His Finest Several Hundred Hours: A LoR story, starring Winston Churchill and his advisors

[6K Man]

Churchill: So, General Montgomery, remember how I promised you reinforcements?

Monty: (suspiciously) Yes...

Churchill: Well, take a look at this. Multiple convoys are en route to the Falklands territory.

Spoiler :

Monty: Very good, Sir Winston. We shall soon make the Boche dance to our tune!

Churchill: The Vikings, but, yes, sure. Admiral?

Nelson: The Royal Navy continues to do what it has always done. Making the seas safe for English commerce, driving enemy ships from the waves, safely transporting the Army across hostile waters without loss. Here we see HMS Duke of Edinburgh sinking a Carthagine Ship of the Line, and the HMS Shannon, a Frigate.

Spoiler :

And off the Iroquois shore, an Indian Cog was sunk by the Jolly Walter.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Iroquois Indian?

Nelson: No, India Indian. Don't be racist.

Churchill: Ah. Well, Gandhi and the other neutrals were warned of the dangers of sailing into a war zone, what?

Monty: (interrupting) Admiral Nelson, what is that?

Spoiler :

Nelson: A Japanese invasion force! Impossible! Our blockade was ironclad!

Churchill: Apparently not ironclad enough, Admiral.

Nelson: (regaining control of himself) We remain master of the situation. Lookouts on the frigate HMS Agamemmnon have discerned that the Japanese ships do not pose a significant threat to our convoy. The Admiralty has detached the HMS Monmouth from the blockading force, to hunt down the Japanese blockade-runners.

Spoiler :

And the Agamemmnon has sunk a Japanese Galleon.

Spoiler :

Monty: Be sure you guard those transports, Admiral. Our eastern army needs those reinforcements.

Lady Astor: And while this drama is unfolding, Dido and Mao have each founded cities. Dido also has a significant force in the conquered Turkish city of Antalya, threatening both Boudica and, if she can find some transport ships, our Australian territory.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Confound that woman!

Nelson: As I was saying, Prime Minister, the Navy has matters in hand.

Spoiler :

HMS Monmouth has sunk the last Japanese Galleon among the blockade-runners, and HMS Agamemmnon, the escorting Caravel. So much for the Japanese invasion "Armada".

Churchill: I think Frannie-poo Drake has "Armada" copyrighted. Nonetheless, I commend your officers on their victory. General Montgomery, what has the army to show for itself?

Monty: A Cuirassier of the 1st EEF has defeated a Japanese Crossbow.

Spoiler :

Churchill: What?

Nelson: Please speak up, General Montgomery. We can't hear you.

Monty: Our forces defeated a Crossbow!

Nelson: That's all? A single crossbow? No wonder the Navy is the Senior Service.

<MONTY storms off>

 

[Oblivionyx]

Those ships were empty tho.

 

[6K Man]

I got a "so-and-so has died in combat!" message after sinking one of them. So they might not have been completely empty...

 

[6K Man]

Lady Astor: While General Montgomery was sulking, I was on the phone, Winston.

Churchill: And?

Lady Astor: I had to say no to two stupid map swap offers from Mansa Musa and Pacal. Honestly, why would we give them our maps for essentially nothing? There's no diplomatic benefit to being friends with either of them. But that got me thinking, Winston. Perhaps our readers would like to see what the world looks like, instead of having to guess from essentially tactical screenshots?




Churchill: That's an awful looking map.

Lady Astor: I didn't make it, but I'm told that stitching 6 screenshots together isn't easy.

Churchill: Let's try to refer to this when making tactical dispositions, shall we?

 

[Oblivionyx]

Warlord-led spies?

Nice map! Though I was imagining it to be a bit more island-y.

 

[6K Man]

Churchill: Is the army prepared?

Monty: Yes, Sir Winston.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Farewell, not-Ragnar.

<ENGLAND declares war on VIKINGS>

Churchill: What, no screenshot?

Lady Astor: Somebody jumped the gun and attacked before we got a picture of Gustav Adolf gaping in shock.

Nelson: The Navy's irregular forces did much of the work in eliminating the Viking Navy. Nonetheless, we have some work left to do - the HMS Canopus has sunk a Galleass.

Spoiler :

Monty: And we have fought the Battle of Roskilde. The English Army has captured the city, at the cost of a Cavalry squadron. Viking losses were a Berserker, a Longbow, 2 Spearmen and an Axeman.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Soon these lands will be better defended with modern English units. Really, we're just here to forestall the Carthagines and Romans.

Lady Astor: (acidly) That's what the history books will say, Winston.

Lord Beaverbook: When we publish them!

<ALL guffaw>

Monty: The Army has also fought the Battle of the Hudson, near New York.

Spoiler :

Our forces defeated a Japanese Pike and three Samurai, but one of our Cannon batteries was overrun and destroyed. We must have siege reinforcements, Sir Winston.

Churchill: And so you shall have them, General. Admiral Nelson?

Nelson: The HMS Roxborough, on blockade duty off Carthage, has sunk a Frigate.

Spoiler :

Results were inconclusive near Vietnam, Prime Minister. The irregular privateer Jolly Walter was sunk by a Vietnamese Galleas, but the Jolly Arthur sunk the Galleas in turn.

Spoiler :

Churchill: We need to winnow down the Vietnamese navy in order to secure our Hong Kong colony from attack. Do better, Admiral Nelson.

<MONTY snickers>

Lady Astor: It may interest you to know, Winston, that the Carthagines have just entered a Golden Age.

Churchill: They are? A golden age of seeing their wooden ships sink? Perhaps the Forestry industry is driving their economy?

Lady Astor: And meanwhile, we are frittering away our technical advantage over Dido, sending armies to conquer the largely impotent Viking empire.

Churchill: We don't have the armies to mount a direct assault on Carthage. So we will attack our enemy in its soft underbelly - Japan, Vikingland - until we are strong enough to mount an invasion of Italy and Carthage.

Lady Astor: Where have I heard that before?

