Currently playing my turn, so I´ll write more later, just wanted to share this moment of victory as His Excellency personally duels with Jesus II in a fight to the death and/or a life of sex-slavery:
In retrospective I probably should have colored the "Founding City" sign, but it´s not as if I´d be stupid enough to send a Settler there right now. Or am I? DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!111111
We are sending live from President Shapiro´s bureau in the Kremlin:
SpoilerEuropan victory playlist :
Link to video. Our current national anthem, brought to you by the newly established Red Army choir!
Link to video. The anthem of the old European Union, reminding us of our roots.
Link to video. The anthem of the Soviet Union to celebrate the glorious revolution by which President Shapiro disposed of the old despot.
Link to video. For the brave resistance fighters in Africa, South America and the Middle East, your efforts are not forgotten! (OoC Just pretend it says "The Lady" for "Hitler", "Southern" for "German", "Mediterranian" for "Volga" etc.)
Link to video. haTikva recommended personally by Miss Shapiro to signify her hope and that of many other Europan Jews, Muslims and Christians to one day being able to return to her beloved land of Israel.
Link to video. An old rock piece chosen by the brave Stealth bomber pilots without which this day would have ended differently.
Good evening, Bonjour, Salvete, Здравствуйте and Shalom Ladies and Gentlemen! For the first time this year I come to you with good news. As you probably have already heard, our courageous men and women in uniform emerged victorious from the battle of Ankara in which they could disable the bulk of the Southern invasion force headed for Istanbul. Our losses were relatively low, which can´t be said about them. Unfortunately we don´t have enough units to hunt the rest down, which is why at least three Southern divisions, although all of them are in bad condition, made it away. Now about our losses, even though I said they were low that doesn´t mean we shouldn´t mourn them. Fortunately our very first loss was someone that will hardly be missed, namely the hated ex-desp-...
*window pops up in the corner of the screen, showing an alive and well, but drunken Excellency with a bottle in his left hand, surrounded by celebrating soldiers*
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy Cathy, how´s it *hiccup* going? HOW THE *censored* ARE YOU NOT DEAD!? I personally made sure you were sent on the most suicidal mission in the history of warfare! Oh you mean the *hiccup* daring assassassassassassass *hiccup* ination on that second Jesus guy We should conduct alone because We are so *hiccup* awesome? No, I meant Operation "Kill the Czar" which should have, y´know, involved your death. Seriously, I sent you completely alone in a brightly painted APC on which I had the best loudspeakers available installed to loudly proclaim your arrival-... Oh so that´s where the music came from! to engage the best units of the Southern army head on across wide open terrain on a sunny day! Heck, I explicitly ordered our bomber squadrons to specifically target you! And that would explain all the loud explosions around Us! (OoC: If you haven´t already, read His Excellency´s and Europa´s Civilopedia article now!) But but but... I... just don´t get it. How could both our and their side miss you? Obviously they knew who We were, as they didn´t even start firing until We were driving right between them, and then some of them even shot each other! Funny story really, it was a total mess, We even finally got to use Our sword again! No really, We´re not making this up, if there were any survivors they could tell you too, basically We saw that shiny Tank and there was this guy on it and We were driving past it and We jumped on it and stabbed that guy right through the heart, should´ve seen his face *hiccup* and then We were in the Tank and there was this Jesus guy and We took him prisoner and that was just when the rest of Our army joined the fight! Seriously, We have been away from a real fight for so long We completely forgot how awesome it was. Best day of Our *hiccup* life! Wait wait wait! You said you captured Jesus II? Oh yes, that guy! *steps aside and shows Jesus II tied up on a chair behind him* Who knew, you actually are good for something after all. Yep, he´s Our prisoner alright, and don´t think We forgot this whole coup d'etat thingy, he ain´t gonna be your sex slave now! Nah, just to spite you, he now is Our sex slave! *mumbles* As if he hadn´t committed enough crimes against humanity already. Anyhow, We´ll *hiccup* leave you now with this here speach thingy ´cause at the moment We gotta PARTY HARD!
*kicks Jesus´ chair to the floor, screen gets replaced by the following GIF*
Aaaaaaalrighty then, where was I? Oh yes, our troops were able to wipe out a big part of the Southern Invasion army with heavy air and apparently airhead support. Even though our intelligence confirms the presence of a Tactical Nuclea... could you please make the screen get away, it´s getting annoying.
