It doesn't feel like Christmas for me this year. It's not just the weather, with the need to wear three layers instead of one. Every year of my life, Christmas Day has involved church in the morning, a gathering of my extended family for a barbecue, with a swim in the afternoon and leftovers for dinner. It's always a day spent entirely with family. But this year all my family are over 10000km, or 24 hours and $2000, away. I decided to re-watch the Community Season 2 and The West Wing Season 1 Christmas episodes, and the storylines of Abed and Mrs. Landingham seemed much more poignant or relatable to me. But although this year I'm definitely feeling more melancholy, being reminded that I'm much more alone this Christmas also reminds me of what I have to go back to.
I can understand, though, that for people without a family or others to share Christmas with, the whole season can simply serve as a reminder of that; it has the potential to be either the happiest or saddest time of the year. When my grandfather was still alive, but in a nursing home and suffering badly from dementia, I could hardly bear thinking about what Christmas was like for him. Sure, everyone would go visit him in the morning before moving onto the big family gathering, and there wasn't anything more we really could do, as it wasn't possible to take him out of the nursing home, even for a few hours. But we'd all have left by lunch, and he'd be there alone in his room all day, shut off from the world because of his condition. The nursing home was usually fairly understaffed on Christmas Day too, so he'd get even less attention than usual; usually someone in the family would be there for lunch to make sure he'd have someone to feed him at least. The saving grace, I suppose, was that he didn't understand what was happening in any case. It highlighted for me, though, the extent to which we're dependent on family, particularly at this time of the year. What I take from that now, I guess, is that even though they aren't here now, I'm thankful that I do at least have a family. My Christmas thoughts are particularly with all those who aren't so lucky.