Nelson: Prime Minister, pay her no heed. The Navy will bleed the Carthagine she-wolf dry.

Churchill: There's a lovely mental image.

Nelson: (ignoring the comment) To that end, I report that the Great Admiral, Philip Vian, has taken command of our Corsair, the Jolly Roger, and it has been reequipped as an Ironclad Cruiser.

 

[6K Man]

Churchill: General Montgomery, report!

Monty: We have destroyed a marauding Viking Catapult near Southampton. Our armies are menacing both Birka and Sigtuna. Should the AI reinforce Sigtuna, we will bypass it and take Birka, cutting the Viking territories in two

Spoiler :

Churchill: Jolly good. Admiral Nelson?

Nelson: Our new Destroyer Escort, the Danae, has sunk a Carthagine Frigate

Spoiler :

Churchill: (snorts) How's that Golden Age working out for you, Dido? Huh? HUH?

Monty: The net tightens around the Carthagine villainness, Sir Winston. Here you can see the founding of Lakhama, a southern outpost which will be a bulwark against a cross-tundra invasion by Carthage.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Seems unnecessary, but if the Carthagines can bring elephants over mountains, I suppose anything's possible.

Lady Astor: Winston, there is news on the diplomatic front.

Churchill: (brightens) Oh yes? Has Stalin joined our war against the Italians?

Lady Astor: No.

Churchill: Well, have the Chinese taken up arms against Japan?

Lady Astor: No.

Churchill: Oh. (sighs) What, then?

Lady Astor: To begin with, the Germans requested Chemistry. I told them to get lost, of course.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Well done. Teach a German chemistry, and the next thing you know, there's a cloud of mustard gas in your backyard.

Lord Beaverbook: Perfect for a BBQ!

Lady Astor: (ignoring Beaverbook) Mansa Musa has, for some reason, declared war on Boudica.

Churchill: Strange. Don Mussolini must have made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Lady Astor: And finally, we have learned Medicine.

Churchill: Splendid. And now, Assembly Line. We shall have an army of Tommies second to none!

Monty: Huzzah! Our Scouts have killed a Japanese Longbow outside of New York. It is clear that the garrison is no match for our forces.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Soon the city that never sleeps will be liberated.

Monty: To be sure, Sir Winston, but if we are to exploit this victory and press the Japanese further, I will need more Artillery.

Churchill: Yes, yes, fine, more of everything, General. What about the Viking front?

Monty: Our exploring Warrior was finally tracked down and killed by the Vikings.

Churchill: No! Not Brookie?!

Monty: No, some unnamed Warrior you never bothered to upgrade. More importantly, though, our 10th Horse Legion has routed a Viking Horse Archer, and our forces are in sight of Birka.

Spoiler :

Churchill: And you haven't whined about reinforcements yet?

Monty: (stiffly) We have modern equipment on the Viking front, but our forces facing Japan are limited to Cannons and Cuirassiers.

Churchill: Argh. Admiral Nelson?

Nelson: Not much activity on the oceans to report, Prime Minister. Just the Jolly Arthur sinking a Galleass.

Spoiler :

Lady Astor: There's more activity on the diplomatic front, Winston, but nothing that you'll want to hear.

Churchill: But you're going to tell me anyway, aren't you?

Lady Astor: With relish.

Lord Beaverbook: Also good for a BBQ!

Lady Astor: (rolling eyes) As I was about to say, Roosevelt founded a city, and-

<the phone rings. LADY ASTOR moves to answer it, but CHURCHILL quickly scoops it up>

Churchill: Hullo, England here.

Roosevelt: Winston! So good to your voice! We never talk anymore, it seems.

Churchill: (suspiciously) What do you want, Franklin? Now that we have Tojo and his samurai on the run, will you be joining us in liberating your own cities?

Roosevelt: Err... not just yet. We have our hands full with Mao's army. Speaking of which, would you like to go to war with China?

Spoiler :

Churchill: Why yes, despite all your shirking of battle, England will gladly join in your struggle against the Chi-

<the phone goes dead. Slightly off camera, LADY ASTOR brandishes a severed phone cord>

Churchill: I was about to click "yes".

Lady Astor: But you accidentally clicked "no". It happens. Oh well!

 

[6K Man]

Churchill: Lady Astor, why isn't the telephone repaired yet?

Lady Astor: The technician asked that we be at home in the window of time between 1595AD and 1640AD, during which he would arrive to repair it. But look on the bright side, we won't be getting any more of these:

Spoiler :

Churchill: Stalin is a potential ally I long to cultivate, but England has already given aid secretly to Logan. He's a valuable distraction, and besides, our Privateers already took a chunk out of the Russian navy. No, there shall be no war with the Iroquois. For now.

Lady Astor: I thought as much.

Churchill: But what we will do is cancel our Dye trade with the Russians and sell them Clams for 1g extra per turn!

Spoiler :

Lady Astor: I'm sure that brings great comfort to the Iroquois. And get this: The Americans have made peace with China!

Churchill: Aha! So Franklin planned to embroil us in a war with the Chinese and make a separate peace with Mao? The perfidy of the man! That was a timely telephone outage, Lady Astor.

Lady Astor: You misclicked.

Churchill: Whatever. On to greater matters. Admiral Nelson?

Nelson: The HMS Defense has sunk a Carthagine Frigate, Prime Minister. Otherwise, there are few targets for the Navy, which is supreme in all theaters of war.

Spoiler :

Monty: The EEF under General Cornwallis has fought the Battle of the Bronx

Spoiler :

A mounted charge by the 5th and 7th Cavalry brigades was able to break the strength of the Japanese Muskets




Following which, the English batteries of Cannon shredded the Samurai defenders, and it was a simple matter for the Redcoats and Cuirassiers to sweep away the remaining defenders

And I am pleased to report, Sir Winston, that the city of New York has been liberated by the English army!

Spoiler :

Japanese losses were heavy - 8 Samurai, 2 Muskets, 2 War Elephants, a Knight, Bombard, Longbow and Horseman. None of our units are destroyed, but many were depleted in battle.