*GIF blinks out*
Thank you. Now about that atomic wea-...
*assistant offscreen* Ehem, excuse me Miss, but you only have two minutes left. Oh for the love of... This is the freaking 21st century and this is the Internet! We don´t have to respect any timetables, if people don´t like to watch it they can just go to another website! Well, kinda yes, but in two minutes, now one minute thirtynine seconds, the new soap opera on Mr. Big TV premiers, and I doubt many people are going to miss it. But they can just watch it later! But then they will get spoilered in the meantime, heck even as we speak you can see an ad for it at the bottom of the screen.
*commercial for the new soap opera at the bottom of the screen* But... This is a Public Broadcasting Service! An Europan Public Broadcasting Service! Why are we showing American commercials in a freaking address of the President to the people!? Well, you see, we were running quite low on funds, what with the whole war against the South going on, and then that very trustworthy looking American businessman came in and made that very lucrative seeming offer, and-... Alright whatever, I´ll take care of that later, for now I have to finish this speech. If that show really is so important people can always come back later to-... Actually, no, ma'am, in thirty minutes no one will care about this speech anymore because it´s old news by then. Heck even now we´re late as our soldiers, their soldiers, local civilians and guys on the internet who watched the battle via stream have twittered and blogged about it hours ago. If you want anyone to listen you´d better hurry up as you´ve got only 20 seconds left, Miss.
*rubs temples, sighs* ... Alright short story: We won, they lost, Czar still alive, high-ranking Southern officer held captive in Istanbul, second nuke not launched but still in Jerusalem, thanks to The Glorious Leader for Stealth technology, saving Algiers and supplies, *censored* stupid soap operas, *censored* low-attention-span kiddies nowadays, *censored* my life. Thank you.
*This message has been brought to you by...
Cereal Mills! Because-..."
OH COME ON! How are we advertising for a Southern corporation!? Well, you see, Miss, that´s a funny story actually because-... NO! Shut up! You´re fired before you sell out the whole country! What else did you do? Rent the Kremlin to The Glorious Leader!? Funny that you mention it, the Louvre now holds the Asian Embassy. OH YOU-...
80-90% of The Lady's invasion force. If we assume that one Mechanical Infantry unit in game stands for about 1.000 real soldiers then we have killed about 10.000 of 'em.
Btw I finally came around to give some of my units in Turkey and around individual names, at least the ones that aren't unpromoted Mech. Inf.s Watch out for them, Nighthawk.
OoC: How about we phrase the consequences of causing the 'cracked-like-an-egg' event more exactly? Because I think this:
Should our game end because of too many nukes, the person who has the highest Score is declared winner by default UNLESS he is the one who fired the last nuke.
isn´t clear enough. The highest score when? At the exact instant of the pop-up appearing? At the beginning of the player´s turn? At the end of the turn of the player before? At the beginning or end of the first turn of that year? (Would be Nighthawk´s)
What do you guys say?
ooc: I say its the highest score as of the time the screen appears.
And Tigranes for some reason I can't seem to post the screenshot, its apparently too big of a file. But let's just say that the power graph has a space between Knoedel's line and my line this is getting bigger. And I'm on top
80-90% of The Lady's invasion force. If we assume that one Mechanical Infantry unit in game stands for about 1.000 real soldiers then we have killed about 10.000 of 'em.
Btw I finally came around to give some of my units in Turkey and around individual names, at least the ones that aren't unpromoted Mech. Inf.s Watch out for them, Nighthawk.
This is false. It was more like 5 of my units killed to 2 of yours. However you will see that we have just sent another wave at Excellentopolis... just submit to my demands so we can both make peace and build up our defenses elsewhere. While we are fighting both Eclipse and Luthor get stronger by the turn! We will both be dust at this rate...
all out of character I know, but I dont have the time or energy to get in character and write a response. Just go back and read my last story and you'll get the idea!!!
Oh right, forgot to mention it, but as His Excellency was given command over all Turkish assets he decided to rename Byzantium/Constantinople/Istanbul after himself.
just submit to my demands so we can both make peace and build up our defenses elsewhere. While we are fighting both Eclipse and Luthor get stronger by the turn! We will both be dust at this rate...
all out of character I know, but I dont have the time or energy to get in character and write a response. Just go back and read my last story and you'll get the idea!!!
