Whomp said:I think we'll have to wait for Mistfit to get back from taking the kids to Holland, (Michigan for those of you who don't know)to see the windmills, clogs and Tulip festival this weekend.
Holland in Michigan ???
Idiot Americans.
Idiotic newsletter
- Thread starter Daghdha
- Start date
Holland in Michigan ???
Idiot Americans.
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
Panic in the Streets
In a rare display of direct displeasure, The Meleet formally expressed his discontent with the Idiot American contingent of our happy little clan.
After an awesome display of lightning bolts (courtesy of Thor, a relation by marraige), The Meleet was heard to mumble, "This sobriety thing is ridiculous. The other three teams know they're idiots. Who do they think they're fooling?"
As a further expression of his displeasure at the Idiot Michigan Tulip Festival, the Meleet hurled a bolt into the midst of Cask Race XII, where underdog competitor Matlida Nefarious had gained a large lead by virtue of the large surface area of her undergarments.
A slobbering Scout mumbled something about drooping stogies and "at least its lit."
Anonymous sources indicated that a war of the titans may be in progress as A***H declared, "Rik, I don't care what you say, 90% of what they post is pure spam." There appeared to be several explosions in the sky as the practical citizens of KISS queued up for their free spam ration.
Further reports to follow once this intrepid reporter is released from the burn unit.
In a rare display of direct displeasure, The Meleet formally expressed his discontent with the Idiot American contingent of our happy little clan.
After an awesome display of lightning bolts (courtesy of Thor, a relation by marraige), The Meleet was heard to mumble, "This sobriety thing is ridiculous. The other three teams know they're idiots. Who do they think they're fooling?"
As a further expression of his displeasure at the Idiot Michigan Tulip Festival, the Meleet hurled a bolt into the midst of Cask Race XII, where underdog competitor Matlida Nefarious had gained a large lead by virtue of the large surface area of her undergarments.
A slobbering Scout mumbled something about drooping stogies and "at least its lit."
Anonymous sources indicated that a war of the titans may be in progress as A***H declared, "Rik, I don't care what you say, 90% of what they post is pure spam." There appeared to be several explosions in the sky as the practical citizens of KISS queued up for their free spam ration.
Further reports to follow once this intrepid reporter is released from the burn unit.
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
Rik Meleet said:
Holland in Michigan ???
Oh, sure. They wash the streets, wear wooden shoes, there is even a real windmill imported, not to mention the annual tulip festival, the Dutch Village, one of Holland's suburbs is New Zeeland and don't forget the annual Frisian festival and the retirement home calld 'The Hauges' - okay, those last two aren't true, but the rest is.
Actually, Holland is a nice town with a great beach on Lake Michigan. Surely a place deserving of the Meleet's beunificence.
Tubby Rower
Chronic Slacker
A story should be created around this picture. Something about Whomp fearlessly leading our troops into battle or some nonsense like that
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
needs tulips at feet. Mist?
gmaharriet
Ancient Crone
The Whomper's looking very cool in his new plaid dress. 
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
I really hope he's wearing clean underwear
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
Imagine a referree throwing a flag and blowing a whistle. "Personal Foul, unneccessary sharing!"Whomp said:
Tubby Rower
Chronic Slacker
I have the Chic-fil-A calendar and this year it's a lot of ancient/mythical characters. the above picture is titled Boldhoof
I also have Whomp as Joan of Alfalfa, Charboilemagne, Reuben Hood, Agrilles, Moolius Caesar, King Art-Herd, Kobe Kowsumoto, Lady Guineveal, Beif Eriksson, El Cud, and Angus Khan. I might save them although, El Cud is firing a catapult at a castle.
I also have Whomp as Joan of Alfalfa, Charboilemagne, Reuben Hood, Agrilles, Moolius Caesar, King Art-Herd, Kobe Kowsumoto, Lady Guineveal, Beif Eriksson, El Cud, and Angus Khan. I might save them although, El Cud is firing a catapult at a castle.
Sir Bugsy
Civ.D.
