gmaharriet
Ancient Crone
We have so much wonderful talent on this team that it's a pity we can't share it with the rest of the world.Whomp said:
Idiotic newsletter
- Thread starter Daghdha
- Start date
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
@Kickbooti: That is awesome! I 'specially liked that bit about Bede movin' furniture for Holly... that thought is bound to give the ol' Monk somethin' to be grumpy about!
...now...what do I need to do to get you to re-work my stuph into somehtin' amusing?
...now...what do I need to do to get you to re-work my stuph into somehtin' amusing?
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
scoutsout said:
I am but a slave to the Muse; however, give me a few days, I have an annual report to craft and deliver, after that I should have some time.
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
Thank you very much! (I was just about to edit my previous post and say "Please".)Kickbooti said:
I think there's some potential there... but I'm not as funny as you... the concept is to generate some amusing propaganda at my expense... If you need some coals for the roast, I'm sure some of our teammates who have played with me before can provide additional thoughts if you need them.
Sir Bugsy
Civ.D.
Zounds! That's terrific! I can't imagine what we'll learn about me when Chivalry comes in.
And in the frozen land of Simpleton, they were forced to eat Bugsy's minstrels.
....And there was much rejoicing. yeahhhhh...
And in the frozen land of Simpleton, they were forced to eat Bugsy's minstrels.
....And there was much rejoicing. yeahhhhh...
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
In a later re-interview, The Venerable One denied moving furniture in the palace. "That's a job for sidekicks, like Igor, his holiness, groused.
Queen Holly of the Darkteach Clan, decreed it time for a holiday of the "oh so rich, and oh so hot." She commented that Whomp's inappropriate cackling is due to his advanced male pattern baldness. "Shave, methinks not. I thought it was a fashion statement when we met, but now I know better."
In other news, the Chief Alchemist, Tubs, anounced the creation of "yet another chart that I can draw colored lines on." This announcement was met with mild skepticism by the leading lights of the scientific community, who merely rolled their eyes, patted him on the head and sent him back to the lab. "Tubs was a genius before he was expecting a second offspring," said Beorn el feord, our only expecting male member(multiple puns intended). "We think he's been inhaling too many female pheremones."
In miltary circles, there was much trepidation as Scoutsout announced, yet again, "I have an idea." PotKISS immediately invoked the emergency powers act and called up the Darkteach Brigade. POTKiss, in an adverserial interview, was heard to say, "If I've told him once, I've told him at least three times not to say that in public. It scares Igor. Then Igor runs from pub to pub, shouting "Scout has an idea. Scout has an idea. And so on and so forth. Methinks a little talk with AK is in order. He needs to shutdown that Igor pump or at least keep them locked up."
AK had no comment on the cloning or LB allegations and simply filled suit the court of fools.
When asked for comment, AK declined, stating, "in my cups again. when is someone going to discover pickup trucks and gunracks." Intrepid reporters attempted to venture closer, but apparently idiot technology is advancing post haste because advance archers shot their longbows at said reporters from previously unheard of ranges.
Queen Holly of the Darkteach Clan, decreed it time for a holiday of the "oh so rich, and oh so hot." She commented that Whomp's inappropriate cackling is due to his advanced male pattern baldness. "Shave, methinks not. I thought it was a fashion statement when we met, but now I know better."
In other news, the Chief Alchemist, Tubs, anounced the creation of "yet another chart that I can draw colored lines on." This announcement was met with mild skepticism by the leading lights of the scientific community, who merely rolled their eyes, patted him on the head and sent him back to the lab. "Tubs was a genius before he was expecting a second offspring," said Beorn el feord, our only expecting male member(multiple puns intended). "We think he's been inhaling too many female pheremones."
In miltary circles, there was much trepidation as Scoutsout announced, yet again, "I have an idea." PotKISS immediately invoked the emergency powers act and called up the Darkteach Brigade. POTKiss, in an adverserial interview, was heard to say, "If I've told him once, I've told him at least three times not to say that in public. It scares Igor. Then Igor runs from pub to pub, shouting "Scout has an idea. Scout has an idea. And so on and so forth. Methinks a little talk with AK is in order. He needs to shutdown that Igor pump or at least keep them locked up."
AK had no comment on the cloning or LB allegations and simply filled suit the court of fools.
When asked for comment, AK declined, stating, "in my cups again. when is someone going to discover pickup trucks and gunracks." Intrepid reporters attempted to venture closer, but apparently idiot technology is advancing post haste because advance archers shot their longbows at said reporters from previously unheard of ranges.