Churchill: Timely reinforcements, eh, Monty?

Monty: Very timely, Sir Winston.

Roosevelt: (from far away, shouting) Did I hear you had liberated New York?

Churchill: (bitterly) Too bad you don't have the arms to defend your cities from Japan; best that England keeps control of New York, to protect the citizens there.

Monty: And it can serve as a base to re-equip our Cuirassiers and Cannon with modern equipment!

Roosevelt: (from far away) What's that? I can't hear you.


Hello??

 

[6K Man]

Spoiler :

Buffalo wasn't the way Joe remembered it. The Pearl was a sushi restaurant, now. Japanese - not tourists, they were occupiers, Joe reminded himself - crowded around the waterfall. Buffalo was far from the Japanese-American heartland, but the conquerors had retained the city. Now it was a kind of open city, the troop presence minimal, where the Japanese would trade with nearby American-held cities, and with the Chinese empire to the east.

The French maps had been a waste of time, but Joe had one last card to play, as he walked into a Jack in the Box. The man behind the counter spoke in a bored tone. "What'll ya have?"

Joe enunciated clearly, the words feeling strange as they rolled off his tongue. "A beef burger, please."

"A beef burger?" The counterman repeated. He stared at Joe, as he would an alien.

"Yes."

Imperceptibly, the counterman inclined his head. Then, deliberately, he turned away from Joe, looking back down at the griddle. Joe walked to the door indicated, marked "Staff", and pushed it open.

The kitchen smelled of bleach and ketchup. Perched on a stool in a corner was a grossly fat man, in a red tie and rumpled suit. The man looked up as Joe entered, and spoke.

"My name is Wimpey. Buy me a hamburger, and we'll talk."

Spoiler :

<meanwhile, a continent away>
Monty: Sir Winston, our troops have engaged the Vikings in the fields of Asgard.

Churchill: That sounds truly epic, General. Were English arms victorious?

Monty: Intelligence reports that Gustav has assembled a large, if obsolescent and dispersed, force to defend Birka. Total Viking forces are 4 Longbowmen, 4 Berzerkers, 4 War Elephants, 2 Knights, 2 Horsemen, 1 Pike, 1 Crossbow and 1 Spearman. Facing the Vikings is the 3rd EEF under Gort: 2 Artillery, 3 Cannon, 2 Cavalry, 2 Riflemen, 3 Grenadiers, a Redcoat and the Elite 10th Light Horse.

Spoiler :

Lord Gort deployed the Artillery against one of the Viking Corps:

Spoiler :

And after softening up the enemy, our forces were able to destroy a Berzerker, 3 War Elephants, and a Horseman, with no losses. The defenses of Birka were bombarded; unless the Vikings reinforce the city, I believe that we can mount an assault next turn.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Well done. We had best make quick work of the Viking war, to consolidate the lands against a possible invasion by Carthage.

Nelson: Carthage? (snorts) No invasion fleet could run the gauntlet of the Royal Navy! Dido's fleet cowers in harbour - our only action to report is the HMS Carnarvon sinking a Viking Galleass.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Fine. General Montgomery, have we taken Birka yet?

Monty: Our forces assaulted Birka in January of 1590, to take account of the longer days.

Spoiler :

An Artillery bombardment was followed by a Cavalry charge through the shattered walls of Birka. The disorganized Berzerkers fell before the rifles of our cavalrymen.


After the Cavalry, our Grenadiers and Redcoats invested the city, mopping up the fragmented Viking resistance.

And Birka has fallen, Sir Winston!

Spoiler :

Churchill: A simple "yes", would have sufficed, General. What were the casualties?

Monty: The Vikings lost a 3 Longbows, 2 Knights, a Berzerker, Crossbow and Catapult. While some of our units sustained damage, we had no losses. But following the capture of Birka, our troops intercepted the Viking reinforcement column, at the Battle of Bloody Fields.

Spoiler :

We were able to rout 2 War Elephants, 2 Berzerkers, and a Pikeman, at the cost of 1 battery of Cannon.

Churchill: Lord Beaverbook, Lady Astor - direct further reinforcements to Lord Gort's army.

 

[6K Man]

Nelson: Prime Minister, the Navy continues to control the seas in England's name. Here, the HMS Danae and HMS Duke of Edinburgh have each dispatched a Carthagine Frigate.

Spoiler :

However, I must report that the Age of Corsairs is drawing to a close. Even the most backward nations are now putting Galleasses at sea, which are a tough nut for Privateers to crack. The Jolly Stephen was sunk by a Carthagine Galleon, but the Jolly Nigel finished off Dido's three-decker.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Yes, yes... the war at sea is well in hand, but I warn you, Admiral... should Dido gain control over the Southern Sea, England itself will be in danger.

Monty: If you didn't persist in sending our armies to all corners of the globe, Sir Winston, we could assemble a force to invade Carthage and end the threat that Dido poses once and for all.

Spoiler :

See here, the force at Motye is but a fraction of the arms Dido has at her dispos-

Lady Astor: (rolling eyes) A month and a half later, and we're still on this?

Monty: Fine. Our Cavalry killed a Viking Berzerker in one of our wars against tiny insignificant nations.

Spoiler :

Lady Astor: (aside) Winston, have you considered letting your generals plan strategy? General Montgomery seems out of sorts.

Churchill: (drumming fingers) No... I hadn't. Is there any news?

Lady Astor: Why, yes. Vietnam has founded another city-

Churchill: Egad! We must rush reinforcements to Hong Kong!

<MONTY shrieks, somewhere off in the distance>

Lady Astor: - and as I was about to say, we have discovered Assembly Line.

Lord Beaverbook: Assembly Line will allow us to build factories, greatly increasing our military production.

Lady Astor: But no machines of war can be built while the factories are under construction, of course. Not a small consideration, Winston.

Churchill: Nonetheless, we must gird ourselves for a long war. Lord Beaverbook, please start a program of Factory construction. And Lady Astor, we shall research Radio next.

