from your bottle, can, straw etc
In a group, the girl may talk to you more often that others.
If a girl hits you playfully she likes you.

She gives you compliments
She might feel nervous around you
She teases you (girls actually test guys a lot by teasing them to see how they respond)
She says she is interested in the same things you are
She vaguely talks about what you two might do in the future or where you might go, etc.
When legs are crossed, the foot of her top leg is pointed toward you it means you have got her full attention
She keeps the convo going when it dies down (you might let the convo die on purpose to see if she picks up)
She touches you/your face/plays with your hair.
She looks into your eyes.
She mirrors your behavior and body-language.
She plays with her earrings or necklace or hair when talking to you
She touches her face while looking at you.
She laughs a lot in your presence
She tucks in her blouse....
If she asks if you are gay

I've been accused of being a flirty person and uh, in fact, a lot of those things listed are things I do when with people I like, but aren't interested in. Its only recently that I started understanding that people are reading more into my actions than I intend and so this leads to problems with making what i thought were friends and later on discovering that they were only talking to me because they thought I wanted more than friendship.

So my question is how do I let someone know from the first moment that I'm not interested in a relationship of any kind other than friendship? Thats without showing the obvious signs of disinterest and put them off from even talking to me.

If you use a combination of the above, and combine a lot of them, the guy will definitely think you are interested in him.
Sometimes we like fantasizing about this. Guys might say, "ooh, she did this so she MUST like me," when it means nothing. So sometimes it is the guy's fault.
Just send him some indicators of disinterest. Don't stare into his eyes as much, don't touch as much, but the best thing is to just say that you aren't interested in anything special and just out to have fun with friends.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

Funny that you mention false cultural paradigms of courthsip and the biggest stereotypes of male behaviour based into those cultural paradigms of courtship in the same message.

Those stereotypes are as much of true as women being either madonnas or well you know what.

No. Nowadays, the portrayal is that women are the helpless victims of men's predation. In fact, this is an anachronism. This may've been true before women's rights, but isn't true anymore. Women have gained the priviledge of being able to work and earn an independent income, but also kept the priviledge of expecting to be taken care of by men. So they have literally been able to have their cake and eat it too.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

Most people don’t look to understand these things on a deeper level. The thing about life is that intriguing situations are like folded pieces of paper spread out everywhere. Most people bypass these pieces of paper knowing that there must be more to them – never to actually taking the time to unfold and gather the information.

I believe this extends to so many cultural expectations, which everyone takes for granted, and accepts at face value. I have been questioning everything my whole life, and I've come to all sorts of seemingly counterintuitive conclusions.

For example, I used to think that medicine was a noble profession, and that corruption was few and far between. I've seen discovered that corruption is widespread and nobility few and far between.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

I still don't get why nice guys finish last...would it mean that being a jerk can get u more girls?

Have you noticed jerks having problems getting girls? I haven't. What's more, have you noticed that women keep complaining about jerks, yet fall for them all the time, and continue to come back to them long after they realize this fact? I certainly have. Actions speak louder than words. If women hated jerks as much as they say, those guys wouldn't stand a chance in hell with a woman. Yet, quite the opposite is true. Conclusion: women love jerks.

 

[Bad Player]

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned before but perhaps these guys become jerks because they know women will love them regardless of whether they are nice or not and that's why they become jerks - because selfishness is easier.

 

[Rossiya]

Being a pure nice guy doesn't get you anywhere; there has always got to be some edge to you, whether it be a sexual edge, a Jamiroquai-cool edge, or whatever.

You just can't be a "nice guy"; there has to be something in you that makes you stand out from the crowd of niceguydom. In media, this is called the USP, the unique selling point.

 

[Civrules]

There is only one problem to learning this stuff as a "beginner":
After reading these suggestions you become more educated but in a way you start living in "fantasy land." Sure you might know more than someone else, but reading this stuff won't help one bit if you don't actually act on it. And believe me it is harder than it seems because acting on this stuff might seem unnatural at the beginning. Just keep at it though.

And once you do start acting on what you have learned, never get discouraged because of failure.

 

[Elrohir]

No. Nowadays, the portrayal is that women are the helpless victims of men's predation. In fact, this is an anachronism. This may've been true before women's rights, but isn't true anymore. Women have gained the priviledge of being able to work and earn an independent income, but also kept the priviledge of expecting to be taken care of by men. So they have literally been able to have their cake and eat it too.

Thank you! I thought I was the only one who thought this.

 

[Xanikk999]

Oh and be careful about having sex even with consent...

If a woman changes her mind AFTERWARDS. You can be charged with rape.

 

[azzaman333]

Oh and be careful about having sex even with consent...

If a woman changes her mind AFTERWARDS. You can be charged with rape.

Errr, I cant say I find that believable. OTOH, make sure you ARE getting consent, not a lack of no consent.

 

[CaptainF]

Oh and be careful about having sex even with consent...

If a woman changes her mind AFTERWARDS. You can be charged with rape.

Agreed. Totally ********.

Women who do that are pretty much as bad as rapists.