Gallic Swordmen like our fearless leader Whomp pictured above follow the longstand tradition of kilt wearers. To find out what we wear under our kilt, listen to a tune called "The Scotsman." Here's the lyric:
Spoiler :
scoutsout
Minstrel Boy
@Bugs: I remember learning that song in church camp! (as a counselor, after hours). I love that song!!!!!
gmaharriet
Ancient Crone
I'd never heard that before, but it's mighty funny! First prize, huh?
@ Scout...church camp?????
@ Scout...church camp?????
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
scoutsout said:
My, how times have changed. I think my ecclesiastical insurance agent would put me to the rack now-a-days.
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
And then there was one more.
Mr. & Mrs. Rower hath reproduced. Ehtan Rower was born for the age of war. 9 pounds plus a full head of hair!
This omen was quite puzzling to the idiots. The grumpies were bemused. It seemed they were in the "been there, done that," mode. Scout was qouted as saying "even slinger smiled"
booti got out the holy water and blessed the child per the parental instructions
there was lighting in the sky. various Kiss citizens were heard to sing "na na na, hey, hey goodbye to TNT
Scout simply lit another stoogie and smiled.
igor simply welcomed a new member to the clan.
Mr. & Mrs. Rower hath reproduced. Ehtan Rower was born for the age of war. 9 pounds plus a full head of hair!
This omen was quite puzzling to the idiots. The grumpies were bemused. It seemed they were in the "been there, done that," mode. Scout was qouted as saying "even slinger smiled"
booti got out the holy water and blessed the child per the parental instructions
there was lighting in the sky. various Kiss citizens were heard to sing "na na na, hey, hey goodbye to TNT
Scout simply lit another stoogie and smiled.
igor simply welcomed a new member to the clan.
Admiral Kutzov
Idiot Emeritus
Hear ye! Hear ye! Zounds!
The Clan of Idiots wishes to announce the birth of our newest member, Ethan "Kick TNT Butt" Rower.
Appearing at an Effing Whomping Rower weight of 9+ pounds, our youngest member immediately picked up a crayon and began charting life expectancy for TNT. Annointed by Queen Holly, and chanted over by a venerable monk, the youngest idiot has been designated "he who will bring balance to the world of Meleet."
When questioned, Mrs. Rower was heard to say, "Geeks are still cool. But this one is much cuter than his father. He has better hair too."
Our roving idiot questioned many of the fine citizens of KISS:
Scout simply lit a cigar and said, "We always knew Tubby had it in him, we were just amazed at the kid's stamina. He's like a mini David Blain and submersed himself for weeks before firing out lke a treb."
Bede declined to be interviewed, citing his chanting duties.
Sir Bugsy also declined an interview, stating, "Leave me alone, I've got to get Ethan's Ballad done or Queen Holly will have another fit!"
Booti merely chuckled and mumbled something about "fortuitous donations flowing"
Gmaharriet caused a brief spike in flour prices throughout the civilized world. She also declined to be interviewed, stating, "the bun's out of the oven. OMG, I have to bake cookies."
Crakie was heard to say something on the order of "spam, spam, spam..."
Igor merely grunted and ran in circles, mumbling something about "new job, room and board. food, ugh"
The KISS tacticial response muskets briefly deployed in answer to an emergency drum call from Mrs. Rower. Apparently while still under duress from the Battle of the Wasp, Mrs. Rower was subjected to a Dinsog sighting and thought he was trying to steal a geekling for TNT. Our special idiots and tactics team swept the area and killed several small animals. Unfortunately, Dinsog's body was not found.
AK, polished his tooth and lit one of scout's cigars, courtesy of matilda. he ever shared with whomp.
Regent and GA threw several small bolts of lighting in recognition of this momentous event.
Daghie, returned to the basement and was heard cackling gleefully. Something about its over, we have a sign from the meleet.
Finally, under duress from the happy citizens of Kiss, POTKISS issued an official decree that said, "Hmmm"
The Clan of Idiots wishes to announce the birth of our newest member, Ethan "Kick TNT Butt" Rower.
Appearing at an Effing Whomping Rower weight of 9+ pounds, our youngest member immediately picked up a crayon and began charting life expectancy for TNT. Annointed by Queen Holly, and chanted over by a venerable monk, the youngest idiot has been designated "he who will bring balance to the world of Meleet."
