Nerds in Space

[Rex Tyrannus]

Mork calling Orson...

...Come in Orson...

...Mork calling Orson. Orson, do you read me?





Orson: [reverb]Mork, is that you?[/reverb]

Mork: Yes, your tubbyness.

Orson: [reverb]Report, Mork. What have you learned in your time among the humans?[/reverb]

Mork: Well, sir, I've learned that humans have a strange form escapism called SciFi.

Orson: [reverb]Escapism? What are the humans escaping from?[/reverb]

Mork: Mostly, your festering flatulence, they escape from the mundane bore that has become of their lives when marriage and children dash their dreams like Necratons at an Ardvuulean tea party.

Orson: [reverb]Have you been smoking your socks again, Mork?[/reverb]

Mork: No, it's true, sir. Take Star Trek, for example.

Orson: [reverb]All I see is a ham whose costume is three sizes too small.[/reverb]

Mork: Precisely! A little makeup, some cardboard control panels...bad sound effects...It's all it takes and people can dream. For one thirty-minute block, they can leave their work-a-day planet behind, with all its traffic and empty pretzel bowls. For that one half hour, they can be Kirk, intergalactic playboy, part-time space captain.

Orson: [reverb]I see. So you're saying that humans' lives are so miserable that they'll envy a bald guy in a tight unitard?[/reverb]

Mork: Well sort of. More like they'll envy that he gets to leave this dump of a planet.

Orson: [reverb]Do all humans wish to leave the Earth so much, Mork?[/reverb]

Mork: No, your dimwitted weasleness, not all humans. Only the best of them. The nerds.

Orson: [reverb]Ah yes. The nerds. The ones our science counsel asked you to keep an eye on. How go their undertakings?[/reverb]

Mork: Well sir. Things go well, thanks to stellar leadership of one particularly brilliant dictator.

Orson: [reverb]Ah, yes. I know the man. He's the one I wish that Mindy girl would embrace wearing naught but that puffy vest. Tell me more of his great triumph.[/reverb]

Mork: Certainly sir. If you'll recall, previous leaders of the nerds had decided to build up an offensive against those nasy cretins, the Ethiopians. So, naturally, our great hero appraised the world's accumulated knowledge.

Orson: [reverb]I see a parity. I thought you said these nerds were smart, Mork.[/reverb]

Mork: They are, oh aromatic one. But they've had to climb back up the tech race after their previous long war with the Arabians. Now they are ready to cripple another, less nerdy rival. But first, they must acquire chemical happiness.



Orson: [reverb]Spice?!? You're supposed to be observing the planet, not running around getting Ort-faced.[/reverb]

Mork: No sir, this isn't Dune. Spice just makes your food taste better. Though, speaking of Ort-faced, your slovenlyness, someone awfully dumb must have been at the helm of the barbarian caravel that attacked our nerds' destroyer. Look, they got a great general out of it too.



Orson: [reverb]Aren't all generals great?[/reverb]

Mork: No. General Motors has been a huge drain on the economy.

Orson: [reverb]Who's General Motors?[/reverb]

Mork: General Motors is a corporation, sir



Mork: Sort of like a government, but with fewer scruples.

Orson: [reverb]Ah scruples. Like not stealing candy from a baby?[/reverb]

Mork: No, sir. More like not giving Diesel fuel to the guy you're going to go beat up.



Mork: Or like not giving a crap when some frozen miners can't get to work.



Orson: [reverb]But Mork, don't humans know that such disregard for others' well being will come back to bight them in the ass? I wouldn't be surprised to learn that, just before this great assault your nerds are preparing, all the defenders suddenly put down their bows and pick up rifles.[/reverb]



Mork: Yes. They call it karma, Sir. But humans seem incapable of making the good decision when the short term gain brings immediate gratification

Orson: [reverb]Immediate gratification?

Mork: Sure. You know, like seeing your enemies driven before you and hearing the lamentations of the women. Things that make men happy.[/reverb]



Orson: [reverb]Holy shazbat! That's a nice stack. I wasn't expecting to see the nerds so powerful, based on our most recent intelligence report.[/reverb]



Mork: No, and they have even more ships and rifles headed that way. The battles should be quite a sight. Of course, they've gutted their defenses in their cities, but the Ethiopians won't manage an amphibious attack very well. Besides, if things go poorly, they can trade knowledge for moolah and cash-rush a defense.



