Mistfit
Deity
Very Nice! I vote KB to be the Head Editor and chief of our fine newpaper!
Very funny stuff!
Very funny stuff!
Idiotic newsletter
- Thread starter Daghdha
- Start date
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
For our paper I propose the title "Idiots and Issues: News, opinions and rants." Tantum Idiocy Tolero (Only Idiocy Endures)
barbslinger
Gun blast'n shot drinker
Thanks GMA! The beer was good tonight, having these cookies was the best.
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
Here is a submission for the baking section of our little paper...
Beer Cookies
INGREDIENTS:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup butter
1 1/4 cups room temperature beer
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DIRECTIONS:
Cream together the butter or margarine and the brown sugar. Cut in flour, baking soda and spice. Blend in beer slowly to form a soft dough.
Drop by teaspoonfuls and top with a walnut piece.
Bake 12-15 minutes at a 350 degree F (175 degrees C) oven until lightly brown. Cool one minute on cookie sheet and remove to wire rack.
Beer Cookies
INGREDIENTS:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup butter
1 1/4 cups room temperature beer
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DIRECTIONS:
Cream together the butter or margarine and the brown sugar. Cut in flour, baking soda and spice. Blend in beer slowly to form a soft dough.
Drop by teaspoonfuls and top with a walnut piece.
Bake 12-15 minutes at a 350 degree F (175 degrees C) oven until lightly brown. Cool one minute on cookie sheet and remove to wire rack.
lurker's comment: Really pissing my pants and Rolling on the floor laughing out loud.
Butterball cheats at monopoly ??
Butterball cheats at monopoly ??
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
I won't be able to edit our fine paper, but I will happily contribute in the spirit of idiocy.
The story isn't in, but there will be an expose about KISS's fine educational system with emphasis on nap-time and snack time...
Dag, could you edit out the "Belgian" part and replace it with someting more Kiss-like?
The story isn't in, but there will be an expose about KISS's fine educational system with emphasis on nap-time and snack time...
Dag, could you edit out the "Belgian" part and replace it with someting more Kiss-like?
Attachments
gmaharriet
Ancient Crone
Mistfit, I can't read your posting of The Crazy Eye. 
My screen reso is 1024 x 768 and works for most things...not sure if I need to make it, um, more pixels or fewer, but it's very fuzzy. I'd like to be able to see the finished product. 
My screen reso is 1024 x 768 and works for most things...not sure if I need to make it, um, more pixels or fewer, but it's very fuzzy. I'd like to be able to see the finished product.
trick: Keep the "CTRL" button on your keyboard pushed, while spinning the wheel of the mouse. You zoom in (or out, in that case; spin the other way).gmaharriet said:Mistfit, I can't read your posting of The Crazy Eye.
gmaharriet
Ancient Crone
Thanks, guys! Got it working now.
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
Great job on publishing the paper Mistfit. It looked wonderful.
Admiral Kutzov truly is just another idiot!
A senior source within the Government has revealed that Eldest Idiot Admiral Kutzov shot a fellow Simpletonian, but claims it was apparently the result of faulty intelligence. It is unclear whether the faulty intelligence concerned is the Admiral!
Our source says that the Eldest Idiot told him, “I thought the shooting victim was Provolution.” The Admiral apparently said that he had shot a fellow hunter while on a quail hunting trip over the weekend, because he believed the man was Provolution. He also acknowledged that the man he shot with an arrow was not Provolution, but rather Tubby Rower and blamed the mix-up on "faulty intelligence."
The Admiral, in his own words, told our source... "I believed I had credible intelligence that Provolution had infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of slicing me with a sword. Only after I shot Tubby in the neck and he shouted ‘Dude, you Persian!’ did I realize that my intelligence was faulty."
Moments after Admiral's assault on Tubby, we heard that Dinsog appeared on a hill outside Carpetbomb III telling the scribes at the al-JaPersia newspaper that Provo was uninjured in Admiral's attack because, in his words, "He was in Athens..we think."
Igor, an aide to Admiral, (yet another Idiot within the Government) said he believed that the "Simple" people would believe his version of events, but added, "If he was going to shoot any of his cronies right now it's a shame it wasn't Beorn el Feared.”
POTKISS Whomp defended Admiral Kutzov's shooting of Tubby, saying that "the attack sent a strong message to all MTDGers everywhere". "The message is, if the Admiral is willing to shoot an innocent KISS citizen at point-blank range, imagine what he'll do to you.” Thank you for those words of wisdom Mr President of KISS!