When questioned, Mrs. Rower was heard to say, "Geeks are still cool. But this one is much cuter than his father. He has better hair too."
Our roving idiot questioned many of the fine citizens of KISS:
Scout simply lit a cigar and said, "We always knew Tubby had it in him, we were just amazed at the kid's stamina. He's like a mini David Blain and submersed himself for weeks before firing out lke a treb."
Bede declined to be interviewed, citing his chanting duties.
Sir Bugsy also declined an interview, stating, "Leave me alone, I've got to get Ethan's Ballad done or Queen Holly will have another fit!"
Booti merely chuckled and mumbled something about "fortuitous donations flowing"
Gmaharriet caused a brief spike in flour prices throughout the civilized world. She also declined to be interviewed, stating, "the bun's out of the oven. OMG, I have to bake cookies."
Crakie was heard to say something on the order of "spam, spam, spam..."
Igor merely grunted and ran in circles, mumbling something about "new job, room and board. food, ugh"
The KISS tacticial response muskets briefly deployed in answer to an emergency drum call from Mrs. Rower. Apparently while still under duress from the Battle of the Wasp, Mrs. Rower was subjected to a Dinsog sighting and thought he was trying to steal a geekling for TNT. Our special idiots and tactics team swept the area and killed several small animals. Unfortunately, Dinsog's body was not found.
AK, polished his tooth and lit one of scout's cigars, courtesy of matilda. he ever shared with whomp.
Regent and GA threw several small bolts of lighting in recognition of this momentous event.
Daghie, returned to the basement and was heard cackling gleefully. Something about its over, we have a sign from the meleet.
Finally, under duress from the happy citizens of Kiss, POTKISS issued an official decree that said, "Hmmm"
Sir Bugsy
Civ.D.
How about some more disinformation as the G-man plays a few turns.
Kickbooti
Ecclesia Militans
My 2 year old was up until 4:30 am puking. This is what the fumes produced...
From the Front – Victory in Battle.
Spite
Our glorious Idiot Defense Force was victorious in battle recently – but at first they weren’t sure.
As has been reported in this paper, what was initially an attempt to return Dinsog’s lighter has turned into an all-out effort to increase the friendliness on our sister continent. Toward this end the IDF has assisted in settling our own ‘neighborhood.’ This initiative (at the time of writing) includes three new cities and the ‘Our Town’ atmosphere is on the rise. But it wasn’t always so.
“Our first town was Spite, named after my great-uncle Gustavus Spite – not the un-neighborly emotion,” Said Daghdha. “As you can imagine, TNT was not happy about our moving into the area so we expected them to attack. And they did, I guess…”
The confusion that Daghdha expresses is best explained by the story.
One bright morning the residence of Spite awoke to nine TNT battalions in the forest outside of Spite. Certain that this was the Stack of Doom (SoD) preparing to attack the defenders began to make preparations. But in the midst of preparing their defensive measures something odd was noticed. Grahamian picks up the narrative…
“I was working on the walls getting the suppository ready for action when I noticed that this ‘SoD’ had nothing but pikes and a few horses. That didn’t make sense, who ever heard of a SoD like that? So I called over to Sir Bugsy and told him that I didn’t think they were here to attack.”
“You’ve taken idiocy too far,” Bugsy replied.
“Think about it; eight Pikemen and a horse. That's the dangdest excuse for a Stack o' Doom I think I've ever seen. What are they gonna do with that?”
“Well, you’ve got a point… So why are they here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe they’re the honor guard for a surrender.”
“Nah, we haven’t received any surrender communiqués.”
“Well, those woods are pretty pleasant, maybe they’re there for a picnic.”
“They are nice woods…”
“That’s got to be it, eight pikes and one horse, that doesn’t make military sense so it must be something else.”
Sir Bugsy looked thoughtful for a moment. “So what do you propose we do?”
“Let’s join them! I’m up for a picnic.”
So with the force of military logic firmly behind them the preparations turned from martial to recreational. The garrison gathered bocce balls, horse shoes, shade umbrellas and folding chairs while others raided the larder to bring food and drink, especially the fresh hams that had been sent from KISS.