Orson: [reverb]Well done, Mork. Is there any more to report.[/reverb]

Mork: No sir, only that our nerds have conscripted many nerdly citizens to participate in the battle, so their cities will be unhappy and underpopulated for a while. I hope they can build back their infrastructure fast.





Mork: Until next week, sir, Nanu-nanu!

 

[ruff_hi]

very nice ... very nice

 

[Whosit]

Saying something about a "nerdgasm" seems appropriate.

Nice stack. Very nice. Extremely entertaining report, as well. I count 22 Riflemen in that stack alone. I hope that we have enough Transports for them all! And what are we going to do with the Great General? Make another Medic? Or Settle him somewhere?

 

[arkenstone]

well if you guys are going to attack your prime target then i would say charge the rifilre man and 2 bows bows but get a couple of cannons or something and a stornger sea force that is all the suggestions i have for now!

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

No, we do not have enough ships. If I remember correctly, we have three transports, two destroyers (maybe one) another two galleons, and about four frigates. It's enough to start trouble, but it won't move the entire stack. I found myself upgrading galleons to transports at disgusting cost. But the galleons are just too slow. I couldn't give two ****s about the extra one capacity, but the extra four speed makes a huge difference.

 

[ruff_hi]

• "5 lost souls who saw their world destroyed and were sent back in time to stop it."

Does this help ... The story revolves around a set of people on a routine spaceflight on August 7, 2007: four astronauts, a scientist, and a television news reporter. However, during the course of the flight, the Earth rapidly dissolves into a fiery ball, shrinks, and suddenly implodes. Before regaining control of the shuttle, one astronaut is killed. The remaining 5 crew members of the space shuttle Odyssey resign themselves to death, but a non-organic being called the Seeker rescues them. Fifty other worlds have been destroyed in the same way as Earth, but the seeker has always arrived too late to observe it or find survivors. However, this is the first time he has met survivors of such a tragedy. He offers to send them back in time 5 years (and therefore to present day, at the time of the series), so that they can prevent the disaster. In a twist, their consciousnesses are sent back and not their physical bodies, as physical time travel is impossible. The mission commander knows only a codeword associated with the disastrous event: Leviathan.

And to think that this show was shot in Canada and first run in the US. Guess that is why they canceled it.

Obviously not ... it was Odyssey 5.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Sorry, Ruff. I'm shamed to admit that I clearly have a gap in my nerd repertoire. I've never heard of Odyssey 5.

Update to my previous post. I've opened the save and we have:

4 transports
4 galleons
4 frigates
2 destroyers
1 caravel

 

[arkenstone]

say is bindamel still playing? if he is not i have been keeping up and would like to join this game.

 

[arkenstone]

well i just looked at the save and found that a) hamshut will give us military tradition for bioalagy b) zara will do this deal hear that is shown

that barb is open for us if we want to take zara will not he is already in war so lets plug that barb dead! and there is also some oil for us to take away as well!

c) this is what sitting bull thinks of us as of right now!

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Arkenstone, this game is on a much higher difficulty than our Passing The Torch game and we're about to go to war, where any mistakes will be amplified. I'm also nervous about your availability during the week.

All of that said, I'm willing to take you under wing here provided the following:

1. The team is willing (this probably means dialing back some of the more adult references eg my last report's Trek poster)
2. You can commit to thinking about every move you make before you make it
3. You can commit to reading everyone's turn reports with a mind to understand the whats and whys
4. You promise to ask questions when you don't get something

Being one of my games, I'm less interested in winning than most, but I still don't want to see our entire stack of rifles lost because of a sunken galley or something similar.

* * *

Regarding Bindy, well, he might not know he's up, seeing that I never posted a roster after my set.

Roster:

• Bindamel -- Up now
• Ozbenno -- OOP
• mlinneak
• Ruff
• Whosit
• Rex -- Just played

Edit: @ Arkenstone...