Lady Astor: Very well.

Nelson: Prime Minister, the navy-

Churchill: Cut to the chase!

Nelson:

Spoiler :

Churchill: Marvelous! Lord Gort?

Monty: Sir Winston, I-

Churchill: I said, Lord Gort, General Montgomery.

General Gort: The Army of Scandinavia has defeated a Viking counterattack at Birka, defeating a Viking Spear and Horse without loss.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Anything else?

General Gort: No, Sir Winston.

Lady Astor: On the diplomatic side, we traded Corn to Pacal for 2 gold and told Boudica we didn't want to swap maps. Oh, and Roosevelt, Stalin and Caesar all founded cities.

Churchill: Mussolini.

Lady Astor: (sighs) Yes, him too.

Churchill: General Cornwallis?

<MONTY opens his mouth to speak, and closes it, abruptly>

General Cornwallis: Our expeditionary force nears Washington, Sir Winston. While the Japanese cannot throw us out, we may need additional infantry to take the city.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Thank you, General.

Lord Beaverbook: I have founded a great trading company at Coventry, Sir Winston!

Churchill: Is it 7-Eleven?

Nelson: Virgin Records?

Lady Astor: (acidly) Hustler?

Lord Beaverbook: (harrumphs) It's Canning Corp. Soon food shortages and rationing will be a thing of the past!

Churchill: Yes, well... they have chili dogs and slurpees at 7-11, you know.

 

[6K Man]

Lady Astor: Lord Pervert, you oversold the founding of a new corporation in Coventry. What happened last turn was merely the opening of a branch office of Canning Corp, which remains headquartered in Nottingham.

Lord Beaverbook: If you had taken a screenshot of Nottingham, I would have remembered.

Lady Astor: It's more likely the fault of the narrator, for ignoring this story for 6 weeks. (To Churchill) Anyway, Winston, Wang Kon has founded a city. In retaliation, we refused to gift him Physics.

Churchill: Korea is too insignificant to be a threat. And we don't need any more weak allies!

Lady Astor: The Russians have taken Salamanca from the Iroquois

Spoiler :

Churchill: See? We need more friends like Stalin.

Lady Astor: Stalin isn't our friend.

Churchill: But if he was our friend, we would need more like him. Are you listening, Mr P??

Roosevelt: (faintly) Will you be liberating Washington for us?

Churchill: (sighs, resignedly)

Lord Gort: The bulk of the Scandinavian army has turned south, Sir Winston, with a small mounted force detached to assault Sigtuna. While many of our units have been withdrawn from the line, we have enough healthy forces to put pressure on the last 4 Viking cities. The bulk of the Viking army was lost at or outside Birka, so our mounted forces can move almost unopposed.

We have commenced the bombardment of Jelling, and English Cavalry has destroyed a Longbow. Meanwhile, the 10th Light Horse has defeated another Viking Longbow near Birka.

Spoiler :

And I can report that our forces have engaged the defenders at Sigtuna, and won a great English victory.

Spoiler :

The Viking garrison of 2 Longbows, a Berzerker, Spear and Catapult were destroyed without loss on our part. We now occupy the city:

Spoiler :

Monty: Occupying Sigtuna will allow us to build a secure road link to Liverpool, Sir Winston.

Churchill: I knew that. Make it happen!

Lady Astor: Sir John French has been born in Canterbury, Winston.

Spoiler :

Monty: (under his breath) He wasn't even a good general! Now they're just trolling me.

Churchill: Settle him in Warwick, so he can train elite troops there with the other instructors.

Monty: (under his breath) Train badly, more like.

Nelson: Prime Minister, the Great Admiral Philip Vian has won a battle with a Frigate, deep in Carthage's waters.

Spoiler :

As well, our Cruisers continue to bombard Washington, in support of Cornwallis's army.

Cornwallis: Sir Winston, reports are that the Japanese have been forced to paint many of the dwellings in Washington white, to hide the smoke damage from the fleet's bombardments.

Churchill: Jolly good show. Lady Astor, have the Americans declared war on Japan yet?

Lady Astor: No, but they've founded another city. Since the war with China ended, Roosevelt has continued to expand America's borders.

Churchill: Confound the man! We are fighting America's war for her!

Lady Astor: We did get a request from Mansa Musa to go to war against Boudica, but dismissed that outright. Mansa has nothing to offer us.

Churchill: And Boudica is a friend. A friend who is actually at war with the Italians, and pulling her weight, unlike some of our allies...

Lady Astor: And that trumpet noise was Vietnam declaring war on India.

Churchill: At least India can keep Vietnam off our Hong Kong colony.

Lord Gort: Sir Winston, our troops have engaged the garrison of Jelling in battle. We have defeated a War Elephant and 2 Longbows.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Excellent. General Cornwallis, have our troops taken Washington?

Cornwallis: Not yet, Sir Winston. We have engaged in battle with the Japanese, inconclusively. 7 defenders were destroyed, but we lost a Cuirassier, Grenadier and Pathfinder.

Spoiler :

 

[6K Man]

Lady Astor: Winston... the English people are restive.

Churchill: We're fighting a war, Nance. The nation must make sacrifices. Perhaps we should return to the Slavery civic?

Lady Astor: Sacrifices, yes, but the citizens are demonstrating in the streets, demanding Emancipation. Around the world, more and more nations are allowing free elections.

Lord Beaverbook: (interjecting) If they can't vote, are they really citizens, though?

Lady Astor: As you said, Winston, there's a war on. In fact, several wars. Perhaps Emancipation would alleviate our war weariness?

Churchill: Mhmmm. I'll think about it. I'm sure that morale is low in other nations as well.

Lady Astor: Ireland and India just entered Golden Ages.

Churchill: Damn it! Cornwallis, what news from the Japanese war?

Cornwallis: The Battle of Washington has turned in England's favour, Sir Winston. We have taken the city, defeating 2 Japanese Samurai, and Longbow, Pathfinder, and Crossbow.