Eager to begin the festivities Daghdha took the lead with the group brining food. There was a growing sense of excitement amongst the IDF, perhaps neighborliness had taken hold in TNT. Maybe this picnic would be the start of a new era; after all, TNT had clearly come to recreation…but they were wrong, TNT had come to fight, or at least do what passed for fighting in Persia.
This became apparent when the first trooper to reach TNT’s ranks was skewered by one of the 12’ pikes. The remaining IDF soldiers were shocked into inaction, only recovering when the keg the first soldier was carrying started to fall; it is a matter of honor in KISS never to let a keg hit the ground so several soldiers ran to the rescue only to be struck down as well.
Jb1964 picks up the tale. “Scoutsout had been brooding on the wall, woman troubles I think, and he immediately sprang into action. He had everyone carrying picnic supplies bring them to the trebuchets. Next thing I know there is a hail of bocce balls and beer bottles raining among the pikes, I even saw one man skewered by a shade umbrella – darndest thing I ever saw.”
“While the artillery took its toll Daghdha went into action. He calmly walked up to the seemingly impenetrable wall of pikes, took out the three 12lb. hams he had in his pack and stuck each one on the end of a different pike. Then he stepped back, pulled out a cigar and waited. We all wondered what he was doing, we thought the disappointment about the picnic turning into a battle had made him snap. But by Meleet, after a couple minutes those pikeman couldn’t hold up their stickers with the extra weight, and as soon as the hole opened up Dag pulled out his sword, walked in and started hacking.”
At this point jb1964 starts laughing, “What could they do? They didn’t have any swords, only those unweildy, 12' 'pig-stickers!'”
Seeing this tactic, the rest of the IDF took up the battle cry “Pork! Chop! Pork! Chop!” and after following Daghdha’s example gaping holes soon opened in TNT’s line as the picnickers cum Gallic Swordsmen went to work.
At the end of the day the would be holiday was a holocaust for TNT in what is being called the Battle of Porkchop Hill as seven pike battalions and one unit of horseman lay slain on the field. KISS casualties were surprisingly light.
“It still doesn’t make sense,” said Daghda as he turned the ham stuck on his sword over the fire he had made with pike shafts. “it obviously wasn’t a picnic, but it wasn’t a SoD either. They’re weird over here in TNT. Maybe that was some strange way to reduce unit upkeep costs or fertalize their fields or something. Wow, does this place need new management. And now,” he said slowly rising, “Scoutsout promised me pulled pork BBQ if I brought some meat. That is no problem."
From the Front – Victory in Battle.
Spite
Our glorious Idiot Defense Force was victorious in battle recently – but at first they weren’t sure.
As has been reported in this paper, what was initially an attempt to return Dinsog’s lighter has turned into an all-out effort to increase the friendliness on our sister continent. Toward this end the IDF has assisted in settling our own ‘neighborhood.’ This initiative (at the time of writing) includes three new cities and the ‘Our Town’ atmosphere is on the rise. But it wasn’t always so.
“Our first town was Spite, named after my great-uncle Gustavus Spite – not the un-neighborly emotion,” Said Daghdha. “As you can imagine, TNT was not happy about our moving into the area so we expected them to attack. And they did, I guess…”
The confusion that Daghdha expresses is best explained by the story.
One bright morning the residence of Spite awoke to nine TNT battalions in the forest outside of Spite. Certain that this was the Stack of Doom (SoD) preparing to attack the defenders began to make preparations. But in the midst of preparing their defensive measures something odd was noticed. Grahamian picks up the narrative…
“I was working on the walls getting the suppository ready for action when I noticed that this ‘SoD’ had nothing but pikes and a few horses. That didn’t make sense, who ever heard of a SoD like that? So I called over to Sir Bugsy and told him that I didn’t think they were here to attack.”
“You’ve taken idiocy too far,” Bugsy replied.
“Think about it; eight Pikemen and a horse. That's the dangdest excuse for a Stack o' Doom I think I've ever seen. What are they gonna do with that?”
“Well, you’ve got a point… So why are they here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe they’re the honor guard for a surrender.”
“Nah, we haven’t received any surrender communiqués.”
“Well, those woods are pretty pleasant, maybe they’re there for a picnic.”