A senior source within the Government has revealed that Eldest Idiot Admiral Kutzov shot a fellow Simpletonian, but claims it was apparently the result of faulty intelligence. It is unclear whether the faulty intelligence concerned is the Admiral!
Our source says that the Eldest Idiot told him, “I thought the shooting victim was Provolution.” The Admiral apparently said that he had shot a fellow hunter while on a quail hunting trip over the weekend, because he believed the man was Provolution. He also acknowledged that the man he shot with an arrow was not Provolution, but rather Tubby Rower and blamed the mix-up on "faulty intelligence."
The Admiral, in his own words, told our source... "I believed I had credible intelligence that Provolution had infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of slicing me with a sword. Only after I shot Tubby in the neck and he shouted ‘Dude, you Persian!’ did I realize that my intelligence was faulty."
Moments after Admiral's assault on Tubby, we heard that Dinsog appeared on a hill outside Carpetbomb III telling the scribes at the al-JaPersia newspaper that Provo was uninjured in Admiral's attack because, in his words, "He was in Athens..we think."
Igor, an aide to Admiral, (yet another Idiot within the Government) said he believed that the "Simple" people would believe his version of events, but added, "If he was going to shoot any of his cronies right now it's a shame it wasn't Beorn el Feared.”
POTKISS Whomp defended Admiral Kutzov's shooting of Tubby, saying that "the attack sent a strong message to all MTDGers everywhere". "The message is, if the Admiral is willing to shoot an innocent KISS citizen at point-blank range, imagine what he'll do to you.” Thank you for those words of wisdom Mr President of KISS!
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
Here are some submissions that I can only "ghostwrite". I offer this in the hope that some of you will take these ideas and refine them into something for The Crazy Eye.... then put your own by-line under the title. Needless to say... this stuff can't be "published" until after our TNT invasion.
Dinsog - Provocateur, or Propaganda?
Simpleton - Idiots in the Capitol are beginning to question whether the official account of the Doughbolt factory explosion was part of a more sinister plan. Arson investigators discovered an item that is "not of this world" - a Zippo lighter. More disturbing are the markings on the lighter. "There was a gold wreath with a Roman Numeral one"... reported Pentium, Chief Of Delving into Funny Incidents and Suspicious Happenings (C.O.D.F.I.S.H) "There was also a pair of wooden spoons arranged as a roman numeral two".
Equally disturbing is a copy of a diplomatic dispatch we recently acquired, which points to a possible conspiracy. The dispatch bears the seal of the Doughnutians, and reads "No-one has seen Dinsog on this continent." The words "no-one" have been crudely erased, and the dispatch changed to read "Nobody has seen Dinsog on this continent." This is the very same dispatch that administration officials used to justify the "police action" against TNT earlier this year.
Council of Advisors in Disarray
Political analysts are beginning to question the legitimacy of scoutsout's administration. "He fired all of his advisors except Corporal Punishment" reports Bede, Professor Emeritus of Economics at the Library of Simpleton. "Corporal Punishment is pulling quintuple duty as everything but the Military Advisor."
Scoutsout appointed Boern-el-Feared's girlfriend Tera as his military advisor. When her qualifications were questioned during senate confirmation hearings, she stated "I like fast men with really big swords, and I know how to handle them." Boern, now living the luxurious life of a kept man, doesn't see anything wrong with the arrangement. "She really only performs ceremonial duties, and the pay is great! She can afford all the beer and Gyros I want!"
Scandal in the Palace
Rumors are running rampant concerning improprieties at the Palace. Scoutsout, long known for smoking "arrogant sized" cigars, has not been seen at his favorite cigar store in some time. "Last time he was in here he bought a couple of puros, but he seems to have lost his cigar lighter" said ____, leading tobacconist in the country.
He has also been absent from his usual weekly poker night. "Waltzing Lessons" have taken the place of poker night as a standing engagement on prime minister's calendar. Speaking on condition of anonymity, sources close to the administration have revealed scoutsout has been involved in a torrid affair with a Greek woman. To make matters worse, the woman appears to have close ties to the Greek Capitol. Matilda Nefearius, cousin of the Greek Ambassador, has been seen sneaking out of the palace in the morning twilight several times in recent weeks. Exactly what sort of "waltzing" scoutsout has been doing remains a mystery, but some have questioned if the timing of this affair is merely coincidence, or if there might be some relationship to a sudden rise in Gyro sales in the southern provinces.
Dinsog - Provocateur, or Propaganda?