Spoiler :

Here we see the disposition of forces after the first phase of the battle


And here, the city of Washington under occupation by our forces.

Lord Gort: And the Army of Scandinavia has taken Jelling. A Crossbow, Swordsman, and Berzerker were routed by our Cavalry.

Spoiler :

The combatants arrayed for battle


And the outcome - the English capture of Jelling.

Churchill: Fine work, gentlemen, but the Vikings are hopelessly backward, and Japan is little better. Lady Astor, news?

Lady Astor: Mao has founded a city.

Churchill: (grumbles) Our rivals are founding cities as fast as we can capture them from our other rivals.

Lady Astor: And there's worse news; Dido has built the Dai Miao. Now Carthage will have a steady source of revenue, with which to upgrade units or boost the research rate.

Churchill: How much revenue, exactly?

Lady Astor: We don't have visibility into Thapsus. But Haiphong and Delhi's holy shrines are producing 55 and 102 respectively, with a 16% and 21% share of global believers. So with 8% of the world following Taoism, we can expect Dido to be making about 30-40 per turn.

Churchill: More, if there's a Bank or whatnot in Thapsus.

Lady Astor: Correct, Winston.

Churchill: Ugh. Is there any good news?

Lady Astor: The Germans asked for Open Borders; I sent them away.

Churchill: Jolly good. Can't trust a Hun.

Lady Astor: And we discovered Radio.

Churchill: Excellent. Research Refrigeration next, for enhanced ship movement!

Monty: (bitterly) Enhanced ship movement doesn't look so great when Industrialization and Combustion are on the table.

Churchill: Quiet, you!

 

[6K Man]

Lady Astor: Winston, the Irish have lost Entremont to the Italians.

Churchill: I'm glad you're finally calling them by their proper names. And also... so?

Lady Astor: Did it slip your mind that we went to war with the Italians, after Boudica was attacked by them?

Churchill: No. Again... so?

Lady Astor: If we want to keep the Irish alive, we'll need to do something to help them. Right now, Carthage and Rome are unchallenged on their home continent, other than the inaccessible Gibraltar station we maintain.

Churchill: You may have something there. Admiral Nelson and General Montgomery, please provide a report on Italian and Carthagine troop dispositions.

Nelson: Aye aye, Prime Minister. Our navy maintains an iron blockade of the Carthagine west coast, but I believe we should recall Captain Vian's raider for an upgrade.

Spoiler :

While Vian continues to sink Carthaginian Frigates deep in their territorial waters, intelligence suggests that Carthage is on the cusp of developing steam power. When they do, their navy will have the means to hunt down and sink Vian's armored cruiser.

Churchill: Very well. Is there other news?

Nelson: The Jolly George was lost in battle against an Indian Galleass. I fear the Age of Privateering is drawing to a close.

Spoiler :

Churchill: It was fun while it lasted.

General Gort: Sir Winston, the Scandinavian Army is closing in on the remaining Viking strongholds. I've produced a map of the Viking campaign for your review:

Spoiler :

I expect Nidaros to be beseiged by our forces next turn, and Bjorgvin to fall soon after.

Lady Astor: And then, Winston, we will have an army of 27 units in our Scandinavian territories, with which we could support Boudica in her fight against Rome.

Churchill: Italy, but never mind that. General Cornwallis?

Cornwallis: Sir Winston, the Continental Army continues to recover from battle in Washington.

Lady Astor: In fact, Winston, the army can't move out of Washington for fear that the citizens will re-join America.

Churchill: And we can't have that. At least, not yet. What other news is there?

Lady Astor: Dido has founded a city.

Churchill: Confound that woman!

Lady Astor: And wait until you see where that city is...

Churchill: (sighs) What else?

Lady Astor: We refused Open Borders with Wang, and declined to cancel our deals with Russia at Logan's request.

Churchill: I guess we'll have to deal with being in Logan's bad books for the last 2 turns he is in existence. Well done. Admiral Nelson?

Nelson: Vian has sunk another of Dido's Frigates, as he retreats from their waters.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Spiffy.

Nelson: And our Baltic squadron has a report on Dido's eastern forces:

Spoiler :

Gort: That's a lot of fairly modern troops, Sir Winston. My command must be reinforced before we can contest Dido in the east, on her continent. But in the meantime, we have fought the Battle of Nidaros, and the Viking capital has fallen!

Spoiler :

Battle dispositions


And the outcome, the fall of Nidaros. Two War Elephants, 2 Longbows, an Axe and Catapult were destroyed. In particular, the 10th Horse distinguished themselves by their valour, defeating 3 Viking units.

Churchill: Huzzah. And another convoy has arrived in Bath, Lord Gort. Some more Cavalry for your campaign!

Gort: Unless you've got sixty Cavalry regiments in that Paddlesteamer, it won't be enough to face off against Carthage.

 

[6K Man]

Churchill: Time to make a call <dials>

Boudica: Hello?

Churchill: Hello, my little acushla!

Boudica: (bitterly) Where's my second front, Pom?

Churchill: (blithely) Now now... I'm here to offer you the secrets of great military prowess, Boudi. How would you like to learn the wisdom of Military Science for the low low price of 240g?

Spoiler :

Boudica: That's all the money we have.

Churchill: I know, you're damnably poor.

Boudica: (resignedly) Fine. Thank you.

Churchill: Also....we'recancelingtheBananadealandrenegotiatingitforanextra4gpperturn. OK?

Spoiler :

Boudica: <slams down phone>

Churchill: Don't say that England doesn't look after her coloni- er, allies.

<the phone rings again>

Churchill: England speaking.

Gandhi: Be the change you want to see in the world, Winston Churchill.

Churchill: Barack?

Gandhi: No, that was me. Mohandas Gandhi.

Churchill: Oh. (beat) What do you want?

Gandhi: Well, we're an ally, and you think of India as a colony. So, give us Steel.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Who are you looking at in that picture?

Gandhi: (evasively) Nobody. There's... ah, a fly on my nose.