“They are nice woods…”
“That’s got to be it, eight pikes and one horse, that doesn’t make military sense so it must be something else.”
Sir Bugsy looked thoughtful for a moment. “So what do you propose we do?”
“Let’s join them! I’m up for a picnic.”
So with the force of military logic firmly behind them the preparations turned from martial to recreational. The garrison gathered bocce balls, horse shoes, shade umbrellas and folding chairs while others raided the larder to bring food and drink, especially the fresh hams that had been sent from KISS.
Eager to begin the festivities Daghdha took the lead with the group brining food. There was a growing sense of excitement amongst the IDF, perhaps neighborliness had taken hold in TNT. Maybe this picnic would be the start of a new era; after all, TNT had clearly come to recreation…but they were wrong, TNT had come to fight, or at least do what passed for fighting in Persia.
This became apparent when the first trooper to reach TNT’s ranks was skewered by one of the 12’ pikes. The remaining IDF soldiers were shocked into inaction, only recovering when the keg the first soldier was carrying started to fall; it is a matter of honor in KISS never to let a keg hit the ground so several soldiers ran to the rescue only to be struck down as well.
Jb1964 picks up the tale. “Scoutsout had been brooding on the wall, woman troubles I think, and he immediately sprang into action. He had everyone carrying picnic supplies bring them to the trebuchets. Next thing I know there is a hail of bocce balls and beer bottles raining among the pikes, I even saw one man skewered by a shade umbrella – darndest thing I ever saw.”
“While the artillery took its toll Daghdha went into action. He calmly walked up to the seemingly impenetrable wall of pikes, took out the three 12lb. hams he had in his pack and stuck each one on the end of a different pike. Then he stepped back, pulled out a cigar and waited. We all wondered what he was doing, we thought the disappointment about the picnic turning into a battle had made him snap. But by Meleet, after a couple minutes those pikeman couldn’t hold up their stickers with the extra weight, and as soon as the hole opened up Dag pulled out his sword, walked in and started hacking.”
At this point jb1964 starts laughing, “What could they do? They didn’t have any swords, only those unweildy, 12' 'pig-stickers!'”
Seeing this tactic, the rest of the IDF took up the battle cry “Pork! Chop! Pork! Chop!” and after following Daghdha’s example gaping holes soon opened in TNT’s line as the picnickers cum Gallic Swordsmen went to work.
At the end of the day the would be holiday was a holocaust for TNT in what is being called the Battle of Porkchop Hill as seven pike battalions and one unit of horseman lay slain on the field. KISS casualties were surprisingly light.
“It still doesn’t make sense,” said Daghda as he turned the ham stuck on his sword over the fire he had made with pike shafts. “it obviously wasn’t a picnic, but it wasn’t a SoD either. They’re weird over here in TNT. Maybe that was some strange way to reduce unit upkeep costs or fertalize their fields or something. Wow, does this place need new management. And now,” he said slowly rising, “Scoutsout promised me pulled pork BBQ if I brought some meat. That is no problem."
jb1964
Hunter of Fish
So what was the sacrificial stack of pikes all about? I heard rumor that a fair number of Immortals lurked behind the front lines. Did the thinking go, Theyll dash themselves on the Pikes and then well follow up w/ a strong show of offense. Maybe they were trying to lower unit costs?!
BTW, getting beaned by a bocce ball is no small matter.
@Scout, if you're still having those woman trouble I'm trying to get my wife's cousin married off. You could transform "woman troubles" into "insane in-law's" trouble. Highly intelligent, former Miss Texas contestant, and thanks to a psycho, controlling mother, incapable of independent thought. I was pretty down on my mother-out-law until I met her sister. Yikes! She's a cross between Tammy Faye Baker and "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark". Have I wandered off topic?
BTW, getting beaned by a bocce ball is no small matter.
@Scout, if you're still having those woman trouble I'm trying to get my wife's cousin married off. You could transform "woman troubles" into "insane in-law's" trouble. Highly intelligent, former Miss Texas contestant, and thanks to a psycho, controlling mother, incapable of independent thought. I was pretty down on my mother-out-law until I met her sister. Yikes! She's a cross between Tammy Faye Baker and "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark". Have I wandered off topic?
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