...Wow. You have some serious issues and a memory like a steel trap. Did you shine your tooth today?
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
yes, the tooth gleams like a ship in the wind
gmaharriet
Ancient Crone
You'd make a great gossip columnist, AK. Most papers do quite well having someone write little snippets of newsy comments about well-known local citizens. 
grahamiam
In debt to Mr. Geisel
I think Igor is drinking too much of that special TMI water they pass around up there 
Tubby Rower
Chronic Slacker
Someone gave him a swirlie in the bathrooms during a visit.
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
I was just chatting with our editor on MSN... the slave drivers at the printing presses need the articles polished off by 10 AM EST (GMT-5) this Sunday, April 2.
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
Since Kickbooti submitted a recipie... I thought I might take a stab at adding to a future culinary section. If I can tweak a chili recipie on MSN chat, surely I can offer something that my fellow Idiots might enjoy.
"Jambalaya Surprise" - by scoutsout
These recipies can be used separately or together, depending on the type of party you wish to organize.
Basic Jambalaya
2 cups of sliced and diced sausage. (Andouille if ya can get it.)
2 onions - chopped
2 stalks of celery - sliced
half a bell pepper - sliced
one 28 oz can of whole tomatoes
one small can tomato paste
3 cloves garlic - minced
a couple tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 cup uncooked rice.
1 lb shrimp - shelled
Hot sauce "to taste".
Saute the garlic, onion, bell pepper, and celery in the oil until the onions start to clear. Add everything else but the shrimp, bring to bubbling...then let it simmer until the rice is done. Bring to a boil, add the shrimp, and cook until the shrimp are done.
Serves 4-6
"Surprise"
15 lbs of charcoal
3 lbs of sulfur
2 lbs of saltpeter
1 Honduran Cigar (a nice Churchill/Double Corona... 48-50 ring x 6.5-7.5")
Grind all dry ingredients together, mixing well. Place in a keg on the back burner behind the jambalaya. Light the cigar, and enjoy it for a little while. Stick the cigar in the keg (lit end up) and leave.
Serves as a wonderful excuse for a party of a different sort.
"Jambalaya Surprise" - by scoutsout
These recipies can be used separately or together, depending on the type of party you wish to organize.
Basic Jambalaya
2 cups of sliced and diced sausage. (Andouille if ya can get it.)
2 onions - chopped
2 stalks of celery - sliced
half a bell pepper - sliced
one 28 oz can of whole tomatoes
one small can tomato paste
3 cloves garlic - minced
a couple tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 cup uncooked rice.
1 lb shrimp - shelled
Hot sauce "to taste".
Saute the garlic, onion, bell pepper, and celery in the oil until the onions start to clear. Add everything else but the shrimp, bring to bubbling...then let it simmer until the rice is done. Bring to a boil, add the shrimp, and cook until the shrimp are done.
Serves 4-6
"Surprise"
15 lbs of charcoal
3 lbs of sulfur
2 lbs of saltpeter
1 Honduran Cigar (a nice Churchill/Double Corona... 48-50 ring x 6.5-7.5")
Grind all dry ingredients together, mixing well. Place in a keg on the back burner behind the jambalaya. Light the cigar, and enjoy it for a little while. Stick the cigar in the keg (lit end up) and leave.
Serves as a wonderful excuse for a party of a different sort.
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
Scandal in the Palace
Unofficial sources at the Palace stables have led this reporter to the cusp of a brewing scandal at the Palace. Scoutsout, long known for smoking "arrogant sized" cigars and a quest for a bigger sword, has not been seen at his favorite cigar store or armory in quite some time. Goz, the armorer, when questioned, said, "He be in here 2, 3 times a week asking me to add an inch to the sword. Personally, I think he's hot for my apprentice." Our unbalanced team immedjutly deployed to various humidors thoroughout Simpleton. "Last time he was in here he bought a couple of puros, but he seems to have lost his cigar lighter" said a source, unwilling to be identified, fearing retribution." "Twas a real shame that was. His cigar lighter was a real hottie. Smart as well; she used to count the change for scout."
Unnamed sources at the Slinger Casino have indicated that he has also been absent from his usual weekly poker night. Casino owner Slinger declined to be interviewed for this article. In a typical grumpy manner, he simply said, "What happens in Slingerland, stays in Slingerland; unless you have photos." Our team was then ejected from the casino and told not to return unless we "wanted to to sleep with the Dinsogs."