Churchill: Uh huh. Anyway, that's a NO on the Steel gift, Mo. But would you like to renegotiate our Clams-for-cash deal for an extra 3g?

Spoiler :

Gandhi: Not really.

Churchill: Too late.

Gandhi: This ahimsa credo makes negotiating with you most unpleasant, Winston Churchill. Goodbye.

<dial tone>

Lady Astor: You're doing your telephone routine again?

Churchill: That I am. There's a war on, Lady Astor; we must pinch pennies where we can.

Lady Astor: Here's something worth a lot more than a few pennies, Winston.

Spoiler :

Churchill: See what happens when we avoid that nasty State Property?

Lasy Astor: You don't have to convince me, Winston. Incidentally, we just surpassed 100 million population.

Churchill: Ha ha! Who's fecund now, Dido?

 

[6K Man]

Lord Gort: Sir Winston, the Vikings are holed up in their final redoubt, Bjorgvin. Our scouts have made contact with the Arabian army, which is also at war with Gustav.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Don't let the Moors poach the city under your nose, Gort!

Lord Gort: Hardly. Saladin's forces are not enough to take the city unaided. We will hold up our attacks until further Cavalry are available to follow up a bombardment.

Lord Beaverbook: It's pronounced "Moops".

Churchill: Noted.

Lady Astor: We now know where Dido's new city is, Winston:

Spoiler :

Churchill: Great Scott! General Montgomery!

Monty: Sir Winston?

Churchill: It looks like the Carthagines plan to attack our French colony, Brittany, in the south. What defenses are in place?

Monty: They're meagre at best. A handful of Gunpowder units, the 1st Hussars, and the Pathfinders Scott, Shackleton, and Hudson.

Nelson: The HMS Defense dominates Hudson's Bay, Sir Winston. No Carthagine landings are possible due to our complete blockade of Carthage's coast.

Monty: All well and good, Horatio, but what's to stop the Carthagines from invading overland?

Nelson: (sniffs) The Army.

Monty: Which meanwhile sits in boats off Dover, waiting for the command to attack. Sir Winston, it makes no sense to reinforce Brittany - a victory there would require a long march over Tundra and Ice before we could lay siege to Carthage's cities. But if we were to cross the sea and directly invade Carthage at Motya or Baria, we would put pressure immediately on Dido's core cities, and perhaps end the war quickly.

Churchill: I like the plan, although I've always been one to go for the soft underbelly.

Lord Beaverbook: Really? I never noticed Dido had an underbelly.

Churchill: (coughs) Do we have Amphibious troops to make this assault, General?

Monty: No. Lord Beaverbook has been focusing on Factories.

Lady Astor: And Wonders.

Lord Beaverbook: (to himself) Her belly probably IS soft, what with not getting much sun under thos-

<Beaverbook pauses midsentence, conscious of the rest of the Cabinet looking at him expectantly>

-Right-o. We'll commence the construction of a corps of Royal Marines, posthaste!

Churchill: Good. There's a war on, you know. Admiral Nelson, any news?

Nelson: Our blockade of Japan and Carthage remains impenetrable. Vian is returning to our waters to refit, covered by the dreadnought HMS Resolution.

Churchill: No news is good news, I suppose. Lady Astor, what new bad tidings do you have for us?

Lady Astor: Ho Chi Minh has canceled our Deer trade with him. Apparently he no longer needs them?

Churchill: Do we have any other health resources we can sell him?

Lady Astor: No. So that's 27g/turn we can no longer count on.

Churchill: (glumly) What else?

Lady Astor: Vietnam took a city from Gandhi, and the Russians have captured the last Iroquois city. Logan has disappeared.

Lord Beaverbook: (excitedly) Only to return as a cranky mutant with adamantine claws?

Lady Astor: I doubt it. (to Churchill) Boudica founded a city, Winston.

Churchill: Shouldn't she be fighting Mussolini instead of founding cities?

Lady Astor: I was about to say, she also made peace with the Italians.

Churchill: That ungrateful, Cranberries-loving bog-trotter! Did we not just teach the Irish the secret of Military Science in the spirit of comradeship, and now Boudica betrays us by making peace with the Italians?

Lady Astor: You sold her the tech.

Churchill: Whatever. I need to make a call. <dials>

Caesar: Hello?

Churchill: Benito. It's your archnemesis calling.

Caesar: Et tu, Brutus?

Churchill: No. It's Winston Churchill, warlord of England.

Caesar: Oh, it's you. What do you want, figlio di puttana?

Churchill: How about you give us all your money and we let you live?

Caesar: I haven't seen a single English ship or soldier on Roman shores, do you even have an army? But all right, how about:

Spoiler :

Churchill: Nev-<Lady Astor grabs the phone and covers the mouthpiece> What is it?

Lady Astor: (sotto voce) I recommend we take peace with him, Winston. If you plan on invading Carthage, that's one less stack of doom to worry about on that continent. And if we make peace, Italy may well slow their military buildup.

Churchill: (grudgingly) Very well. (To Caesar) Fine... we have a deal, Fascist. For now. <hangs up>

<ENGLAND makes peace with ROME>

 

[6K Man]

Churchill: I don't know why I listen to you, Mrs. Astor. A humiliating peace with the Italians! That 35 gold Mussolini offered was a calculated insult.

Lady Astor: Winston, the people are unhappy as it is, with you refusing them the right to vote. Adding war weariness on top of that has not helped matters.

Churchill: I doubt we had much war unhappiness with Italy; we never even fought them.

Monty: I say the Eyeties got off lucky, Sir Winston. But in the meantime, we shall finish the Scandinavian campaign shortly. General Gort?

Gort: Funny you should mention that, General Montgomery, as we have just launched our final assault on Bjorgvin:

Spoiler :

The order of battle for England and Vikingland. The greyed-out units are Saladin's forces.

And Bjorgvin has fallen; we destroyed all 6 defenders with only superficial losses to our forces.

Spoiler :

Gustav's corpse was recovered from the battlefield.

