Tenochtitlan
Supreme Commander
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2004
- Messages
- 1,647
Last month, my wife came to me very agitated, and admitted flirting for 6 months with her gym instructor. Now she says she's hooked to him, but she loves me sincerely, so she does not want to break up.
She says it's just a temporary measure, just so she can feel better, and have the sexuality I wasn't giving her and she dreamt of. First I said no, but then as I saw her getting depressed, I told her I would actually managed it and allowed her to go freely have sex with the other guy.
Turns out I don't manage as well as I said I would, and on her side the guy know his business really well, and she loves hardcore sex, so she can't stop having sex with him.
I told her I didn't feel good about that anymore, and wanted it to stop, she says she cannot, and she feels betrayed because I initially said it would be guilt-free, but now she sees me bitter and jealous, so she feels guilty and trapped. She keeps telling me it's going to get better at some point, and then we'll resume our life, but I don't think I can handle it the time it takes for her to be bored of Mr. Muscle.
Lately, I've recovered some self-esteem, and while I now consider I could find someone else decent, we still have an infant kid, a house, none of us has any family/friend support in sight, so breaking up would really be the very last resort solution, because that would be a complete disaster for both of us.
Now she's suggesting I date other girls, up until I become a better mate and get back in the race. In PUA ranking, she considers me a 6, herself an 8 and the gym instructor a 9. I don't really want to date other girls, I have very little energy in my hands, not much self esteem, and well, it's not "my stuff". On the other hand, I really want to be a better man, so I'm ready to do it, even if I'm really scared and uncomfortable. However, I don't know if I could become on day a 9 in her eyes (I don't plan on getting muscular so I can lift her for 15 min during sex for example).
I don't want to make her look like a slut, she's a nice girl, a good mother, but she looks like hypnotized by this guy, and when we talk together, I have the feeling one part of her would like to stop but her pulsions are too strong and she cannot help it. She really feels guilty and bad about the harm she's doing to me, but not seeing him would just turn her crazy (she tried already, it was even worse, she became obsessed by him).
I'm completely ready to forgive her for having sex with him before I said "no" explicitly, but now I've done it, she still plans to see him in two days. I don't know if I'll be able to forgive her future affairs, even if I initially said "yes".
tl;dr: My beloved wife has sex with another, much more attractive man. But as she asked me beforehand and I agreed, she does not accept to stop now because I'm not "keeping my word". Has someone been there and is there hope to fix the situation ?
She says it's just a temporary measure, just so she can feel better, and have the sexuality I wasn't giving her and she dreamt of. First I said no, but then as I saw her getting depressed, I told her I would actually managed it and allowed her to go freely have sex with the other guy.
Turns out I don't manage as well as I said I would, and on her side the guy know his business really well, and she loves hardcore sex, so she can't stop having sex with him.
I told her I didn't feel good about that anymore, and wanted it to stop, she says she cannot, and she feels betrayed because I initially said it would be guilt-free, but now she sees me bitter and jealous, so she feels guilty and trapped. She keeps telling me it's going to get better at some point, and then we'll resume our life, but I don't think I can handle it the time it takes for her to be bored of Mr. Muscle.
Lately, I've recovered some self-esteem, and while I now consider I could find someone else decent, we still have an infant kid, a house, none of us has any family/friend support in sight, so breaking up would really be the very last resort solution, because that would be a complete disaster for both of us.
Now she's suggesting I date other girls, up until I become a better mate and get back in the race. In PUA ranking, she considers me a 6, herself an 8 and the gym instructor a 9. I don't really want to date other girls, I have very little energy in my hands, not much self esteem, and well, it's not "my stuff". On the other hand, I really want to be a better man, so I'm ready to do it, even if I'm really scared and uncomfortable. However, I don't know if I could become on day a 9 in her eyes (I don't plan on getting muscular so I can lift her for 15 min during sex for example).
I don't want to make her look like a slut, she's a nice girl, a good mother, but she looks like hypnotized by this guy, and when we talk together, I have the feeling one part of her would like to stop but her pulsions are too strong and she cannot help it. She really feels guilty and bad about the harm she's doing to me, but not seeing him would just turn her crazy (she tried already, it was even worse, she became obsessed by him).
I'm completely ready to forgive her for having sex with him before I said "no" explicitly, but now I've done it, she still plans to see him in two days. I don't know if I'll be able to forgive her future affairs, even if I initially said "yes".
tl;dr: My beloved wife has sex with another, much more attractive man. But as she asked me beforehand and I agreed, she does not accept to stop now because I'm not "keeping my word". Has someone been there and is there hope to fix the situation ?