Regarding your trade ideas, the last thing we want to do is give oil to Zara. We're about to go to war to take away his only access to this crucial strategic resource. In the biology for military tradition, biology is a huge tech. It's expensive (3600 beakers) and it gives all farms +1 food. Military tradition is cheap (2000 beakers) and not so useful. If this were a large land game, or if we were Russia, then Cavalry/Cossacks would be sweet. But we're about to start cranking out infantry and, on tiny islands, movement is less important.

 

[Whosit]

edit: cross-post with Rex. Looks like we said similar things (but read my post, anyway! ).

I suppose if Bindamel hasn't appeared yet, it's mlinneak's turn.

@arkenstone: Thanks for the suggestions. Let's take a look at them.

Giving Hatty Biology and receiving Military Tradition: Biology costs 3600 beakers and Military Tradition costs 2000 (this is for Normal speed, but we are playing Epic, so the costs would be 50% higher). So, from the start, we are losing money on the deal.

Let's also think about the benefit that each technology gives. Biology improves the output of farms and allows us to build the National Park. Granted, neither is particularly useful on an archipelago map, but keep in mind that Biology also leads to many other powerful technologies (it is a prerequisite).

Military Tradition would let us build Cavalry, West Point (national wonder), and sign Defensive Pacts. Now, Cavalry are powerful units, but what makes them strong? Their speed: They can move two spaces each turn. However, we are on an archipelago map where units move around on boats, so Cavalry aren't really as strong as they would be on a pangaea, for instance.

Giving Oil to Zara for Hit Musicals: If you have been following along with our recent discussions, you know that the main reason for us planning a war with Zara is to prevent him from getting access to Oil. Oil allows a civilization to build advanced units like modern warships, aircraft, and tanks. It would be kind of silly to fight a war to take away Zara's Oil only to turn around and give it to him, right?

The Barbarian City: Since I can see a Fish, it's not a completely awful location. The fact that it could potentially block Zara from getting another source of oil is worth considering, although I do not know if that would stop him from sailing around the city and founding his own on top of the oil. Taking the city may be something we do, but probably only after we fight Zara, since he is the bigger threat.

Sitting Bull's attitude: When a civilization says "we fear that you are becoming too advanced," that means that you have received too many technologies in trade. A civilization may say this even if they are more advanced than you! To try and avoid this, you have to choose which technologies to receive in trade carefully. Just because you can get a 4-for-1 deal does not always mean you should, especially if some of those technologies are not ones that you need.

For example, suppose we never bothered to research Archery (and there have been Archery free games!) and we are now in the early Industrial Age. We could, of course, trade for Archery, but aside from the fact that it would be useless, it would count against us when civilizations check to see if we have become "too advanced."

I'm glad that you're interested in our game! But I think that you should give all your focus to "Passing the Torch" so you can do the best possible in that game. Never forget to stop and ask yourself "why" for each decision that you make. That way, you will know if a build choice or a diplomatic action will advance you towards your overall goal.

 

[Bindamel]

I'm here, I'm here! And I can play tonight! And I can go to war against Zara (That's what we're doing, right?)

So anyway, got it, playing and hopefully reporting tonight.

 

[Whosit]

I'm here, I'm here! And I can play tonight! And I can go to war against Zara (That's what we're doing, right?)

So anyway, got it, playing and hopefully reporting tonight.

Yes, war with Zara. Our only goal is to take out his source of oil. I'd grab all his western cities if possible, but that's not the main objective. He has sea-based oil that he could get with Plastics, but that's still a ways away.

So kick him, then take peace when we have met our objectives.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

I'd like to clarify. Our objective is to cripple him more than expand us. So, any attack of opportunity that will knock him down a peg will be welcome.

I fear we'll have to do this to Joao soon, too. Either that or go full espionage and sabotage every single casing and thruster he ever builds.

 

[Whosit]

So, any attack of opportunity that will knock him down a peg will be welcome.

Spoken like a true nerd, eh?

 

[Bindamel]

Woohoo, disappear for a couple weeks, and then post a got it, play, and report in less than 12 hours 8)

So, without further adieu, here are the top 10 NiS stupidities, that aren't quite so bad as this

10. Your neighbor is amassing a naval landing fleet on your borders. What should you do? Clearly, you should ask him for help. After all, look at the size of his military!

9. Or perhaps ask for help when you're at -2?

8. I hear privateers are really lucrative when your opponent has destroyers. It's especially good to end your turn right next to a destroyer.