Our story lay dormant until Mistfit, a bright light in our artistic community, revealed that he had been to a state dinner the preceeding night. Mist, when questioned, said, "I've never seen anything like it. Not even in my basement, which as all cultured citzens of Simpleton know, has everything but a pool table and a gun rack. Curse the gods, I've even got foosball." "There was Scout with this huge burning thing hanging out of his mouth. The ladies just kept parading up the stairs. When questioned, Scout's maitre de or whatever indicated that the master was merely instructing the less fortunate of our society in Waltzing Lessons."
Our team of unbalanced reporters met with one of the "trainees." Speaking on condition of anonymity, she revealed scoutsout has been involved in a torrid affair with a Greek woman. To make matters worse, the woman appears to have close ties to the Greek Capitol. Matilda Nefearius, cousin of the Greek Ambassador, (see photo) has been seen sneaking out of the palace in the morning twilight several times in recent weeks. Exactly what sort of "waltzing" scoutsout has been doing remains a mystery, but some have questioned if the timing of this affair is merely coincidence, or if there might be some relationship to a sudden rise in Gyro sales in the southern provinces. Several new feta cheese factories have also opened in recent months.
When asked about the apparent lapse in judgement amonst his advisors, POTKiss replied, "Leave me the hell alone. Queen Holly is still upset about Bede and what he did to the furniture."
Our lithographist has been captured. Images may or may not follow. More follows pending my escape from the Darkteach Brigade.
Unofficial sources at the Palace stables have led this reporter to the cusp of a brewing scandal at the Palace. Scoutsout, long known for smoking "arrogant sized" cigars and a quest for a bigger sword, has not been seen at his favorite cigar store or armory in quite some time. Goz, the armorer, when questioned, said, "He be in here 2, 3 times a week asking me to add an inch to the sword. Personally, I think he's hot for my apprentice." Our unbalanced team immedjutly deployed to various humidors thoroughout Simpleton. "Last time he was in here he bought a couple of puros, but he seems to have lost his cigar lighter" said a source, unwilling to be identified, fearing retribution." "Twas a real shame that was. His cigar lighter was a real hottie. Smart as well; she used to count the change for scout."
Unnamed sources at the Slinger Casino have indicated that he has also been absent from his usual weekly poker night. Casino owner Slinger declined to be interviewed for this article. In a typical grumpy manner, he simply said, "What happens in Slingerland, stays in Slingerland; unless you have photos." Our team was then ejected from the casino and told not to return unless we "wanted to to sleep with the Dinsogs."
Our story lay dormant until Mistfit, a bright light in our artistic community, revealed that he had been to a state dinner the preceeding night. Mist, when questioned, said, "I've never seen anything like it. Not even in my basement, which as all cultured citzens of Simpleton know, has everything but a pool table and a gun rack. Curse the gods, I've even got foosball." "There was Scout with this huge burning thing hanging out of his mouth. The ladies just kept parading up the stairs. When questioned, Scout's maitre de or whatever indicated that the master was merely instructing the less fortunate of our society in Waltzing Lessons."
Our team of unbalanced reporters met with one of the "trainees." Speaking on condition of anonymity, she revealed scoutsout has been involved in a torrid affair with a Greek woman. To make matters worse, the woman appears to have close ties to the Greek Capitol. Matilda Nefearius, cousin of the Greek Ambassador, (see photo) has been seen sneaking out of the palace in the morning twilight several times in recent weeks. Exactly what sort of "waltzing" scoutsout has been doing remains a mystery, but some have questioned if the timing of this affair is merely coincidence, or if there might be some relationship to a sudden rise in Gyro sales in the southern provinces. Several new feta cheese factories have also opened in recent months.
When asked about the apparent lapse in judgement amonst his advisors, POTKiss replied, "Leave me the hell alone. Queen Holly is still upset about Bede and what he did to the furniture."
Our lithographist has been captured. Images may or may not follow. More follows pending my escape from the Darkteach Brigade.
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
"Surprise"
15 lbs of charcoal
3 lbs of sulfur
2 lbs of saltpeter
1 Honduran Cigar (a nice Churchill/Double Corona... 48-50 ring x 6.5-7.5")
Grind all dry ingredients together, mixing well. Place in a keg on the back burner behind the jambalaya. Light the cigar, and enjoy it for a little while. Stick the cigar in the keg (lit end up) and leave.
I give this recipe 4 stars. the version I used omitted the "and leave" portion
15 lbs of charcoal
3 lbs of sulfur
2 lbs of saltpeter
1 Honduran Cigar (a nice Churchill/Double Corona... 48-50 ring x 6.5-7.5")
Grind all dry ingredients together, mixing well. Place in a keg on the back burner behind the jambalaya. Light the cigar, and enjoy it for a little while. Stick the cigar in the keg (lit end up) and leave.