Simpleton - Idiots in the Capitol are beginning to question whether the official account of the Doughbolt factory explosion was part of a more sinister plan. Arson investigators discovered an item that is "not of this world" - a Zippo lighter. More disturbing are the markings on the lighter. "There was a gold wreath with a Roman Numeral one"... reported Pentium, Chief Of Delving into Funny Incidents and Suspicious Happenings (C.O.D.F.I.S.H) "There was also a pair of wooden spoons arranged as a roman numeral two".
Equally disturbing is a copy of a diplomatic dispatch we recently acquired, which points to a possible conspiracy. The dispatch bears the seal of the Doughnutians, and reads "No-one has seen Dinsog on this continent." The words "no-one" have been crudely erased, and the dispatch changed to read "Nobody has seen Dinsog on this continent." This is the very same dispatch that administration officials used to justify the "police action" against TNT earlier this year.
Council of Advisors in Disarray
Political analysts are beginning to question the legitimacy of scoutsout's administration. "He fired all of his advisors except Corporal Punishment" reports Bede, Professor Emeritus of Economics at the Library of Simpleton. "Corporal Punishment is pulling quintuple duty as everything but the Military Advisor."
Scoutsout appointed Boern-el-Feared's girlfriend Tera as his military advisor. When her qualifications were questioned during senate confirmation hearings, she stated "I like fast men with really big swords, and I know how to handle them." Boern, now living the luxurious life of a kept man, doesn't see anything wrong with the arrangement. "She really only performs ceremonial duties, and the pay is great! She can afford all the beer and Gyros I want!"
Scandal in the Palace
Rumors are running rampant concerning improprieties at the Palace. Scoutsout, long known for smoking "arrogant sized" cigars, has not been seen at his favorite cigar store in some time. "Last time he was in here he bought a couple of puros, but he seems to have lost his cigar lighter" said ____, leading tobacconist in the country.
He has also been absent from his usual weekly poker night. "Waltzing Lessons" have taken the place of poker night as a standing engagement on prime minister's calendar. Speaking on condition of anonymity, sources close to the administration have revealed scoutsout has been involved in a torrid affair with a Greek woman. To make matters worse, the woman appears to have close ties to the Greek Capitol. Matilda Nefearius, cousin of the Greek Ambassador, has been seen sneaking out of the palace in the morning twilight several times in recent weeks. Exactly what sort of "waltzing" scoutsout has been doing remains a mystery, but some have questioned if the timing of this affair is merely coincidence, or if there might be some relationship to a sudden rise in Gyro sales in the southern provinces.
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
In case Mistfit loses the art... here's "Tera":
..and "Matilda"
...and my "council of advisors"
..and "Matilda"
...and my "council of advisors"
It seems there's a lot of discussion in the Ironic Bible, MIA enlightenment threads, anti Meleetism "Dinsogism" etc about the true religion. I think it's time for us to spread the only true word. Idiocy and grumpiness. Let me know if I should change any of this...
As the chosen and only true religious ones the people of K.I.S.S implore all nations accept all forms of worship. Meleetism, RNGism and even the anti- Meleet Dinsogism.
As any true religious person knows it takes real idiocy and grumpiness to be tolerant of the many great religions. As the chosen ones we recogize the maker's maker...The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster.. Here's a picture "the great artist" Mistfit has rendered.
As the chosen and only true religious ones the people of K.I.S.S implore all nations accept all forms of worship. Meleetism, RNGism and even the anti- Meleet Dinsogism.
As any true religious person knows it takes real idiocy and grumpiness to be tolerant of the many great religions. As the chosen ones we recogize the maker's maker...The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster.. Here's a picture "the great artist" Mistfit has rendered.
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
Someone needs to do a story about 'The Issues of POTKiss and his cronies"
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
For censoring and consideration...
Feudalism Discovered!
“Sir Bugy’s name finally makes sense.”
Simpleton – KISS thinkers excitedly announced the discovery of Feudalism this week.
Feudalism is a system of governance whereby property owning lords grant tracts of land (fiefs) to vassals who swear an oath of allegiance or fealty. It is believed by KISS scientists that this form of societal organization will be far more efficient and productive than the traditional Celtic method of societal deliberation, the bowl-off.
Speaking at the press conference, POTKISS Whomp praised the virtues and possibilities of a feudal society, “Exchanging property for fidelity has incredible potential. I think we will be able to get things done in KISS. I believe that a feudal society is going to be far more productive than the futile society Admiral Kutzov has been advocating.”