7. Allow the barbs to control 2/3rds of one of the nicest islands on the map?
6. You know, barbs, who have no culture defense, and unpromoted longbowmen?

5. Worry about the travel speed of galleons when there are three enemy cities within three squares of the city your troop is amassed in?

No, we do not have enough ships. If I remember correctly, we have three transports, two destroyers (maybe one) another two galleons, and about four frigates. It's enough to start trouble, but it won't move the entire stack. I found myself upgrading galleons to transports at disgusting cost. But the galleons are just too slow. I couldn't give two ****s about the extra one capacity, but the extra four speed makes a huge difference.

4. How to react after losing three cities to the enemy. Finally turn that settler that's been sitting over near his borders into a city!

3. Name your city Prime Target? (Okay, not really)

3. Keep four airships in a city facing certain defeat?

2. Twice?

(Trust me on this one, I didn't think to get a screenie of his defenses before I took the city.)

1. Assume your opponent only has one reachable land-based oil deposit?

A few more notes / screenshots:

First of all, you might want to let that number one sink in a little bit.

Electricity in, some guy in a labcoat showed up in Rome asking if he could help with it, so I let him, working on industrialism; good for both military and space, I figure.

Troop layouts: one screenie above shows the old navy going after the barb cities; below is the current situation with the new navy. Biggest issue is reinforcements, as the island map really spreads things out. (Yes Rex, the extra moves of the transports are important.)

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Okay, buddy. You didn't ship all those damn riflemen halfway across creation to get them to that three-squares-away island.

 

[Whosit]

Hey, look at the #1 item on the list . . . I could have sworn that city wasn't there when I played! Honest! Well, I'm sure that one Transport of soldiers will be more than enough to take it out.

Anyway, I take it that we're going to grab that Barb island? It would be a nice consolation prize from the war. How much of a fight is Zara putting up? I'm guessing most of his troops are tied up with the Celts. Dunno. But it looks like you've dealt a very good opening blow to Zara so far. Let's keep it up!

My strategy would be to smack around Zara some more while sending that boatload of troops to take out his Ice-Oil city. I'd just raze it--Hatty will probably resettle, right? She already has oil, I think.

Then we figure out how to deal with Joao. If we're teching Industrialism, we can build tanks, which should suffice. OH, and that unlocks Marines, too, right? Perfect for this map!

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

And I'm certain I checked at the beginning of my turn. Every oil was accounted. Still, I'm stupid.

Either way, as Whosit says, nuke that little bastard, too. Though I'd rather keep it, just to keep an eye on it. Besides, we can probably sell it to Boudica for GPT.

Edit: here's a roster.

Bindy: just played
Ozzy: OOP
mlinneak: up now
Ruff
Whosit
Rex

 

[Bindamel]

Okay, buddy. You didn't ship all those damn riflemen halfway across creation to get them to that three-squares-away island.

Hey, I said later that the transports were important. I was just funnin' ya!

Hey, look at the #1 item on the list . . . I could have sworn that city wasn't there when I played! Honest! Well, I'm sure that one Transport of soldiers will be more than enough to take it out.

Anyway, I take it that we're going to grab that Barb island? It would be a nice consolation prize from the war. How much of a fight is Zara putting up? I'm guessing most of his troops are tied up with the Celts. Dunno. But it looks like you've dealt a very good opening blow to Zara so far. Let's keep it up!

My strategy would be to smack around Zara some more while sending that boatload of troops to take out his Ice-Oil city. I'd just raze it--Hatty will probably resettle, right? She already has oil, I think.

Then we figure out how to deal with Joao. If we're teching Industrialism, we can build tanks, which should suffice. OH, and that unlocks Marines, too, right? Perfect for this map!

Even though it appears at the end of the report, the screenshot of his other oil is from the inherited turn, so it's been there a while. It's in a bad spot to see, because it's in the middle of the wraparound of the minimap.

Zara has a city directly south of that one, so I would take it and try to gift it to Hatty.

Zara has put up zero fight so far. I've seen two Frigates so far, both toward the end of the turnset. (One appears to be keeping the cultural defense of those two barb cities down.) The most units I've seen defending a city has been three or four, mostly riflemen with an occasional longbow.