High above Calcutta's skyline in TGL Suite The Glorious Leader arrives at Dawn long before the Press, he waits patiently for "Song" and "Chang" to arrive.
Exactly at 5am Asian Time there is a knock on the Suite Door, The Guard checks the screen an opens the door, Chang and Song both in top quality suits enter.
TGL; Is the room prepared?
Chang; Yes, and everything is in working order.
Song; Shall we go then?
High above the TGL Suite an entire floor constructed and completed with video screens, the entire Dome encompassed. The image currently being displayed in these monitors were from a time in The Glorious leader's past, long before the Wars and when Calcutta was whole, the scene carefully selected by Song the Asian Foreign Minister to set the mood.
That was a nice touch but not necessary, how does it work? Well it answers to Siri Epic or Siri for short, ask it anything and she will answer you or just simply use it as a background imagery.
Chang simulates counting down from Three to prompt the Glorious Leader and he begins but on the screen behind him Buster Cherry appears who begins plugging the American Reality Show before Introducing The Glorious Leader who had already began addressing the people of the world. Stunned but in control, Song speaks to Siri to run it in Delay mode which will appear perfectly timed.
As you can see Gone are the Days the Planet doesn't see no action. The measure taken to stop wars are Extreme. As you will see here today I mean the Best for our Planet. I have ordered the construction of Pavilion in every city following their current Project. We mean to retake Calcutta's territory in the same way it was taken from the Asian People.
We have also found shocking information regarding the use of Nuclear Bombs and we hope this new information stops the use of them or minimizes their use. We've discovered that detonating them on the planet's surface loosens the hold the Fault lines have on their respected areas and continued use will result in a catastrophic event worse than any war! So I ask the population of this World to follow me because I have been given a sign.
Your Leaders The Lady, Mr Big and His Excellency have all received my plan via secured Net and most of them await my actions. My plan's success is aided by The Lady and His Excellency's Greed and Impatience
So, you disregarded our warnings and nuked us again, m´lady? Alright, that´s it! Now you´re in for a world of radioactive pain, b***h!
That´s what you get for messing with the bear! We demand an immediate unconditional cease-fire or we will unleash a hellish fury on you like the world has never seen!
OOC: I now started giving every newly built unit a name. GPS
I have the turn but have been too busy to play. I could have done it just now, but I have some diplo outstanding that i'd like to resolve first. I will play as soon as I can.
ooc: Yes, Knoedel has proven to be a strong competitor. Like two heavyweights going at it, we are just weakening both of us while Eclipse and Luthor get stronger, relatively, which is what I was afraid of from the beginning. There is a reason they are sitting back enjoying the show while we fight. Anytime I seem poised to go in for the kill with Excellentopolis, it gets reinforced with more and more full strength Mech. Infantry. Yet Knoedel can't actually do anything towards Jerusalem or any other cities without being completely wide open in the desert and getting crushed or outnumbered. Since it is a relative stalemate for now and we are both just getting weaker, I will propose a cease fire during my turn, while longer term peace talks hopefully get worked out. He should be happy we are willing to peace even though ultimately he burned down Baghdad. But I guess that is countered with the double nuking of Excellentopolis, which is now a pretty wasted city, though not nearly as bad as a brand new city with no buildings...
I will be proposing a cease fire and do no damage to European units this turn. My hope is that this is accepted and peace talks continue... I'll do the turn this evening.
Yes you both have been weakend, yet you'er still charted as more powerful. I'm not basing anything on how strong or weak either of you are although I am determined to see my empire become a Futuristic Civilization before you trigger happy leaders blow the world to pieces.
Easier to remember than Byzatnium/Constantinople/Istanbul, don't you think?
We're also thinking of renaming Petrograd/Leningrad/St. Petersburg once We return to Russia.
For the first time in years there is world peace. Let´s see how long it keeps...
A Missile Submarine and a Missile cruiser armed with Nuclear Warheads have been commissioned. Their purpose is to cruise between the Atlantic and the Mediterranian Sea to keep The Lady on her toes.
Btw how do we go about with Jesus II being a prisoner of war Nighthawk? Story-wise I mean.
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