Admiral Kutzov could not be reached for comment; he is far too good a shot with empty whiskey bottles, 30 feet was as close as we could get.
“I think Feudalism is great!” said Kickbooti, a muck-serf from Dunderhead. “It clarifies so many things. One day I was sitting and drinking and the realization struck, If God loved me, I’d have land. Obviously I’m scum and should simply obey my social betters. It’s all so clear! It’s finally good to know my place.”
Social order is not the only thing Feudalism has shed light on. “Sir Bugsy’s name finally makes sense,” said Tubby Rower. “Everything makes sense. From the metal hat he has always worn to the way he exclaims ‘Zounds’ at the oddest times. Feudalism brings order to that chaos. I can see that Sir Bugsy was an innovator, not just a lunatic.”
Not everyone is happy about the developments. One denizen who identified himself as ‘Dennis,’ had this to say about KISS’s new king. “Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.” Dennis said he preferred “…an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major - ”
At this point Dennis was struck on the head by the recently elevated Marquis de Mistfit who received his fief in exchange for commitment to accost Denis and “get medieval on his arse.”
Dennis was last seen being dragged away by two burly Galic Swordsmen while yelling, “Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!”
While the lord-vassal relationship of Feudalism promises to bring a new sense of social order, at heart KISS is still populated by grumpy, anarchistic, idiots.
“I appreciate the fief with the hilltop abbey and the wonderful vineyards,” said Bede, whose preferred title is the Venerable One. “And I’m happy to contribute some swordsmen or archers to the defense of our country, even contribute some serfs to mine the hills or build some roads, but if my liege-lord things that he can call me because ‘queen Holly wants the furniture in the throne room moved around again’ well, he has another thing coming.”
Feudalism Discovered!
“Sir Bugy’s name finally makes sense.”
Simpleton – KISS thinkers excitedly announced the discovery of Feudalism this week.
Feudalism is a system of governance whereby property owning lords grant tracts of land (fiefs) to vassals who swear an oath of allegiance or fealty. It is believed by KISS scientists that this form of societal organization will be far more efficient and productive than the traditional Celtic method of societal deliberation, the bowl-off.
Speaking at the press conference, POTKISS Whomp praised the virtues and possibilities of a feudal society, “Exchanging property for fidelity has incredible potential. I think we will be able to get things done in KISS. I believe that a feudal society is going to be far more productive than the futile society Admiral Kutzov has been advocating.”
Admiral Kutzov could not be reached for comment; he is far too good a shot with empty whiskey bottles, 30 feet was as close as we could get.
“I think Feudalism is great!” said Kickbooti, a muck-serf from Dunderhead. “It clarifies so many things. One day I was sitting and drinking and the realization struck, If God loved me, I’d have land. Obviously I’m scum and should simply obey my social betters. It’s all so clear! It’s finally good to know my place.”
Social order is not the only thing Feudalism has shed light on. “Sir Bugsy’s name finally makes sense,” said Tubby Rower. “Everything makes sense. From the metal hat he has always worn to the way he exclaims ‘Zounds’ at the oddest times. Feudalism brings order to that chaos. I can see that Sir Bugsy was an innovator, not just a lunatic.”
Not everyone is happy about the developments. One denizen who identified himself as ‘Dennis,’ had this to say about KISS’s new king. “Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.” Dennis said he preferred “…an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major - ”
At this point Dennis was struck on the head by the recently elevated Marquis de Mistfit who received his fief in exchange for commitment to accost Denis and “get medieval on his arse.”
Dennis was last seen being dragged away by two burly Galic Swordsmen while yelling, “Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!”
While the lord-vassal relationship of Feudalism promises to bring a new sense of social order, at heart KISS is still populated by grumpy, anarchistic, idiots.
“I appreciate the fief with the hilltop abbey and the wonderful vineyards,” said Bede, whose preferred title is the Venerable One. “And I’m happy to contribute some swordsmen or archers to the defense of our country, even contribute some serfs to mine the hills or build some roads, but if my liege-lord things that he can call me because ‘queen Holly wants the furniture in the throne room moved around again’ well, he has another thing coming.”
Daghdha
Absent Minded
What can you say, but Splendid
Oh...mah...gah! I am laughing so hard right now that my whole office just asked what's so funny and I couldn't say...don't think they'd understand.
Booti once again you've outdone yourself. Holly will be thrilled to know she's queen.....but then again she already knew that.
Booti once again you've outdone yourself. Holly will be thrilled to know she's queen.....but then again she already knew that.
Similar threads