Churchill: Well done, General! As for Gustav Adolf, please hang his corpse upside down at a gas station bury him with full honours, as a gallant opponent.

Lady Astor: Gallant but completely overmatched, Winston. When will England face off against anyone other than ill-equipped tribesmen?

Churchill: Empires are built on battles against ill-equipped tribesmen, Lady Astor.

Lady Astor: Well, if nothing else, war weariness should ease some more.

Churchill: Don't care. Any other news?

Lady Astor: Canning Corp has spread to The Mumbles, which will allow us to turn the city into a production powerhouse for the Hong Kong colony.

Churchill: Doesn't Canning Corps add food, and not production?

Lady Astor: Yes, but food will allow us to work lots of Plains Workshops around the city.

Churchill: Oh.

Lady Astor: And Juliu- sorry, Mussolini, has founded a city.

Churchill: (grits his teeth but says nothing)

Lady Astor: Don't worry, there's better news, Winston. We have researched Refrigeration.

Churchill: Research Mass Media next.

Lady Astor: I see you're still chasing Wonders to make the people happy, instead of military techs to win the wars that are actually making the people unhappy...

Churchill: You know me too well, Mrs. Astor.

Lady Astor: I know you well enough to send Boudica and Gandhi packing, when they called to ask for an Aluminium for Cow trade.

Churchill: That Boudica has some nerve. But speaking of erstwhile allies, I should check in on Franklin.

<dials>

Roosevelt: Hello?

Churchill: Hello, Franklin.

Roosevelt: Oh, Admiral Q! Have you come to liberate Washington to us?

Churchill: In fact, we're keeping it safe from the Japanese for the moment.

Roosevelt: But Winston, America's no longer at war with Japan.

Churchill: Yes, about that. Since you aren't at war, we can cancel that Iron for 7g trade we have going.

Roosevelt: Yes, we have our own Iron, thanks.

Churchill: Instead, why don't you send us more money for Crabs?

Spoiler :

Roosevelt: I suppose.

Churchill: All right then, cheerio!

<hangs up>

Lord Beaverbook: Sir Winston, our workers in Nottingham have completed the Folies Bergere!

Lady Astor: The what?

Lord Beaverbook: Fine, it's not the Folies, it's Broadway. The Folies would have provided +2 happiness, were it not for the Puritans.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Finally. Nottingham isn't exactly a production powerhouse.

Lady Astor: Since Canning Corp is headquartered in Nottingham, I recommend that Wall Street be built there, Winston.

Churchill: Make it happen! "It" being another slow-built, expensive edifice.

Lady Astor: Henry Ford was born in India, Winston. We may want to keep an eye on India, to ensure they aren't in a position to use Ford to rush a wonder we want.

Churchill: Or he could found Tata Motors instead.

Lord Beaverbook: (looking up) What Motors, did you say?

Churchill: (ignoring Beaverbook) Yes, Admiral Nelson? You have been sitting with your hand up for a while.

Nelson: The English Navy continues to uphold its centuries-old traditions-

Churchill: (interrupting) This is where you show me screenshots of things you have sunk, right?

Nelson: Yes, Sir Winston.

Churchill: Love the screenshots, hate the exposition. Carry on.

Nelson: Er, yes. The Carthaginian blockade continues to hold, with the HMS Danae and HMS Shannon each sinking a Frigate

Spoiler :

As well, the independent Privateer the Jolly Arthur has intercepted a Russian Galleon.

Spoiler :

Churchill: That one's for you, Logan. (raises imaginary glass)

So, what happened in 1655?

Lady Astor: Nothing.

Churchill: Should I be worried about that?

 

[6K Man]

Monty: In fact, Sir Winston, 1655 may have been quiet, but the War Staff have been at work planning an invasion of Carthage.

Churchill: A what? Speak up.

Monty: Shhh, it's a secret!

Churchill: As if. We've had 40 units parked offshore for dozens of turns now. Anyway. Lady Astor, report!

Lady Astor: Boudica's Golden Age just ended.

Churchill: Fat lot of good it did her. Or us, more importantly.

Lady Astor: And we discovered Mass Media. More wonders for you to waste hammers on.

Churchill: We need those happiness wonders.

Lady Astor: And I suppose that means you'll want to research Quantum Mechanics, to avoid obsoleting any happiness resources with Combustion or Industrialization?

Churchill: You suppose rightly.

Lady Astor: (sighs)

Monty: If nothing else, with the Japanese front stabilized, the Vikings defeated, and a peace treaty in place with the Italians, we can finally focus on Dido, the greatest threat to global peac- ...what are you doing, Sir Winston?

Churchill: (into the phone) Hullo, Saladin?

Saladin: Na'am, Churchill?
Churchill:

Spoiler :

Saladin: (gasping in pain) -HURK!

<ENGLAND declares war on Arabia>

Monty: <facepalm>

Lady Astor:

Spoiler :

T.E. Lawrence:

Spoiler :

Churchill: That's not a facepalm, that's a migraine.

Monty, Lady Astor: WHY??

Churchill: We're keeping Arabia safe from Carthage?
We're bringing civilization to the dusty pagans?
No?
...Well, as I said, Lady Astor, empires are built on battles against ill-equipped tribesmen.

<the phone rings>

Churchill: Hello, England speaking.

Gandhi: All activity for stopping war must prove fruitless so long as the causes of war are not understood and radically dealt with. Greetings, Winston Churchill.

Churchill: Greetings yourself. Come to lecture me for my colonialist ways?

Gandhi: Not at all. Would you like to join our war with Vietnam?

Spoiler :

Churchill: Aren't you a pacifist?

Gandhi: Yes, colonialist dog. But clearly you are not, and if England fights Vietnam, India will not have to.

Churchill: Fat chance, skinny! <hangs up>

Lady Astor: At least he's honest. Also, his Golden Age just ended. He might need all the help he can get.

Churchill: Not from us, England's busy. General Gort, have our forces reached Tonsberg?