I give this recipe 4 stars. the version I used omitted the "and leave" portion
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
in other news, EPA idiots are investigating rumors of nauseous vapors eminating from various TNT cities. the vapors got so bad, that POTKiss forgot his domestic worries and left the furniture as positioned by bede and returned to the official duties. EPA Director Own remarked, "this is worse than the swill at the Academy.' State Department Investigators have discovered that D had been eating beans for weeks in a passive/aggressive plot to over throw our simple empire. The minister of war is preparing a response .
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
...and in other news (not for public consumption) I got a note from 'slinger this morning. He's back from "across the pond", and when a few RL issues settle down...
He'd like to play a few turns.
(I hope this goes without saying, but this is good news, team.)
He'd like to play a few turns.
(I hope this goes without saying, but this is good news, team.)
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
slinger & scout alternate turns while we're at war? My mentor scout says thats good, so I'll go bake more cookies. 
I do have a few questions:
what's a doughbolt factory?
why is a driveway a place to park cars?
Why is Bede considered grumpy?
If Tubby Rower doesn't actually row...
If AK really isn't a russian admiral...
If POTKiss is a builder...
what does it all mean? I'm so confused. I'll go bake more cookies after I post an article.
Dinsog - Provocateur, or Propaganda?
Simpleton - Idiots in the Capitol are beginning to question whether the official account of the Doughbolt factory explosion was part of a more sinister plan. Arson investigators discovered an item that is "not of this world" - a Zippo lighter. More disturbing are the markings on the lighter. "There was a gold wreath with a Roman Numeral one"... reported Pentium, Chief Of Delving into Funny Incidents and Suspicious Happenings (C.O.D.F.I.S.H) "There was also a pair of wooden spoons arranged as a roman numeral two".
Equally disturbing is a copy of a diplomatic dispatch, recently acquired, which points to a possible conspiracy. The dispatch bears the seal of the 'nutians, and reads "No-one has seen Dinsog on this continent." The words "no-one" have been crudely erased, and the dispatch changed to read "Nobody has seen Dinsog on this continent." This is the very same dispatch that administration officials used to justify the "police action" against TNT earlier this year.
In equally distrubing news, ultrasound pictures of Beorn's offspring were released by his publicist today:
Beorn, donned his idiot helmet and said, "I think she'll be quite cute when she decides to leave my womb." POTKiss dispatched Bede to 'splain things to Beorn. POTKiss commented, "who better to explain reproduction issues than a venerable monk? Besides it keeps him away from the furniture at the palace."
When asked for his opinion, Bugs merely replied "Zounds" and asked "Where are the armored horsemen?"
I do have a few questions:
what's a doughbolt factory?
why is a driveway a place to park cars?
Why is Bede considered grumpy?
If Tubby Rower doesn't actually row...
If AK really isn't a russian admiral...
If POTKiss is a builder...
what does it all mean? I'm so confused. I'll go bake more cookies after I post an article.
Dinsog - Provocateur, or Propaganda?
Simpleton - Idiots in the Capitol are beginning to question whether the official account of the Doughbolt factory explosion was part of a more sinister plan. Arson investigators discovered an item that is "not of this world" - a Zippo lighter. More disturbing are the markings on the lighter. "There was a gold wreath with a Roman Numeral one"... reported Pentium, Chief Of Delving into Funny Incidents and Suspicious Happenings (C.O.D.F.I.S.H) "There was also a pair of wooden spoons arranged as a roman numeral two".
Equally disturbing is a copy of a diplomatic dispatch, recently acquired, which points to a possible conspiracy. The dispatch bears the seal of the 'nutians, and reads "No-one has seen Dinsog on this continent." The words "no-one" have been crudely erased, and the dispatch changed to read "Nobody has seen Dinsog on this continent." This is the very same dispatch that administration officials used to justify the "police action" against TNT earlier this year.
In equally distrubing news, ultrasound pictures of Beorn's offspring were released by his publicist today:
Beorn, donned his idiot helmet and said, "I think she'll be quite cute when she decides to leave my womb." POTKiss dispatched Bede to 'splain things to Beorn. POTKiss commented, "who better to explain reproduction issues than a venerable monk? Besides it keeps him away from the furniture at the palace."
When asked for his opinion, Bugs merely replied "Zounds" and asked "Where are the armored horsemen?"
Mistfit
Deity
You guys are just strange...
Keep in mind that this thing goes to press in a little over 24 hours
Keep in mind that this thing goes to press in a little over 24 hours
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