Gort: Yes, Sir Winston. Tonsberg contains the bulk of Arabia's siege weaponry; with a victory here, we can eliminate Saladin's capacity to wage wars of aggression.

Spoiler :

Churchill: I applaud your attempt to make this battle seem harder than it is, General. But considering we started the war and Arabia's siege weaponry is mostly Battering Rams, we can probably assume that wars of aggression from Saladin aren't a real problem.

Gort: So we'll skip to the screenshots, then:

Spoiler :

Following an Artillery barrage, a pincer attack of Cavalry from Jelling and Roskilde, supported by Redcoats, destroyed 4 Longbows, 4 Battering Rams, and 5 Trebuchet without loss.

Churchill: A good start. General Montgomery, what do you think?

Monty: I have been ignoring your Arabian sideshow and focusing on the planning of Operation Sledgehammer.

Churchill: What's that?

Monty: The planned invasion of Carthage, which you seem to be doing your best to upset. The General Staff has been reviewing whether to land at Motya, Sicca, or at Baria to the north on the map below.


1. Motya is the closest city to our shores, making for shorter supply lines. It would face less cultural pressure than Sicca or Baria. It also contains most of Dido's forces on these shores, which would make for a difficult battle as soon as our forces land.
2. Sicca would face greater cultural pressure and if we take the city, Dido's armies can counterattack from both east and west. The Carthagine forces in Motya could reach the city in one turn.
3. Baria can only be counterattacked by Dido from the south, and it would take several turns for her to bring an army to bear against our forces in the city.


Churchill: And your conclusion?

Monty: I recommend a landing at Motya, Sir Winston. Our units with urban combat skills will then have advantage against Motya's defenders, potentially destroying a large portion of Dido's army. Reinforcing that city will be easier, too, due to the shorter supply lines. Nonetheless, we will need more transports to support the campaign.

Nelson: I have begun withdrawing cargo ships from the north.

Cornwallis: What about my Expeditionary Force, facing Japan? How will we be reinforced, with no transports?

Monty: You'll have to keep a stiff upper lip, General Cornwallis.

 

[6K Man]

Churchill: Before we get to the conquering and pillaging, is there any diplomatic news, Lady Astor?

Lady Astor: Not much. Roosevelt founded a city. And we attempted to squeeze more than 3 g per turn out of Pacal, but his cash flow went to zero as soon as we canceled the Corn deal.

Monty: Our attack on the Arabs has likely made Pacal nervous.

Churchill: Pacal's stack is slightly less obsolete than Saladin's... so the Mayans get to remain independent. For now.

Gort: Speaking of Arabia, our assault on Tonsberg continues.

Spoiler :

Tonsberg's defenders are all siege weapons, which will be easy pickings for our mounted units.

Our Cavalry routed several Ram batteries, and 2 Trebuchet batteries.

And Tonsberg has fallen to our forces! Without loss, I might add, although several of our Artillery and Cavalry units will need to pause to regroup and absorb reinforcements.

Spoiler :

Lady Astor: I recommend we raze the city, Winston. It has no resources or buildings, and the surrounding land is mostly scrub Plains.

Churchill: I agree. Burn the city, General Gort!

<TONSBERG is razed>

Nelson: So... I guess I'll just jump to the screenshots, shall I, Prime Minister?

Churchill: Yes, do so, Admiral.

Nelson:

Spoiler :

HMS Perseus and HMS Carnarvon have sunk an Arabian Galleon and Galleass, respectively

The pre-dreadnought HMS Canopus has bombarded Mecca, clearing the way for a later assault by our mounted forces.

Spoiler :

Closer to home, the Privateer Jolly Charlie has sunk a Celtic Caravel that was nosing around in our waters.

Churchill: Good show, Admiral.

Lady Astor: Pacal has 'suddenly' found that 3g/turn cash flow that was missing before, and we are again trading Corn to the Mayans for 3g/turn.

Churchill: Funny how a nearby city being razed has that effect on a government.

Lady Astor: And Emma Peel has been born in York:

Spoiler :

<LORD BEAVERBOOK falls off his chair>

Lady Astor: (dryly) I'm guessing you won't be burning her for a Golden Age?

Churchill: (clearing his throat awkwardly) Errrm... Admiral Nelson?

Nelson: The Eastern Squadron under Admiral Cradock continues to scour the seas of Arabian vessels. HMS Canopus sunk 2 Galleons and 2 Caravels, while HMS Carnarvon and HMS Perseus have continued the shelling of Mecca.

Spoiler :

Monty: More importantly, Sir Winston, our dirigible the Alan Grant has produced aerial photos of the Italian army:

Spoiler :

Churchill: That's a lot of units.

Monty: 97, in fact. The point is, we should be careful not to provoke Italy into allying with Carthage.

Churchill: Got it. Unless they attack our allies. Lady Astor?

Lady Astor: We have developed Quantum Mechanics, which allows us to build Laboratories and eventually, helicopter units.

Churchill: And it doesn't obsolete any happiness resources, which we are in dire need of.

Lady Astor: True, but now you're down to Combustion or Industrialism. Which will it be?

Churchill: Combustion.

Lady Astor: Finally!

Monty: I second that sentiment, Sir Winston. Combustion will allow us to build motorized vehicles for the army, which to this point has been reliant on infantry and horses. And the timing is good, for we have launched Operation Sledgehammer, and mobile reinforcements would be welcome for an overland campaign.

Spoiler :

Churchill: Capital! I feel I should make a speech. The liberation of Europe is at hand, at last the peoples of Anatolia and Ireland will be free of the yoke of tyranny...

Lady Astor: Anatolia? And what is "Europe"?

Churchill: Stop interrupting my statesmanship!

 

[6K Man]

It's been a while, hasn't it? Any interest in me finishing this story? I took a break for a while, and then planned to resume on June 6, but Real Life intervened.

 

[Radagandruman]

Absolutely!
I really love what you’re doing with this story and I hope you can keep it going. I know I haven’t been giving much feedback, but I personally think this story’s great and you should continue writing it